matt getting drunk and it’s all fun and games until he starts to bump into things and walls and people and everything is too loud and too messy and he’s starting to lose it and can’t find his balance and can’t focus on anything and foggy has to get a matt-who-is-about-to-have-a-breakdown home
some days all the sounds are just too much so matt has to wear headphones to block the noise our or he’ll go insane
a really loud, sharp noise (in the middle of a fight? or just when he’s walking down the street?) almost knocks him to the ground, like a knife making its way through his brain
Can you tell I’m burnt out? No? Good that’s how I want it.
I’m going to die if I keep going, but society doesn’t give breaks, especially not for mental health. So….I’ve just increased my workload… because burning fast and bright is less painful than the slow burn.
Does anyone else feel like their eardrums are about to explode when they are in a crowded room for a while. Like the moment I walk into a crowded room, I already feel my energy fading away. I hear the loud cracking noise of paper to my left and the conversation between two people on my left.
By the end of the day, even the slightest sound is so painful to my ears. I would love to follow the conversation, and while I hear (and feel) the sounds, my brain is struggling so hard to keep up with the words.
I have this for as long I can remember and I don’t know if this happens to everyone.
Opening tonight at Corey Helford Gallery in LA is the group exhibition, “Sensory Overload” (Jan. 21st - Feb 18th) ! Below is my piece for the show:
“Sweet Damnation”, 2016, Ballpoint Pen, Ink Pencils, Ink Wash, Graphite, Colored Pencil and Gel Pen on Mixed Media Paper, 16 inches by 24 inches (20 inches by 28 inches framed)
For the show, “Sensory Overload”, I decided to create a piece inspired by religious, medieval, Christian imagery with exclusively “American Midwestern” flora and fauna. Titled “Sweet Damnation”, my artwork tackles the theme of sensory overload with the moth, a pine devil silkworm moth, becoming completely overwhelmed by its interaction with the snake in the artwork. The moth is receiving an enlightening kiss by Satan, represented as a divine, winged black rat snake who is entwining an american persimmon tree. The poor little pine devil is being completely overpowered by the otherworldly touch of the snake’s tongue. Missouri is my personal Garden of Eden and I wanted to represent that with this piece, as well as have a little fun with common religious imagery.
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Three days from the opening at the amazing Corey Helford Gallery! On view Saturday is the group exhibition, “Sensory Overload”! I am so excited to be a part of this inspiring show!
Below is my second teaser section of my piece, “Sweet Damnation”, which was made specifically for this group exhibition.
I have finished a few pieces for a couple January shows! Below is a teaser for my piece, “Sweet Damnation” that will be in the group show, “Sensory Overload” at Corey Helford Gallery. The line-up is breathtaking! I am so honored to be in this exhibiton. It opens January 21st and I will be posting many teasers until the opening date.
Them medieval art inspired wings. Primary colors are my drug right now…
Fucking Christ the sensory overload that comes with this goddamn ADHD.
All day I have two young kids poking, tugging, patting, slapping, and kicking me. Screaming for me and in my ears. It’s constant. Even when they want to snuggle part of me wants to shake them off, because it’s annoying.
How am I supposed to raise these kids when the sound and touch of them frequently makes me an irritable fuckwad??
At least I understand why I’m like this now. Forty-one years later. Doesn’t help with my kids though.
When to wear headphones: when listening to music or podcasts or videos or whatever in public. Its literally so fucking rude to force other people to listen to whatever you’re watching/listening to, oh my god.
When NOT to wear headphones: when you’re driving a car. This seems silly but no, for real. You NEED to be able to hear things going on outside your vehicle. If youre playing music through your car speakers, even if its loud, you will HEAR IT when someone crashes into someone else, or when your car suddenly starts making a strange or alarming sound, or when an ambulance or firetruck siren is coming closer and closer to you. If youre wearing headphones, you won’t hear any of that. They’ll block all external sound, and that is, genuinely, a hazard on multiple levels.
If you have to take stuffed toys with you to social situations because of sensory issues, you are valid. This is a coping mechanism which can work really well for some people. Even if you use it for anxiety or any other reason. It is ok, and if anyone says otherwise, ignore them.
I wanna talk about unhelpful stims. The stims which maybe aren’t so okay because they end up hurting you. Whenever I am anxious or overwhelmed I will find myself automatically doing this until my thumb is bleeding which is normally what alerts me to the fact I’m doing it. I'm working on ways to replace this stim.
What I often see is arguments against stimming which emphasise that stimming is bad because of ones like this. What’s more important to understand is that stimming in healthy ways stops me from getting to the point where I end up uncontrollably stimming in ways like this as often. Sensory overload is going to happen but harmless stimming reduces how often it occurs.
Stimming is healthy and important. If you have a damaging stim you can work on switching it but please don’t feel like you need to stop stimming.
I came to the realisation that sensory overload is a lot like nausea. Every sound and touch and sight is like food and your body is just fundamentally rejecting it, even the thought of it makes you shudder. All you can do is sit and wait for it to pass.
