#incorrect hq quotes
bokuto: trust me, turn the other cheek. which I recently learned is about faces and not butts but works either way.
bokuto: do you think we should kiss? you know, to break the tension.
kuroo: dude. we’re in the middle of a match.
bokuto: you didn’t say no.
kuroo: if hinata, lev and kenma were drowning and you only could save one, who’d it be?
bokuto:akaashi.
kuroo: but he isn’t drowning.
bokuto: but what if he’s in danger?! we don’t know where he is.
oikawa: it’s nearly February and-
iwaizumi: we’re on August.
oikawa: as I was saying it’s nearly February and I’ve got nobody to send a Valentine’s Day card to.
tanaka: [clears throat]
tanaka, moving his eyebrows up and down suggestively: you come here often?
ennoshita, sighing: please just ask me out.
bokuto: nobody loves me.
akaashi: are you sure?
bokuto: yes, i am-
akaashi, pointing at himself: are you really sure?
tendou: I understand why he has so many fans. he has muscles, he’s hot. and his presence… also watching him play… wow.
semi: correct me if I’m wrong, but do you perhaps like ushijima?
tendou: I totally do. you couldn’t tell?
hinata: who the hell are you always texting? everyone you know is here!
kageyama: it’s just the two of us here.
hinata:exactly!
ennoshita: our first assignment is a documentary. they’re like real movies, but with ugly people.
kuroo: bros before hoes? nah, my bro is my hoe, right bokuto?
bokuto: hell yeah!
kenma: I don’t have friends.
fukunaga:same.
taketora: honestly fuck you guys.
semi: ushijima, besides the volleyball team, are you in any other club?
ushijima:yes.
semi: oh, which one?
ushijima: tendou’s protection squad.
semi:
ushijima: I am the leader.
semi:
semi: how do i join?
akaashi: bokuto-san, we’ve to tell you something.
bokuto: what is it?
kuroo: we’ve been thinking about it and we think you don’t deserve a boyfriend.
bokuto, pouting:but-
kuroo: you deserve two instead.
bokuto, confused: but I thought I already had two.
both akaashi and kuroo:what.
haikyuu boys when their siblings ask for food.
alisa: can I have some?
lev, giving her what’s left: sure, enjoy it.
———
akiteru: can I have some?
kei:no.
———
saeko: hey, can I have some?
ryuu: but only half of it.
———
atsumu: can I have some?
osamu:I-
atsumu, taking it from osamu’s hands:nevermind, I’ll just take it.
———
akane:can I have some?
taketora: I’ll prepare another one for you.
hinata: the doctor said all my bleeding was internal. that’s where the blood’s supposed to be.
hanamaki: how much you guys want to pay for me to stick my socks in this dumbass mouth.
iwaizumi: I will.
oikawa: did iwa-chan just bid $1,000 to put a sock in my mouth?
iwaizumi: you bet.
[at a coffee]
yaku: aren’t you forgetting something?
lev, he stands thinking:ah…
lev: [giving yaku a kiss on the forehead and then leaving]
yaku: no! pay for bill. damn, who raised you.
kuroo: did you have breakfast?
kenma: what? that’s not on the checklist.
kuroo: I added it because I care about you.
kenma: no, I did not have breakfast.
kuroo: unacceptable. look in your pocket.
kenma: hey, there’s a little chocolate chips in this.
kuroo: yeah, I’m not an idiot, I know how to trick my best friend into eating his fiber.
tendou, on goshiki’s second day at shiratorizawa: I’ve only had goshiki for a day and a half, but if anything happened to him I would kill everyone in this room and then myself.
osamu: ok, here you have the first aid kit, a book with all his allergies, a coat in case he starts getting cold, instructions on what to do in an emergency…
sakusa: we’re just going on a date.
osamu: no, he’s your responsibility now.
[karasuno going to visit tsukishima, who has a cold]
sugawara: hey, is that a smile I see?
tsukishima: possibly. my immune system is too weak to fight off my smile muscles.
[osamu teaching atsumu how to cook]
osamu: we hear that sizzle that means the heat is
a little to high on those eggs.
atsumu: well, the higher the heat the faster the eggs cook, the sooner omi-omi eats, am I incorrect?
osamu: no, you make an excellent point but we don’t want to feed sakusa burned garbage.
bokuto: bonjour akaashi, voulez-vous coucher avec moi?
akaashi: no bokuto-san, I don’t want to sleep with you.
bokuto: is that what it means?
bokuto, looking at kuroo and oikawa who’re rolling in the floor laughing: you’re gross.
daichi: I’m calling to check in before I get in the flight. everything okay?
tanaka: okay? let’s just say if the house could talk she would say ‘I’ve never been happier I love tanaka’
daichi: oh, that’s interesting because I think the house might say ‘tanaka’s a load and I’m on fire’.
tanaka: what’s that now?
daichi: the security company called me about the alarm.
tanaka: okay, the house was never on fire. noya was on fire and only on his pants and we put it out.
daichi: I’m coming home right now.
oikawa: I’ve never seen two pretty best friends. it’s always one of them gotta be ugly.
iwaizumi:
oikawa: I hope you are aware that you’re the u-
iwaizumi: shut the fuck up.
akaashi, looking in the mirror with a suit on: how do I look?
bokuto, mesmerized: like the love of my life.
akaashi, blushing:what?
bokuto, smiling: I said you look like the love of my life.
kuroo: you know what? I’ve never seen to pretty best friends.
bokuto, pouting: but we-
kuroo: we aren’t best friends.
bokuto, tearing up:w-what?
kuroo: we’re bros.
bokuto:bro!
yachi: I’m in love with shimizu-senpai.
hinata: I know.
yamaguchi: we all know.
kiyoko: even I know.
hirugami: we need to stop fighting.
hoshiumi: and why’s that?
hirugami: I don’t want to hurt nor make the baby cry.
hoshiumi: baby? what baby?
hirugami: you. you’re the baby.
ushijima: I have a new hoodie.
tendou: ‘we’ have a new hoodie.
hinata: what was your favourite cartoon as a kid?
tsukishima: I didn’t watch cartoons.
yamaguchi: tsukki! don’t lie. it was ‘dinosaur train’, after school we used to go to tsukki’s house and after doing our homework we would see it. tsukki still watches it.
tsukishima, embarrassed: yamaguchi, it was our secret.
