#incorrect quotes hq
hinata: the doctor said all my bleeding was internal. that’s where the blood’s supposed to be.
hanamaki: how much you guys want to pay for me to stick my socks in this dumbass mouth.
iwaizumi: I will.
oikawa: did iwa-chan just bid $1,000 to put a sock in my mouth?
iwaizumi: you bet.
[at a coffee]
yaku: aren’t you forgetting something?
lev, he stands thinking:ah…
lev: [giving yaku a kiss on the forehead and then leaving]
yaku: no! pay for bill. damn, who raised you.
kuroo: did you have breakfast?
kenma: what? that’s not on the checklist.
kuroo: I added it because I care about you.
kenma: no, I did not have breakfast.
kuroo: unacceptable. look in your pocket.
kenma: hey, there’s a little chocolate chips in this.
kuroo: yeah, I’m not an idiot, I know how to trick my best friend into eating his fiber.
tendou, on goshiki’s second day at shiratorizawa: I’ve only had goshiki for a day and a half, but if anything happened to him I would kill everyone in this room and then myself.
osamu: ok, here you have the first aid kit, a book with all his allergies, a coat in case he starts getting cold, instructions on what to do in an emergency…
sakusa: we’re just going on a date.
osamu: no, he’s your responsibility now.
[karasuno going to visit tsukishima, who has a cold]
sugawara: hey, is that a smile I see?
tsukishima: possibly. my immune system is too weak to fight off my smile muscles.
[osamu teaching atsumu how to cook]
osamu: we hear that sizzle that means the heat is
a little to high on those eggs.
atsumu: well, the higher the heat the faster the eggs cook, the sooner omi-omi eats, am I incorrect?
osamu: no, you make an excellent point but we don’t want to feed sakusa burned garbage.
bokuto: bonjour akaashi, voulez-vous coucher avec moi?
akaashi: no bokuto-san, I don’t want to sleep with you.
bokuto: is that what it means?
bokuto, looking at kuroo and oikawa who’re rolling in the floor laughing: you’re gross.
daichi: I’m calling to check in before I get in the flight. everything okay?
tanaka: okay? let’s just say if the house could talk she would say ‘I’ve never been happier I love tanaka’
daichi: oh, that’s interesting because I think the house might say ‘tanaka’s a load and I’m on fire’.
tanaka: what’s that now?
daichi: the security company called me about the alarm.
tanaka: okay, the house was never on fire. noya was on fire and only on his pants and we put it out.
daichi: I’m coming home right now.
oikawa: I’ve never seen two pretty best friends. it’s always one of them gotta be ugly.
iwaizumi:
oikawa: I hope you are aware that you’re the u-
iwaizumi: shut the fuck up.
akaashi, looking in the mirror with a suit on: how do I look?
bokuto, mesmerized: like the love of my life.
akaashi, blushing:what?
bokuto, smiling: I said you look like the love of my life.
kuroo: you know what? I’ve never seen to pretty best friends.
bokuto, pouting: but we-
kuroo: we aren’t best friends.
bokuto, tearing up:w-what?
kuroo: we’re bros.
bokuto:bro!
yachi: I’m in love with shimizu-senpai.
hinata: I know.
yamaguchi: we all know.
kiyoko: even I know.
hirugami: we need to stop fighting.
hoshiumi: and why’s that?
hirugami: I don’t want to hurt nor make the baby cry.
hoshiumi: baby? what baby?
hirugami: you. you’re the baby.
ushijima: I have a new hoodie.
tendou: ‘we’ have a new hoodie.
hinata: what was your favourite cartoon as a kid?
tsukishima: I didn’t watch cartoons.
yamaguchi: tsukki! don’t lie. it was ‘dinosaur train’, after school we used to go to tsukki’s house and after doing our homework we would see it. tsukki still watches it.
tsukishima, embarrassed: yamaguchi, it was our secret.
Kageyama: Tsukishima, what’s a guy like you doing with someone like Yamaguchi?
Tsukishima: Shh, I don’t think he knows he can do better.
Tsukishima: I’m not that mean. Name one mean thing I’ve ever done.
Yamaguchi: When we were younger, you convinced me eggs weren’t real.
Tsukishima: They’re not.
Yamaguchi: Haha, very funny.
Tsukishima: I’m serious. Didn’t you hear?
Yamaguchi: No… what happened?
Tsukishima: …Why would you fall for this again-
