Bucky:We’re not cops.

Tony: I’m actually a scientist.

Loki: And I’m the devil.

Steve: Tony, if you could spare a minute, I’d like a possible opinion on something.

Tony:Well then, you’ve come to the right person.

Steve: I haven’t told you what the something is. You might not have an opinion.

Tony:I always have an opinion.

whatifdestiel:

bruce: name a more iconic duo than my fear of abandonment and my instinct to self isolate. i’ll wait.

thor:you and i

bruce, crying:alright 

incorrectmcustuff:

Thor: Look Bruce! I made medium-rare chicken.

Bruce: … Thor that’s way undercooked, you’re gonna get salmonella

Thor: Hah! Hilarious. This isn’t salmon, Bruce

Y/N: idk how to tell you this, but you’re in love with me

Steve:…what?

Y/N:

Steve: oh my god, i AM

Bucky: what..,, what kind of confession did I just witness

Judge: How do you plead?

Y/N: [looks at Steve]

Steve: [mouths ‘not guilty’]

Y/N: Hot milky.

Steve: *facepalm* Just lock Y/N up.

Y/N: Can you believe fate just keeps bringing us together like this?

Steve: This is literally our room.

Hello! So I’m back haha is anyone still following this account? It’s been awhile since I updated this account. Anyways, how are you guys? I hope yall okay and thriving. Happy sunday everyone!

Steve: I can’t believe we’re stuck in this room together

Y/N, swallowing the key: truly unfortunate

Scott Lang, sexting: I’m gonna pin you down you fucking slut

Scott: (please don’t get mad this is dirty talk)

Scott: (also you’re not a slut your a strong independent lady who makes her own decisions and I respect that)

Scott:you’re*

Fury: this job requires a bit of muscles so I figured Agent Romanoff should do it.

Thor: what? no. I should do it. I’m a man-

Maria Hill: that’s debatable.

Thor: well, I’m more a man than Natasha-

Natasha: I don’t accept that.

Tony, in the passengers seat: watch out for that pedestrian!

Stephen, driving: she’s on the street. she knows the risks she’s taking.

hey look one of my old quotes made it to insta again

incorrectlymcu:

Peter: Can you run for President next year?

Vision:Why?

Peter: So we can have 20/20 Vision for the rest of the year.

bringing this back as well just for the sake of it

and trumps impeachment

happy new year!

wanda: I hate it when people ask me what Im going to do in the future

wanda: it’s not like I have 20/20 vision

avengers :

wanda, sobbing: Vision I miss you please come back

Natasha: Accept your flaws, you’ll feel better. That’s what I did.

Steve: You’ve accepted your flaws?

Natasha: No. I accepted yours.

Sam: Rise and shine, the sun is up

Bucky: What do you want me to do, photosynthesize?

Steve : Look, the doctor said ‘internal bleeding’, and that’s where my blood is supposed to be. It’s fine.

Sam : That’s not how it works

Nat and Bucky, exasperated: Just let him die already

Steve, jolting awake at 3am: BUCKY WHAT THE HELL

Bucky :What?

Steve: WHAT WAS THAT FOR?

Bucky : SO ONLY ROOSTERS ARE ALLOWED TO WAKE YOU UP SCREAMING NOW HUH?

Steve :YES.

Bucky : too bad.

Bucky : *continues screaming*

Bucky : if I die, donate my whole body to science

Bucky : except for my middle fingers

Bucky: give them to Sam

Sam : fuck you too

Steve :… I’m more concerned about the fact that Bucky just said ‘if’ and not 'when’

Nat: If Red Skull joined the Fire Department, what would he say every time he fights a blaze?

Steve:

Bucky:

Nat: Hail Hydrant

Nat:

Nat: come back, it’s funny

Rhodey: Pepper asked me what the height of stupidity was.

Rhodey: My answer has been the same since forever ago.

Tony:

Rhodey: 5 foot 7 and 3 quarters

Rhodey: but 6 foot 5 when he’s in his armour

Tony:waIT-

Peter: Hey, I’m going to get coffee. You guys want anything?

Natasha: Black coffee.

Tony: Double of Nat’s.

Steve: I’m fine.

Peter: Are you sure you don’t want anything, Captain Rogers?

Peter: Like, maybe an iced Americano?

Steve:

Steve: You know what, Parker?

Clint: As your best friend-

Natasha: I have no friends.

Clint:

Clint: AS YOUR BEST FRIEND