#bi ana

OMFGGGGG. I NEED NEED NEEEEED to lose weight to make a pretty girl like me. PLEASEEEE let me gain some motivation to starve again finally.

Okay, I need to start starving myself again ASAP, if not because I’m simply fucked up, because a hot girl on a dating app asked if we could meet up at some time.

That one TikTok audio that goes like “This is the best idea I ever had! … That’s the worst idea you ever had!”, but the video is my restrictive ED telling me “Wouldn’t it be so fun to date and/or live with another sapphic anorexic? What if sapphic anas had a secret code on their dating profiles to identify each other easily? :)” and then the so-called “normal” part of me going “You seriously need to get help. Forreal.”

It’s very early in the morning and I’m tired, but I can’t sleep or stop crying, and nothing can make me feel better it seems.

I literally have no idea how to describe this specific type of pain. I don’t feel like I’m a part of anything or that I have any sort of real identity. I feel so alienated from every community I’m supposedly a part of, and I don’t know how to fix it. It feels like there’s not even a point in trying. I’ve spent over two decades of my life feeling like an outsider, how could I possibly change that at all? And the people in my life who MAYBE could help me… I can’t being myself to speak to any of them because of all the shame and humiliation I feel.

And so once again I scream into the void and I babble the vaguest of cries and complaints for the internet to possibly read. Pathetic.