#female poet
“Dark Water”
another from my illustration series
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“HERHERHER”
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“Bones”
From my second prompts series, prompt provided by @/abrochine on Instagram
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“Goodbye”
tried something different for one of my series’
the poems in this style were dubbed my “rambles” series
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another from my illustration series, as I share more of them you’ll probably notice they’re all on the sad side (oops)
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“(beware of the ghosts) they are why no one loves me”
Another prompt piece with from a prompt by @/abrochine on instagram
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Hey, at least I’m not playing games with your heart
It’s always “this or that”, always been like that from the start
I’ve told you that we could play together, but you always say no
Tell me to my face it’s fine, then you shoot these low blows
Funny, seems like you like playing games too.
But we can’t play my games, no, it’s all about you
“This or that?” Fuck that!
Demanding all my attention makes you a spoiled little brat!
Mean or broken, really it’s the same thing
Intention don’t matter, in the end, you still hurt me
Not absolved from your actions just ‘cause you want the consequences to go away
This is not Broadway
I will not bow for your performance
To you, keeping up this façade is of uttermost importance
But this isn’t even worth the price of a matinee
So I’ve gotta say bye to you, babe
I wish I could think of words to write.
But instead,
Pointless thoughts
Empty head
Nothing meaningful
Just anxiety.
I swear my attraction
Both romantic and sexual
Just loves to roll a dice
And whatever it lands on
Is what my main attraction is for the day!
Only becoming exclusive once feelings grow,
Leaving me wondering if
I have ever been attracted to different others before…
Was I just bored?
But then, those feelings subside
And I realize that I am not imagining things
Until, feelings grow once again
I exist as a confused, shaken bottle of frustration
They say I gotta stop living in fear
But damnit, I’m afraid
Expected to ride the choppy waves
As if I’m on a damn lazy river
My raft the bodies of those who don’t seem to matter
I don’t know if it would be worse to recognize a face
Or to become one of the unrecognized ones…
You don’t know how to have a good time
Without being out of your fucking mind?
But I’m the one that’s “crazy”?
I’m the one that’s lame?
Stop talking down to me,
Neither of us deserve to feel ashamed.
I hope that you can get the chemicals in your brain in order
I wish you were sober…
Hate me.
Do you, do you
Hate me?
Or is that just the thoughts speaking nonsense again?
They’re pretty loud.
Kinda difficult to think of anything else
When they give a bloodcurdling scream!
Ignore them?
Tell me,
If someone was wringing at your neck
Consuming your lungs
Driving out all the air from your body
Draining out all of the life from your soul…
Could you truly ignore that?
Why am I only worth something
If I become a shell of a human being?
Being crushed by the weight of the expectations myself and the world place on me
My body only being held up by the podium of my accomplishments…
What happens when there’s nothing left to hold me up?
You’re a wolf in sheep’s clothing.
Someone must’ve put the wool in your ears
Placed rose-colored glasses on your face
So you could claim innocence!
When your wool became stained with blood…
What a fashion statement!
They don’t hate you.
They don’t hate you.
They don’t hate you.
Probably.
I think.
Perhaps.
Maybe.
Probably have stuck around all these years
Out of obligation.
As if they signed a legally binding contract
When they entered the friendship
Breaking it is punishable by death!
Thought that the thoughts would stay at bay as we grew closer,
But, I guess that they never truly go away
So, what do I do now?
Accept that the thoughts will always be there?
Or just…push everyone
Away.
So then, I can at least be positive as to where they stand…
Why do I always like the ones that don’t like me back?
Maybe I’m just in love with the unattainability
So in love with a concept
I can’t let that be ruined by the real…
Scary!
It’s an inconvenience to prevent the spread of COVID
Concealing my face is like concealing myself from experiencing the world
Using hand sanitizer is like burning my hands off
Melting my flesh off
Can’t say no to a social event!
My life revolves around my social identity
More so than it revolves around being able to breathe out of my lungs!
She grounded my chaos
Saw the storm and said
“I am not afraid!”
Told her that it might suck her in
She said “I won’t let it.”
Was worried she’d try to tame it
Instead, she grabbed my hand
She held it as we watched the storm go by
“You are not alone in this.”
We were like gold
Until you were told
I needed basic respect
Then, you sold us down the river
Said our love was worth its weight in gold
So, you cashed it in for profit
But, there were no takers
And you’re still the victim, it seems!
Anxious.
Anxiety.
Quiet thee, brain!
Commotion!
Devotion to the chaos
Endless thoughts
Can’t seem to
Hold onto one
Yet they make me
Nervous!
Do I deserve this?
Disservice!
It is that I exist this way
Instead of being a productive machine!
Demeaning words
Brain says more
Demeaning words
How do I sort through this shit
When my brain is constantly
Throwing
A
Fit.
Jumping
Can’t just sit
Agitated, I’m
Ill-fated
Destined for the world to collapse
Around me.
…yippee.
Pretty bold of you to say that I’m overreacting
Would only acknowledge my bleeding
Accompanied by blood curdling screaming!
Because it began to stain your clothes
Left me to rot…
While you bought a new shirt.
Said it was a pity I died!
But, I’ve survived worse.
Told me I was miserable when I was getting better
Because I wouldn’t let the gaslighting comments just
Roll.
Off.
My.
Back.
You didn’t understand why they were no longer keeping me warm
When they never kept me warm. At all.
I’d rather be comforted by hell’s embrace!
At least hell is honest with its intentions.
