#write your own story
I want to write about the things and feelings I felt too guilty to write about before. The times I felt broken, the times I felt I didn’t get what I deserved. But I didn’t want to admit it. Not to myself, not to anyone else. It’s okay to admit people aren’t perfect…it’s okay to let them go. I knew, if I admitted all these things, I’d have to face reality. That the people I love and adore, the reality of who they are is not equal to my opinion of them. I didn’t want to say that before, I wouldn’t even let myself think it. But I want to grow and mature, thrive, become the person I want to be. And I can’t do that if I can’t even be honest with myself.
MK Ireland #274 : guilty thoughts
I found a person who’s able to carry my love, without it spilling over. I found someone who can hold me.
- MK Ireland #270 : i found you
I’m going to be the most obnoxiously loud happy person this world has ever seen because I spent ten years consumed by suffocating depression and I am damn proud for overcoming it and I won’t silence or stifle myself for anything or anyone anymore.
MK Ireland #260 : h a p p i n e s s
From probably around the time I was 7 or 8, I could sense something was off with me. I spent years struggling with depression, before I even knew what it was, and the years 12-17 were the darkest for me. So many days I woke up, and questioned why. So many days I wished everything would end. So many days I suffered, and could not see a light at the end of the tunnel. I still cannot completely say what it is that brought me out of this time, but I know what’s keeping me out and I know I won’t go back. For the majority of my life I could not have told you what true happiness felt like, and today there are days when I will cry because of the sheer joy of being alive. When I was 16, my youngest sister was born and she has been a light unto my life since. She broke through, she made me feel. I look at her and I am overcome with gratitude, I thank God for her everyday and bringing me salvation. She’s quite literally my sunshine. She brought me from the darkest parts of my life and made me finally want to stay, if for nothing else than to watch her grow. She is the purest thing I have ever seen and she cleansed me. Depression was not easy, is not easy. It was not easy to live through, to live with, to comprehend, and to overcome. But she was my turning page. Had she not been born, I cannot say where I would be today, mentally, emotionally, or physically. Today I can say that I am the happiest I have ever been. 2017 brought me some of the worst experiences of my life, but it brought me the best also. I fell in love with my life that year. I looked around me at all my friends and, for once, I could feel the happiness, the joy. And since, it has only gotten better. I appreciate the people in life so much, the experiences in my life so much, the feelings, because I know what it is to live without them. To feel alone and cold and empty. I cannot say that I am grateful for what I went through, but I am grateful for where it brought me to today. I know now that there is power in positive thinking. Your mind controls much of what happens to you. I’ve learned to focus on the good, to water it and let it multiply. What grows is what you feed. I had to release all negativity and toxicity from my life to get better, and I continue to everyday. Happiness is not something given to us, you have to work for it. But the reward is worth the effort. I’ve got in close with God and close with myself, I’ve learned us both, and I no longer doubt if I’m doing the “right thing” or who I’m pleasing or if a + b will lead me to c. This Universe is ALWAYS working for you, never against you. Trust in it. Everything works out in your best interest, as long as you feed into your best thoughts. The power of positivity is real. Manifestation is real. The Secret to life is that what you get, is what you give, and that law is true whether you realize it or not, whether you believe it or not. So believe in it, and watch your life change, for the better. Because of everything I’ve mentioned, I can now say that I know I will never have to face that struggle with depression again. Because I believe I am bigger than it, I believe I have overcame it, so it is true. Depression is not easy, and I will never say it is, but it is that simple. It cannot have power over you, unless you let it. Quit feeding the beast, and start feeding beauty.
*All this to say, I do still face very trying, rough days. I still breakdown, I still cry myself to sleep sometimes. But I know one day is not forever, and the pains I feel today do not have to affect my tomorrow. November 2017 was quite possibly the worst month of my life. I was raped. And barely a week later, I lost my grandfather. I thought that pain would destroy me, but I didn’t let it. As someone who faced years of depression, I thought I would fall back into it. But the one good thing about suffering through depression, is that you realize you never want to feel that way again, and you have the tools to fight it. I did not want depression to have power over me, and I did not want my abuser to have power over me. So they didn’t. I fought, and I won.
April 18, 2018- 4:30am EST
MK Ireland #258 : …me- my past and present…
You’ve been hurt so much by the people that were supposed to love you that you forget what real love looks like.
MK Ireland #253 : scars
One day, even my deepest scars will be healed.
MK Ireland #251 : clean
