#actually cptsd
None of your trauma is your fault. ♡
You were supposed to protect me from him
i trusted you
DONT REPOST / okay to rb if you are a csa victim as well
Holy! Holy! Holy!
DONT REPOST / okay to rb if you are a csa victim as well
12 / 30 / 2020
DONT REPOST / only okay to reblog if you were a victim of CSA as well
Hey idk who’s vent this was but it looks familiar and I’m 99.9% sure it’s about abuse or CSA. This is just a not so friendly reminder to not use people’s vents as memes?? What’s wrong with you holy shit. Someone posted this as a response to a “rice purity test” score thing and when questioned didn’t say it was their art SO I’m assuming someone made this out of a vent from here. My blood is boiling haha. Adding lots of tags to this so hopefully the artist sees it or is made aware, if you are the artist and want the user of the person who posted this please message me.
art journal // 091420
I had to call the cops on my mom tonight so they can take her to the mental hospital and not one of my friends or my boyfriend came to help me. Nobody fucking cares even my dad wouldn’t come help take care of his own wife. It’s so quiet and lonely in this house now all by myself I wish the cops never left so I had someone to talk to.
My mom has bipolar disorder and she has psychotic episodes sometimes. It’s be traumatizing growing up taking care of your mother when she acts like this. She can be violent and angry and just attack me suddenly because she believes I’m the devil. I used to have horrible breakdowns myself whenever this happens but recently she is in an episode and I have been doing well. I clean her bedroom and take care of her animals and clean the house and she hasn’t been violent this time around thank god. It’s just very isolating being in a house alone with her. I’m lucky we have a home and I try to remind myself that even if it’s so empty.
I long for a darkness only found in my childhood home. The basement buried deep in the soil surrounded by the forest’s roots. Cold brick walls felt safe when everything else was so scary. The basement was a bomb shelter protecting me from the war happening above. Plates being thrown through the air couldn’t reach me deep in the earth. No hands could touch me when I was cradled by the dirt. I just want to go back
My body is not made just for sex. It’s made for dancing, hugging my dog, and smiles. My worth is not in my sex appeal.
I never had a childhood, or the chance to be innocent, that was ripped away. I never had the chance to know how it felt to be truly loved and validated, how to grow up healthy and experience the joys of it. I missed out, I was fucking robbed and I grew up a broken, empty shell that I am only now learning how to fill.
Credit to chuckdrawsthings. Just found these hilarious.
Mental illness really be hitting you at all the wrong times huh it’s like a toxic ex you just start feeling better and then BOOM, there it is
a few years ago we went to our psychiatrist and forced ourself to go, hey, we think we have did and really need help. they didn’t really engage with it. if anything, the psychiatrist really didn’t like that it was evident i do my own research about stuff. like i forced myself to be open about it to try get help. it’s hard because it’s so shameful.
and when it didn’t go anywhere, i was like okay, so let’s see what happens if i just. ignore it. just resulted in me where i’m at now, noticeably losing time everyday, having a lot more instances of feeling very much Not Me (and then not remembering it), being more irritable, saying/doing stuff and not remembering and it’s to the point i used to be more able to figure out which alter is present, and now it’s almost impossible. i’m lucky if i can figure out when another part is present in the first place. let alone who. i need help with this. and i’m worried if i go to the psychiatrist again and say basically “hey so i tried to just ignore having did and it’s actually worse now” they’ll just again not want to engage because i specifically mention a disorder.
it’s hard. forced myself to be open about it to no avail. ignored it. now in a position where i need to be open about it again to get help for it but scared it’ll just repeat again.
