#anareksia

Food diary 10/18

1 piece of brioche

Half of a buttered bagel

1 chocolate cupcake

1 slice veggie pizza

1 slice pepperoni pizza

Yday was a big family event so I ate a non sus amount to make sure no one made comments. I got a lot of compliments on my outfit which I think is just code for I lost some weight bc they’ve seen this outfit before lmfao. They didn’t notice bc i don’t see them often but, I gained some weight back bc I honestly forgot I was restricting for a few weeks bc I became hyper-fixated on sewing and making clothes (Thanks ADHD) and my ED took the back seat for a bit lmfao.

Wearing a mask all day feels like a constant reminder not to eat. I going to try to work out more this week. Everything feels so pointless lately and the election really has me so fucked up. It’s so nice enjoying pizza sometimes and forgetting that we’re spiraling toward a fascist techno-autocracy

Fooood diary

Breakfast: black coffee

Lunch:

Turkey, ¼ cup mashed potatoes, ¼ cup of corn, 1tbps butter

537 cal

Snack :

Iced Matcha latte

120 cal

Dinner:

Bibigo steamed dumplings, Sichuan chili oil, and hoisin sauce.

303 cal

Total: 960 calories :)

I feel better today! Weighed 158 today, too!

greenteaandcalorie:

When your so far into restricting that you no longer feel hungry but you know that inevitably you will need food to sustain life so youre constantly on edge waiting for that binge to come that will ruin all your progress

Okay but… real pain is when your biology class ruins a safe food by explaining what it does to your body

And then your fatass goes on a full-on carb binge anyway

Me: *tries to talk about my emotions so I can cope with it a little better*

My friends: *completely ignore me every time I try to open up*

Me: ok then time to go back to destroying my body to cope, thanks guys

Due to personal reasons, I will not be leaving the house, even after quarantine, because I hate my body and I’m ugly

Anyone else have designated ‘crying while body checking’ songs or is that just me…?

Lmao why do people follow me I’m just a sad bitch with food issues

No one:

Literally no one:

Me: I’m gonna get skinny. For real. Like deadass. It’s gonna happen this time. And when it happens, it’s over for all of you bitches.

Also me, the next day:

Let me get this straight… so you’re telling me that normal people would feel insulted if they were called anorexic?

Dude I’d kill to have a body worth being called anorexic

#73

Dzisiaj żałuję każdej kalorii, każdego kęsa i każdej minuty poświęconej na jedzenie.

Legitimately thinking of picking up vaping or smoking because I heard it suppresses your appetite.. this is a new low lmfaooo

I wish I didn’t feel the need to stop eating the week before my birthday, so that I can eat cake and still feel guilty about it but, here we are

Omg my friend sent me a message and it sounded kind of like a goodbye message so, obviously I freaked out and kept texting her making sure she was ok and, it ended up being a misunderstanding but we talked for like 10 minutes about how much we needed each other and, we both promised not to ever do that and I cannot stop crying I’m just realizing how much she needs me and we need each other so, I have a reason to stay now I guess

Currently really not loving my life lol but my birthday is in a couple of days and I don’t wanna die before my birthday ya know also I just want to be at school again so I can stop eating lunch at my dads but I really don’t wanna go back to school lmao

I got my braces wire tightened today cause, my orthodontist opened and, am I gonna use it as an excuse not to eat? You fuckin bet!!

Forgot to log today but, I just had a couple veggie sushi’s and an iced coffee about 560 cals total anyway to the point of this posts lmao, does anybody else kinda want to go to the hospital or a psych ward cause, you could leave all your responsibilities and get away from your life or, am I just crazy???

Yesterday I ended up consuming a “normal” amount of calories and, same with today and I feel so awful yay so I’m gonna try to fast for 45 and half hours (very specific ik lmao) or more before I go to my dads and, I’m going to try to stay in my cal limit at my dads all week even though it’s really hard but, I lost 4.9 pounds this week (probably just water weight) and I’m planning to keep it off I don’t want it back Lmaoo and on another note my friend keeps unintentionally triggering me because, she has an ED and she’s trying to recover but, she keeps calling herself fat and, talking about weight gain and, weight loss and, restriction and, all that which makes me really insecure cause if she thinks she’s fat I’m a fucking whale compared to her so, I feel shitty lol.

I feel like an awful person rn cause my friend is in recovery for anorexia and it’s making me want to lose a lot of weight before the next time i see her so she’ll be recovered and I’ll be the skinny one and that is the shittiest thing I’ve ever thought of and I feel so awful about it but it’s just me ED talking I guess :(

I forgot to log the past two days so, on Wednesday I had a small bowl of cinnamon toast crunch and a splash of milk for 203 calories and then, I had tuna for supper for 154 calories and then, half a cup of ice cream for dessert 160 calories and then today, or I guess it’s yesterday now lol, I binged on mostly cinnamon toast crunch and oatmeal cookies with Pb and it came to around 2690 cals. Today my moms making me go out for supper so, I’m gonna try to find the least calorific thing on the menu cause the last two days I ate so shitty lol and then, the next two days after that I’m gonna try to fast.