#personal development
Unconditional Love vs The Ego - What’s The Difference?
We have all heard of the term ‘unconditional love’ but what does it mean exactly? It is defined as the type of love that has no limitations or restrictive boundaries between two people. It is the complete acceptance of one another, their past hurts and traumas, their quirks and their imperfections. When you love someone unconditionally, you are still affectionate, compassionate and forgiving towards them; even when they annoy or upset you. This is the kind of relationship that many of us crave throughout life at any age; young or old. The reason is because unconditional love is the purest and highest vibration that a human being can experience. For some, it is the ultimate goal in their life.
However, one needs to go on a journey of introspection and self love to be able to experience real unconditional love. I always believe that to really know someone on a deeper level, one has to know themselves as well. By doing this you will begin to understand yourself much more; your emotions, your insecurities, your fears and your thoughts, which will help you become more open with your partner. This helps with building vulnerability, intimacy and trust between two people, which are essential for developing healthy, long-term and stable relationships. However, when we love someone conditionally or by our ego, this is where problems start to arise to the surface.
Unhealthy attachments, obessions, shame, guilt, fear, clinginess, narcissism and codependency all stem from our ego. You will know when you are in a conditional love based relationship because you will feel constantly empty inside when they are away from you or even when you are in their presence, but yet you still stay with them because you don’t want to feel lonely and disconnected. This is why many relationships breakdown, as many people mistake this kind of behaviour and love as normal, when it completely isn’t. Looking for love shouldn’t come from a place of searching to fill an empty part of you, as it isn’t a romantic partner’s responsibility. They can guide you along the way, but only to a certain point. Everyone has their own insecurites and imperfections and that’s okay. What is important here - is acceptance not aiming to be complete or free from flaws and emotional scars.
You will find that ego based love is always focused on the outside, never from within. These kind of relationships can spark up feelings of self-doubt and denial as well. Many people live in a delusion of being in a happy relationship, but inside they feel totally dissatisfied, leading to anxiety and depression. This is very common with people who are in codependent and dysfunctional relationships. Superficial relationships like this often show incompatibility between two people, hence why many partnerships break up very quickly and have very short timelines. Feelings of lust are one of the strongest components for developing superficial love, as you need to be magnetically drawn to them on a sexual level.
This is the common type of relationship which many people fall into when they feel like there is something empty inside themselves, so they look for someone who will have the responsibility to fill up that hole. Sometimes this can be a wound that has been inflicted upon us since we we children; such as a craving for love, validation and affection that we didn’t receive from our parents. This kind of trauma is possibly the biggest causes for love addiction. When we are children we are dependent on our parents to keep us warm, safe, loved and appreciated. This is why neglect and loneliness can be incredibly damaging to us as we grow into adults.
To overcome this, you can practice unconditional love to yourself to help you understand that you are not perfect and it is totally okay to feel any emotion - whether that is positive or negative. I find the more you judge and criticise yourself, the more you will criticise others. Completely let go of resistance and judgement of yourself - as doing this serves you no purpose at all. All it does is make you live in a bubble of negativity and negative energy. Allow yourself to surrender and release the urge to always be in control. You deserve to be happy and experience healthy and fulfilling relationships.
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Quote of the Day: Wednesday, 18th April 2018
Quote of the Day: Tuesday, 17th April 2018
Quote of the Day: Monday, 16th April 2018
Quote of the Day: Sunday, 15th April 2018
What Does It Mean To Think Catastrophically & Mindfulness Techniques To Help Overcome It
Catastrophic thinking is a type of irrational thinking, which is very common in people who suffer from anxiety disorders such as social anxiety disorder, avoidant personality disorder, generalised anxiety disorder, OCD, panic attacks and PTSD. This type of thinking usually has continuous thoughts about the future in a very negative way. These thoughts are usually what I call ‘What if?’ thoughts, and its these types of thoughts that lead to fear, dread, worry and distress. The main reason why many people with anxiety think this way is because they have a severe phobia of the unknown and what will happen to them in the future.
Psychologically speaking, these thoughts are just in our imagination from stored images from previous experiences such as traumas from our past. This is called fragmentation. After witnessing a trauma, our brains store the experience into images, which will be placed into our subconscious mind. This is the reason why some thoughts may come up and not make any sense to you or the people around you at all. Sometimes these distressing thoughts can come up in dreams and that is why many patients with PTSD and C-PTSD often have nightmares and night terrors.
However, there is a way of overcoming and healing from this dysfunctional type of thinking. Living in the present moment is the best way to heal from catastrophic thinking. This is because it gets you in tune with what is going on right now, at this moment in time - not yesterday, not tomorrow or in five or ten years from now. Knowing that you or your loved ones are completely safe at this very moment is a very good tool to use to stop disastrous thinking. Being here in the present, listening to your breath and being mindful of your thoughts and feelings will help with any kind of anxiety disorder.
As someone who has suffered from severe anxiety in the past, I have realised from my own experience that a lot of it stems from a lack of trust towards ourselves and others. When we lack trust, we start looking for reassurance and whether not we are making the right decision or not, and continuously ask for advice leading to frustration and even more doubt. This is why learning and allowing yourself to fully surrender and let go in a state of anxiety is important part of the healing process. I have previously written about trust and surrender here on this blog, if you want to read those.
Anxiety Visualisation Exercise
Close your eyes and imagine yourself sitting in the eye of a storm, the calm centre that lies behind the chaos that is going around it. You see pieces of debris floating around of all different sizes, which represent the thoughts you carry with you. Observe them and look at what they are showing to you, like you are watching a movie. You know that you are completely safe and serene in this eye of a storm and you know that it will not hurt you. Suddenly, you begin to see the storm move swiftly across, taking all of your negative thoughts with it. You feel a sense of deep peace and emotional freedom, like someone has taken a heavy bag off of your shoulders. You stand up and begin to walk towards the sun that is shining in between the clouds smiling, feeling liberated and full of joy. When you have finished this visualisation exercise, open your eyes.
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Quote of the Day: Saturday, 14th April 2018
Who are you?
Who cares?
Do we really have to define ourselves?
Sell ourselves?
Everything and nothing, I just am.
I have likes, dislikes and interests but have learnt that this elusive identity isn’t even important for me anymore.
I just am who I am.
And I’m always changing.
I recognise my triggers and patterns and I heal.
I just keep following my energy and overcoming blocks and celebrating triumphs and loving myself unconditionally.
It’s magic.
I’m magic,
You’re magic
And magic can’t be defined
Action for Experience
Get Your Business
My life lessons started with experiences. Academics came along the way and only a priority from my early thirties, over twenty years ago. Everything my mind could conceive, dream and create I actioned. Learning how to do anything was a series of experiences on what did not work, why, and how to get better. Knowledge was accessed through reading, and inquisitive questioning –…
The Struggle is real
The Struggle is real
Get Your Business
Working for yourself takes guts and a lot of perseverance. Entrepreneurship is not for the ‘faint of heart’. Cold sweats with endless nights of ‘what to do next’ was a past I remember clearly, and there was no one to share my concerns with. Persevering through uncertainty and doubt was hard – yet the growth experienced through struggles were more valuable than anything from my…
Hi guys! Happy New Year (lol its January 6th - I’m so late). I hope that everyone who was celebrating had a really lovely festive season and that all of you had a nice start to the new year. Wishing you all health, happiness and huge language gains for the year ahead (haha! very important).
Before I get back to the regular type of posts for this year, I just wanted to let you all know about the Korean Book Club that I have joined. It is an initiative that was set up by someone wonderful that I follow on Instagram (ID: clickystudies) as an effort to keep all of us active with our reading goals for the year.
Here’s how it goes:
- There is one common book that all of us will read throughout the whole year. [TITLE: 1일 1페이지, 세상에서 가장 짧은 교양 수업 365] (you can buy it on Google Play Store for around $6-7 or something - link here and image below) - it is a book with 365 articles so there is one text piece for every day of the year! NEAT. The articles are about a whole bunch of varied worldtopics and was only published in 2019 so it is super relevant still. The level is probably around Intermediate+ levels but a bunch of Beginners learners are also finding the text really useful for vocabulary learning so far!
- If you wish to, you could post your progress using the hashtag #2021KoreanBookClub on whatever social media platform you like to use.
- You can join the Discord group where each day we share notes, vocabulary lists, help each other to understand the text better, and just generally chat. If you want to be a part of the Discord group, please message clickystudies on Instagram and ask if you can join the Book Club - they will walk you through the process of joining.
I only just joined yesterday actually, so I have 6 days of reading to catch up with, but each article is distinct and standalone, so even if you are joining us late, you can just catch up in your own time - no rush at all and no pressure to read the past texts either.
The book club is a pretty social thing, but if you don’t want to join the Discord group, you could always work through the 365 book on your own, at your own pace (you don’t even need to do one a day!). Choose whatever works for you, but personally - I find the Discord channel motivating and it reminds me to read my chapter if I still haven’t read it for the day.
There are a few other books in this 365 series - one on Famous people and one on Modern Culture (both published in 2020, so super current info!), which you could also check out if you like! I guess I’ll tackle those in subsequent years. My reading list is sorted until January 2024 (hahah!!)
If you decide to join the book club, let me know! I’m @jeilylanguage on the Discord (that’s my IG name). Or if you’re going to work through the book on your own, drop me a comment or a message and let me know how you find the book! Enjoy all and good luck with your Korean reading for the year!
Personal project ✨
Personal project I did for a Domestika course (that I really recommend if you have an iPad with Procreate).
I’m trying to improve my drawings, I want to do better art, better characters and backgrounds, to able to express more ideas and feelings through my work.
It is time you stop daydreaming about the life you wished you lived and start making choices so that the life you have will become a little better, more enjoyable, happier. We cannot change lives with someone else, but it doesn’t mean our own lives can’t be exciting. It is time to stop daydreaming and to start living.
What’s stopping you from becoming the woman of your dreams? The It Girl, that girl, your own dreamgirl? All of those excuses that just went through your head right now, darling why do you cling to them? Does the idea of finally embodying your highest self terrify you so much, and if so why? She should divinely inspire you. She’s unstoppable, she’s anything you want her to be. Let her out. Embody her, manifest her. She is ready. You are ready.
Question 30: What’s Next For Visceral Concepts?
A lot, actually. We have some big things planned to add more value for our clients.
This isn’t actually a question we get asked often. However, it’s akin to a question we do: How long do you plan on doing this? When we hear clients ask this, what we’re really hearing is that they need reassured that we’ll be around to help them for longer than their project; that we’re not just a fly-by-night…
For your #humpday, Food for Thought: Stop Dropping the F-Bomb! Thanks @melrobbins!
#happyhumpday
There is a nasty little four letter word that seems to be polluting our conversations nowadays. It’s one of the most uneducated and vile words that penetrates almost every conversation.
If this pandemic never happened, then the version of who you are now would never have happened.
How I talked myself into not getting a job…
It’s no secret that it’s been a while since I’ve posted anything significant. For the past few months, I’ve been completely in flux. I was working two jobs. I was barely eating and sleep was nonexistent most nights. I was irritated 95% of the time and I was not myself. I found myself coming out of character quite often with just about anyone who annoyed me. Each job came with its own set of…
Here are a few properties from around the world to help motivate you. Plan on owning your own home eventually or even if you’re interested in just buying property to flip these homes would make you millions. Happy Labor Day!
There was time where I really wanted to be normal. There are times where I catch myself making conflicting statements such as “I just want to be like a normal 24 year old” and “I’m not trying to be average”. Those two statements could not be any more contradicting of another. I had to sit and check myself. I had to sit myself down and spell out what was real and what was not. I realized and…
I took a few weeks of hiatus, almost a month because I had writers block. The worst thing to do when you have writers block is to force it. People can tell when content is forced and is less than genuine. I always want to be able to write about things that resonate with me. Since my last post, I have been doing a lot of spiritual work on myself. I realize that that may have also contributed a big…
There may have been times where you’ve had no idea what we are doing and where we you going. Not just with our physical destinations but with our futures and fate there have and will be times where we are completely unsure. All those moments we sit and search for a sign to let us know what happens next or what we should do. Signs come in all shapes and sizes, whether it be a literal sign or a…
Success: n. 1. the accomplishment of an aim or purpose. 2. the attainment of popularity or profit. 3. a person or thing that achieves desired aims or attains prosperity. 4. the outcome of an undertaking, specified as achieved or failing to achieve its aims. Success, the one thing we all aim for in multiple areas in our lives. And to each of us, success and what it means to us personally has…
