Why can I see all my ribs, have a thigh gap, my hip bones stick out, I have no boobs, no ass, but my stomach is massive like someone please tell me what I’m doing wrong

Ugh I love the feeling when my stomach burns and hurts after not eating for a few days <333

My body is eating itself, it’s really pathetic considering I’m not even at my gw yet. God I need to starve for longer. I didn’t eat at all yesterday/today so that’s good. Also been thinking about overdosing.

Superrrrr Long rant (merry Christmas )

I can’t stand motherfuckers who use their ED to justify being horrible to others.

Like sorry Jessica, skipping dinner doesn’t give you an excuse to call me a bitch. I’ve been in this game since I was 12. I treat others right. It’s such a scapegoat. Like you aren’t possessed, it’s you! You are your disorder! You are your problem! It’s not your fault but it’s YOUR RESPONSIBILITY. I don’t feel sorry for you, I don’t care if you’re fucked up. Most people are. It’s not a unique struggle. The biggest asshole, waste of air, lowlifes are the people who treat mental illness like this demon that controls them(giving them a freepass to be awful). It’s not. It influences your thoughts which CAN influence your actions. When it comes to binging that can be very difficult to stop, but being nice to others? Hard sometimes but never impossible. And if you are human and do call someone a bitch, you apologize for real. No excuses. No pity party. You hurt someone and right now you gotta make it about them not about you. Despite what you might think, being fucked up doesn’t make you anymore important then someone else. Your illness doesn’t give you any fucking value. It’s just an illness. Nothing more. Sorry for the rant, I’m just sick of seeing so many self centered post in this tags. NO ONE IS SPECIAL HERE. WE LITERALLY HAVE A SUPER COMMON SET OF ISSUES. EVEN THEN BEING UNIQUE ISNT AN EXCUSE TO DO WHATEVER THE FUCK YOU WANT. (Unless you’re rich)

Yo how the fuck do adults make friends :(

Also I hit 109.6 B)

I need low calorie meal ideas.

Like 300 calories not 500.

Preferably high in potassium…

Please <3

I stg restriction doesn’t work :(

Im gonna try lowering my limit to see if I can see some actual progress.

I miss my bulimic fasting weightloss. I’m still purging now, and it still works, but restricting just really doesn’t seem to work at all.

I feel l a r g e

I am restricting my calories which is a step up from only liquid fasting all the time.

I am working on it. If restriction fails to give me the results I want I will simply revert to the dark ages and be my best bulimic self once more.

I am NEVER taking an osmosic laxative again

Oh my god, the water weight is insane

What a stupid thing to do.

Ive replaced my purge fast cycle with a purge restrict cycle

It’s going surprisingly well. Guess I did improve my metabolism.

My weightloss is kind of slow however i remember before I went on an intuitive eating kick at 104 pounds not even liquid fasting made me lose weight. I was so dehydrated and dead feeling.

Restriction isn’t doing it for me.

Back to the old purge and fast routine.

Im still forcing myself to drink more water though. I will not be afraid of water. That shits stupid.

Im gonna try to fast today. I’m like 14 hours in so far.

Alright.

Im gonna come out with it.

Ive gained 15 pounds.

I am 118.8.

But I’m relapsing so that’ll change.

Im still a „healthy“ weight too.

I just wanna be able to update my cw when I lose you know? I don’t wanna punish myself for trying something that could’ve made me happier. I tried, I’m not ready. That’s fine. My body is probably better off than before and I feel okay with drinking all the water I want and restricting a little. I really wanna prolong fasting because it slows down your metabolism so bad. If I can keep digesting some food the TEF will keep my metabolism higher.

Y’all I am struggling

I took one week off of any sort of compensation from eating. I didn’t restrict I just tried to eat three meals a day.

My metabolism is faster than before but my weight is higher.

I have new rules now, I’m trying them out until they don’t work.

1. I restrict now instead of fasting. I’ll do this until my metabolism is too slow again

2. Keep restriction days and purge days separate. They don’t mix well.

3. if this fails me then I’ll go back to my fasting. I won’t allow my weight to creep up anymore than it has.

Im in my iced coffee era

Im sick of not shitting.

However

Laxitives do NOT need to be added to my list of problems

Yesterday, I ate two turkey wraps and cheese and crackers with grapes. I bought them from my school cafeteria so I do not know the calories.

I did not purge.

I will not be updating my weight today.

(It’s 106.4. I’m scared. Irrationally so. But still. I didn’t sleep at all and that’s crucial for digestion. I also never fucking eat. So like. It’s not fat. It’s food.)

I will not be eating without purging today (I hope to liquid fast but who knows).

This isn’t recovery. This isn’t restriction. It’s sort of like a metabolism day? Except usually people restrict their calories every other day… I just puke or liquid fast. I’m hoping to incorporate a few of these days a month. Idk. I want my body to remember how to digest food and my chronic pain is returning and if I don’t give my body SOMETHING to work with it’ll only get worse and I don’t want that.

Also Food taste so much better when you plan on keeping it down. God it’s like my tastebuds knew I wasn’t teasing them.

Also i had a Voice lesson after I ate some food. Best voice lesson I’ve had in two years. Holy shit does having a full stomach like support your diaphragm or something? My voice was so strong. I actually enjoyed singing again. Not to mention it was purge free day up to that point so ya know… clear throat… clear tone.

The bullimic urge to blow your leftovers out of your nose before class.

It’s so fowl.

I have a plan for the week.

I was doing so well eating 1200 every single day no issues. It was easy. Unfortunately, my weight didn’t budge.

That led to overeating yesterday. I ate 2250 calories.

My goal for this week is 1000 calories per day. Because I have 1250 calories to account for I am going to steal those throughout the days.

Today I want to aim for 600-800 calories.

If by the end of the week I do not lose, I will just lower my limit further. I want to be smart about my limit. I don’t want to let panic lead the way.

I just binged

Y’all are real ones for not unfollowing me during this period of just indecision and weight gain.

I successfully restricted for a week at 1200 cals a day. My weight didn’t change.

Today I binged 2250 calories (it was more like over eating as I felt in control but I didn’t really enjoy it). Could be better could be worse.

I wish I knew my tdee :(

Im restricting lower tomorrow. I’m gonna lower my limit to 900 and see if that works out better. I think I need to see real loss for some motivation. I don’t wanna go down to 500 just yet. My weight is too damn high to have that low of a limit.

I wanna join a discord server for ED‘s but I don’t wanna join one with minors. Unfortunately that’s pretty difficult to find.

I kinda also wanna make a YouTube channel to document my food intake…. Could be fun but also damaging so idk.

All I know is I have no desire to purge rn. I will not.

I wasn’t even craving a binge. I just started over eating without thinking about it. There wasn’t much of a fight before to start or during to stop.

I‘m in my restriction era, I can feel it.

How do people restrict and b/p?

Like if I could combine the two forces and lose weight I would.

It would straight up be harm reduction because I b/p almost every day. I never eat and keep it down cause I gain weight. I need guidanceeeeeee

I woke up wanting to die.

I made some eggs for breakfast, whichfucking terrifies me.

My coffee machine is broken.

Ive got so much schoolwork it’s unbelievable.

I spent my grocery money on binge food yesterday so I literally have nothing but eggs to eat. (It’s not like I fucking digest anything anyways but whatever)

Im trying to convince myself that one little plate of eggs won’t ruin my progress, but honestly it seems to every time I try.

Im so close to just giving in and puking til I literally die. I can’t do this anymore.

I hate songs that are about eds

I’m sure it can be done well but it hasn’t yet.

They’re all to on the nose.

And they are nearly all about the habits and not the cause. Who gives a shit if I throw up? Where’s the poetry in that? Talk about that internal struggle. Talk about how recovery feels like the ground dissolves below your feet. Make fun of the simplification and romanticism of EDs, don’t feed into it!

You can like what you like, but I can’t stand those songs . Skinny love leaves a sour taste in my mouth.

What do you get when you mix bulimia, bed, and no money for binge food?

✨creativity✨

I have made some ungodly combinations just to satisfy the binge urge

It hasn’t worked. They were gross and I am bloated.

Oh well. I just have to wait another week until I have money.

I really wanna dip my toes into restricting again. I actually ate a bento box from my school and kept it down. It was delightful as fuck. I didn’t gain weight either.

Euphoria is so silly and unrealistic but gosh am I hooked.

So much thinspo! Also Rue being an addict through highschool reminds me of my bed/anorexia/bulimia (idk which one I was diagnosed with cause I avoid the subject at all cost I’m so ashamed) soooo much. My parents and I got into some real fights. Like I know drugs are different but honestly I too am addicted to a behavior that is killing me. It’s worse now that I live alone and control my kitchen and bathroom situation but still highschool was rough. At least now I can kill myself in private. (I’m not suicidal atm but I have a hard time seeing myself surviving this. It’s gotten really bad)

I ate a bread roll for brekki that I intend on keeping down.

I’m hoping it’ll help me feel less fatigued in my lecture. It’s early in the day so it’ll have time to digest and hopefully not make me gain tomorrow. Idk it’s sort of an experiment. I’m not consuming any other solids today it was just one singular bread roll.

Also bread dissolves in your mouth because carbs start being broken down in your mouth. I don’t think calorie absorption truly happens until it hits your intestines but idk for sure. Anyways I’m hoping it’ll pass through my body easily. If any of you have been following my journey you would know that I’ve gone through two different phases of eating and not purging. Both times I gained weight I had to lose. In face right now I’m still losing that weight from the last time.

But 1 100 calorie bread roll? Come on! Even if I gain, it’s nothing I can’t fix in like one to three days. I wanna expand my very short list of safe foods and the only way to do that is to try eating other foods.

The Ed urge to water down my 0% fat free milk.

I ran out of almond milk ok?

I’ve been liquid fasting since Wednesday (I liquid fasted on Tuesday and most of Wednesday but in the evening I b/ped)

Anyways it’s Saturday and I have been purely liquid fasting and my FUCKING WEIGHT HASNT MOVED HOLY SHIT

I’m sure it will go down if I start b/ping for a few days. I don’t know why that makes it go down but it does. I just gotta get through today and then tomorrow I can go shopping and b/p a little.

I ought to be happy it hasn’t gone up. I’ve been tracking my calories and I’ve been in what should be a deficit so I’m probably losing and it just hasn’t shown yet. Maybe it’ll drop tomorrow idk.

Failed day two of my liquid fast but I began it right again after binging and not enjoying it

The good news is I didn’t purchase any binge food for it. This week I’ve been pretty good on my spending habits.

I have some diet soda, almond milk, matcha, regular milk, and coffee it start this fast. I don’t know how long I’ll go, I’m setting my minimum to Sunday due to my budget lol. I can’t justify spending any money on food until it’s the start of a new week.

I didn’t enjoy my binge but I did get rid of some food that would have gone bad. I had enough sleep last night so I should have a nice clear head to get some shit done today.

Unpopular opinion

I like that I have my period.

I know for many it seems invalidating, but the fact that even at my lowest weights my period remains means that it will likely be easier to keep myself at a lower weight when I stop losing (if I ever reach that point haha)

If I lost my period at like 100 pounds I would be devastated. I don’t want my body to fail me so far from my UGW. My plan is to gain weight from my UGW but still. I don’t want to gain too much.

this whole not eating thing is getting boring

man im literally causing my downfall by not sleeping. just 2 more days and i am hibernating