#love poem

i made you a playlist and you made me a promise that you broke

tell me when and where and i’ll be there

always

it took me long to finally understand that you didn’t just not know how much i was hurting, you simply didn’t care

Why do all my breakdowns happen because of you …

Guys, he actually makes me happyfeel something

I never thought he’d like me back

- been a while since I felt something

I guess it’s true… they won’t notice until you’re gone …

I’m actually such an inconvenience..

I’m actually falling apart in front of people and no one notices

It sucks when the only way out of a problem is death

I’ll always repeat this: I’m so proud of you

- me to me

When can I tell you I like you bc it’s killing me

Sorry, I just really …really like you

It’s gonna hurt so fucking bad when he’s gone, bro

- literal convo with a friend

I wonder if yours “I’m utterly in love with you” face is the same as mine…

Please stay when the others couldn’t

I’m selfish. I’ll hurt you before you get the chance to hurt me …

You’ve stuck around for so long.. I just know when it ends, it will hurt

Poem by Pietje Kobus

Not despite, you say,because

You’ve been looking in the bathroom mirror

of our Santa Fe adobe house, beneath stained vigas

wearing your orange sports bra

and half-buckled blue jeans

a black-and-white plaid shirt in one hand—for horseback-riding

Was it five summers ago when

I saw you at Seattle’s Cyclops,

wearing a sleeveless golf shirt?

I kept staring at your shoulders,

tan and muscular, diagonal scars

I felt too timid asking about

Aren’t you worried about the age difference?

My mom says, tells her Christian friends

I was looking for a replacement. No,

my fear is dying alone, my means exhausted, becoming

the people I see as I drive along Cerrillos

pushing carts with tattered blankets and frayed satchels

I’m proud to be an old lady, you say,

love me because of my wrinkles

Turning around, my right index finger traces

the lines in your face, grazes

your flat stomach with my left hand,

Because, I whisper, I love you because

Pietje Kobus is an MFA student at the Mississippi University for Women in Columbus. She writes creative non-fiction and poetry, mostly about the long-lasting damage of harmful messages received during childhood. When she is not writing you can find her in Santa Fe, NM playing with her dogs or taking pictures along a trail. Follow here on Instagram @Pietjewrites, on Twitter @Pietje_Pykje, or on her website http://www.pietjekobus.com.

How lovely it is to have someone care
How lovely to know that someone is there.
How lovely to feel as lovely as can be.
Lovely is all I feel, when you’re with me.