#quarantine poetry
You have quite a funny way of expressing adoration
Or maybe I’m just imagining things
Bored and lonely with nothing better to do
Than pine for your adoration!
They say I gotta stop living in fear
But damnit, I’m afraid
Expected to ride the choppy waves
As if I’m on a damn lazy river
My raft the bodies of those who don’t seem to matter
I don’t know if it would be worse to recognize a face
Or to become one of the unrecognized ones…
Thought that the thoughts would stay at bay as we grew closer,
But, I guess that they never truly go away
So, what do I do now?
Accept that the thoughts will always be there?
Or just…push everyone
Away.
So then, I can at least be positive as to where they stand…
It’s an inconvenience to prevent the spread of COVID
Concealing my face is like concealing myself from experiencing the world
Using hand sanitizer is like burning my hands off
Melting my flesh off
Can’t say no to a social event!
My life revolves around my social identity
More so than it revolves around being able to breathe out of my lungs!
How do I plan for the future when the world is in disarray?
Dystopia
Filled with phobia
Of death
And simply taking a step
Out of my home.
I hope to freeze to death in hell’s flames
Before COVID or air pollution chokes the life out of me!
Brain fog
Foggy fogginess
want to do things but thoughts are
mush.
Completing sentences is hard
Because the words are out
Of
Reach
Floating in the fog
mush.
Productive
Be productive
You can be self-destructive
As long as it’s not on the clock
Destroy yourself
You want to sell yourself to the highest bidder
But they barely give you enough to live
Thriving is for those who have it destined in their blood
and are hungry for the blood of others!
I will clean my room, even it is the last thing I do!
… Well, certainly did not do that today
But what did I get done instead?
I scrolled through TikTok endlessly!
Hey, the day before all I could do was stare at my wall
And just think about cleaning my room
And just think about wanting to do just something…
Anything at all…
So that I could say that did something today
So guess what?
I did something today!
I did… something…today
Trying too hard to write something perfect
None of my words belong on the page
Maybe that means I should write something
But even as I am writing this, I know I could do better
I should do better
I…can’t do better, can I?
Incoherency is the cost
Of me trying to write when I am not in the zen state of mind
Does my writing mean anything if
it’s jumbled? Does it mean anything if I don’t entirely understand what I was trying to say?
I… maybe I should…
Stop.
But my thoughts keep racing
Do they matter?
I think they do.
I know they do.
I am not the protagonist.
I cling to that, repeat it again and again
like an invocation or a prayer.
This is not my origin story.
This is not my story at all.
You will never even know my name.
You don’t need to know my name.
After all, I am not the protagonist.
I am no hero, no savior. All
I am is montage fodder. Again -
I am not the protagonist in this story.
Other voices drown out the words of my prayer,
which is for the best, really. Prayers
must be said with care. Like names,
they have more power when kept secret. A story
needs its twists and turns. A protagonist
needs a background to be held against
for comparison. It’s all
about drawing attention. Look, all!
Salvation is at hand. Our prayers
have for once not been in vain. Again
and again I repeat my protective charm. Names
have power. We know they are the protagonist
because we know their name. The story
has told us their name. The story
does not care about me. All
it cares about is the protagonist.
So again and again I repeat my prayer.
I am not the protagonist. My name
is my own. I mouth the words again
and again and again and again.
I am not the protagonist in this story.
You do not, will not know my name.
I will admit this is a gamble. All
things in life are, especially prayer.
I am not the protagonist.
I say it again, all quiet desperation.
Please, story teller, hear my prayer.
Do not name me the protagonist. I will fail.
