#i want love

Hmm…
- I’ve been single for almost 2 years (and most of my life besides that).
- I haven’t had a long hug in 2 years also.
- I don’t have any close friends, besides online friends I talk to sometimes.
- I somehow still get asked how I’m still single, considering I’m: “sweet, nice, cute, caring, smart”, etc.

I have the worst luck when it comes to love. I always feel like I love more, I’m more open, and give more effort than most people. I don’t know what to do anymore… I don’t know where or how to find the person for me. 
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There’s a lot of people out there fighting for someone who doesn’t even want them.
Meanwhile, I’m here alone, willing to give actual effort and love towards the right person.
If only the right person would fight for me instead, then I’d do the same in return.
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Love is one of those things that always seems just out of reach for me.

I get a hint of it, but it goes away. Only leaving me with a feeling of loss.

I wish I could find/have the kind that feels right and always stays. I’d give my all for true love.

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Not many people see me for who I am.

From a distance, I may seem like any other person. But once you know me and dig deeper, there’s more and more that make me stand out from the rest. I’m not like most people, I don’t aim to be. That’s what I like about myself.

When I feel feelings of love, it helps me show even more of who I am. The better sides of myself. The loving and caring side. But I need that love to express that, like plants need water to thrive.

So most people don’t see who I am, aren’t patient enough or maybe just don’t want an honest loving person. But that’s fine. I only want one person, the one right for me. Who I’ll give my all to and who’ll give their all in return.

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I hope one day I find the right person. 

It’s hard to keep hoping though. 

Since I’m still alone, after trying so hard and waiting so long to find that person.

I don’t want just anyone.

I want mutual, genuine, long term love.

True love is the hardest to find…

But it’s the only kind I want.

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I want someone to give love to.

I want someone to love me.

Genuinely, loyally, mutually, and for a lifetime.

I want my soulmate. I hope she exists.

That is the main thing I want in life.

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I want to be truly wanted and appreciated.

I’m tired of people using me to feed their ego.

I just want someone to fall in love with me, and me with them.

So I can give them love and I receive the same amount in return.

Mutual love, effort, honesty, and loyalty.

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I’m always good at finding out if someone is lying.

Might sometimes be a little late, but I find out. My gut feeling/intuition knows when something isn’t right.

I just wish there weren’t so many liars out there. It’s not that hard to be honest…

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Why are the majority of people on dating sites either:

- Only on there to promote their Instagram.

- Twice the size of me.

- Look 10 years older than they are.

- Think alcohol and drugs are personality traits (and that’s somehow a good thing??).

- Have tattoos/piercings covering their whole body.

- Super overly religious, to the point of wanting to marry God/Jesus instead??

- Want hook-ups or not serious at all about a relationship.

- Fake/scammer/spammers/liars.

- Don’t know how to hold a conversation.

Are there any normal people out there like me who actually want a serious long term relationship??

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I want true love.

The kind where:

- We look forward to seeing and talking with each other.

- We can do nothing together, but it’s still the best day for both of us.

- We can cling to each other and feel the love flowing through each other.

- We can talk openly about anything and everything without being worried about saying too much.

- We hold hands while going for walks together.

- We can say “I love you” over and over again, yet it still makes us feel full every time.

- We stay together after hard times, and work together to get through it.

- The sex is from the love we have for each other, not from a temporary want.

- It’s based entirely on connection and the love for each other, not just material things.

- We can trust each other completely, knowing that we’ll be together for a lifetime.

And other things like that…

I want true love. I want my soulmate. I want the One for me.

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I’ve been unloved far longer than I’ve ever been loved.

I hope one day it will be the opposite.

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Everyone says you should love yourself before you can love anyone else.

Well, I do.

I love myself enough to know that:

- I deserve better.

- I shouldn’t have to be alone.

- I would be a very loving boyfriend/husband to the right girl.

- I shouldn’t have to suffer and have to continue this unfair life where I only see everyone else (even shitty assholes) get love besides me.

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I’m considering just ending my life if I don’t find my soulmate in a year or so. Maybe less.

I’ve waited long enough.

All I’ve gotten is pain. No matter what I do. I’ve been lied to too often also.

I just want to find the right person. I don’t want to have to continue being hurt in this unfair life.

All I want is love. But it’s the only thing I can’t get.

Why bother living? There’s no point in life without love, as least that’s how I feel. I’ve felt that way my whole life.

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I give everything. I just want honest love. Full love for a lifetime.

I just get hurt over and over again. I keep saying “maybe one more chance” for someone else. But it just hurts more and more with every betrayal.

I don’t think I’ll be able to continue much longer.

I’m reaching my end, or maybe I’m already there.

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Why am I always:

The one waiting for someone.

The one who misses them more.

The one who loves them more.

The one who does more for them.

The one who’ll do everything for them.

?????

Why do I always feel like an afterthought?

I want what I give.

I deserve better.

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Can someone please have a crush on me? And talk to me? Someone who I will have a crush on also? Is that possible?

Ideal outcome: Someone talks to me, we both like each other the same amount and enjoy talking to each other, we meet in person after this worldwide quarantine ends, and live happily ever after.

I wish that would become reality…

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I go from “I’m fine being alone for a little longer” to “I can’t handle being alone anymore and want to die” too often.

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I keep hearing stories about people staying home with their girlfriends or wives during this quarantine period. Lucky them.

I’m still left home with no girlfriend (or chance of having one). I guess that’s normal for me anyway, but at least I had a little hope that that would change before. Now I know that I’ll be in this situation for around a year more. No chances of even a hug. This is going to suck.

But it’s better to be safe during this pandemic. Not being stupid and going out. I keep seeing people go out in crowded places. Why are people so stupid?! Even if you don’t ‘feel’ sick, you are contributing to the deaths and suffering of others. Be smart, stay home!

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I want to somehow find someone who:

- Isn’t religious (or overly so) but still believes in soulmates or long-term relationships

- Doesn’t do drugs / have big/many tattoos or tons of piercings / drink much

- Is a physical / sexual person but doesn’t take part in the hookup culture or have a lot of temporary “relationships”

- Doesn’t want kids (kids are fun/cute but not full-time. Maybe adoption eventually if anything)

- Is attracted to me and who I find attractive

- Focuses on actual emotional connection rather than just material things

Is that possible? I hope so…