#unwanted

Hmm…
- I’ve been single for almost 2 years (and most of my life besides that).
- I haven’t had a long hug in 2 years also.
- I don’t have any close friends, besides online friends I talk to sometimes.
- I somehow still get asked how I’m still single, considering I’m: “sweet, nice, cute, caring, smart”, etc.

I have the worst luck when it comes to love. I always feel like I love more, I’m more open, and give more effort than most people. I don’t know what to do anymore… I don’t know where or how to find the person for me. 
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I hope one day I find the right person. 

It’s hard to keep hoping though. 

Since I’m still alone, after trying so hard and waiting so long to find that person.

I don’t want just anyone.

I want mutual, genuine, long term love.

True love is the hardest to find…

But it’s the only kind I want.

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I haven’t even had cuddles in almost two years.

For a very affectionate person, this is literal torture.

With that said, I want it with the right person. The One person.

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I want to be truly wanted and appreciated.

I’m tired of people using me to feed their ego.

I just want someone to fall in love with me, and me with them.

So I can give them love and I receive the same amount in return.

Mutual love, effort, honesty, and loyalty.

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Why are the majority of people on dating sites either:

- Only on there to promote their Instagram.

- Twice the size of me.

- Look 10 years older than they are.

- Think alcohol and drugs are personality traits (and that’s somehow a good thing??).

- Have tattoos/piercings covering their whole body.

- Super overly religious, to the point of wanting to marry God/Jesus instead??

- Want hook-ups or not serious at all about a relationship.

- Fake/scammer/spammers/liars.

- Don’t know how to hold a conversation.

Are there any normal people out there like me who actually want a serious long term relationship??

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I want true love.

The kind where:

- We look forward to seeing and talking with each other.

- We can do nothing together, but it’s still the best day for both of us.

- We can cling to each other and feel the love flowing through each other.

- We can talk openly about anything and everything without being worried about saying too much.

- We hold hands while going for walks together.

- We can say “I love you” over and over again, yet it still makes us feel full every time.

- We stay together after hard times, and work together to get through it.

- The sex is from the love we have for each other, not from a temporary want.

- It’s based entirely on connection and the love for each other, not just material things.

- We can trust each other completely, knowing that we’ll be together for a lifetime.

And other things like that…

I want true love. I want my soulmate. I want the One for me.

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Everyone says you should love yourself before you can love anyone else.

Well, I do.

I love myself enough to know that:

- I deserve better.

- I shouldn’t have to be alone.

- I would be a very loving boyfriend/husband to the right girl.

- I shouldn’t have to suffer and have to continue this unfair life where I only see everyone else (even shitty assholes) get love besides me.

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I want to be wanted as much as I want others.

I want to be someone’s favorite person, mutually.

But no matter what I do, I’m still always the side thought.

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I’m considering just ending my life if I don’t find my soulmate in a year or so. Maybe less.

I’ve waited long enough.

All I’ve gotten is pain. No matter what I do. I’ve been lied to too often also.

I just want to find the right person. I don’t want to have to continue being hurt in this unfair life.

All I want is love. But it’s the only thing I can’t get.

Why bother living? There’s no point in life without love, as least that’s how I feel. I’ve felt that way my whole life.

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Actions speak louder than words.

Inaction speaks even louder.

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Why am I always:

The one waiting for someone.

The one who misses them more.

The one who loves them more.

The one who does more for them.

The one who’ll do everything for them.

?????

Why do I always feel like an afterthought?

I want what I give.

I deserve better.

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I want to be wanted, loved, and appreciated by the one who I’d do the same for.

I never felt that yet fully. Only brief moments.

I want long term. I want a lifetime with the One.

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It’d be nice to feel fully wanted by someone I want. But I can never get that. It’s just a fantasy.

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I go from “I’m fine being alone for a little longer” to “I can’t handle being alone anymore and want to die” too often.

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