#low cal ed
Im in my iced coffee era
Im sick of not shitting.
However
Laxitives do NOT need to be added to my list of problems
Yesterday, I ate two turkey wraps and cheese and crackers with grapes. I bought them from my school cafeteria so I do not know the calories.
I did not purge.
I will not be updating my weight today.
(It’s 106.4. I’m scared. Irrationally so. But still. I didn’t sleep at all and that’s crucial for digestion. I also never fucking eat. So like. It’s not fat. It’s food.)
I will not be eating without purging today (I hope to liquid fast but who knows).
This isn’t recovery. This isn’t restriction. It’s sort of like a metabolism day? Except usually people restrict their calories every other day… I just puke or liquid fast. I’m hoping to incorporate a few of these days a month. Idk. I want my body to remember how to digest food and my chronic pain is returning and if I don’t give my body SOMETHING to work with it’ll only get worse and I don’t want that.
Also Food taste so much better when you plan on keeping it down. God it’s like my tastebuds knew I wasn’t teasing them.
Also i had a Voice lesson after I ate some food. Best voice lesson I’ve had in two years. Holy shit does having a full stomach like support your diaphragm or something? My voice was so strong. I actually enjoyed singing again. Not to mention it was purge free day up to that point so ya know… clear throat… clear tone.
The bullimic urge to blow your leftovers out of your nose before class.
It’s so fowl.
I don’t wanna eat.
Food is losing its luster
I don’t keep it down ever and purging is so horrible for me.
I’ve begun a liquid fast and hope to finally get back into the 90’s
Then to 80
Then possibly to 70. Idk yet.
I just want this fast to be so long and successful that it takes me nearly to the end of this living hell.
If I hit 70, I’ll start eating again. I’ll gain some weight. I’ll do the damn thing and try to live.
I want that so badly.
I’ll reblog every successful day.
This is day 1.
Sleep is so magical
I could fast all day and I won’t lose weight unless I get a decent nights sleep.
If I pull an all nighter, the number stays the same.
However if I b/p all day and get a good nights sleep I can end up losing a pound within the night (I weigh myself after purging)
It’s just wild how important it is
Im on day two of a liquid fast.
I didn’t lose any weight.
I had to start over on Tuesday because I broke and b/ped
Normally I lose at least a pound by now. I’m lowkey terrified.
However I’m gonna keep going. Not because I want to, because I’m broke from binging. I’ve got 30$ left lmao.
I say lmao but honestly I wanna Kms for blowing through my savings. I gotta get this under control or I’ll be homeless lol.
Join the dr phils waiting list Discord Server!
Hi loves
I was with a group chat on tumblr, before it got deleted and me and a few other people had made a discord server because we all struggled with the same things. I’m offering the link to join, there is no proana, just simply there for a way to communicate to each other and not feel alone. Anyone is welcome to join it and we decided to post this on tumblr as a way to reach more people struggling with the same thing. There is about 5 of us girls in there right now, please feel free to join <3 I would love to make new friends.
