#spilled quote
“You taught me how to love, forgive and care. You taught me how tough it could get and all the despair. You taught me my first words and how to eat, you made me everything I am, and I will ever be. Life seems dull when you’re not around, but with your one smile, everything turns around. You’ve given so much and asked for so little, you’ve sacrificed your dreams to make mine achievable. All my love and actions in this world will fall short in comparison to yours; it will take me a lifetime and many more to reciprocate yours. If I have only one wish, I hope that when I am born again, I have you as my mother all over again. because mommy, no matter where I am, I love you a thousand times more.”
- g.d. (Happy Mother’s Day)
“and moments like today remind me that the monsters continue to live inside my head, even if they’ve been silent for too long.”
- g.d (it’s never ending)
“I told him I was too me to be a part of his world. He smiled and caressed my cheek, his lips hovering over mine as he whispered, “and that’s why I love you so much baby, you’re everything I’ve ever dreamed of.””
- g.d (love me for me)
“I realized that I want to be a warrior. I want to be Athena. The goddess who fought for herself, who had a ‘manly’ body and still loved herself. Who is known as the most courageous warrior. I don’t want to be Aphrodite anymore, I want to be a warrior. I want to be Athena.”
- g.d (become another warrior goddess, become Athena)
She became convinced that the measure of her existence hung in the balance.
That the complexity of her calm fell in the number of idle breaths she took a day
That her beauty was a scarcity of times that she glanced at the mirror without feeling repulsed.
She is fragile.
Picking up the broken pieces that were once amassed to create a woman. Beautiful and resolved.
All it takes for such a woman to fall, is the absence of someone to pick up the pieces.
And instead of being her own someone. Her own harrowing warrior.
She fell.
Cracked under pressure.
She was broken. And needed everything she swore she’d never want.
Searched for her own validation in the hands of another. And slowly wept; wilted away into her own self demolition.
She lived shadowed under a blanket of grievances.
They were no longer the materialistic obstacles that used to hoard her time.
The were deep and dark and ugly.
She’s slipping into a black hole of her own creation. In a list for validation to find value in herself hidden in the arms of another. When will she realize that she is the only person that will give her worth. She is the only one who can understand her value. And she must fight to be comfortable in her own skin and bones rather than listlessly searching for a piece of her, hidden in a puzzle of broken souls.
She is fragile.
But she will live. And she will learn to love the pieces that have gone astray, the rounded edges and the bitterness that keeps her up till early hours. She will learn to look into the mirror and be content. She will pick up her own pieces. Put them into place.
She was fragile.
But now she is found.
Pieced together the broken.
And the broken;
Now forever bound.
r.t.
The way my hips sway every time that I walk
The piercing regret that sets in after I talk
When I look in the mirror it’s a monster I see
A monster that looks a whole lot like me
I don’t understand when this girl got so bad
I just wish her eyes in the mirror weren’t so sad
You see, I feel disconnected from the reflection that I own.
No more confidence
Into self-loathe I’ve grown.
r.t.
If you want to talk to him: go ahead
Dial his number and press call
But when he feeds you the same lines again be careful not to fall.
Life’s too short to worry.
Does he miss me?
Or did he move on?
But if you find out he does miss you, be careful not to fawn
If you’re still in love with him; that’s okay.
Just protect yourself from the games he plays.
Don’t let yourself break
Don’t let yourself fall.
But by golly if you want to see him, Just call.
r.t.
How lovely it is to have someone care
How lovely to know that someone is there.
How lovely to feel as lovely as can be.
Lovely is all I feel, when you’re with me.
It’s late and I miss you.
You were to be my everything
My refuge
You kept me safe.
From myself.
Happy.
It’s late and I miss you.
My mind wanders
I’ve thought up
A million things to say to you
Things I won’t.
But wish I could.
It’s late and I miss you.
And life is short.
But so was your temper.
And I’m still trying to make sense of what happened.
It’s too late.
I miss you.
You called today.
Not even the warmth of your voice could salvage the icy front I had put up.
You weren’t here when I needed you.
It’s late
and hopefully now you miss me.
But I think I’ve finally stopped
Missing you.
r.t.
If I write you into my world
Then I haven’t given you up.
I tear pages of you from my heart
Erase paragraphs of your existence
I try to rob myself of your presence
And still I seem to cry tears made up of your promises and
breath air polluted with your words.
If I break my own heart waiting for you
And scribble it on a page
Then I haven’t forgotten you yet
You don’t know the color of my eyes
The taste of my lips
or the pigment of my cheeks
when you say hello.
If I write myself senseless stories of you
Being everything I ever wanted
Then your breath is still in my lungs
I exhale.
Trying to expel your beautiful taste
that has become far too addictive.
I choke on good intentions.
And bleed desperation.
Desperate to forget about you. Desperate to no longer depend on that smile to set my day into motion
and that voice to lull me to sleep.
I try so hard to erase you from my mind, to cleanly reap the seams
binding you to my heart,
and binding my heart to my sleeve.
It wasn’t until looking you in the eyes
for the last time that I realized,
my inability to form
a coherent thought about you
unless it was spilled across paper in permanent ink, was the tangible prison destined to tie me down for all eternity.
You see, I had erased myself from the pages of your book, only to find that you cluttered every chapter of my own.
r.t.
“It’s whatever”
He said with tears in his eyes
He hid away
Broken.
I didn’t fall for his lies
His parents drank often
He promised himself he wouldn’t
I told him to stay strong
He told me, he couldn’t
He got home from school
Everyday exhausted
Nobody realized his strength
Until one day he lost it.
For him to inhale and say yes one more time.
To a life he was robbed of
The most complex of crime.
He sat in class silent,
But when asked he would spill
Because all he needed
Was someone to listen and be still
He’d tell them his story
The one he told me
And they’d watch amazed at the new depths they’d see.
A boy who was strong
A boy who was clever
But when concluding his tale
He’d just utter “it’s whatever”
r.t.
that girl has me wrapped around her finger and she doesn’t even know it. she’s the type of girl i’d hop on a plane for at the drop of a dime just to be in the same room as her — and i’m terrified of flying.
