Klaus in a horror movie

*phone rings*

Klaus: *picks it up* Hello?

Murderer: I see you

Klaus:

Murderer:

Klaus:

Murderer:

Klaus: Do I look good?

Leonard: *gets down on one knee in front of vanya*

Allison: Omg it’s finally happening

Leonard: *falls over*

Allison: The poison is kicking in

Things: *get tough*

Luther:

Me when Five turned back time after Klaus finally saw Dave again:

Klaus when he’s being tortured and the ghosties start coming out:

Anybody: Where do you see yourself in 10 years

Five:*flashbacks to the apocalypse*

Klaus: Look Ben, it’s a graveyard next to a lake.

Ben: Oh my god this is prime real estate

A kid on the street: Hey look at that man, he’s got a giant gorilla body

Luther:

Klaus: *trips and accidentally throws his bowl of fruit loops in the air so it lands on Five’s head*

Five:

Klaus: I’ve only had Dave for a day and a half but if anything happened to him, I’d kill everyone in this room and then myself.

~10 months later~

Dave:*dies*

Klaus basically the next day: Wow, God? Fancy seeing you here

Klaus: You know what would be sexy. Eating food off each other.

Dave: You didn’t do the dishes did you

Klaus: not a single plate

Diego: *runs up to the down escalator coming from upstairs*

Allison: Diego that’s the wrong escalator!

Diego: NoT iF i RuN fAsT eNoUgH!!

*starts running up it*

Allison:

Hazel talking to his therapist: You think killing people might make them like you, but it doesn’t. It just makes people dead.

The therapist:

Allison after she sees Klaus’ rehab bracelet:

Klaus: *does drugs in Diego’s car after Dave dies*

Diego: Ok, but just so you know, I’m judging you.

Klaus who is higher than a turtle’s life expectancy: NoT iF I JuDgE yOu FiRsT

Diego:

Klaus: *comes downstairs at 8 am in a black skirt with rainbow suspenders, a HUMAN crop top, and giant rainbow heels*

Five: Wow Klaus. You look more gay before 9:00 am than most people do all day.

Klaus: Can you make a sentence without using the letter ‘A’?

Five: You thought you just did something, didn’t you? Well, I’m sorry to burst your bubble but numerous sentences could be constructed without employing the first letter of the English lexicon