#self hrm
Und in meinem Suchverlauf steht “ wieviele Tabletten muss ich schlucken, um nicht mehr aufzuwachen? ”
Ich habe keinen Hunger… Erst habe ich das Mittagessen ausfallen lassen, dann dachte ich mir , Frühstück und Abendessen, brauche ich auch nicht.
Fucking kill me already I’m so tired I don’t want to be here
Being sad feels like an endless cycle
I’m to lazy to kms
The headaches after crying are another type of pain
Sometimes I think that my life doesn’t really matter life will just keep on going and I’ll mean nothing to life
I honestly thought I would be dead by know and I have no idea where I’m going
I want to whither away and die in peace
No matter how many time people tell me I can reach out for help I willnever feel safe talking to someone without feeling like I’m trauma dumping
Me hoping I’m on my period anytime I feel a little too suicidal
I know I got better but I can’t help to feel worse
I will never feel clean no mater how much I shower
I feel like I wasn’t meant to be here. Like I’m just something useless walking around
The desperate need to weigh myself every morning
The food I used to find so appeasing and would make my mouth water now is the same food that makes me gag and make me hate myself
I was crying in a bathroom stall and saw this on the side of it. I just cried harder lmao
Are scars suppose to be comforting ? Because every time I look at my arms and trace the light bumpy skin that doesn’t fit the rest, I have this odd sensation that I will get trough whatever I am going trough and that I will be okay. And it’s weird because people might think that those scars are ugly (yes I can see why) but to me they resemble hope in an ironic way. We made it this far haven’t we ?
Self harm doesn’t always happen when a blade touches skin.
It’s skipping meals because you don’t feel like you deserve to eat today. It’s having sex because you want to be used or abused or defiled. It’s drinking recklessly because you might have the ‘courage’ do something stupid. It’s smoking - not because you need the nicotine - because you know it’s bad for you. It’s banging your head against a wall when you’re angry. It’s crossing the road without looking because you lowkey hope a car might hit you. It’s thinking about all the ways you could break a bone and make it look like an accident. It’s not taking painkillers because you want to suffer. It’s taking painkillers in excess because you know it’s dangerous. It’s walking home the more dangerous way because you’re kind of half hoping you’ll get attacked or raped or stabbed. It’s going for long walks at night and getting chilled to the bone and hoping that you get lost so that you can’t find your way back. It’s seeking out triggering material. It’s all the stupid little ways you punish yourself for existing.
Sometimes self harm happens when you put effort into depriving yourself of things you like or need, and sometimes it happens when you don’t put any effort into doing the things you like or need.
It’s a pattern of self-destructive behaviour, and it doesn’t only happen in one way.
This sort of behavior is classified as “para-suicidal” It’s putting yourself in a situation of danger or destruction with the intention of risking your safety rather than a direct attempt on your life. Kind of, leaving it all to chance? Also doing things to harm yourself or your self worth because you feel you deserve to feel the outcome of those actions.
updatez
