getting everything physical except weight loss

squatting while trying to force myself to poo is not where I saw myself at 24 tbh

my friends at work are now no longer speaking to me over my notice but like they’re short staffed so like I ain’t really sure how cutting me out is going to make me want to stay when they know the reason why is my ED especially

feel like food is the only thing I’ve got control over rn and I can’t even starve myself correctly lmao

anyone else just like take mega long baths to avoid eating?? my housemate must think I’m a fucking fish

my work are so supportive in getting me help and then I’m just like lol no x

I’ve got work in 43 minutes and I’m in a vegan low calorie wormhole lol

ngl not eating after 7pm is working wonders for me atm x

moved in with my friend and there’s something rlly satisfying about declining food when they offer it

POV: u get invited to something but it will mess with your set eating times/ fast/ weekly binge and purge x

gonna treat myself to so many clothes when I go down a size - don’t think my bank account is ready

me? using my ed as a coping mechanism? naaah never

me, 3 minutes later, using my ed as a coping mechanism: ✌️

Is anyone at the point where like your still fat but all of a sudden all the skinny people irl you see all the time and you always thing oh they’re so skinny good for them all of a sudden they’re not really that skinny anymore and everything and everyone around you is fat and ugly or is it just me and my body dysmorphia

So recovery was the worst idea ever (thanks therapist ) and I have now returned to tumble after a… ahem a hiatus of sorts…

yayyyyy

Honestly I hate my body more than ever, I gained around 10 pounds between December and now which is soooo great, and to top it all off I’m going on holiday in less than a week and I just feel like complete shit. I’m not even going to be able to enjoy it because I’ll be too busy standing there and feeling like a whale ‍♀️

Throwback to the time I told a close friend I was anorexic and they said, “you don’t look anorexic.”

Still fucking hurts

It sounds dumb but the fact that some people just eat when they’re hungry and stop when they’re full never ceases to amaze me :0

Not my parents being so “concerned” about my weight and telling me I need to eat more, only to then shame me for eating a biscuit. Thanks, I hate it here

Ana Accountability (01.21.22)

Morning:

12 fl oz can Mountain Dew Major Melon, 160cal

Tyson Any'tizers Buffalo Style Hot Wings (unmeasured), ~190cal

Subtotal: ~350cal

-

Afternoon:

1 banana (unmeasured), ~110cal

12 fl oz Arizona Diet Half & Half Tea Lemonade, 10cal

Wrigley’s Extra Polar Ice Gum, 5cal

Monster Pops Lemon Lime popsicle, 60cal

Subtotal: ~185cal

-

Evening:

Wendy’s medium fries, 350cal

Wendy’s spicy chicken sandwich, 500cal

Wendy’s medium (~20 fl oz) Coke Zero, 0cal

Beef lo mein, ???cal

Egg fried rice, ???cal

Subtotal: 850cal+

-

Total Caloric Intake: ????cal (1,380cal+)

-

Not me failing at high restriction. I was aiming to limit myself to 1,500cal at most, but of course one of my parents has to suddenly decided to bring Chinese takeout home for everybody on the day I start trying to do daily accountability posts again. I guess I should have expected to fuck up the first day back when it’s been quite a while since I actually starved myself anyways. Oh well, I won’t let this stop me from trying to restrict tomorrow or the day after. I’m sure it won’t be long until I start getting restless and begin naturally restricting more and more as time goes on also.

Also, I apologize to anyone that finds the formatting of this post kind of ugly; I’ve never really known how to make my daily accountability posts look particularly nice and neat.

OMFGGGGG. I NEED NEED NEEEEED to lose weight to make a pretty girl like me. PLEASEEEE let me gain some motivation to starve again finally.

the severely mentally ill urge to date someone equally mentally ill or with the same illnesses so i get worse just from being with them

Any grown mentally ill bitches from EDblr wanna be in an unhealthy friendship where we never shut up?

I’m a 23-year-old (gender-questioning) AFAB bi/queer, I’m dx with ADHD and BPD, and I’m (objectively) fat with a dead ED blog, lol.

Uhhh… Does someone around my age wanna be fasting buddies because I need someone to hold my hand or else I will crack and eat?

Sooo…

I’m back to this blog! I doubt my stay will be any more permanent than the last few times, but I guess I just wanted to provide a little update on myself.

In terms of my weight, things aren’t going very well. :( I’ve been sort of fluctuating and even going higher that what I would normally consider my base weight. I’m not sure exactly what is causing this; my best guess is that it could be stress. I haven’t even been weighing myself the past several weeks because it’s just too depressing for me to have to see the numbers going up.

In terms of my mental health, well… It depends on the day, or maybe even the hour. I’ve been stressing over work along with my regular anxieties. Though recently I haven’t been working due to illness (I’m pretty sure it’s not Covid but I still kind of want to get tested just in case). I’ve also recently gone on SSRI medication for anxiety, specifically generic Zoloft. I was honestly hoping to be put on a stimulant like Adderall or Vyvanse for my ADHD so that I could lose weight from it, but oh well, I guess. I can only do so much to control what my psychiatrist chooses to prescribe me. As much as I tried to put emphasis on my ADHD, I guess it was a bit more apparent(?) how much my anxiety was weighing on me.