“You looked at me

and your eyes widened

Hungry.

But I looked away

because I know

the pain waiting for me

if I let myself fall.”

- and I don’t think I could take it

And … you see … I love you.

And I love you

And I love you

I love you

I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you oh my god I love you

And I just love you.

“And just like that

You chose someone else over me.

Dismissed me

Like I’m nothing.”

- I wasn’t prepared for how much it would hurt.

“So it’s up to you now.

Talk to me or ignore me,

see me or leave me,

be with me or against me.

Love me or don’t.”

- So tired of trying

“I think of you before I sleep

I think of you after I wake

I think I’m lucky

If you think of me

At all.”

- This isn’t fair

“It’s like you’ve turned away from me.

And though I leap back and forth behind you

waving my arms,

shouting.

Your back remains turned.

You choose not to hear me

You choose not to acknowledge me.”

- you hurt me so easily

“And I wish and I wish and I wish

I mattered to you.”

- I love you more

“And you hurt me

so casually.

Like it’s nothing.

Like it’s so inconsequential to you

that you don’t even notice.”

- And I let you

“I’m angry

all the time.

Even when I smile,

Even when I laugh,

Even when the warm breeze of happiness rushes over me.”

- The anger never leaves

“I’m done.

I’ve given you so much

and you’ve given me nothing.

And I am the only one who gets hurt.”

- I need to stop.

“And I miss you,

all the time.

Even when I see you.

Even when we talk.”

- It’s never enough.

“I have cried because of you,

I have lain awake because of you,

I have felt truly safe because of you.

And I am falling apart

Because of you.”

I never learn.

“How am I supposed to tell you

that the way you push me aside,

the way you keep me

so carefully

at arms length,

makes my brows crease

my chest hurt

my soul ache.”

I don’t understand when this happened

“You haven’t replied to my message.

And I can’t believe that after all this time

you are still that unkind

and I am still pathetic enough

to let it hurt me.”

Why

“It is a strange thing; to know that I loved you, so completely, so absolutely.

That I carried the weight of my love for you like a boulder in my chest.

That I longed for you, every day and every night.

And yet, it just wasn’t enough.”

I needed you like I needed to breathe.

“And no matter the pain, no matter the hurt;

Life will keep on going,

hearts will keep on beating,

the world will keep on turning

and you,

My Darling,

will keep on living.”

Perspective can be hard, but it is important.

I knew you were going to do it

I knew you were going to do it

I knew you were going to cheat

And you’d thought I’d feel defeat

But I am ecstatic

As the acidic rain burns your skin

I am fantastic

As your scream catches the wind

I knew you were going to do it

Now I win

you’re in me,

a part of myself i want to

bury beneath skin,

many many layers,

curse and forget the

horror of my own mind.

you’re a mould inside of me,

a fungus rotting and infecting

my very being and i’m scared,

i’m scared of myself,

of the potential

and the truth,

of maybe not knowing

myself as well as i thought.

but i will carry on,

kill the very thing

that hurts me so badly,

and i will survive.

m;s;h

you tasted like freshly squeezed orange juice on a summers day, like the first pages of a book, like the last details of a painting. you tasted like good grades and freshly changed sheets, you tasted like home. you also tasted like burnt charcoal and heartbreak once her mouth left yours, tasted like unfamiliarity. you taste like fire and lies, you taste like rotten oranges in the summer heat.

m;s;h

you tattooed your name in the crevices of my rib cage, planted your seeds in my lungs and branded my skin with you; and once you became my universe and all the stars within it, you left, as if i was nothing but a means to an end.

m;s;h