#washington state

I click right away with some people. Sadly, most of those people are gone now. For one reason or another. I wish I could just have one who’ll stay around. I want that true love, not temporary.

I’m also nervous to message new people first. Because it’s so hard when it doesn’t work out or doesn’t feel right. So I might be missing out on people I don’t take a chance on.

I always overthink even just a simple message or a simple action. Then when I finally try, it hurts more. Because I put that much time and effort into that and it’s a bad outcome.

I appreciate when people message me first though. But then I also don’t know their intentions or even who they are. Since sometimes they don’t have any pictures or info about themselves.

Why is everything so complicated?

So with that said, if you’re looking for the same thing I am (what I always talk about), then feel free to message me. No, I’m not desperate, I’m looking for the One, not just anyone. But I also don’t know if it’s the right one until I meet them, just the same for you.

I don’t promise anything, but I’ll always be honest and open. I’m sure that’s more than most people can give. Speak your intentions and thoughts, and I’ll do the same. The only way of knowing is to take a chance. If it doesn’t work out, then so be it. But if we do click, the it’ll be worth it. If not with me, then with whoever else.

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Some pictures from my walk yesterday along the riverfront. Nice day!

Why are the majority of people on dating sites either:

- Only on there to promote their Instagram.

- Twice the size of me.

- Look 10 years older than they are.

- Think alcohol and drugs are personality traits (and that’s somehow a good thing??).

- Have tattoos/piercings covering their whole body.

- Super overly religious, to the point of wanting to marry God/Jesus instead??

- Want hook-ups or not serious at all about a relationship.

- Fake/scammer/spammers/liars.

- Don’t know how to hold a conversation.

Are there any normal people out there like me who actually want a serious long term relationship??

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I want true love.

The kind where:

- We look forward to seeing and talking with each other.

- We can do nothing together, but it’s still the best day for both of us.

- We can cling to each other and feel the love flowing through each other.

- We can talk openly about anything and everything without being worried about saying too much.

- We hold hands while going for walks together.

- We can say “I love you” over and over again, yet it still makes us feel full every time.

- We stay together after hard times, and work together to get through it.

- The sex is from the love we have for each other, not from a temporary want.

- It’s based entirely on connection and the love for each other, not just material things.

- We can trust each other completely, knowing that we’ll be together for a lifetime.

And other things like that…

I want true love. I want my soulmate. I want the One for me.

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I’ve been unloved far longer than I’ve ever been loved.

I hope one day it will be the opposite.

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Everyone says you should love yourself before you can love anyone else.

Well, I do.

I love myself enough to know that:

- I deserve better.

- I shouldn’t have to be alone.

- I would be a very loving boyfriend/husband to the right girl.

- I shouldn’t have to suffer and have to continue this unfair life where I only see everyone else (even shitty assholes) get love besides me.

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I’m considering just ending my life if I don’t find my soulmate in a year or so. Maybe less.

I’ve waited long enough.

All I’ve gotten is pain. No matter what I do. I’ve been lied to too often also.

I just want to find the right person. I don’t want to have to continue being hurt in this unfair life.

All I want is love. But it’s the only thing I can’t get.

Why bother living? There’s no point in life without love, as least that’s how I feel. I’ve felt that way my whole life.

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Can someone please have a crush on me? And talk to me? Someone who I will have a crush on also? Is that possible?

Ideal outcome: Someone talks to me, we both like each other the same amount and enjoy talking to each other, we meet in person after this worldwide quarantine ends, and live happily ever after.

I wish that would become reality…

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I keep hearing stories about people staying home with their girlfriends or wives during this quarantine period. Lucky them.

I’m still left home with no girlfriend (or chance of having one). I guess that’s normal for me anyway, but at least I had a little hope that that would change before. Now I know that I’ll be in this situation for around a year more. No chances of even a hug. This is going to suck.

But it’s better to be safe during this pandemic. Not being stupid and going out. I keep seeing people go out in crowded places. Why are people so stupid?! Even if you don’t ‘feel’ sick, you are contributing to the deaths and suffering of others. Be smart, stay home!

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I want to somehow find someone who:

- Isn’t religious (or overly so) but still believes in soulmates or long-term relationships

- Doesn’t do drugs / have big/many tattoos or tons of piercings / drink much

- Is a physical / sexual person but doesn’t take part in the hookup culture or have a lot of temporary “relationships”

- Doesn’t want kids (kids are fun/cute but not full-time. Maybe adoption eventually if anything)

- Is attracted to me and who I find attractive

- Focuses on actual emotional connection rather than just material things

Is that possible? I hope so…

nocturnalpicnic:

A small view of the sky. 39x54cm 2021 michael pontieri