#writings
As I grow up, I realized how much I was hurting myself. Not intentionally, but with my choices. I chose others over me repeatedly, and in the end, that’s what hurts the most. Love yourself first before you love others. It all starts with you.
upstairsdownstairsandinbetween:
Virgil Abloh
(September 30, 1980 - November 28, 2021)
“Figures of Speech, “ is the concept that anyone is capable of anything so long as they don’t hinder their own flexibility by subscribing to one point of view, one career path, or one idea.
Museum of Contemporary Art Chicago, Designed by Samir Batal
Rest in Power, Virgil
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She was your first.
She was your first date, first love, the first one you wanted to build a home and have a family with.
She was your first.
She was the first to meet your family. She became part of your family. She was the first girl your mother loved for you.
Yes,she was your first in many things but she, too, was your first heartbreak.
She was the first one to build you up and break you down. She knew you as much as you know yourself.
She may be your first but she will never be me.
She will never be the one who would pick you up when you think that you would never get back up because she wasn’t even there when you needed her.
No matter what she does, she’ll never be able to love you as much as I do.
She’ll never know you more than I know you. She could never make you realize that you are worthy of every love one should give. She could never make you feel any happier and more contented.
My love, I know that I should never compare myself to her because there’s a reason why she’s there and I am here with you now.
I am glad, I was not your first.
You know what I hate the most?
I hate you for always being there for her as much as I want you to be with me. I hate the way you look onto her, the way you hold her because for a moment, I felt like she was holding my universe. I hate it when you always have to leave me just because you will need to fetch her and ask her out. I hate the fact that even when you left me, I am still a fool waiting for you to return. I hate it when you ask me about what she likes, about the things that make her uncomfortable, I hate it when you always pay attention to the things she love to do, while I am stuck here, seeing how persistent you are on waiting for her. I hate the smile you wear as her name flashes your screen. I hate the way you misses her. I hate the way you talk to her, I hate the way you bring her name on our conversation. I hate the way you tell me how much you love her and the things you are willing to risk for her. I hate it. I hate how dense you are. I hate the fact that after all these years, you never noticed me, but I am still clinging onto you. I hate the fact that I love you as much as you love her. I was here even before she came and I will probably be here if she decided to leave you one morning. The fact that I have to support your love for her and I can’t compete with her because she’s way better than me, slowly kills me.
I was waiting for you to look at me too, but maybe I will stay like this, loving you in silence.
—the danger of one sided love j.a
Take care of your heart.
Let go of all the people who play with it. The ones who don’t know how to handle it. The ones who took advantage of it and recklessly pierced it into pieces. Let go of those who see your kindness as weakness and take advantage of it. Let go of them so you can fully see and appreciate your worth.
Take care of your heart.
Make a room for the peoole who deserve to have a spot in your life. Fight for the people who will lead you closer to the One who will fill the void in your heart. You may not know them yet but when you do, keep them. Allow yourself to feel what true love is from genuine people.
Take care of your heart.
Do not let the world make you become jaded because you are meant to become a diamond. This world may go against you but that won’t make you less of a person. Your heart is worth guarding for. Your heart is worth fighting for.
Above all else, take care of your heart.
▪️
Not a lover’s forever
you’re the favourite memory of my past I’d wish to forget.
“… when the sun was still mild and the sea a dazzling white, still dreaming.”
— Thomas Mann, from “Death in Venice”, originally published c. 1912.
“Do you see that poets can be neither sage nor dignified? That we always stray, adventurer in our emotions? The appearance of mastery in our style is a lie and foolishness, our fame a falsehood, the trust the public places in us is highly ridiculous, education of the young through art something that should be forbidden. Because how can someone be a good teacher when he has an inborn drive towards the abyss? We may deny it and gain dignity, but it still attracts us.
Therefore we deny it and instead seek beauty, simplicity, greatness and severity, of objectivity and form. But form and objectivity, Phaedo, lead the noble one to intoxication and desire, to horrible emotional transgressions rejected by his beautiful severity, lead to the abyss.
Us poets, I say, it leads there, for we are unable to elevate ourselves, instead we can only transgress.”
— Thomas Mann, from “Death in Venice”, originally published c. 1912.
“He whose preoccupation is with excellence longs fervently to find rest in perfection; and is not nothingness a form of perfection?”
— Thomas Mann, from “Death in Venice”, originally published c. 1912.
“He’s going to be sorry he lost you, so stop worrying. Forget the past, forget the pain and remember what and incredible woman you are.”
“So much of the world is broken and I want to be part of its healing.”
— Alison Deming
“Too much joy, I swear, is lost in our desperation to keep it.”
— Ocean Vuong, from “On Earth We’re Briefly Gorgeous”, published c. 2019.
“In Vietnamese, the word for missing someone and remembering them is the same: nhớ. Sometimes, when you ask me over the phone, Con nhớ mẹ không? I flinch, thinking you meant, Do you remember me? I miss you more than I remember you.”
— Ocean Vuong, from “On Earth We’re Briefly Gorgeous”, published c. 2019.
“I wanted to leave, to say stop. But the price of confessing, I learned, was that you get an answer.”
— Ocean Vuong, from “On Earth We’re Briefly Gorgeous”, published c. 2019.
“Why did I feel more myself while reaching for him, my hand midair, than I did having touched him?”
— Ocean Vuong, from “On Earth We’re Briefly Gorgeous”, published c. 2019.
“Ma. You once told me that memory is a choice. But if you were god, you’d know it’s a flood.”
— Ocean Vuong, from “On Earth We’re Briefly Gorgeous”, published c. 2019.
