#poemsociety

not every dead man was noble and neither are the dying

has every fall from grace been exonerated

now that your date of demise has been established

long have we honored the fallen as kings

with little regard for their true archetype

have the moribund beings been pardoned of their wrongdoings

now that they face deaths eternal grasp

-sundayafternoonsedentary

i really wish i hadn’t charmed my therapist

maybe i wouldn’t be sitting in the position if i had

i wanted her approval just as much as anyone else’s

so i lied and cried at the right parts

reeling her in until-

snatch.

“this is not your fault”

but you see sarah,

it is.

all of it is.

but if i reveal my tactic of manipulation

my whole facade will come crumbling down

and you’ll begin to realize that i am not the victim of my own story

i’ve been pulling the right strings and moving the right pawns

but again, here i am

wishing i didn’t have to lie to you

because right now. i need you.

-sundayafternoonsedentary

was i created to lie here forever?

molded into a cancerous being

rotting from the inside out

i have been running from existence for so long

only to find out that i will never be able to escape my predetermined demise

so i will remain here

letting a once lovely creation rot

-sundayafternoonsedentary

something about falling snow is unsettling

peaceful to the eye

silencing the havoc throughout homes with a foot of soundproof encasing

sure the purity of the winter is breathtaking

but my lawn has been walked over time and time again

and the chaos is seeping out through the gaps of my snow boots

my screams echo with snow flakes hitting the ground

this chill in my bones is not serene

i spend hours upon hours lying sedentary within my porcelain throne

filled to the brim with the tears of my past lovers

soaking in the glory of being alone again

~sundayafternoonsedentary

will you turn my brittle body into poetry

when the cold kiss of death finally reaches my solitary corpse

will you interpret the path i skipped along

writing brilliant words of how my spirit dances in the wind

or will i be forgotten?

just to become a feast for the life that lives under the surface

scribbled lines in the once lively flesh

it was never pen ink that cherished me so

if my name has not been lost

and you happen to graze upon my initials in a history book

run to my tombstone

letting it be known that it wasn’t all for nothing

recite to my grave lovely words

soothing my wandering soul

remove my past from the chain around my ankle

let my image seep into the setting sun

allow all that is left of me to be the stanzas of a lifetime

an exhibit of beautiful words bleeding from a lifeless body

permit the future to forget the configuration of my skeletal being

but to devote their time to decipher the words you have strung together to recall my existence

please oh please let me be poetry

- sundayafternoonsedentary

oh lover,

how I miss us

things were simple

the world wasn’t so big

we didn’t have to be anything to impress

it was just you, me, and a sky full of newly named stars

i’m sitting here in the peace of midnight

just trying to reciprocate the terrible feelings i’ve felt

never will i be able to comprehend how i felt with you

and nothing will be said about how my heart shattered when you left

all i have left is the darkness welcoming like an old friend

i’ve dreamed of death countless times

oh how i wish to not have woken up in the last moments before my demise

the sweet seconds before a forever peace are whispering to me

taunting me to stumble into deaths eternal embrace

i found myself ripping out my eyelashes

blowing them off my finger

wishing that you would find yourself falling in love with me

hoping that star that i pray to every night

would take pity on me

granting my wishes true

Can you recognize me without looking at my face?

See me without eyes & walk in my thoughts

Swim in the redness of my blood that doesn’t bleed

Touch me with your mind’s caress

Kiss me with unseen lips

Our bodies are dying

Eternal is the soul

So hold me without hands

And never let me go

༄

If I stay one more day

Maybe it will all be ok

༄

Sunshine is such a good lover

I like the way she burns

She veils my body with her warmth

I am dressed only in her light

She opens me up like a flower

But she never spends the night

༄

They told me that home was a place

But your skin

Your eyes

That smile

My head on your chest

Drifting to the beat of your heart

That’s my home

༄

Finally

I didn’t chase what was walking away from me

I resisted the urge to beg and plead

I felt the pain

And accepted rejection

Time and tears gave birth to my resurrection

The answer to every question

Came in the stillness of disassociation

I am more than enough

And do not need male validation

To prove I am worthy to exist in this world

As a woman

༄

Down

Down

Down she goes

Into that endless black hole

No ladder

No hand of a friend

Nothing can make the darkness end

༄

Hurting and healing

Like the rise and fall of my breath

༄

The way I found God

Is the same way I lost him

On my knees

Head down

Ready to bleed

Crying so hard

And grinding my teeth

Desperate to taste

The mercy and relief

That they promise you will have

If you only believe

༄

Her face split open from his fists

Her heart split open from his cruelty

Her mind split open from the inability to understand it all

༄

One day he didn’t come home

She called out softly

But all that returned was an echo

Rain waves from tires on the road

Come home

His cologne on the table by the phone

Come home

Remember the way he smiled when he looked at her

Come home

The light looks like blackness when he’s gone

Come home

༄

There is a special intimacy

When one speaks and is understood

Comprehend me

Listen to me my love

༄

Staring out the window

Dust floating in sunbeams

Its then that I realize

There is not one single impossibility

The air holds the dirt so delicately

It is so free inside the light

Maybe If I keep floating

I can make it through this life

༄

He didn’t delicately hurt me

Like a hollywood heartbreak

He shattered the very essence of me

༄

When you were gone

My eyes were dry

But my heart would weep

Being apart was a violent grief

༄

I was searching

For the perfect one

But his imperfections

Were what made me fall in love

༄

I guess there is absolutely nothing more to say

Except, I wish we had more time together

I wish we had all of time

༄

Random things I took during the time with my lazy mind.