#poets society
We’re over, but so is the self-destruction
You leaving lead to my one man production
Solitude made me realize I can’t do this alone
But instead of dumping it all on you, I went and picked up the phone
You’re the reason I got help.
I wish I could tell you.
I hope you don’t hate yourself.
Hey, at least I’m not playing games with your heart
It’s always “this or that”, always been like that from the start
I’ve told you that we could play together, but you always say no
Tell me to my face it’s fine, then you shoot these low blows
Funny, seems like you like playing games too.
But we can’t play my games, no, it’s all about you
“This or that?” Fuck that!
Demanding all my attention makes you a spoiled little brat!
Mean or broken, really it’s the same thing
Intention don’t matter, in the end, you still hurt me
Not absolved from your actions just ‘cause you want the consequences to go away
This is not Broadway
I will not bow for your performance
To you, keeping up this façade is of uttermost importance
But this isn’t even worth the price of a matinee
So I’ve gotta say bye to you, babe
Oh, I wouldn’t know
I feel like I’m destined to be forever alone
Always the bridesmaid, never the bride
Always the one to ask out just to get denied
It’s fine, I’m fine.
I don’t need a person to call mine
I’ll just get a cat, or two, or twelve
Romance can be books lined up on the shelves
I’ll be the best aunt to my friends’ kids
And then be able to go home and sleep,
Now that’s a great gig!
Tell me, why do I need to find a partner to be complete?
Besides in order to afford rent, or otherwise go live out on the street?
Tired of waiting too long to build boundaries
Just to be told I don’t have a permit
I don’t need fucking permission from you!
You say I’m destroying your walls in the process
Claiming land for the sake of control over others
Isn’t a good look for you!
Do I just spill my fucking guts?
I’m only good at either complete subtlety
Or wearing my heart like a tattoo sleeve
Maybe I’ll go be naked on stage
Then go into witness protection
And never be heard from again
You have quite a funny way of expressing adoration
Or maybe I’m just imagining things
Bored and lonely with nothing better to do
Than pine for your adoration!
I wish I could think of words to write.
But instead,
Pointless thoughts
Empty head
Nothing meaningful
Just anxiety.
I swear my attraction
Both romantic and sexual
Just loves to roll a dice
And whatever it lands on
Is what my main attraction is for the day!
Only becoming exclusive once feelings grow,
Leaving me wondering if
I have ever been attracted to different others before…
Was I just bored?
But then, those feelings subside
And I realize that I am not imagining things
Until, feelings grow once again
I exist as a confused, shaken bottle of frustration
They say I gotta stop living in fear
But damnit, I’m afraid
Expected to ride the choppy waves
As if I’m on a damn lazy river
My raft the bodies of those who don’t seem to matter
I don’t know if it would be worse to recognize a face
Or to become one of the unrecognized ones…
You don’t know how to have a good time
Without being out of your fucking mind?
But I’m the one that’s “crazy”?
I’m the one that’s lame?
Stop talking down to me,
Neither of us deserve to feel ashamed.
I hope that you can get the chemicals in your brain in order
I wish you were sober…
Ironic that the cost of living is basically my life
Sacrifice, sacrifice
Pay the price, pay the price
I just want to come up for air
And fucking breathe!
But, no!
I don’t have time for that…
Growing up is lonely
Wish I could shed this scarred skin
Instead, I must be constantly reminded of the past
Constantly having to plan for the future
Never living in the moment
The weight of the world constantly pulling me
In both directions
Tug of war is not only for children
Unfortunately…
Expecting me to wave a white flag.
Instead, I dye it red with your blood!
It belongs to you anyways
Of course, you continue to wave it with pride
You’ll find someone else wearing rose-colored glasses
I wish I could protect them,
But sacrificing myself to keep tabs on you isn’t worth the cost.
Hate me.
Do you, do you
Hate me?
Or is that just the thoughts speaking nonsense again?
They’re pretty loud.
Kinda difficult to think of anything else
When they give a bloodcurdling scream!
Ignore them?
Tell me,
If someone was wringing at your neck
Consuming your lungs
Driving out all the air from your body
Draining out all of the life from your soul…
Could you truly ignore that?
Why am I only worth something
If I become a shell of a human being?
Being crushed by the weight of the expectations myself and the world place on me
My body only being held up by the podium of my accomplishments…
What happens when there’s nothing left to hold me up?
You’re a wolf in sheep’s clothing.
Someone must’ve put the wool in your ears
Placed rose-colored glasses on your face
So you could claim innocence!
When your wool became stained with blood…
What a fashion statement!
They don’t hate you.
They don’t hate you.
They don’t hate you.
Probably.
I think.
Perhaps.
Maybe.
Probably have stuck around all these years
Out of obligation.
As if they signed a legally binding contract
When they entered the friendship
Breaking it is punishable by death!
Thought that the thoughts would stay at bay as we grew closer,
But, I guess that they never truly go away
So, what do I do now?
Accept that the thoughts will always be there?
Or just…push everyone
Away.
So then, I can at least be positive as to where they stand…
I love the way they exist.
They have chaos in their mind but
they’re vibrant in their soul.
They are as powerful as a forest fire!
They think that they destroy everything in their path
But really, they are creating a new path
Creating a new path…
They are the strongest person I know.
