Slytherins:

New white candles, flourishing orchids, pretending not to care about school but strives for an A, classic Russian literature, ivy growing on stone, snowflakes that land on your eyelashes and nose, lakes that seem to have no bottom, being the last one to go to bed and the first one up in the morning, faking confidence, listens to both classical music and hard metal, expert sarcasm, brutal games of truth or dare, having a bed covered in pillows and blankets because the dormitory is so cold, having a perfect skin routine, to-do lists, white lies, foggy mornings, zoning out in class, heavy black boots with black skinny jeans, always elegant, looks like they are constantly posing, sly comments in class to the person next to them, reads the chronicles of narnia whenever it snows, stained glass windows, learning Latin for fun, gets really competitive at uno, clenched teeth, raising one eyebrow, being really good at monopoly, try’s their absolute best but pretends not to.

Slytherins are:

Slytherins are wind coming down the chimney, red cheeks and noses from the cold, they are naturally and perfectly straight hair, slytherins are wearing full and on point makeup one day and no makeup the next, they are fur blankets and silk sheets, sketches on school assignments and old photographs in silver frames, they are snow on evergreen trees and cracked ice in fountains, slytherins are espresso at 9pm and stolen liquor, they are student declared snow days, and cinnamon hot chocolate, they are having that one favourite pen you stole from a gryffindor, and post valantines day candy shopping.

Send me your spiciest house confessions

For me, slytherin confession: sometimes not feeling very ambitious about something makes me question me sense of ambition at all.

¿Por que no Las dos?

…

The red circle on the calendar glared at her mockingly. Game Night. The lady in the picture on the calendar litterally glared at her and she took that as her cue to stop staring at a wall and stalling and just go play a stupid game.

They’d been asking about it for months after she accidentally mentioned playing the game with her family on vacations. Her muggle family. She didn’t hate her family or even her status as a “muggleborn student”. But in slytherin, she heard it could be a touchy subject. Anywho.

She grabbed the cardboard box and headed into the common room.

The noise of about a dozen children, caffeinated at nearly midnight on a Friday, was enough to get her spirits higher.

“Who’s ready for Monopoly, Bitches!”

A mixture of excited responses and reprimands for cursing came at twice the volume. Beaming excitedly (albeit a bit nervous) she took up her throne at the end of the table, proudly donning the Game Master cape, and began explaining the rules of the game. Everyone seemed so excited. Their arguement over the player pieces. The multiple death threats. So many people in jail. At some point, one of the older students brought out a large box that they promptly marked as the jail. Yes it was used.

“Just so you know, I’m going to remember this next week when people start asking for notes or study help for finals.” A rather disgruntled ravenclaw threatened to deaf ears from the jail.

“Just so you know, maybe you shouldn’t have bought my last property, loser.” A first year at the end of the table shot back, earning a round of laughter from everyone at the table.

“This is one the the best game nights weve had in a really long time. You’re malicious! And to think we thought you might belong to hufflepuff.” To her right, her best friend teased where only they could hear.

“To think I was afraid people would think this game was stupid. It’s just.. well is a sill little-” flustered, she stumbled over her grasp of vocabulary.

“No one would ever make fun of you because it’s a muggle game. It’s a fun game, you got travis to sit in a cardboard box for 23 minutes. Any game that can do that is a good game in my book. No matter where it came from.” Her best friend proudly declared, rolling the dice.

The laughter fell.

There was a silence as everyone counted the number of spaces and terror filled their expressions.

Her best friend solemnly moved a little metal caricature onto one of her properties. With great care. “Mate. Ol pal. Mi amigo. We can talk about this.”

Muggle born or not, a slytherin is a slytherin.

“Nah. Pay up, mate.”

First day

Slytherin: yea it’s going alright. I made 4 new friends and only killed 1 of them so

Currently Taking Applications

Ravenclaw: So what do you usually look for in a girl?

Slytherin: A pulse

Flip Grid

Slytherin, recording a video response for class: Hey everyone. I really don’t know what to do so I’m just going to do a flip

*flips off bunk*

Slytherin: I hope yall enjoyed that

Next Gen

Graduated slytherin student: She’s on that Disclosure or whatever…

7th year slytherin: Do you mean Discord?

Left On Read

Gryffindor: I think you like to tease me~

Slytherin to a Ravenclaw: Bro I’m not even fucking responding.

Dude that’s dark

Hufflepuff: Where do you see yourself in 5 years?

Slytherin, quietly: hopefully in your bed…

Hufflepuff: What was that?

Slytherin: I SAID HOPEFULLY DEAD

Labels and titles

Slytherin: I like to do things subtly.

Ravenclaw: So you’re passive aggressive…

Slytherin: One time in 3rd year, I punched someone because they were making fun of my friend.

Ravenclaw: That’s not passive aggressive.

Hufflepuff: That’s aggressive aggressive.

Intelligent life

Ravenclaw, stargazing: Do you think we are alone in this universe

Slytherin: I hope not.

Ravenclaw: Yea I guess it would be kinda scary if we were.

Slytherin: Well that, and I really want an alien girlfriend.

Ravenclaw: … That’s valid

In a pinch

Slytherin: Like I was saying….

Gryffindor: Enough! The time for talking is over.

Slytherin: I really don’t know if that’s ever true.

Quidditch practice

Slytherin: *whacks a practice ball agaisnt the goal post harshly*

Slytherin captain: Hey! Be careful with my balls, please.

Bollocks

Slytherin: *throwing a coin at their friend instead of in the swear jar*

Other slytherin, laughing: look I know I’m hot but can yall stop throwing money at me?

Hex Girls

Slytherin: let’s go hex someone. *unbuttons robe to reveal a Quidditch bat*

Other slytherin: You are a delight and I would let you murder me.

*light bulb* Idea

Slytherin: Are you guys up for summoning a ghost? Cause I’m down to get Edison up in here