#longing

Happy October 1st.

I didn’t forget about you

I just remembered me.

Maybe… The reason why it’s hard to let go of the past

Is that we can’t see our future.

I’m so starved for Connection.

But my Wi-fi is out.

verb

to yearn for, long for, or remember with sorrow the absence, deprivation or loss of someone or something. 

Te añoro cada vez más.
I long for you more and more. 

My

starlight in a bottle boy,

burning up from the inside.

My beloved supernova.

Finally come to end it all?

Finally going to let us rest?

Solar flare,

don’t you dare

burn

our house

down.

Time can only

heal the entry wound of the

poison barb

you left inside me:

rotting love,

festering longing -

purple toxin living in my

blood.

Your hand in

my hand,

but

time struck and

you stumbled —

down,

down,

down —

oh,

were our shattered knees

and

scraped hands,

blood-tinged teeth —

were they worth it?

(Was it worth it to

clasp

our hands

so tightly that

one circle, two —

rings of fire,

surrounding us both

forever?)

My once known shadow,

but my forever estranged enemy,

held me so tenderly when I gave him what he longed for:

goodbye.

You love that little blade:

cradle it’s handle oh so gently.

Sing it soft songs to sleep.

Warm it’s metal with your rest laden body.

You love that little blade -

even when it cuts.

Have you ever loved in scales?

Perfect balance?

Perfect symmetry?

Each step mirrored -

where one goes, the other

follows?

The smallest shift in weight can

jar the balance -

a breath,

a kiss,

a tear,

a moment.

A clang as joints disband.

A crash to the floor as you

spin out of orbit.

It will never be the same.

You will never be the same.

But -

But,

once,

you were lucky enough to

love

in scales.

Once,

you were whole and

perfect.

Oh,

sweet memory,

the icy blade between my

bones.

Oh, sweet love,

the ailment lingering in my

blood.

Oh, sweet agony,

burning through my

lungs.

Oh, sweet lover,

lost from me

forever.

Oh, sweet sadness:

eternal companion and

penance.

And he saved you from

disaster and ruin,

your beautiful fire-starting boy.

The flames he lets lick your

salt-soaked remains

don’t change that.

Many times,

he saved you.

Many times.

(It only takes once for

destruction

to lay waste.)

(It only takes

forever for a

heart to break.)

Carved your name into my

cold bones

and was stunned when you showed yours:

pristine.

And what of falling stars,

and crashing waves?

What of split tectonic plates?

What of

you,

me,

us,

and the yawning chasm

between?

(Do you still say my name like

the only

prayer

you’ve ever

known?)

Drink my daydreams of

us

from my

shivering

belly button.

Let me clasp my hands around you and

hold your

venomous maw

against my womb.

Beloved betrayer.

Erstwhile naysayer.

Dearest love,

I am

devoted

to you and your

damnation.

That poison from that cracked rock -

I drank it, too.

I drank it, too.

Lick the salt from my eyes

and

kiss the copper from my lips -

embrace me one last time,

beloved.

Sup on my sorrow and

drink me dry.

I would let you

bury your dagger

of

deceit and accusations,

as long as you did it

while

you held me

one

last

time.

Oh angel,

Look at you now.

Your halo gone, your wings are lost, your eyes are down to two.

Crying into the night for a divinity long gone,

Hoping someday you’ll return

To tree-filled gardens set in sunny spring.

But for now

An aimless child screaming for a taste

Of honeysuckle memories long gone.

Oh angel.