before trauma: I love live music feeling the bass in my chest and the community and the feelings omg

after trauma: there’s way too many people here and if I stay I will have a panic attack it’s worth the ticket price to not be there

pinegreentea:

“it’s all in your head” yea that’s exactly where it is get it out of there

Ok I’m gonna explain this feeling I get the best I can and idk just lemme know if there’s a name for it.

It’s like I’m manic but I also can’t move I’ll be
disoriented and half out of it and my mind will be racing and I just need to do something but don’t know what and can’t even really do much.
Usually I end up having a “fit” I’ll kick and flail and punch things and myself as I’m curled up on the bed or something. Sometimes it’s more “quiet” and I’ll just curl up in a ball gripping my head while shaking. Sometimes I’ll have increased paranoia.
I’ll feel like I’m coming out of my own skin and nothing will feel right and everything is always uncomfortable . I can’t put a mood to it because it IS a mood but a mood I can’t describe.
It’s different than a mixed state too btw because I get that too sometimes.
It’s worse if I forget to take my mood stabilizers btw.
This was a daily event before I started taking them.

What is this??? Does anyone else get this??
I’m tagging everything I know I have, I probably forgot something but idk

Question for Followers

by Octavian (18) co-John

So I don’t know why this didn’t occur to us before, but I feel like it might be very productive to ask if there is anything you guys would be especially interested to see covered in upcoming posts— any topics of information you’re curious about but have not had much luck finding discussion of in the wider community. This can be just academic information that appears in some of those really costly books you’d love to have but can’t afford at the moment (for example Coping With Trauma Related Dissociation, a really extensive combination textbook/workbook for people coming to terms with a diagnosis of DID or OSDD-1 by Suzette Boone, Kathy Steele, and Onno Van der Hart). Or it could be experience-based insight on topics related to recovery and healing from trauma and fragmentation that we, as someone at the end stage of treatment for DID, can provide in a verified way that is not usually on offer in the online community.

We have so much we feel like we’ve got a duty to share the wealth of information for, but it’s really difficult to narrow it down because it’s been collected over, at this point, nearly two DECADES of research, study, and introspection. So whenever we sit down to write something up to share with you all, we have the tendency to almost start planning a whole damn text book. Which will be super useful when we have the time and opportunity to literally author one, but in the meantime causes a sort of indecision overload when it comes to making educational posts. Basically we end up only writing one if it’s come up a lot lately among our circle of friends, or if we’ve been contemplating the way our thoughts or awareness of it have evolved over the years for our own sake.

While that strategy is fine for us, in terms of our own intellectual expression, we’d like to really be serving the needs of the community as much as we can— that’s what we really made this blog for after all. So if there is anything that you guys are curious about or are in need of insight on from somebody who’s a step ahead of you in the recovery process - or HECK, even just a secondary perspective from somebody you’re at a similar point in recovery to….- we’d like to invite you to either reblog this with your questions/topic requests, or send us asks listing them, whichever one is more comfortable for you. We’re aware some people can’t be open about having DID/OSDD-1 on their blogs, so the reblog option may not be available to you. But we still want to give everyone who might read this blog regularly the same opportunity to contribute to the requests for content. (If you reblog, feel free to repeat topics others have already mentioned, so that we can get a sense of whether it’s something there’s a really wide interest in.)

These requests can apply to DID/OSDD-1, PTSD/C-PTSD, or dissociation and recovery generally. There’s no time frame on the offer to take content requests, because it isn’t for our own sake that we’re making this offer - so whether you come up with something in a day or a week or a month, or whenever feel free to use either of the methods above to send yours in. We can’t promise that we will always write and post an article the next day after receiving a request, but we definitely would use them as a way to inform our choices on the content we do create as well as to inspire us to produce more content, and we absolutely want to contribute to meeting the needs of the community as much as we can.

Got sum love in a bottle

theleolesbian:

I asked my therapist if I could get tested for PTSD and she said: oh no honey. you’re traumatized. I already put it in your file.

i still remember you on my bad days

how do i explain to my therapist my trauma was almost entirely inflicted to me online because of the fact i do not make irl friends easily

haven’t posted here in ages. but I’ve still got ptsd babes! that’s fun!

i cant quite understand why you hurt me like this

me and the girls venting in the group chat

idk who needs to hear this but being disabled does not mean you are immune to being ableist

do u ever see a post and just immediately be able to tell op’s never been bullied before