Okay, I think I need to start doing accountability posts on here, because otherwise I’ll never lose weight on my own. I feel like if there’s other eyes on the numbers, I might feel pressure to keep the numbers down even if no one is forcing me.

I don’t really know what format to go with though. Either I do my old ana log format from before or I update every time I consume something. Or maybe both? I’m reallyyy unsure because it’s been a while since I posted anything having to do with me actually restricting at all.

the severely mentally ill urge to date someone equally mentally ill or with the same illnesses so i get worse just from being with them

Uhhh… Does someone around my age wanna be fasting buddies because I need someone to hold my hand or else I will crack and eat?

Okay, I need to start starving myself again ASAP, if not because I’m simply fucked up, because a hot girl on a dating app asked if we could meet up at some time.

That one TikTok audio that goes like “This is the best idea I ever had! … That’s the worst idea you ever had!”, but the video is my restrictive ED telling me “Wouldn’t it be so fun to date and/or live with another sapphic anorexic? What if sapphic anas had a secret code on their dating profiles to identify each other easily? :)” and then the so-called “normal” part of me going “You seriously need to get help. Forreal.”

Sooo…

I’m back to this blog! I doubt my stay will be any more permanent than the last few times, but I guess I just wanted to provide a little update on myself.

In terms of my weight, things aren’t going very well. :( I’ve been sort of fluctuating and even going higher that what I would normally consider my base weight. I’m not sure exactly what is causing this; my best guess is that it could be stress. I haven’t even been weighing myself the past several weeks because it’s just too depressing for me to have to see the numbers going up.

In terms of my mental health, well… It depends on the day, or maybe even the hour. I’ve been stressing over work along with my regular anxieties. Though recently I haven’t been working due to illness (I’m pretty sure it’s not Covid but I still kind of want to get tested just in case). I’ve also recently gone on SSRI medication for anxiety, specifically generic Zoloft. I was honestly hoping to be put on a stimulant like Adderall or Vyvanse for my ADHD so that I could lose weight from it, but oh well, I guess. I can only do so much to control what my psychiatrist chooses to prescribe me. As much as I tried to put emphasis on my ADHD, I guess it was a bit more apparent(?) how much my anxiety was weighing on me.

annalizlisa:

Gum Fast :)

I have this habit where sometimes I will place a stick of gum in my mouth while I’m getting ready for work, then I chew it throughout my entire shift without switching it after it runs out of flavor and without taking it out to eat anything, and then, finally, I throw the gum away after I’ve gotten home and changed out of my uniform.

I find myself very proud of the restraint I display in not consuming any additional calories outside of the 5cal from the initial stick of gum during the 4 to sometimes even 10+ hours I spend at work. Not to mention the fact that I strangely find myself enjoying the taste of water more when I do this, even when there is no flavor left in my gum.

I’ve decided that I am going to attempt using this stategy to fast for longer periods of time. In my first ever attempt at this, I will see if I can fast for at least 48hrs (2 days) with one stick of gum in my mouth. My stretch goal will be 100hrs (a little over 4 days), though that may be difficult to achieve since I’m going to be working on day 3 and so I might need to eat that day in order to have strength for work. Like I said though, 100hrs is a stretch goal; I’ll be satisfied with just the initial 48hrs hours if that’s all I can do since it’s been quite a while since I’ve completed any sort of fast successfully. :)

Update: Unfortunately I only managed to do roughly 39hrs on my gum fast, because, when I got up from my mid-day sleeping session, I had temporarily forgotten about the fact that I was supposed to be fasting and unthinkingly ate a snack I found when I entered my kitchen. ‍♀️ 39hrs is better than nothing, but I’m still kind of disappointed in myself. Hopefully my next attempt at a fast goes better than this one, whenever it is.

Gum Fast :)

I have this habit where sometimes I will place a stick of gum in my mouth while I’m getting ready for work, then I chew it throughout my entire shift without switching it after it runs out of flavor and without taking it out to eat anything, and then, finally, I throw the gum away after I’ve gotten home and changed out of my uniform.

I find myself very proud of the restraint I display in not consuming any additional calories outside of the 5cal from the initial stick of gum during the 4 to sometimes even 10+ hours I spend at work. Not to mention the fact that I strangely find myself enjoying the taste of water more when I do this, even when there is no flavor left in my gum.

I’ve decided that I am going to attempt using this stategy to fast for longer periods of time. In my first ever attempt at this, I will see if I can fast for at least 48hrs (2 days) with one stick of gum in my mouth. My stretch goal will be 100hrs (a little over 4 days), though that may be difficult to achieve since I’m going to be working on day 3 and so I might need to eat that day in order to have strength for work. Like I said though, 100hrs is a stretch goal; I’ll be satisfied with just the initial 48hrs hours if that’s all I can do since it’s been quite a while since I’ve completed any sort of fast successfully. :)

it’s been a long time since i’ve last logged in here. i’m not sure of what i wanna do: open a blog or just scroll some blogs. the thing is: i had lost some kilos and i was very proud of me, but ten i gained it all back. i need to focus to reach my goal weight and maybe tumblr will help me. that’s what i hope at least.

i’m not an english native speaker so please don’t look at my grammar. if you want to interact with me feel free to.

I DO SUPPORT RECOVERY, THIS IS JUST ME TRYING TO VENT!