Hey babes, I hope you’re all having a lovely day. Today is my first day back from winter break, and let’s just say that I wish I could still be at home watching movies all day long. Anyways, I hope you enjoy the first official chapter of “Why Not Me?” and I love you all. xx

Summary: You and Steve have been together for three years and a seemingly pleasant day turned sour when disaster hits the city. When having to choose between saving you or a civilian, he doesn’t choose you..

Warnings: Angst. Violence. Death(?)

MASTERLIST

You unraveled your earbuds from your bag and placed them in your ears. Although it was New York City, it felt good to go outside, to breathe in the smell of the flowers that lined the window sill of the small businesses that were on your street. The sound of cars were overwhelming, but it was all drowned out by some of your songs that you put into a playlist for you and Steve. Ever since the two of you were together, it became one of your things to share music with each other. It felt like you were giving a piece of yourself to him with every song. And well, this playlist was filled with songs the two of you shared with each other, as well as ones that happened to be playing during special moments in your relationship. 

As you rounded to corner, a small smile tugged at the corners of your mouth when the song that was on the moment Steve first kissed you started playing. That was almost three years ago.. And it had been three years of pure bliss and happiness. 

The small bell of the coffee shop door rang as you walked in. 

“Ah, good morning, Ms. F/N.” The man behind the counter gave you a nod as you walked over to the register, taking out your headphones. 

“Good morning, Mr. Sherman.” You gave him an adoring smile. Mr. Sherman had owned the coffee shop for over thirty years and ever since you and Steve started coming there, both of you had been two of his favorite customers. 

“The usual? And let me guess, Steve wants his usual order, too?” He rubbed his graying beard. You puckered your lips to the side, casting your eyes to the ceiling playfully. The two of you burst into a fit of laughter as you nodded. “I’ll get that ready for you.” Mr. Sherman went to making your coffee while his other employee warmed your pastries. 

You leaned against one of the tables, pulling out your phone. You texted Steve that you were going to be on your way back in about five minutes, and he responded with: 

Okay baby. Maybe after breakfast we can finish what we started? ;) 

You rolled your eyes, stifling a laugh as you replied. 

Oh Steve.. *eye roll* 

Your attention was drawn away from your phone when you heard Mr. Sherman’s voice. “I got your order ready for you, F/N.” He had walked out from behind the counter to personally hand it to you. You thanked him, and gave him a warm smile. “Be safe on your walk home, okay? And tell that stinker Steve that he needs to stop by soon. I haven’t seen that guy in a while.” 

“I am always am. And I’ll be sure to kick his butt out of bed next time, so you can see him.” He smelled of coffee beans and sugar as you hugged him goodbye and went on your way. 

That day was going so well that you were even humming a tune on your way back to the apartment. You waved at all the shop owners you knew, greeting them good morning, saying hello. All the people who worked or lived on your street loved you. You were so radiant and beautiful, you brightened everyone’s day. 

As you crossed the street, there was a loud rumble from beneath you. The people around you screamed, but you were silent as you began to lose your footing on the ground. This was no earthquake. No earthquake could tear buildings apart with such force and have it all crumble in one blow. You were frozen in the middle of the street as you watched the book store get torn apart; pieces of glass being ripped through the air, and sticking wherever that may have been. Tears welled up in your eyes as the beautiful place you lived was being destroyed right in front of you. The fear inside you crept up from your chest and lodged itself in your throat, making you unable to speak, and unable to move. 

You felt a warm liquid on your shirt, thinking it was just your tears. But as you looked down, the burgundy color of your blood was spreading itself over your shirt. A large shard of glass had lodged itself into your abdomen. There was no pain. You were in a state of shock and the adrenaline had numbed your whole body. All you felt was the lightheadedness that ultimately won the battle in your body, and the next thing you knew, your cheek was pressed against the black concrete. The glass had been pressed even further into you when you fell on your stomach. The spikes of pain began to surge through your muscles, and you were pulled out of shock. 

Your mind was still going at a hundred miles an hour and the only thought on your mind was Steve. Was he okay? Did your apartment building get swept away while he was still in it? Or did he make it out? 

Maybe he’s coming.. he’ll find you. It’s going to be okay. You’re going to be okay. You’ll see him again. 

You couldn’t move. The glass was beginning to rip apart your insides as it was being jolted back and forth as you laid on the ground. The sounds of what felt like the apocalypse were deafening, and soon everything began to move in slow motion. You coughed, the taste of iron hitting your tongue. The pain began to fade away, and soon, you were no longer hurting. You watched as the adjacent street cracked, tearing it in half. 

There was another woman in the distance, stuck under a fallen light pole. You saw the crack ran down the entirety of the street, the concrete crumbling into the gap. The pole was pressing harder onto her as its weight was being drawn into the split, wanting to take her with it. 

Your eyes flitted away, landing on a tall blonde man standing on your side of the street. 

“Steve…” Your voice gurgled as the blood collected in your throat. You lifted a finger towards in with the little strength you had left. Tears were welling up in your eyes. He’s here. It’s going to be okay. You saw his pained expression, the dread painted on his face. His attention was then drawn to the woman beneath the light pole. He looked back at you, conflicted. 

As darkness began to envelope your vision, the last thing you saw was Steve running away from you to the other side of the street. The last thing you felt was something that felt like a massive blow to the chest, like someone had thrown a brick at your ribcage before everything faded away. And the last thing he saw when he looked back at you, your now lifeless form, was a single tear rolling down your pale cheek. 

“What have I done?” 

I hoped y’all liked it! Sorry it’s a day late, I had an audition last night and wasn’t able to write anything till 11pm. But, I’ll keep this updated as much as I can. Hopefully, I can have the second chapter up by early next week. xoxo I love you guys. 

TAGLIST IS OPEN. 

Taglist: 

@starkspangledbarnes@teenwolflover1217@ab-haya@abbiestyles18xo@moonandstars-xo@prettyyoungtragedy@mp8130@thatpeachchic@its-sophia-xo-love@projectxhappiness@barely-emily@purplekitten30@booksb4boys69@fandomlover2001@buckysplumfondler@debbielovesbucky@badassbaker@life-is-fuucked@elwenia@justmasblack@addictionmarvel@astrolokies@itsemmyb@cakeisforchumps@luv2reade16@alwayshave-faith@stay-wokke

I’m. Freaking. Back.

It’s been a long time coming guys… Thank you to all of you who continued to follow me and show love and support for my fics by reblogging them and still sending in requests. My message box is overflowing with suggestions that I haven’t looked at yet so I’m going to give my list a once-over and add any new requests.

THAT BEING SAID, I’m expanding my fics! Not only am I going to continue to write for Supernatural and GoT but I’m also including Marvel in my list because quite a few people have asked for some Marvel fics and I really enjoy a lot of the characters involved in the MCU.

Dance with me

(Dance with me, part II)

Bucky x fem!reader

Warnings: angst/hurt; mentions of assault, Non-Con (not graphic);

18+; please pay attention to the warnings.

It had been almost three weeks since that night in that no name town. Three weeks since Bucky kissed you on the dance floor, and then again outside of the bar, as the team giggled and stumbled their way back to the Quinn jet. You had laid your head against Bucky’s shoulder as the plane’s autopilot feature brought you all home, and listened to the laughter of your family, as they planned the next getaway. And in that moment, Bucky’s gloved hand entwined in yours, you felt like you were in paradise. A little bubble that nobody could break.

But as soon as the plane landed, and everyone stumbled to bed, it was as if the world shifted and the feelings you had on that dance floor turned into memories. And Bucky slipped away like sand through your fingers.

It started small. You’d place a hand on his shoulder as you passed in the kitchen, and he’d glance up and give you a small smile before excusing himself to the gym. You had figured he was just getting back into his routine, which was completely fine, you had your own to return to. But it started to weigh on you the more he pulled away. You’d gesture for him to sit in the seat you saved during movie night, but he’d flop down on the floor near Sam, pretending to be engaged in whatever random thing Sam was talking about. And yeah, that had hurt. More than you wanted to admit. But you’d give him space because you wanted him in your life, and you figured he’d come around eventually. You were sure that the kiss meant something to him. To you both. He’d come around.

That was weeks ago.

The team had been discussing the next outing, deciding to just stay in New York and deal with the crowds and attention as it came. Tony planned to research a darker, smaller bar, away from the hustle and bustle of the city, so things would go as smooth as they did last time. And you all deserved it. Nat was still recovering from a recent mission that had her out of commission the last few days, locked in her room, refusing to see anyone. She finally emerged and announced this outing, insisting that the entire team needed it. You had looked at Bucky timidly, but he averted his eyes, smiling at Sam being pulled away by Nat to secretly discuss their next karaoke performance. The team was abuzz as Tony returned with the name of a bar close to the outskirts of the city, and everyone went their separate ways to get ready for the night. Everyone but you and Bucky. He looked tense, both hands clamped to the side of the island table in the kitchen, and you approached him cautiously.

“Hey, Bucky?” You whispered, watching carefully as his head jerked up looking at you fully for the first time in weeks, before letting out a deep breath, the ghost of a smile playing at his lips. Just as soon as it was there, Bucky was stone faced again, wrenching his hands from the table and facing you.

“Hey,” he responded, glancing behind him, almost as if he was plotting his escape through some secret hatch.

“Hey,” you said again, suddenly nervous. Bucky glanced back at you, a look of impatience in his eye, and your cheeks heated in response. You took a breath, stealing yourself for the conversation you knew you needed to finally have with the super soldier in front of you.

“Bucky, can we talk about what happened?” Bucky met your eyes briefly, letting out a puff of air and running his hand through his cropped hair.

“What do you mean?” You let out a frustrated breath, scoffing at his feigned ignorance, Bucky giving you a weary look.

“You know what I’m talking about, Bucky. You’ve been avoiding me for weeks.” Though you fought it, your breath hitched on the last word, and Bucky’s eyes shot up to yours, bright and alert. He took a half a step toward you, before thinking twice and taking two steps back. In any other moment it would have been comical to see such a tough man so nervous, but you waited patiently for him to finally engage with you somehow. He let out another breath, glancing down at the floor.

“Sweetheart…” He paused, considering his next words. “I shouldn’t have gotten so caught up in the moment.” He finally blurred out, eyes rising to meet yours. “Your friendship means too much to me, I can’t risk losing that.” You stood silent as his words washed over you, confusion quickly morphing into anger. Bucky took your silence as an answer and gave you a weak smile, before turning on his heel and heading toward the exit behind you.

“My friendship?!” You spun around and shot at his back, making him jolt to a stop in the doorway. “You’ve been ignoring me for weeks, Bucky,” you continued, keeping your voice more measured and even.

“If you didn’t like me, all you had to do was say so.” Your voice came out a level above a whisper, as you confessed what was weighing on you for weeks. Bucky kept his back turned to you, and you were silently begging him to turn around, to say anything to deny what you had just said. But the soldier simply hung his head and exited, never once turning around to see the tears slip down your cheeks.

You swiped at both cheeks angrily and stomped to the third floor toward where Nat and Wanda were surely getting ready for the night. You bust through the door, heading to Nat’s closet, muttering “I need to borrow a dress.” As you rifled through the fabric hanging in the closet, you didn’t catch the worried look the two women exchanged behind you.

————————

Tony was right that the bar was quiet, but there were still quite a few people huddled around and moving on the dance floor, the DJ pumping out a top 40 dance remix, much to Nat and Sam’s chagrin.

But after a few shots of whiskey that you made them take with you, they were more than willing to pull you with them in the dance floor, the red cocktail dress you borrowed from Nat threatening to expose you with every move you made. As you waltzed through Nat’s room earlier you vowed to forget about Bucky, even if just for tonight, and your plan was working for the most part. When a pair of muscular arms snaked around your waist, and a voice muttered “dance with me?” in your ear, you were brought back to the night a few weeks ago, but you nodded your head, and the four shots in your system did their job, forcing you to sway back and forth with the stranger, shaking your hips.

The stranger looked pleasant enough, shoulder length blonde hair briefly making you think of Bucky again, but you pushed the thought out of your head and tried to focus on the strangers hands warm at your lower back. You closed your eyes and leaned into the man when Tony had walked up, pulling you roughly from the stranger’s hands.

“What are you doing?” Tony yelled over the fast beat of the music, shooting a warning look at the man’s protests behind you. You pushed against Tony’s arms, but his grip was firm, so you looked up at him, Tony’s eyes softening as you met them.

“Are you okay?” He practically mimed, struggling to be heard over the music. You nodded yes before Tony’s attention was pulled from you by a few screaming drunk girls wanting to take a picture.

You took advantage of your “dad’s” distraction to pull out of his grasp and shimmy back to the stranger, taking the shot he offered you in one gulp, and wincing as the liquid burned its way down your throat. The music changed to something a bit slower, and the man wrapped his arms respectfully around your waist, you placing your hands on his shoulder. Though you were looking into green eyes, you were imagining blue ones, and a hint of vanilla and spice hit your nostrils. You looked around, but Bucky was nowhere in sight so you settled into the strangers embrace, hoping to get the blue eyes out of your mind, even if just for one song.

As you continued to sway, your mind began to get a bit fuzzy, vision blurring, and you tried to remember how many shots you had taken. Surely it wasn’t more than four or five; you would be drunk, but not this drunk.

You continued to try to shake the haze from your mind, not realizing the man was slowly backing you off of the dance floor away from your friends and down a hallway toward what must be the bathroom. You tried to push out of his grasp, but you were spiraling fast, and halfway down the hall, the man was practically dragging you toward the woman’s bathroom his hands under your armpits. You tried to protest as the door to the bathroom swung open and you were dropped with a thud onto the floor inside, but your mouth wouldn’t move, your brain struggling to send the words to your lips. Your vision was darkening at the edges and you couldn’t make out who was crawling on top of you anymore, or whose hands were hiking up your dress and yanking down your underwear, the elastic burning across your thighs. You moved your hands weakly pushing at the man’s, who slapped them away easily. You hadn’t felt so human for decades, and the thought had you spiraling further into your drunk, and drugged mind. You were numb to the entire situation, blacking out as you heard the clank of a belt buckle.

You were awakened what had to have been hours later by a scream, and water being thrown on your face. You didn’t react, unable to process what was happening to you, simply opening your eyes, and looking up into wild red hair.

“Y/N! Oh my god baby!” Wanda was screaming gripping your shoulders and pulling your body into her lap, struggling with your dead limbs. But all you could think was that Wanda had never called you “baby” before. Even when you were laying up in the hospital with several broken ribs and a massive concussion. It wasn’t like she was emotionless, but pet names were never a thing between you two. What happened? You felt Wanda’s warm hands smooth down your legs and you flinched at her touch.

“I know, baby, I’m sorry,” she replied, an octave or two away from speaking to a toddler. “I’m just fixing your dress.” Taking in her words, you had a sudden flashback to the clinking of a belt buckle, and the calluses on the stranger’s hands. You felt a tear slip out from your eyes, and you wanted to swipe at it angrily, but you couldn’t make your limbs move the way you wanted them to. Your arms felt like they did when you slept on them wrong and it took a minute for the blood to return and allow them to function. You were too lost in that thought to focus on what was happening around you.

Between whispers to you, Wanda continued to shout toward the exit, until Nat finally strutted in, unaware of what she was about to see as she casually came through the door.

“Wanda, what are you shouting fo—” she stopped mid sentence, taking in the scene in front of her, her mouth twisting into a perfect ‘o’ complete shock forming on her face.

“Nat, get Bucky, please, I can’t lift her.” You could tell by Wanda’s voice that she was crying, and by the way Nat spun on her heel and rushed out the door, it was obvious that the situation wasn’t good. The weight of it all hit you, and a flood of tears leaked out of your eyes, a soft moan coming out of your mouth.

“Shhh, baby, it’s all gonna be fine. I’m just gonna move you away from the door okay?” You tried to nod, but your head merely lulled to the side and you tried to confirm for Wanda to move your lower half away from the door, your dignity on display for everyone with your short dress and discarded underwear. Wanda scooted slowly on her knees, pivoting your body so your feet were pointed at the sinks, pulling your dress down the best she could, and smoothing down your hair. You laid there another minute or two, when the door opened again, revealing a solemn Natasha, and panicking Bucky. You refused to meet his eyes as he rushed through the door, Nat locking it behind them for privacy.

Bucky threw himself on the floor next to you, shouting at Nat and Wanda to tell him what happened, and you had the sudden urge to yell at him to stop shouting at the two women, but your lips and throat disobeyed you, nothing but a tiny squeak emitting from your lips.

“She had been dancing with that guy…” Wanda began, explaining that she noticed you had disappeared from the dance floor and had found you laying on the floor passed out moments ago. Her words had your shooting your eyes up to look into hers. You had only been in the bathroom a few minutes? It felt like hours since the stranger pulled you in here. Wanda left out many of the details of how she truly found you, but Bucky was smart enough to put the pieces together, glancing around you and spotting the ruined piece of fabric, bunched up near where you were sprawled out. Bucky let out a noise at the realization that sounded more like a growl than anything else, and rose to his feet in one quick motion, walking purposefully toward the door. You watched him with your eyes, as Nat put her hands on his chest, halting his movements.

“Barnes, stop.” She commanded, using her best in charge voice.

“We don’t have time to kill him, Tony can track him down later. We need your help to get Y/N out of here, me and Wanda can’t lift her on our own.” Bucky stopped at her words, glancing back over his shoulder and looking into your eyes. Whatever he saw there must have made his decision for him, because he stomped back to your side, and lifted you effortlessly into his arms. Despite your broken heart screaming at you to stop, you lifted your head as much as you could and rested it into the crook of Bucky’s neck, reveling in his warmth. Wanda reached up gently to fix your dress and you cursed your decisions hours ago to wear such a revealing garment. Not because of what happened to you, but for the impracticality of it. With you securely in his arms, Bucky headed toward the door Nat unlocking it, but pausing before opening it.

“I’ll keep an eye out for the guy while you take Y/N home. Wanda, you’ll tell everyone Y/N got sick and Barnes is taking her home. I know it’s not ideal, but Tony and Sam will burn this place to the ground with everyone in it if they find out wha happened to her right now.” Bucky let out a low growl again at Nat’s words, but she ignored him, continuing with her plan.

“We’ll discuss what to do when we get back to the compound.” Wanda nodded in response, Bucky simply fixing his gaze on the door waiting for Nat to open it. You let a few tears slip from your eyes as you listed to the plan, the drop of them against his neck making Bucky flinch, which made the tears come faster. Nat opened the door after another beat and everyone went their separate ways, her and Wanda back to the noise of the bar, and Bucky out a side door marked “employees only,” that thankfully led outside.

You figured Bucky would hail a cab, but were surprised when he stepped onto the sidewalk taking purposeful steps toward the Avengers compound. It would be a long, quiet walk, so you moved your head the slightest bit closer into the crook of Bucky’s neck, seeking comfort more than anything. You could feel how tense Bucky was, and you weren’t sure what was making him more tense, the anger you could feel coursing through his body, or the discomfort from having you in his arms. Either way you wished more than anything that you were able to ask what was going on in his head. Almost as if he read your mind, Bucky spoke to you for the first time since your conversation in the kitchen hours earlier.

“I was outside,” he started. His voice rough and full of unreadable emotion.

“I was outside when Nat found me.” You couldn’t move your head to look into his eyes, so you fluttered your eyelids against his neck slowly, hoping that let him know you were listening.

“I couldn’t stand seeing you in that guys arms. The way he whispered in your ear and you rewarded him with a full smile. I couldn’t take it. So I went outside. And he—“ he trailed off, unable to say the words, his jaw clenching.

“He hurt you while I was outside.” You felt Bucky’s arms tense around you as he spoke, and you heard the regret, and anguish he was feeling. But also the red hot anger. You couldn’t respond, even with a million thought flying through your mind, but you didn’t have the chance to anyway as you neared the blue lights of the compound, and Bucky hurried his steps.

Bucky rushed up the stairs of the building heading toward the fourth floor and opening the door to his room, and you were hit with the unmistakable scent of Bucky once again, a wave of comfort washing over you. He set you lightly on his bed, fixing the pillow under your head, and disappearing, returning a second later with two glasses of water and a salt shaker. He slowly positioned your body to a sitting position, placing the first glass of water to your lips, being careful to guide the liquid into your mouth the best he could. When you’d drank some of the water, Bucky placed it back on the bedside table, hesitating, before grabbing the next glass and dumping the entire salt shaker into it, spinning the liquid around to mix it, and looking back at you.

“Sweetheart,” you were used to pet names from Bucky, but this time a jolt ran through you, as you heard concern and love in his voice for the first time in weeks. He looked a bit panicked again, unsure of what he was about to say, so you tried to urge him on with a raise of your eyebrows, your facial muscles unfreezing a bit. Bucky sighed before continuing.

“I think he drugged you, sweetheart. And you should try and throw up to see if it helps.” Bucky was still holding you in a sitting position, but your head felt less and less heavy sitting on your neck, and you were able to nod up and back down once, Bucky giving you a small smile, before hoisting you into his arms again, grabbing the salt water, and heading into his bathroom, where he sat you gently in the bathtub leaning you against the edge to grab some towels from under the sink.

“Okay, doll,” Bucky said with a small grimace. “This is going to suck a bit.” You blew some air out of your lips, and raised your eyebrows again, urging Bucky to continue. He lifted the cloudy water to your lips and tilted your head back so some of it could fall down your throat. Almost immediately, a warmth was flooding to your throat, and your body heaved. Bucky removed the glass, tipping your head forward as you threw up onto the towel Bucky had laid across your lap.

“That’s so good, baby, almost done.” Bucky muttered as you sputtered a few times, dry heaving once more before you were done, your body slumping in exhaustion. Bucky wiped the sweat from your forehead and used another towel to wipe around your mouth, throwing both to the other end of the tub, and hoisting you up and back into his arms. You were dizzy from the motion, but could already tell your limbs were beginning to cooperate, and you were able to hold your head up better.

Bucky laid you gently back on the bed, turning to his closet to get you something different to wear. You were able to slowly scoot yourself to the headboard, a quiet thud sounding as your back hit it, Bucky glancing back at you, a small smile on his face as he saw what you were doing. You still felt incredibly foggy, and couldn’t form a complete sentence, but you were able to move your arms a little, elbows stiff from not being used in awhile. And you could feel some bruising developing across your back from where you were dropped casually to the floor of the bathroom. Bucky returned with one of his shirts and a pair of sweatpants, holding both out for you. You grabbed the shirt slowly, your arm trembling a bit from the motion, and Bucky dropped the sweatpants to the floor, turning to give you some privacy.

“Thank you,” you said, your voice coming out barely audible, like a puff of air. You slowly pulled the straps of Nat’s dress down, setting a mental reminder to wash it before returning it to her, and slipping Bucky’s shirt over your head. You lifted your hips and pushed the material off the dress down your legs and settled the shirt to rest against your upper thighs, leaning against the headboard again. The serum was helping you recover faster, you could tell, but the act of dressing had you exhausted, practically huff and puffing like you ran a marathon. Bucky waited a beat more, before glancing over his shoulder to see that you were finished.

He reached for your discarded dress, folding it and placing it on the chair near where you sat, moving his weight from foot to foot, as he looked anywhere but at you.

“You must be exhausted.” He finally said, glancing at you to see you nod once in response. He seemed to relax at that, and motioned to the bed continuing.

“You can stay here if you want, I’ll sleep on the couch over there of course.” You stared into Bucky’s eyes as he finally looked into yours, before he turned and headed toward the couch. You gathered up all your courage and took a deep breath to make sure you were heard.

“Bucky,” you started, The soldier turning around and letting out a soft “hm?” in response.

“Please, stay with me tonight.” You hadn’t wanted to sound as desperate as you did, but the entire night all you had wanted was Bucky, and that hadn’t changed. When he came storming into the bathroom earlier you couldn’t deny that you were glad it was him coming to save the day. You were far from a damsel in distress most days, but feeling like Bucky cared tonight eased some of the hurt from the conversation earlier in the kitchen. Bucky seemed to weigh his options, chewing on his bottom lip as he thought before slowly nodding and coming to sit at the end of the bed, pulling the comforter back so you could slide down to a laying position.

“I’ll be right here, doll.” Bucky whispered, clicking off the lamp by the bed, the quiet and the dark calming the mood in the room. As you tucked yourself under the blankets and into a little ball, you reached out for Bucky, grabbing hold of his right hand tight, as if he were the only thing anchoring you to reality right now, which was probably more true than not. You’d never admit it, but you were terrified of what awaited you behind closed eyelids. Would you dream of the bathroom?

You couldn’t remember what had happened on the cold floor earlier and the realization had you shivering, and you felt Bucky tuck the blanket around your legs a little tighter, mistaking your body’s movement for being cold. You smiled at him gently, as he slowly moved his thumb across the back of your hand, holding it tight in his own. Your eyelids were beginning to droop when you heard crashing and raised voices from the floor below, where the main living room and kitchen was. Bucky let out a long breath, and pulled your hand away from his, looking into your eyes to see you were still awake.

“I’ll be right back, Y/N, okay? I’m going to go see what’s going—“ you gripped his hand tight again, not letting him finish his thought, silently begging him to not leave you alone. He gently pulled his hand away again, giving you a reassuring smile.

“I promise I’ll be right back. 5 minutes, okay?” You only looked at him, and he leaned forward slowly, placing a soft kiss to your forehead, moving back when he heard another crash from below.

As he reached the door he turned back toward you, uttering out a quick “get some sleep,” before disappearing through the door, closing it with a soft click.

And suddenly, you were alone.

A/N: I’m not sure how I feel about this one, and I’m sorry if it’s not what people expected… it’s just kind of where the story led me, for better or worse. Probably a part 3 coming.

Tags:@taina-eny;@meisspookycrayon

Summary: In the blink of an eye, this complete stranger suddenly became your only lifeline.

Pairing:Bucky x y/n

Word Count:4k

Warnings:Language

Author’s Note: So, I’m not dead. To any new followers I’ve gained since my last post, welcome, thank you and sorry for my unbelievably crap posting schedule. To all my old followers, thank you for sticking around, I appreciate you v much. Hope this story is alright, just trying to get back into the swing of things with a quick oneshot. Love y’all.

—

Same nose, similar ears. The ears usually give it away. But then, one redhead and one blonde? Maybe they’re- shit, a kiss. Didn’t guess in time. Damn, I am not doing well today, won’t be breaking my record streak anytime soo-

‘You alright?’

You snapped back to reality, eyes flicking away from the front window to focus on the broad man who’d appeared on the opposite side of the counter.

‘Hmm, what?’ It took a good few seconds for you to remember where you were. ‘Yeah, sorry, what can I get you?’

He tried to suppress the deep chuckle vibrating through his chest. ‘Black coffee, two sugars.’

‘Something funny?’

‘No, just uh-’ he glanced away for a second, embarrassed, obviously not registering your playful tone, ‘that’s the third time I asked. You must’a been miles away.’

While he was hesitating, you’d taken a quick second to scan your eyes him. He was wearing a pair of old, worn-out jeans and a dark jacket, an outfit you wouldn’t have looked twice at if it weren’t for the single, black leather glove that covered his left hand. Your eyebrows scrunched slightly in confusion when you spotted it, then quickly relaxed again when you decided to write it off as some kind of odd fashion statement. He couldn’t have been too late into his thirties, but his right hand was calloused and weathered, so much so that it looked as though should’ve belonged to someone twice his age. His rough stubble obviously hadn’t been touched with a razor for a good few days and you weren’t entirely confident he’d showered this week yet, somehow, he was kinda pulling it off.

You shuffled towards the coffee machine to start his order. ‘Sorry, I was just thinking.’

‘Anything worth sharing?’

‘Not really, I was just playing a stupid game. Helps pass the time when it’s slow.’

He shrugged slightly, a faint smile appearing as he replied. ‘I like games.’

You were quiet for a second, trying to size this stranger up. His eyebrows slowly crept up his forehead in anticipation.

‘It’s gonna sound weird, but sometimes I like trying to guess what kinda relationship people have before they give it away.’ You knew you were coming across crazy even as the words were leaving your lips. ‘Like, those two holding hands outside? At first I thought maybe they were brother and sister. Same ears.’

He quickly glanced at them over his shoulder. ‘You do that all day? Surely most people aren’t hard to figure out.’

‘You’d think so,’ you leaned in and tried your best to maintain a sincere expression, ‘but every so often you come across a couple with a huge age gap and it rocks your damn world.’

A rumbling laugh escaped from his throat which set you off giggling as you secured the lid of his takeout cup and placed in front of him.

‘Two fifty.’

He grabbed the drink with his gloved hand and rustled around in his pocket with the other, eventually pulling out a crumpled five dollar note and sliding it across the counter.

‘Keep the change,’ he quickly clocked your stunned expression, ‘for the entertainment.’

‘Wow, thanks. Have fun playing.’

‘I definitely will.’

You kept your eyes glued to him as he strode through the door and past the front window, only realising after he was out of sight that a wide, giddy grin had settled itself on your face.

Stupid, there was no way a guy like that was single.

—

It’d been over a week and you’d almost forgotten your interaction with the handsome stranger. Heavy footsteps trudged over the threshold and became louder as they headed in your direction, but you didn’t look up from the coffee stain you were furiously trying to scrub off the counter. Absolutely nothing had gone your way today, and your frustrations had been made even worse by a string of asshole customers, so this was a war you refused to lose.

A weathered set of fingers came to rest a few inches away from the brown-tinged battleground.

‘You were right.’ You swiftly lifted your gaze, your heart leaping slightly when his shining blue eyes met yours. ‘I saw a couple in the park the other day, and I swear she must’ve been twice his age, so I thought she was his mom. Then…’

‘Then?’

He leaned in slightly, eyes wide. ‘They started making out.’

‘Wild, right? I told you.’

‘My world was pretty rocked.’

You chuckled, pushing yourself upright and moseying over to the coffee machine. ‘Black coffee, two sugars?’

‘Mhmm.’ He seemed a little nervous as he cleared his throat and ran his hands over his jeans. ‘I’m James, by the way. Friends call me Bucky.’

‘What should I call you?’

The corner of his mouth twitched slightly. ‘Whatever you want.’

‘Deal,’ you emptied two sachets of white sugar into his cup, ‘I’m y/n. Just y/n.’

There was a short silence. You noticed his jeans, the same pair he’d been wearing on his last visit, had been scrubbed clean. There was a different long sleeved tee poking out from beneath his jacket, but it could’ve easily been mistaken for the same one by a less invested observer. You could tell he’d shaved, and possibly even showered, cause the strong scent of his aftershave was overpowering the stale coffee smell you’d grown so tired of. Maybe he was on his way somewhere special?

‘You got big plans later?’

‘No, just came out for a walk,’ he eyed his cup while you brought it over to the counter, ‘and for the best coffee in the city.’

As you placed it in front of him, you found yourself a little distracted, pondering why on earth he’d groom himself so thoroughly for a walk in the park; lost in deep thought, you completely neglected to release your hand. Bucky instinctively went in for the grab and, very briefly, enclosed your hand in his.

He pulled away and quietly apologised. The encounter was so quick that you could’ve blinked and missed the bolt of excitement that gleamed in his eye- but you saw it.

In an obvious attempt to diffuse some of the tension, he started to root around in his pocket for another crumpled note, but you waved your hand to stop him.

‘On the house.’

‘You sure?’

‘Mhmm,’ you smothered a playful smirk, ‘for the entertainment.’

He smiled and began heading towards the door, but decisively swivelled back round just before he reached it.

‘Would you, maybe, want to grab a drink later? We could play your game together,’ he gestured at the empty counter beside you, ‘might be nice for you to have someone to talk to. Not that I think you’re lonely or anything, I’m sure you’ve got loads of people to talk to, I just meant-’

‘Four.’

‘Four?’

‘I finish at four.’

A grin spread across his face. ‘Great. I’ll see you then.’

—

You checked your phone for what felt like the hundredth time.

4:47

How long should you wait before it becomes pathetic? Did he think you said five?

You audibly sighed, double-checking that the coffee shop door was locked before trudging away down the street. Well, that’s what you get for agreeing to dates with random dudes- he probably got a better offer.

Rummaging around in your bag, eyes firmly glued to the sidewalk, you pulled out your headphones and relished the instant relief when they enclosed your ears and blocked out all the obnoxious sounds of the city. All you wanted to do was get home, put on your ketchup-stained lounge pants and cry in front of a rom-com.

Then something hit your shoulder. Hard.

You snapped your head around to see the person who’d just crashed into you, still running at full speed, seemingly unfazed by the fact he’d almost knocked you off your feet. Out the corner of your eye, you noticed a hoard of other fast moving figures, and suddenly realised that everyone else on the street was running as fast as they could in the same direction.

Incredibly confused, you reached up to slide your headphones off. That’s when you heard it. Distant screaming, gunfire, and a low, consistent thudding like footsteps- but far too loud to belong to any animal you’d ever heard of. You slowly turned on the spot, dreading what you were going to see. 

It was worse than you could’ve imagined.

A horrifying, four-legged creature, towering above the rows of shops and apartments, destroying street lamps and trees with every step it took towards you. It was clad in some kind of metal armour and had a face like a lizard without scales or skin.

You wanted to run, but quickly realised you were frozen on the spot. You tried to scream but couldn’t produce anything of worthy volume. All you could do was stand there, faintly whimpering, as death stared you in the face. By the time you noticed the smaller, human-sized beings charging towards you, they were already close enough to get a good shot.

There was a loud electrical crackle, followed by an intense burning pain in your stomach. The shock knocked you to your knees as the edges of your vision darkened, the hot sting travelling through every inch of your body, the sounds of panic around you slowly becoming muffled and distant.

Then everything went dark.

—

Your eyes painstakingly peeled open. The light hanging above you was dim, but the glow it gave out was enough to sting, forcing you back into a pained squint. Your mind was a complete blank and everything was quiet around you as your vision slowly adjusted.

Unfortunately, you were only granted a few seconds of peaceful consciousness before the agony started. It started in your ribs, then slowly seared down your limbs like fire travelling along a trail of gunpowder, trying to find the point of ignition. You panicked as the sensation grew and began frantically scanning your surroundings to find any point of familiarity, but it was no use. You had no idea where the hell you were.

The ceiling above you was faintly stained with patches of damp, some of which had leaked down and formed brown streaks on the peeling wallpaper. There was a small window to your right, the drawn net curtains letting in the faint, yellow light of early evening. To your left, a wide-open door. From your lying position all you could make out was the edge of an old-fashioned looking refrigerator. What was this place?

You tried to move, but anything more than a slight twitch of the fingers sent a pain through you so sharp that it took all the breath from your lungs. It felt like you were lying there, struggling and panicking, for hours before help came.

A figure eventually appeared in the door, rapidly shooting to your side once it realised you were conscious. You blinked rapidly, clearing the tears that had been swelling in your eyes, to see Bucky drop to his knees beside the bed.

‘What the fuck is going on?’ Your voice was almost imperceptibly quiet, the heady mixture of pain and panic suppressing it to a breathy whisper.

‘Just breathe, slowly, try to remember.’

‘Where are we?’

‘Outside the city, somewhere safe.’

‘Safe?’

With that word came a crashing torrent of memories. You remembered the thudding, the creature, the fear. You remembered the approach of death with crushing certainty. Tightly gripping the bed sheets, you searched Bucky’s eyes, pleading with him to reassure you.

‘Am I dead?’

He let a husky chuckle slip through his lips. That brief, gentle display of calm was enough to dampen your panic, if just for a second.

‘No, you’re alive. I managed to get you out of there,’ he glanced down to your stomach, ‘but you are hurt.’

‘How bad is it?’

You sensed some reluctance in him as he hesitated, likely debating the best way to soften the blow. ‘It’ll take some time, but you’re gonna be okay. You just need to rest.’

So many more questions were whipping through your mind. What was that thing? What did ‘outside the city’ mean? Why did this guy, this stranger you’d only met twice, risk his life to remove you from that situation?

That last one seemed the most important to you at the time, so that was the one you asked.

Hints of guilt appeared in his expression. ‘You were still there, in harm’s way, cause of me. Any other day you might’a been home safe, so least I can do is make sure you’re okay.’

Pain was still ringing through your body but his soft, calm voice had managed to soothe you a little. You weren’t sure what to say. It was true, you’d have been halfway home on the subway by that time on a normal day, but you could hardly blame him for that. He couldn’t have known that a colossal amount of shit was about to hit the fan.

‘Well,’ you took deep, shaky breaths as you spoke and tried your best to match his serene energy, ‘this is definitely the weirdest first date I’ve ever been on.’

‘Me too.’

He seemed relieved at your tone, but your line of questioning wasn’t over yet. Besides, talking was distracting you from the pain, so you weren’t willing to give that up anytime soon.

‘How did you get me out of there? How are you not dead?’ That one hit a chord with him, the long, tense silence that followed only broken by you prompting him again for some answers. ‘Who are you, Bucky?’

Once he started to explain, you half-wished you’d never asked. There was no way, in your current state, that you could even begin to wrap your head around all the insane, inconceivable things he started confessing. You could hardly call him a liar, though. Not while his solid metal arm was resting on the bed sheets beside you.

He finally finished and kept his wide eyes fixed on you, silently waiting for your reaction. You swallowed harshly. Any reasonable person would’ve begun eagerly reeling off a list of questions related to his completely unbelievable stories but, for reasons beyond your comprehension, only one thing popped into your mind.

‘You could’ve called.’

He laughed again, louder this time. ‘I was a little busy.’

‘Only would’ve taken a second.’

‘I don’t have your number.’

‘Could’ve googled the coffee shop’s number.’

‘While I was fighting aliens?’

You let your annoyed pretence slip, your mouth curling into a smile. ‘Yes.’

‘Fine, next time we have a date and something comes up, even if it’s huge and world-threatening, I promise I’ll call. Alright?’ You did your best to give him a contented nod, even that slight movement reminding you of the pain he’d been very effectively distracting you from. ‘Now, can I get you anything?’

‘I wouldn’t say no to a hefty dose of drugs.’

‘I’ll get you some painkillers.’ He rose to his feet before opening the top drawer of a small chest near where he’d been kneeling, his hands diving in and beginning to search. ‘I meant to ask, you got any family in the city you want to check up on? I have a phone you can use.’

‘Thanks, but no, I don’t.’

‘Anywhere else?’

‘Nope,’ you curved your mouth into a slightly self-pitying frown as he turned back towards you, ‘it’s just me.’

‘Me too.’

—

Some time passed. It could’ve been a week, could’ve been a month- the days all bled together while you stared at the grim ceiling of that bedroom.

Maybe it was the heaps of painkillers, or maybe it was your brain’s feeble attempt to prevent you spiralling into full breakdown, but the reality of your situation never seemed to properly hit you. The city you lived in was on full, alien-induced lockdown while you were holed up in some crummy apartment miles away with a perfect stranger. 

It was like the plot of a Stephen King novel.

Bucky spent a lot of time at your bedside, talking to you and answering any questions you had, emphasising over and over that he’d help you travel anywhere you wanted to go as soon as you felt strong enough. While your painstaking recovery started taking shape, you noticed that you’d begun to develop a deep, genuine trust in him- and maybe something more. You couldn’t exactly blame yourself, this was the man who’d saved your life after all.

This morning, you woke up to a loud clattering in the next room, followed by a hushed string of creative curse words. You had to lock a hand over your mouth to stop yourself laughing too loudly. Slowly, as you settled into consciousness, you found yourself feeling stronger than you’d felt in a long time. Maybe it was finally time for a change of scenery.

You managed to gradually heave yourself up, supporting your feeble body on various items of furniture as you shuffled towards freedom. You eventually reached the doorway and leant yourself against the frame, exhausted.

‘Little help?’

Bucky, who was crouching on the floor of the tiny kitchen area picking up what looked like shards of a ceramic mug, jolted to attention at the sound of your voice. He immediately dropped all the pieces he’d been meticulously collecting and hurried towards you.

‘Woah, what the hell are you doing? You alright?’

‘I’m good, it sounded like you might need a hand.’

He frowned and glanced over your shoulder at the empty bed and the sheets you’d half-dragged across the floor during your weak fumbling. ‘You climbed out of bed for the first time in weeks, ignoring your serious injury that isn’t even close to fully healed yet, to come help me put the coffee on?’

‘Well, when you put it like that…’

‘C’mon,’ he placed a supporting arm around your back, ‘you need to lie back down.’

‘No, please Buck. Being in that room is driving me crazy. Just give me a few minutes.’

He seemed reluctant, but your best puppy-dog eyes managed to sway him. 

‘Alright, but you’re staying on the couch. You can’t be on your feet too long.’

He slowly walked you over to the tattered two-seater, setting you down gently before returning to clean up his mess. You took in your surroundings. The place looked exactly how you’d expected, dingy and run-down, a few old pieces of furniture filling the cramped space. You heard the faint sounds of traffic coming through the solitary window and just about felt the warmth coming from a two-bar heater on the opposite side of the room. The whole apartment was just this tiny living space, with a kitchen on the far wall, and the bedroom you’d become so familiar with.

As you adjusted yourself on the lumpy couch, you noticed a sleeping bag neatly folded on the floor beside you, which made you feel a little guilty. You’d been spreading yourself across a comfortable double bed for the past few weeks whilst Bucky had been curling himself up on this poky thing.

After a few minutes, he wandered back over with two steaming mugs of coffee, carefully handing you one and settling himself beside you.

‘About time I was the one making the coffee, huh?’

You smiled slightly whilst blowing on the hot liquid. ‘Black, two sugars?’

‘You got it.’

He obviously thought he was being sneaky, intently watching you whenever your eyes were pointed away, hints of concern penetrating his otherwise relaxed expression. He was like a coiled spring waiting for something terrible to happen, for the mug to slip from your grip and scold your lap, for blood to suddenly rush to your head, causing you to faint and rag-doll onto the floor. Whatever the disaster, he was ready. 

His attempts at subtlety didn’t last long, however, as he soon just began asking whether you felt alright every couple of minutes. You didn’t mind though, it was pretty sweet and endearing.

‘I gotta say,’ you kept your eyes fixed on your drink, ‘I’ve never been on a first date that lasted this long before. Gotta be a good sign, right?’

‘I’d say so. I’m sure I’ve been enjoying it more than you, though.’

‘Eh, I’ve had worse dates.’

‘What, worse than being bed bound with a serious injury?’

‘You’ve obviously never used Tinder before.’ His soft laughter prompted a few butterflies to appear in your stomach and, as his gaze returned to yours, you struggled to suppress the feelings that had been slowly growing inside you these past few weeks. ‘To be completely honest, your company’s the only thing that’s kept me going.’

He shifted in his seat awkwardly, the skin around his cheeks reddening slightly as he audibly gulped. Had you misread this? The last thing you wanted to do was make him uncomfortable.

‘Sorry, I didn’t mean to-’

‘Don’t apologise.’ His voice was soft, regretful, but it seemed to gain a little more confidence for his next statement. ‘I feel the same.’

—

As more time passed, you grew stronger and felt yourself getting closer to Bucky. He began helping you into the front room every morning, where the two of you would while away the days talking, laughing and sitting at the window so you could play your favourite guessing game on the pairs of strangers walking past. He was pretty terrible at it, but that just made it all the more entertaining.

For a while you even found yourself downplaying the extent of your recovery in an effort to extend this time with him, complaining about aches and pains that had actually subsided days ago. You were worried that, after this ordeal was over, he’d decide there was no reason to continue spending time with you.

Eventually, though, you couldn’t pretend anymore. The city was safe again and you were ready to go home.

There was an undertone of sadness, in both of you it seemed, as Bucky helped you through the front door. You’d been able to walk confidently on your own for a while now, but he still insisted on being close in case anything happened. You were almost willing yourself to trip and fall as you made your way down the steep stairs.

He had to drive you through the centre of the city to reach your apartment, the extent of the destruction still evident even after all this time. Numerous roadblocks were in place, some buildings half-destroyed and others gone completely, piles of rubble being the only remaining evidence that they ever existed at all. You couldn’t imagine how the streets must’ve looked in the days following the event.

You saw people still going about their daily lives but, whenever Bucky stopped at a red light and you managed to catch a closer look at their faces, their agitation was obvious. People here were still living in fear, and you could hardly blame them. You were probably going to be doing the same.

The car eventually pulled up outside your ground-floor apartment. You dug around in your bag, the same one you’d been carrying on the day in question, and eventually found your keys. Buck stood in the doorway as you wandered in, half relieved to be home, half trying to fight off a looming depression.

‘You all good?’

‘I think so.’ You unceremoniously threw your bag onto the couch. ‘Thanks for everything, really. I don’t know how I’ll ever pay you back for everything you’ve done.’

‘Just stay safe.’

‘I’ll try my best.’

You thought he looked a little dejected as he nodded and took a couple steps backwards, his reluctance to turn away sparking a faint bolt of confidence in your chest. It was now or never.

Fuck it, you had nothing to lose.

‘I suppose it wouldn’t hurt if you came to check on me every once in a while, though?’

‘Yeah?’ The wind immediately started blowing back through his sails. ‘I mean, I could even take you on a second date, if you wanted. Hopefully the world won’t end this time.’

‘But if it does?’

‘I’ll call.’

The two of you stood opposite each other for a few seconds, smiling in silence, both waiting for the other to make the first move. You took the initiative.

Grabbing a fistful of his shirt, you yanked him towards you, your arms immediately encircling his neck as your lips crashed together. He carefully placed both hands on your back, obviously still worried about the possibility of hurting you. The two of you held that position for what felt like hours. 

You found yourself beginning to slowly melt into him, but then something suddenly dawned on you, and you sharply pulled away.

‘I’ve just had a terrible thought.’

You felt him stiffen slightly. ‘What?’

‘What if people who see us in the street together guess we’re brother and sister?’

He chuckled through his words, his body again relaxing against you. ‘I’m pretty sure you’re the only one who does that, but we can always make it obvious that we’re not. Just in case.’

‘Good call.’

—

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—

Summary: Your agreement was balancing on a knife edge but Bucky just wouldn’t stop pushing

Pairing: College!Bucky x y/n

Word Count: 2k

Warnings:Language, creepy behaviour

Author’s Note: Can’t believe it’s been a week, apologies, I want to post more regularly but just been super tired recently. Anyway I hope everyone is having a v nice week, much love, enjoy this next part!

—

You told Nat you had a date this evening, but you flat-out refused to tell her who with.

When she saw you dressed to the nines in black tie she almost waterboarded you to get the information, but you held firm, insisting that you didn’t want to jinx the evening by giving too much away. There was no way she suspected the truth, but you still got the hell out of your apartment as swiftly as you could- just in case.

Bucky said he’d meet you outside the venue. Your taxi pulled up a little early and you climbed out, feeling your heartbeat in your throat as you hastily walked towards the address he’d given you. You really shouldn’t have been this nervous, it was just a favour, but you couldn’t help getting in your head about your first proper outing together.

Man, this whole friends with benefits situation would be a helluva lot easier if he just stuck to the fucking rules every once in a while. 

You turned the final corner and saw the grand-looking building, lit up like a Christmas tree with faint music coming from inside, Bucky casually leaning against the wall outside.

You had to give it to him, that boy could rock a tuxedo.

He started grinning like an idiot as soon as he spotted you, pushing himself upright and prowling towards you like a leopard approaching its prey. Your heart was close to punching clean through your rib cage by the time he was in touching distance.

‘Well would’ya look at that,’ he took both of your hands in his and pulled you towards him, ‘my date doesn’t look half bad.’

The way he said that made some of those feelings you weren’t allowed to have bubble up in your chest, so you quickly had to bag them up and go drown them in the river; you were just here as his friend, you had to keep reminding yourself of that.

‘You can chill out with the date shit, I’m only here to make you look less lonely.’

His hands started to explore the length of your back, fingertips pressing lightly into your skin when they reached your hips. ‘Oh yeah? That’s the only reason you came?’

‘Course. Why, what’re you getting at?’

‘Nothing at all.’ He shot you a wink, moved to your side and offered out his arm. ‘Showtime.’

You audibly gulped before letting him lead you up the stairs.  

As soon as the two of you stepped inside, you sensed half the eyes in the room shooting in your direction, some low-level whispers starting as you made your way through the crowd. Bucky obviously had a reputation amongst these people too, because they were staring at you the same as they’d stare at a dress-wearing dog walking in on its hind legs. You’d never felt like such a spectacle. 

He guided you over to a bunch of guys standing in a circle, squeezing the two of you into the group and greeting a couple of them with elaborate handshakes. They seemed just as surprised by your presence as the rest of the crowd, a couple of them exchanging confused side-eyes, but they thankfully kept their mouths shut and greeted you politely.

Looking around the sea of tuxedos, you couldn’t help noticing a slight issue.

None of them had dates.

So, either every single other person in the circle had been bailed on this evening, or Bucky had flat-out lied in order to get you here. Why the hell would he do that? Was this some kind of stupid fucking bet?

You’d definitely be having strong words later.

Before long, the group managed to locate some seats, and you couldn’t help noticing that Buck was starting to acting a little weird. He scooched his chair as close to yours as was physically possible and planted an arm firmly around your waist, a position that must’ve been at least little uncomfortable for him but it barely moved all evening.  

The two of you obviously had very different ideas about the definition of a friend-date.

Nevertheless, despite his weirdly clingy side coming out, you actually found yourself having a really nice time with Buck and his friends. The drinks and the chat were flowing, you almost started to wonder what the hell you were so worried about coming here. 

Then a new member joined the group. He sat directly opposite and just began to flat-out stare at you, his erratically fluttering eyelids and inability to keep his head up straight telling you that he was far more drunk than any of his friends. You tried to ignore him, but he was directly in your eye-line, so your agitated gaze kept inadvertently flicking back his way.  

All you could do was just hope he’d fuck off in search of his next drink very soon.

Unfortunately, the seat directly beside you just happened to become free after ten or so minutes, and he pounced as fast as someone in his condition was capable of. 

‘Nice to meet you.’

He went in for a handshake. You began to reciprocate but he quickly switched tactics on you, suddenly going to kiss the back of your hand but not quite managing to make contact before you wrenched it away. The laugh he let out at your reaction made you shudder. 

Trying to get as far away from this creep as possible, you scooched yourself further into your date’s side, the slight nudge diverting his attention away from his conversation and over to your new seat neighbour.

Even Buck seemed surprised at the state he was in. ‘What time did you guys start?’

‘Dunno,’ the creep gave a sloppy shrug and took a long swig from his beer, ‘a while back.’

‘You think maybe you should slow down?’

He just huffed in response.

You tried to go back to chatting with Bucky’s other friends but, just a few minutes later, you felt a firm tap uncomfortably high on your thigh. By that point you were fully prepared to bust out your wide range of self-defence moves.

You reluctantly turned back to the sloppy drunk, finding his face just a couple inches away from yours, foul whiskey breath spreading over you as he spoke.  

‘So, what, you got a magic mouth or something?’

Buck’s keen ears picked that up straight away, cause his head snapped in the direction of the question, arm immediately tightening around you. ‘The hell you say man?’

‘Oh c’mon Barnes, you never stick around, there must be a reason you haven’t ditched this one yet.’ His gaze moved back to you, a look in his eyes that made your skin crawl. ‘You wanna share with the rest of the group, sweetheart?’

This motherfucker was really pushing his luck now. 

You went to respond, feeling the venom building in your throat, but Buck got in there just before you.

‘You wanna shut the hell up before I make you?’

Creep leant back, chuckling to himself while holding his hands up in surrender. You hoped that’d be the end of it, but no, this asshole really didn’t know when to quit. 

‘No need to get so defensive over a piece of ass.’

Bucky shot up from his seat, shoulders squared and fists clenched. 

As much as you didn’t want a full-on fight happening over your lap, you had to admit to being a little entertained, cause the drunk asshole scrambled out of his chair and shot away so fast he almost left skid marks on the ground. The rest of the group seemed to notice the slight kerfuffle, but Buck calmly sitting back down and reverting his attention to you made them lose interest. 

One arm curled round your shoulders while the other hand came to rest softly on your knee. ‘You okay?’

‘Mhmm. No thanks to your friend.’

‘Nah, he’s not my friend, I barely know that asshole.’ His eyes started to vigilantly scan the room behind you. ‘If he comes near you again I might have to do more than scare him.’

You raised an eyebrow at him. ‘S’alright big man, I can handle myself.’

‘I know, but I’m not gonna sit here and let him talk to you like that.’

‘Very noble considering, in this agreement, I am basically just a piece of ass.’

Any trace of triumph quickly fell from his face. He was silent for a few seconds, eyes searching yours while an earnest look you’d never seen before spread over his features. You were actually a little nervous about what was coming next.

He went to open his mouth, but was instantly distracted by a tap on the shoulder. The two of you had some brightly-coloured shots forced into your hands and, just like that, the moment was gone.

You could see Bucky getting progressively more hammered as the night went on, every drink apparently convincing him more and more that you two were the happiest of couples. The possessive arm stayed firmly round you all evening, but he also began kissing you on the side of the head and neck at random intervals, sometimes whispering slightly slurred compliments directly in your ear. It made you giddy every time he did it. 

But, as nice as it was, you knew it was dangerous.

There was no way in hell he would ever maintain anything serious with you, so in acting like this he was really leading you on, even if it wasn’t intentional. You were doing your best to stick to his terms despite your feelings, yet here he was just carelessly breaking all of them.

It was getting close to midnight when he stumbled to his feet and sauntered out of the room without a word. You waited a few minutes, figuring he’d probably just gone to piss out the twelve or so beers he’d already necked, but there was no sign of him returning. 

You eventually got up with a sigh and headed in the same direction. A few other students directed you out to the front of the building, where you found him swaying side to side in time with the muffled music, having a smoke. 

‘You alright?’

He spun round, a wide smile spreading over his face. ‘Am now.’

The cigarette butt was unceremoniously dropped from his fingers as he approached. He wound his arms around your waist, pulling you into his chest and kissing you gently. 

Usually, being close to him like this made all other thoughts melt from your mind, but you were really struggling to get lost in the moment this time. You just couldn’t ignore the slight unease in your stomach, you had to work out what his game was.

‘So you were worried you’d be the only one without a date, huh?’

His mouth curled into a crafty smile. ‘I might’ve exaggerated a little.’

‘No shit.’ He leaned in again but you put your palms against his chest to stop him. ‘Why am I here, Buck?’

‘So I can show you off.’

What the fuck did that mean? 

Apparently not at all picking up on your hints, he decided to dip his head sideways, so he could begin to plant kisses under your jaw. 

‘Buck,’ you pushed him away this time and took a small step back, ‘you need to stop.’

Alarm quickly spread across his face. ‘Shit, sorry, what’s wrong?’

‘You’re not my boyfriend, alright? You made that abundantly clear when we started this, but for some reason you’ve been happy to act like we’re the perfect couple all night.’

He nodded apologetically. ‘I get it, I do, I just…’

‘Just what?’ You tried your best not to let your frustration show, but this was like trying to get blood out of a stone.

‘Nothing.’

‘Right, of course.’ You were starting to get a little pissed now. ‘What the hell happened to you Buck? You’re happy to do all this sweet, caring stuff for me but at the first mention of anything remotely serious you just completely close up. What messed you up so bad?’

‘You can’t ask me about that shit while I’m hammered, it’s not fair.’

So there was something, then. Had he lied about having no previous relationships too? 

You were so sick of trying to work him out. 

It didn’t matter anyway, you knew that as soon as you dug deep enough to find the answer he’d just cast you aside for a new fling. That’s just the kind of guy he was.

‘I’m gonna go home.’

‘No, don’t leave, let’s just have a good night. We can talk about all this shit another time.’

You’d loved to have believed that, but deep down you knew you’d always be waiting for another time with him. The two of you were playing a game you’d never win.

‘I think this was a mistake, Buck.’

‘What, coming here tonight?’

You shook your head slightly before turning away and heading inside to get your things. He didn’t follow you, probably figuring you’d have to face him again when you tried to leave, but you managed to find a back entrance to sneak out of. You called a taxi to take you home, holding back your tears as you waited by the side of the road. 

Typical, really, that your shittiest breakup was with someone who’d never even been your boyfriend. 

—

Part 7

—

Story Taglist: @mxrvelinhrt@sprmssvblackhole@theokatz​

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—

Summary:Alone in the middle of nowhere and feeling yourself slowly fading, all you could do was try to keep yourself alive.

Pairing:Bucky x y/n

Word Count:2.4k

Warnings: Language, some gore

Author’s Note: Thank you @emmabarnes for the prompt for this story, sorry it’s been so long coming! ‘Reader has been missing for a few days, Bucky is going completely insane, they find her hurt/unconscious/dying in a field somewhere.’

—

As you wearily dragged yourself back to consciousness, he was your first thought.

You were only granted a few blissful seconds of peace before being inundated with pain, fear and disorientation, but in that brief time your mind was swimming with Bucky’s last words as you boarded that fucking plane.

‘Keep yourself safe for me, bug.’

Then he slipped away.

Unbelievable agony began to radiate from your right leg, shooting through your body like lightning with every slight movement. Battling through your tangled thoughts, you slowly pieced together the series of events that had landed you flat on your back in the middle of a field, in so much pain that you were struggling to breathe. You vaguely recalled glancing through the Alpha Jet’s window and seeing Moscow down below, then seconds later being hit by some kind of projectile. The impact had instantly snapped your wing off and sent you plummeting towards the ground.

After that it was just blackness, but the thick cords wrapped tightly around your waist and thighs led you to the conclusion that your parachute must’ve malfunctioned.

Fuck, Bucky was gonna be so pissed.

He always told you to double check that stuff, giving you concerned glances every time you teased him for being paranoid- if you somehow managed to survive this you were definitely in deep shit.

On the plus side, you now knew vaguely where you were and how you’d ended up here, so it was time to let your years of relentless survival training kick in. Your focus shifted to keeping yourself alive.

First, you needed to see your leg.  

Carefully moving yourself around a little, you couldn’t feel any pain coming from your back, so you decided to risk sitting up in order to assess the full extent of the damage. It took at least thirty minutes and some intense screeching, but you eventually managed to find a comfortable position where you could get a good look. Your right leg was completely crushed underneath a sharp, thick piece of steel. At your best you could probably have shifted it, but you’d barely managed to muster the energy required to get to this point- besides, there was a good chance it was the only thing stopping you from bleeding out.

Freeing a length of cord and taking a deep breath, you fashioned it into a tight tourniquet above your knee, the pain causing you to collapse back to the ground. You needed to distract yourself, find something to focus on other than the excruciating agony.

Frantically flicking through memories like a rolodex, you eventually dug out an old reliable, one that could always make you smile no matter the circumstances- the day you first met Bucky.

You were still locked away beneath the Triskelion at the time, in the midst of Fury’s brutal Hydra-deprogramming regime, seriously considering whether all this pain was worth the meagre quality of life you’d be doomed to once you were cured. All you’d been told was that someone with ‘similar experiences’ was being sent to ‘assess’ you, which sounded to you like the kind of euphemism a parent would use to reassure their child when the vet arrives to put down their beloved pet.

The door of your basement prison slowly opened, and the first thing you saw was his smile, faint but optimistic. After that it took less than a few minutes for you to gather that this broad, intimidating man was just a sweet and clumsy oaf.

He stood opposite you and reeled off a few questions, giving away his nervousness by fidgeting around slightly as he spoke. ‘So how long’ve they had you hidden away down here?’

‘Almost two years.’

‘Wow, long time. You like it down here?’ You gave him a slightly puzzled look, figuring it was pretty clear that you weren’t living in this bare, concrete basement by choice. ‘Sorry. Stupid question. You’d probably rather be anywhere else, right? But hey, at least there’s no bugs.’

‘Nope, just me.’

‘You’re definitely the biggest bug I’ve ever seen.’ He paused, reassessing his words. ‘Not that you’re- I didn’t mean-’

The corners of your mouth curled into a smile in response to his inept ramblings. The sight seemed to effectively derail his frantic train of thought, because his words trailed off and he let the two of you settle into a brief, comfortable silence.

You knew from that moment there was something special about him, but later in the day when he spilled a full mug of coffee all over the floor and made you laugh for the first time in years, you knew he was the one. Just remembering his face as he stared at the slowly spreading brown puddle made you laugh to yourself, but you quickly snapped out of your fantasy when the sensation caused pangs of pain in your chest.

Just like that, you were back in your nightmare.

Your throat had already started to feel dry and scratchy, but you had no water and it was the height of summer, so there was little chance of rain. Bucky had three days to find you at most, all you could do in the meantime was try to preserve what little energy you had left.

You attempted to lull yourself to sleep by imagining him next to you, trying to remember the soft sound of him breathing and the warmth of his closeness. You thought about how long it’d taken for both of you to reach the point where you could share a bed, how you built up trust, slowly growing accustomed to being in such close proximity. 

It started with Bucky sleeping on the floor of your bedroom, just so the two of you could get used to the sounds of each other. It only took a few weeks before he was able to tell whether you were awake just from the speed of your breathing, and he’d make sure to ask every few minutes if you were okay until he heard you nod off. The first time he tried sleeping in your bed, both of you expected a night of tension and unrest, but it turned out blissful. The feeling of his arm slung over you while you slept was the most comforting sensation you’d ever experienced. After that, there was no turning back, and the presence of each other was the only thing that could guarantee you both a good night’s sleep.

All you had tonight was the bitter cold and the paralysing fear that you might never get to see him again.

—

You jolted awake.

Sitting up slightly, waves of dizziness hit and you suddenly noticed that the grass around you was soaked with blood. You took a deep breath, grabbed a sturdy-looking stick from the ground and clenched it between your teeth, biting down hard as you tightened your tourniquet. The pain was immense and felt like it would never end. 

After that, all you could do was lay back down and just let the hours pass. The light slowly faded, bright sunshine turning into murky twilight, which then waned into a darkness so thick that you couldn’t even see your hand in front of your face.

Thankfully, you didn’t mind the darkness. Late night was the only time Bucky was able to sneak you out of that fucking basement prison, so you’d grown quite fond of it, often staying up late just to stare into the night sky and relive those memories.

You thought back to the first time he did it, how he charmed the security guard before excitedly leading you through a maze of winding corridors. You’d never forget the feeling of the clean, crisp midnight air hitting your face for the first time in years. You were stood there with eyes firmly closed, tears running down your face, just breathing it in. A hand was gently placed on your shoulder, and you glanced over to see Bucky looking at you with the most beautifully triumphant smile. You leant into him and let his arms enclose you. The two of you stood there, holding each other and gazing at the stars, for hours.

You held on to that memory for as long as you could, but eventually it got away. You were starting to fade, you could feel it. Grasping around for anything that would keep your mind active, you began trying to remember all the intricate details of his face and the cadences of his voice, imagining what he’d say to you if he was here.

‘Well, I never pegged you as a quitter.’

You smiled slightly to yourself, his voice echoing in your ears. ‘You always overestimated me.’

‘That’s a lie and you know it.’

Letting your head fall to the side, you saw him crouched down beside you, wearing the same outfit he’d had on when you first met. A plain black t-shirt and blue jeans, classic but unbelievably sexy.

‘Good to see you, bug.’

‘You too Buck,’ tears started to well in your eyes, ‘I just wish you were real.’

‘Me too.’

You would’ve given anything to have him reach out and touch your face, to feel the rough skin of his hand against your cheek, to know he was there with you.

‘But look,’ laying down beside you, he propped up his head, a goofy grin spread across his face, ‘I wore your favourite outfit.’

‘You’re a figment of my imagination, of course I put you in my favourite outfit.’

He shrugged. ‘Could’a put me in nothing at all.’

‘Didn’t want you to be cold.’

‘So considerate.’

You chuckled slightly, wincing in pain. ‘Don’t make me laugh, it hurts.’

Your gaze shifted from your imaginary boyfriend back to the inky sky, a feeble sigh escaping your lips. You knew him being here wasn’t a good sign, your mind was obviously starting to completely unravel, but you couldn’t say you weren’t grateful for the company.

‘Am I gonna die here, Buck?’

‘Well you’ve lost a lot of blood and you haven’t had any water in almost two days,’ he leaned so close that you swore you could smell his cologne, ‘but we both know you’ve survived worse. If this is the thing that takes you out then, frankly, imma be a little pissed.’

You gave him a faint smile, pretty impressed at the accuracy with which your half-dead brain had created this hallucination- he was just as much of an asshole as his real counterpart.

‘Besides,’ he continued, ‘I can’t be too far away by now. You know I’ll never stop until I find you.’

‘You better fucking not.’

Your eyes slowly closed, but you still heard his voice in your ears as you drifted off into a fractured sleep.

‘Get some rest, bug. I’ll see you soon.’

—

You felt an orange warmth against your eyelids, but you couldn’t muster the energy to peel them open. The pain in your leg had faded, but you weren’t sure if it had improved or if you’d just grown accustomed to it. You kept falling in and out of consciousness, strange dreams bleeding into reality until you couldn’t distinguish the two anymore. 

You fell into a sunken place, tranquil sensations engulfing your body, as if you were slowly slipping into a warm bath.

You thought, in the far distance, you heard your name being called.

—

Faint beeping started in your right ear.

It was sporadic and far away at first but, eventually, it grew loud and steady. You managed to grasp onto the sound, letting it drag you out of the sunken place and back into your body. Then more sounds started to bleed through. You pushed aside the distant footsteps and singing of birds to focus on the one you were really interested in- the close mumbling of an incredibly familiar voice. Mumbles strung themselves together and eventually became words.

‘-and then Steve said it wasn’t as good as the one from the diner around the corner, but he’s only saying that cause he’s got a crush on the girl that works behind the counter there. He knows I’m right, there’s no comparison.’

Your eyelids were still too heavy to push open and your throat was so dry it was painful, but you just about managed to choke out a few words.

‘Are you really talking to your comatose girlfriend about pizza?’

You couldn’t see him, but you could tell by the sound of his voice that he was talking through a wide grin. ‘I ran out of interesting topics hours ago, not my fault you decided to sleep in.’

A chuckle rose up from your stomach and you winced, expecting that pang of pain, but there was nothing. You just about managed to pry an eye open, lolling your head towards Bucky’s voice and trying to focus through the blinding fluorescent light.

‘Are you real?’

‘I’m real.’ His hand came to rest on your face, the sensation sending elated waves through you. ‘You had me scared for a second there, bug. Thought you were a goner.’

The corner of your mouth twitched. ‘I’ve survived worse.’

‘Your chances of survival would be much better if you checked your damn parachutes every once in a while. How many times have I told you?’

‘I don’t even get a minute of consciousness without a guilt trip?’

‘I can go back to talking about pizza, if you’d prefer.’

A single head shake was all you could manage in response to that threat. He chuckled, rising from his chair and leaning over you, thumb stroking over your cheek while he planted a cautiously soft kiss on your forehead.

‘I’m never letting you outta my sight again.’

You raised an eyebrow at him. ‘That’s a little dramatic, don’t you think?’

‘No.’

Now you were more grounded in reality, and apparently doped up on a cocktail of pain meds, you managed to push down on the mattress and shift yourself sideways. Bucky’s very concerned frown faded once you patted the bed beside you.

‘Could use some company.’

‘Oh, me too.’ He carefully climbed into the empty space, lowering his head onto the pillow. ‘I haven’t slept well for days.’

‘Wow, must’ve been really hard for you.’

‘It was.’

You watched the teasing smirk fade from his face as he drifted off to sleep, and felt yourself following not long afterwards.—

Permanent Taglist:@nnuree@tcc-gizmachine@emmabarnes@juenenfeu@ddowii@rebekahdawkins@x0xchristine@maevemarethyu@yayrainday@linkpk88@indigo123789@verygraphicink@buckyfan12@ene-rene@bawsewoman@babybluereads@marie1115@old-enough-to-know-better73@rottenstyx@kaitieskidmore1@queen-sands@bitterqueenofhearts@justreadingficsdontmindme@bucky-hues@barnesafterglow@unbeatablecurlgirl@carmellasworld@racewife2004@echo-32@just-a-littlebit-of-everything@teenagedreams-bucky@xpurpleglitter@fuck-you-with-a-fork@5289belle@divinediego@imaginetwilight2704@itsthemaree@cupcakehinch@supraveng@ladywintersoldat@xbeauxny@sea040561@just-that-dumb-bitch@mxrvelinhrt@sweetscandal@bonkybarneslover@iamlee1@amore-vuoto@enlyume@its-yasbxtch@hellishvisions@rynabarnesrogers-reading@itsdawnashlie@fyeahatised (italicised names are untaggable)

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—

Summary:You weren’t even sure if you trusted Bucky to keep your little rendezvous a secret, but now he knew something even worse.

Pairing:College!Bucky x y/n

Word Count: 1.4k

Warnings:Language

Author’s Note: I should’ve done this in part one, but I would retroactively like to set the tone for this story by directing your attention to this video. Thank you for coming to my TED talk.

—

You woke up in Bucky’s bed the next morning.

You’d originally planned to sneak away after he fell asleep, figuring that’d effectively minimise the risk of getting caught, but you must’ve passed out from exhaustion before you could manage it. 

You were still behind enemy lines.

Bucky was fast asleep, snoring like a speedboat. This would’ve been an opportune moment for you to escape had he not been lying directly on top of your arm. You briefly floated the idea of chewing it off to get away, reasoning that the adrenaline produced by your fear of Nat would carry you through the pain, but the logistics were far too complex.

You were in a coyote ugly with with a hot person, there was literally no name for this situation.

It took a few minutes, but you painstakingly managed to wriggle free without waking him, only to hear movement while you were gathering up all your clothes from the floor.

‘Morning.’ You glanced over to see him sleepily smiling at you. ‘Round two?’

‘Interesting, I had you down as a one-and-done type guy.’

‘Can’t have too much of a good thing.’ He flipped back the sheet beside him, patting the bed in time with a series of suggestive eyebrow raises. ‘Quickie?’

‘I would, Ireally would, but I can’t risk anyone catching me naked in your bedroom.’

‘The risk just makes it hotter.’

He had a very good point. You definitely would’ve taken him up on it, but the idea of Nat finding out and literally crucifying you would probably stop you getting into the moment anyway.

‘I can’t.’

‘Fair enough.’ He flopped onto his back with a sigh. ‘She really has it out for me, huh?’

You shrugged, turning away and mumbling under your breath. ‘For good reason.’

‘What?’

‘Nothing. See you later.’

You felt his eyes glued to your butt as you scurried out of the door and across the hallway, fully naked, with a ball of clothes in your arms.

You couldn’t believe you’d gotten away with it.

—

You joined Steve and Nat in the kitchen for breakfast. 

Unfortunately, after you’d all finished, you were forced to pull out one of your big gun excuses to get out of taking swim with them. Period pains were a get-out-of-jail-free card you’d be able to play all day long, but you already sensed a little suspicion at your reluctance to go near the water.

You walked them down to the beach, watching them swim completely out of view before lying down and closing your eyes to sunbathe.

Only a few brief minutes of peaceful bliss had passed when, suddenly, you found yourself completely in the shade. You opened an eye to see a grinning Bucky standing over you.

‘Not swimming?’

‘Nah, not in the mood.’

‘C’mon,’ he prodded you with his foot, ‘just a quickie?’

The smirk on his face as he said it would’ve melted the strongest of women into a quivering puddle, but even that wasn’t enough- it’d take a great deal more than some horny flirting to convince you into anything past a paddle.

‘I’m good, thanks.’

You gave him a short smile and let your eyes flicker closed again, hoping he’d shift out of the sunlight and let you carry on with relaxing.

He did not.

Before you could even gauge what the hell was happening, you’d been yanked up off the floor and slung over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes.

‘What the fuck are you playing at?’

‘I’m forcing you to have some fun.’

He was heading towards the ocean.

Your heartbeat started picking up, a hard lump forming in your throat as your stomach tied itself in a knot. ‘Bucky stop, seriously, I don’t want to.’

He ignored you and just tightened his grip in response to your struggling. You were hitting his back as hard as you could by the time he waded in, trying anything you could to get him to stop. It was unbelievably frustrating hearing him laugh in response to your begging but, for some reason, he’d convinced himself you were just joking around.

As soon as you felt your feet hit the water, your first instinct was to scream as loud as you could- that stopped him.

‘Holy shit, alright, I’ll let you go.’

He loosened his grip and began to lower you from his shoulder, not realising that was quite possibly the worst thing he could do in this situation.

‘Don’t you fucking dare.’ Your shaking legs just about managed to get a grip around him before you were fully dropped. ‘Take me back, now.’

Obviously in shock, he quickly waded back to the shore, looking incredibly concerned when you collapsed onto the sand and started hyperventilating. The edges of your vision were starting to blur, hands desperately trying to grasp onto the loose ground.

Kneeling down, he reached out and tried to comfort you a little, but stopped when you aggressively swatted away his hands.

‘Shit I’m really sorry, you should’a told me you can’t swim.’

You just about managed to push some words out between gulped in breaths. ‘I can fucking swim, asshole.’

‘What is it then?’ Slight panic was rising in his voice, he obviously had no idea what the hell was happening. ‘You scared of sharks or something?’

You didn’t bother trying to answer that, figuring you didn’t need to explain yourself to someone who’d come dangerously close to killing you a moment ago. You rolled over and attempted to stand yourself up but you were really struggling, your body was still in panic mode, legs about as useful as cooked spaghetti.

Bucky was your only option for getting as far away from the water as possible. 

You stopped batting him away so he could help you up and walk you back to the house, where you collapsed onto the porch seat and tried to collect yourself a little. Just being back somewhere you felt safe helped you begin to calm down.

Bucky lowered himself down beside you, obviously feeling incredibly guilty and scrabbling around to come up with something that’d diffuse the tension.

‘So is it all sharks or…?’

An exasperated chuckle slipped through your lips. ‘It’s not sharks, dumbass. It’s just the water.’

‘Oh, right.’ He watched as you leant back into the seat, finally catching your breath. ‘You mind if I ask why?’

You let your gaze wander over to meet his. For some reason you couldn’t pinpoint, you were feeling inclined to tell this almost-stranger something you hadn’t even shared with your best friends yet. Maybe it’d be therapeutic- after all, it was unlikely you’d ever see him again after this weekend.

He turned his body towards you slightly, face still swimming with guilt but a look in his eyes that urged you into a confession.

‘It was years ago. It’s still a little blurry, all I remember is swimming with my sister when we got caught in some kind of undercurrent and pulled down. She somehow managed to escape and call for my dad,’ you shrugged faintly, ‘apparently he got to me just in time.’

Your skin was crawling just thinking about it. You must’ve looked uncomfortable, cause as soon as you’d finished speaking Bucky placed a grounding hand on your knee, squeezing slightly and giving you a reassuring smile.

Your eyes strayed back to the shore, the sight sending a fearful tingle up your spine. ‘It know it’s stupid but, whenever I’m in the water, all I can think is that there’s something underneath me, trying to drag me down.’

‘Nah, it makes sense.’ He nodded faintly. ‘Does anyone else know?’

‘I just figured now wasn’t the best time…’

‘Don’t worry, your secret’s safe with me.’

It was a relief to hear that. You weren’t really sure why you were still so intent on keeping this from your friends, it might’ve been reluctance to tell that story again or just pure embarrassment at this point, but you were glad you wouldn’t be forced into sharing. 

You’d tell them eventually, just in your own time.

‘Look, I know I said it before, but I am really sorry. I didn’t realise you were so scared.’

Your face screwed up into a bewildered frown. ‘I was literally punching you as hard as I could.’

‘For real?’ He clicked his tongue. ‘Man, you should work out more.’

‘Asshole.’

You were dangerously close to letting yourself get lost in a bit of a moment with him, but Nat’s distant voice made you snap back to your senses and instantly slap Bucky’s hand away from your leg.

‘Hey guys,’ she and Steve were strolling towards the two of you, ‘you been for a paddle?’

A smirk crept across Bucky’s face. 

‘Yeah, just a quickie.’

—

Part 3

—

Story Taglist:@mxrvelinhrt@emmanexelle@sprmssvblackhole

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—

Summary:Hiding your phobias from your closest friends may not have been the best idea- you were definitely about to pay for it.

Pairing: College!Bucky x y/n

Word Count:1.8k

Warnings:Language

Author’s Note: So, bit of a weird one- this series is partially inspired by the request above but also by my deep horrific fear of the ocean. Bear with me, it will make sense soon, I promise. 

—

All you could see was blue. A deep, murky blue stretching in every direction.

You looked upwards, hoping to see the glimmering of the water’s surface above you, but there was nothing. You were deep this time.

You tried to swim upwards, but no matter how hard you kicked you could still feel yourself sinking. Dark shadows started to circle. Your lungs were burning, panic reaching fever pitch, urge to pull in a deep breath becoming too much to overcome.

‘Y/n!’ 

Your eyes shot open.

Nat was pretty harshly shaking your knee while doing her best to still keep an eye on the road. ‘What the hell, man? You were kicking my dashboard in your sleep.’

You scanned your eyes over the spattering of faint muddy footprints in front of you. ‘Shit, sorry. Bad dream.’

‘About what? Fighting the fucking Karate Kid?’

‘Something like that.’

You would’ve confessed the truth, but you figured that the drive towards a long weekend in a beach-house wasn’t exactly the best time to tell her about your phobia-inspired reoccurring dream.

‘I get nightmares too, sometimes.’ Wanda’s quiet voice came from the backseat.

‘Yeah? What about?’

‘That time I saw Nat’s butt by accident.’

You burst out laughing and dangled an open hand over your shoulder, swiftly receiving a high five. ‘Nice.’

‘You guys suck.’ Nat dug into her pocket, pulling out her phone and throwing it into your lap. ‘Check if Steve’s texted, he should be there by now.’

‘Mhmm, he says they’ve arrived. He also says that he can’t wait to get you alone on the beach and make you-’

She grabbed the phone away. ‘That’s great, thanks.’

You’d only met Steve a handful of times, cause he went to a different college on the other side of the city, but he seemed nice enough. That being said, you were pretty sure that he’d originally organised this weekend as a lads’ holiday but didn’t have the heart to say no when Nat hinted her interest.

You and Wanda had basically just been roped along to keep her company while the guys butt-chugged beer in the sunshine.

You finally arrived and Steve greeted you at the door, quickly informing you and Wanda that the two bedrooms left to choose from were pretty inconsistent in quality. One was a spacious master with an en-suite and full view of the beach, the other was one of two cramped attic rooms with owls nesting in the walls- guess which one you ended up in.

After unpacking all your stuff and communing with your new avian roommates, you flopped onto the bed, folding your arms over your face in exasperation. 

You’d spent weeks before this holiday compiling as many excuses as you could think of not to get into the ocean, but you were convinced they still wouldn’t be enough. If anyone tried to coerce you into anything more than a paddle then shit would hit the fan and you’d have to start attacking-

‘Hey.’

‘Jesus fuck.’ You physically jumped, bolting upright.

Snapping your head in the direction of the noise, you were pretty taken aback to see a brick shit-house of a man standing in the doorway that you’d forgotten to close.

‘Actually, most people call me Bucky, but for you I can probably make an exception.’

You clambered to your feet. ‘Well, Bucky, you scared the shit out of me. Are you one of Steve’s entourage or are you just some creep that’s broken in?’

‘Depends. Which answer gets me invited in?’

Yikes.

‘Oh, second one, definitely. Criminally dangerous perverts are kinda my thing.’

‘For real?’

‘No, you fucking idiot.’ You walked over to the door, hoping he’d shift himself when you began to close it. He didn’t. ‘Could you move? I need to get changed.’

‘Move in or out?’

The look on your face seemed to answer that question for you, cause he put his arms up in surrender and took a step back, an unholy smirk plastered on his face as you slammed the door.

Low mumbling came through the wood. ‘If you need me I’m just across the hall, neighbour.’

‘I won’t.’

You tried to shake him off while rooting around for some beach-appropriate clothes but, unfortunately, just that short conversation had started the cogs turning in your mind.

Yeah, he was pretty clearly a massive slag with no boundaries and an attitude problem, but you couldn’t deny that he was also the hottest thing that’d spoken to you in months. All of your recent relationships had been absolutely abysmal, so it might be nice to just bang it out with some asshole for the weekend…

Eh, you’d just have to see how it went. What did you have to lose?

—

Nat and Wanda were waiting for you in the kitchen. Apparently the boys were already on the beach setting up a fire pit for the evening, so you figured now was a good time to get a little more information about your potential weekend fuckbuddy.

‘So, I met Steve’s friend. He’s pretty hot.’

Nat raised an eyebrow at you. ‘Which one? Sam?’

‘Bucky.’

To this day you have no idea how she did it, but in an instant Nat somehow managed to turn into human fire at the sound of that name. Her eyes widened, head starting to erratically shake, an accusatory finger pointing right between your eyes.

‘You stay the fuck away from him.’ You looked over to Wanda, both of you stunned into silence. ‘Y/n, I’m saying this because I love you. Every woman he touches turns to crap. Stay away.’

‘I mean, it’d just be a bit of fun, it’s not like-’

‘That’s what they all say.’ Your intensely puzzled expression obviously made her realise that she needed to back up these wild claims with some evidence. ‘Look, he goes to the same college as one of my high school friends. They had a thing, she was super into him, but it ended because he slept with three of her best friends. In the same weekend.’

Ah.

You couldn’t say you were surprised. If he spoke to all women like he spoke to you back in the bedroom then, by law of averages, he probably got laid a lot. You weren’t an idiot, though, you could easily separate sex from feelings- especially if you knew that the guy was a huge player going into it.

‘He’s probably pretty good after all that practice though, right?’

Wanda found that pretty funny, but it earned you a severe case of daggers from Nat as she grabbed you firmly by the shoulders. ‘Look at me and repeat. I will not sleep with James Barnes.’

‘Who is James Barnes?’

‘Bucky. I will not sleep with Bucky. Say it.’

You rolled your eyes. ‘You can’t be serious.’

‘I’m as serious as a kick in the vulva, say it. NOW.’

‘Alright alright, I won’t sleep with Bucky, Jesus.’ You managed to shrug her hands off. ‘Happy?’

‘Yes. Now let’s go set some wood on fire.’

—

The fire pit was really going by the time it got dark. You paddled with everyone for a little while, hiding how on edge you were the whole time, but managed to get out of a midnight swim by claiming you were too tired. They went ahead and you just laid out on a blanket in the sand, happily relaxing on your own.

Then your peace was disturbed.

Bucky emerged from the water, wearing nothing but some rather clingy swimming shorts, and somehow started walking towards you in slow motion. He gave you a knowing smile before laying himself beside you on the blanket, about as close as he could manage without actually touching.

‘Nice swim, James?’

‘James?’ He flipped onto his side to face you, propping himself up on his elbow. ‘You been talking about me already?’

Shit. No way out of that one.

‘Well, you’ve got quite a reputation.’

‘Tell me about it, apparently I can’t even escape it all the way out here.’

‘Things spread, James.’ You glanced down to his crotch with a smirk, then back to his face. ‘You should know that better than anyone.’

A low chuckle vibrated next to you. ‘Real nice.’

Smiling to yourself, you folded your arms behind your head and let your eyes flutter closed, enjoying the sounds of the ocean and the distant warmth of the fire. You could sense that Bucky was still staring at you, the feelings that elicited really making if difficult for you to keep the promise you made just a few hours earlier.

‘If you’re tired, maybe we should go to bed.’

You couldn’t help but burst into astonished laughter. ‘You’re unbelievable.’

‘Life’s too short to mess around.’ 

You heard the vague sounds of the rest of your group wading out of the water. The blanket moved underneath you as Bucky shifted towards you slightly, his voice right next to your ear when he spoke again. 

‘I’ll be waiting, if you’re up for it.’

Your eyes flicked open just in time to see him climb back onto his feet, wave goodnight to everyone and slink back towards the house.

This was an interesting situation. You could either keep your promise to Nat by heading straight to your own bed and avoiding Bucky for the rest of the weekend- cause, let’s be real, that’s the only way you’d be able to resist him- or you could head to his room and have possibly the best sex of your life, which Nat would never find out about anyway cause you’d blackmail him into silence.

It seemed like kind of a no-brainer. 

You were young and single, damn it, you could have great meaningless sex with whoever the hell you wanted.

You gave it ten minutes before following him.

His bedroom door swung open and you were lifted clean off the ground before you could even manage two knocks, his goofy expression face making you giggle as he dropped you on the bed and climbed on top of you.

He leant towards you, but you shoved a hand over his mouth before he could make contact. ‘No-one can’t find out about this, especially Nat. Understand?’

‘Mmmph mmphm?’ He mumbled into your hand, making you roll your eyes and let his face go. ‘Why not?’

‘I, uh- I basically promised her I’d stay away from you. Plus, I don’t want everyone to know I’ve had a ride on the city bike.’

‘Yeah, I get that a lot.’

‘Jesus Christ.’

He gave you a cocky wink before dropping his head and closing the gap between you, slowly lowering himself down and letting his body come to rest against yours.

This definitely wasn’t a terrible idea, right?

—

Part 2

—

Let me know if you’d like to be tagged in the rest of this story.

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—

Summary: You weren’t expecting any meaningful results from court-mandated therapy, so meeting him really threw you for a loop

Pairing:FATWS!Bucky x y/n

Word Count:6k

Warnings:Language, hints to domestic violence

Author’s Note: I posted the first few parts of this as a series but it wasn’t working for me for some reason, so I thought I’d finish it off and upload it as one big chunk. We love a chunk. Disclaimer tho this is not at all canon with FATWS, it’s just loosely inspired by Bucky in therapy. Enjoy!

—

You could still smell it.

In this room, with all the doors and windows securely closed, you could still smell the stale cigarette smoke that always clung to his fingers. It had become a harbinger of sorts, a warning signal, a budgie down the mine chirping for its life before choking and dropping to the bottom of its cage like a rock.

If his hand was close enough for you to smell it, something unpleasant was coming next.

‘Y/n?’ The semi-stern voice dragged you out of your spiral. ‘Did I lose you for a second there?’

‘No. Not at all, I was, uh- just thinking about what to have for dinner.’

Her lips slowly pursed while a suspicious eyebrow crept its way up her forehead. You just huffed and shifted yourself around on the couch, waiting out the tense silence she’d manufactured in order to prompt you into a confession.

Oldest trick in the book, it wasn’t going to fucking wash.

She spoke again through a heavy sigh. ‘Y/n, you know what happens if these sessions aren’t productive. The court won’t look favourably on a blank report.’

Before experiencing it for yourself, you’d never have guessed the extent to which therapy involves passive-aggressive coercion and veiled threats. You could just save the bus fare and get the same amount of guilt and shame from an evening with your mother.

‘Defineproductive.’

‘Well, for one, you have to be honest with me.’

‘Awh, I can’t just make some shit up?’

Your smart-ass comment quickly turned to ash in your mouth as you were hit with the most severe stonewall you’d ever encountered, swiftly followed by a few more minutes of loaded silence.

Nine more weeks of this. You genuinely considered fleeing the country.

Your session mercifully ended ten minutes later but, naturally, you weren’t allowed your freedom without a final sprinkling of surreptitious duress.

‘Y/n, before you go-’ The doc stopped you just before you managed to break contact with the couch. ‘Are you aware that we also provide group sessions?’

A bolt of dread struck the top of your spine. 

Surely there was no way she could force you to attend those now that your sentence had already been passed? It was bad enough spending an hour of your week batting away her incessant questions, if you were made to give up another hour to listen to some sad-sack weep over his mommy issues and resulting failed marriage then you were definitely booking a ticket on the next plane across the Atlantic.

You winced and slowly began to shake your head, gripping the fabric of your jacket tight, dreading what she’d say next.

‘Well, we do offer your typical sit-in-a-circle-and-cry type meetings, but we’re also starting coffee mornings and cookery workshops. I think you’d benefit from them.’

She picked up a leaflet from the table beside her and strained to pass it over, pretending not to notice your obvious distaste as you took it between two fingers and eyed the front cover.

‘Are you insured to have that many crazies in the same room?’

A smirk twitched in the corner of her mouth. ‘Barely.’

You thought as much.

Either way, regardless of insurance coverage, if the meetings weren’t compulsory you certainly wouldn’t be attending. It’d take nothing short of a miracle to change your mind on that.

You leapt to your feet just as the second hand ticked over twelve and, after giving your shrink a polite and slightly smug nod, you made a beeline for the door. A whole week of sweet freedom was a mere few steps away when she called after you.

‘Oh, could you tell James I’m ready for him?’

‘Mhmm.’

You didn’t even break stride, yanking the door open as soon as it was in reach, but then stopping dead before crossing the threshold into the waiting room. 

The slight wobble that had started in your knees made walking any further quite a risk.

An intimidatingly stern but unreasonably attractive man was planted on the waiting room couch, staring stoically out of the window, apparently unaware of your presence. He was dressed pretty unusually for a New York summer day- most people would be absolutely sweltering in a leather jacket and matching gloves, but the insane heat didn’t seem to be bothering him much.

‘She’s, uh-’ You opened with the most inelegant voice crack you could possibly have mustered, causing him to send an alarmed look in your direction. ‘She’s ready for you.’

He gave a quick nod before calmly rising to his feet and slinking past you like a jaguar. A faint scent of bourbon and sandalwood was left in his wake, which only became stronger as you took a few small steps into the waiting room.

You didn’t register it in the moment, but that was the first time in weeks you’d been able to escape that lingering smell of stale cigarettes.

After hearing the door softly close behind you, your eyes danced down to the group therapy leaflet now slightly crushed in your sweaty palm, and you began to wonder whether the doc was plugging these group sessions to all her clients…

Maybe they were worth a shot.

—

The weather was suitably grim as you trudged off the bus and headed towards the Casual Chat and Coffee Morning, cursing yourself for being so susceptible to brooding beefcakes clad in leather- a weakness that had led you astray countless times before.

Ugh, he probably wouldn’t even show up.

You half-jogged through the streets in a futile attempt to avoid getting soaked, pissed that you were actively choosing this over staying in bed until midday, eating dry cereal straight out of the box and crying at teen movies on Netflix.

Your wet shoes squelched across the community centre’s linoleum floor as you slowly descended into the fifth circle of hell. The echoing of overly-enthusiastic voices down the hallway almost made you turn back, but you were determined to at least show your face, even if the only thing you gained was some brownie points from your tyrannical shrink.

You shoved open the door and quickly scanned the room, seeing absolutely no sign of him. He was obviously far more sane than you.

The temptation to swivel round and leave immediately had almost swayed you when an elderly lady with a seemingly permanent sad expression caught your eye. She waved you over to the beverage table, so you had no choice but to hold your breath and jump in head-first.

It was a bad decision.

Marjorie talked at you for twenty minutes about her abandonment issues, which apparently stemmed from a tabby cat that left to live with her neighbour. Although listening to her did make you feel a little better about your own life, you’d still rather have been anywhere else, doing anything else. 

Your will to live had reached a critically low level when you finally spotted James slip in through the door and sequester himself to the far corner, shooting threatening stares at anyone who dared to stray within chatting distance. 

The extent to which that got you going was pretty worrying.

Usually, you tried your best not to judge a book by its cover, but you just couldn’t stop thinking that he didn’t look at all the type to be in therapy- guys that looked like him usually chose to drink and/or punch away their problems.

Then again, you had no room to judge, cause that’s exactly what you’d be doing without this fucking court mandate.

Marjorie shoved a biscoff towards your face and snapped you back to reality, at which point you realised that you’d been pretty blatantly staring at the poor boy ever since he arrived. It was probably time to scrape together as much subtlety as you could before he got too freaked out.

You spun around and began to pour yourself a coffee, inwardly cursing your blundering approach to expressing attraction, when a gruff voice piped up beside you.

‘What are you in for?’

You jumped out of your skin. James had somehow managed to approach you and plant himself less than a few inches away in complete silence. The shock of finding him in such close proximity caused you to launch Marjorie’s biscoff into the air, which he somehow managed to catch and place back in your hand without so much as a glance towards your face, before quickly reverting his attention to the cup of water he was pouring.

‘Uh, bereavement.’ You lied. You had no idea why you lied, he could obviously tell, that much was clear from his amused expression. ‘You?’

‘Long story.’

‘Good long or boring long?’

His eyes flicked in your direction and you realised that, despite only being close to him for a few seconds, the woodsy scent of his cologne was already beginning to overpower the haunting odour which usually lingered around you.

He smirked slightly and took a gulp of water before turning his body in your direction, arms folded over his chest. ‘Depends what kind of stories you like.’

‘Oh, gory ones with lots of death.’

His face dropped, all the colour draining from it in an instant.

What a fucking idiot you were. That was obviously terrible joke to make at a fucking group therapy session, why couldn’t you fucking think before opening your fucking face?

‘Shit, sorry.’ You rubbed your eyes exasperatedly. ‘It’s actually amazing how coherent I am, considering I live with my foot in my mouth.’

A dry chuckle escaped his lips. ‘It’s pretty impressive.’

‘You should see me at funerals, I’m a hoot.’

‘I’ll bet.’ He pulled a leather glove off his right hand before reaching it towards you. ‘Bucky.’

‘Y/n. Pleasure.’

The feeling of his hand caught you off-guard a little. It was rough and weathered, far too rough for someone his age unless they’d spent the last twenty years working on a farm or an oil rig, which you doubted. You also couldn’t help thinking that he didn’t look the type to introduce himself with a nickname. This guy was an increasingly complex puzzle…

Or maybe you were just terrible at reading people.

‘If everyone could find a seat, we’ll be starting in five minutes.’

The shrink’s announcement caused you and Bucky to shoot horrified glances at each other. He grabbed his cup and crumpled it up, tossing it in the trash can before pulling his glove back on.

‘I think I’m gonna head off.’

‘Oh, okay.’ You tried your best not to let disappointment leak into your words. ‘Can’t say I blame you.’

He paused and closely observed you for a second, your best attempt at a polite, atmosphere-diffusing smile doing nothing to ward off the staring. His hand moved up to rub the back of his head- if you didn’t know any better you’d think he was a little nervous.

‘I don’t suppose- is there, uh- any chance you wanna get a real drink somewhere?’

It was profoundly strange hearing such a timid voice coming from such an intimidating host, but even that was incredibly endearing to you for some reason. Your cheeks started to prickle slightly. 

Man, you really needed to get laid, and soon. 

‘Yeah, that sounds great.’ You answered far more enthusiastically than intended. ‘Well, I mean, better than sitting around listening to Marjorie go on about Gerald the cat.’

‘Who?’

‘Oh, she’s- it was- doesn’t matter.’

He nodded, very confused, and gestured for you to follow him to the door. 

Maybe one day you’d be able to prise that big ol’ foot out of your mouth, but apparently it wasn’t happening anytime soon.

Once you got out into the hallway, he stayed a few steps ahead of you, addressing you over his shoulder like some kind of drill sergeant. ‘I know a place we can go.’

‘Yeah, s’fine with me.’ You replied, adding under your breath, ‘Fingers crossed that story of yours doesn’t involve dangerous alcoholism.’

‘What?’

He stopped dead, spun round and stared intently at you again. It was difficult to hide your sudden panic, you were sure you’d said that way too quietly for him to hear.

‘Oh, I just know that a couple people back there are pretty deep in prehab.’ Your words were punctuated with nervous laughter. ‘Wouldn’t want to ruin your AA streak, y'know?’

‘Appreciate the concern, think I’ll be fine.’

Yikers. Note to self, Bucky can hear everything.

You just about managed to catch up to him when the two of you got out of the community centre, but you almost had to jog to stay beside him as he strode down the street. The man moved like a spooked jungle cat.

Your familiarity with the surrounding landscape quickly faded as he led you through winding back streets and you realised, far too late, that you’d followed a complete stranger who was in therapy for unknown reasons and could easily overpower you into a completely unfamiliar setting.

It was strange, but there was something about him you couldn’t quite put your finger on, something that made you trust him- and you hadn’t trusted anyone for years.

Turning a final corner, you were greeted by a flickering red neon sign, a sight that was somehow even more depressing in the daylight. Bucky tugged the door open and stepped aside, holding it open so you could enter first. 

You appreciated the gesture but one glance inside made you really wish you had someone to hide behind.

Every intimidating figure in the place turned to glare at the timid-looking newbie, with clothes and hair still damp, quaking slightly in the doorway. Bucky planted a reassuring hand on your back and led you over to the far corner, where you sequestered yourself into a booth.

‘They’re friendlier than they look,’ he took a quick glance around the room, ‘probably. I’ll get some drinks.’

You swallowed thickly, not exactly thrilled at the prospect of being left alone here for any stretch of time- granted, it was ever so slightly less horrific than the coffee morning, but at least there you didn’t have to worry about getting shanked by Marjorie. 

After a few minutes, Bucky strolled back to the table with two tumblers half-full of golden liquid. 

Shit. 

You really, really hated whiskey, but he’d paid, so you figured it would just be unreasonably rude to complain.

‘So, who died?’

‘What?’

Your confused expression made him chuckle slightly into his glass. ‘Your bereavement?’

‘Oh. OH. My- uh, my-’ You stumbled over yourself for a few seconds before giving up. ‘My ability to think of convincing lies on the spot, apparently.’

‘No shit.’ He glanced over at you and stayed quiet for a few seconds, obviously intrigued at the real reason you were in therapy but not wanting to pry too hard. ‘S'alright, we don’t have to talk about it. Can just sit here in silen-’

‘It was my ex.’

Both eyebrows shot up his forehead. ‘What’d you do to him?’

‘Don’t worry, I didn’t kill him or anything. Even though he probably deserved it.’

‘Did he treat you bad?’ 

‘He just took everything out on me. Words turned into fists, then one day I just lost it and-’ He was listening to you intently, a flicker of pity in his eyes. ‘I set his car on fire.’

He was clearly trying to hide a slightly impressed smirk. ‘That’s not so bad.’

‘And his motorbike.’

‘Still, not too-’

‘And pushed them both into the East River.’

‘Well, I-’

‘On his birthday.’

Bucky nodded, wearing a pained expression as he did his best to smother his laughter. You couldn’t help but giggle at the shapes his face was making, which set him off, and the two of you sat quietly chuckling at each other for the next few minutes. 

In all fairness you’d always thought it was a pretty funny story. The memory of that underwater metal wreckage never failed to make you grin to yourself but, unfortunately, the judge didn’t really see it that way. 

A comfortable silence fell between the two of you. You were just on the brink of building up enough courage to ask about his backstory, but he piped up before you could.  

‘So what happened to him?’ His tone had suddenly shifted down into one of grave severity, the change in atmosphere throwing you off a little.

‘Well, nothing, really. I had no evidence against him, he was never stupid enough to hit me where he’d make a mark.’

‘And where is he now?’

‘No idea. Kinda hoping I’ll never find out.’

‘Let me know if you do.’ Bucky finished off his drink and glanced over to yours, noticing it untouched. ‘You’ve been nursing that for a while, not a whiskey drinker?’

‘I didn’t want to say anything…’

‘S’alright, I should’ve asked.’

He swiftly grabbed both glasses and barrelled over to the bar, downing your entire glassful on the short walk over without so much as wincing. 

Your story seemed to have gotten under his skin a little. You hoped you hadn’t said something to upset him, but you figured that was definitely a possibility considering the whole foot-in-mouth thing you had going on today. 

Maybe now would be a good time to distract him by asking for his story. Besides, you were still incredibly intrigued at the series of events that landed a guy like him in the same therapy office as you.

He eventually got back the table and placed a bright orange drink, complete with a colourful straw and cocktail umbrella, in front of you. 

Bless him, he tried. 

As he took a seat, you immediately noticed how tense his shoulders were, and how he kept clenching and unclenching his jaw for no discernible reason. 

‘You alright? You seem a little agitated.’ He smiled slightly and nodded, taking a long sip from his glass. ‘Well, I’m ready to hear that long story now if you’re ready to tell it.’

‘Nah, you don’t want to hear it. It’s boring long.’

‘Can I be the judge of that?’

‘Honestly, it’s not much to hear.’ You gave him your best prompting-without-being-too-nosey look. ‘I just have some stuff to sort out.’

‘No shit. We’ve all got stuff to sort out, that’s kinda the point.’

He let out an amused sigh. ‘I’ve got amends to make, s’all.’

‘Amends? You sure you’re not in AA?’

‘Pretty sure, to be honest I don’t even know what that is.’

The two of you started chuckling again, which was only made worse when you braved a sip of your orange monstrosity and winced so hard that your face almost folded in half. You should’ve known this place wouldn’t make decent cocktails.

He changed the topic of conversation after that and you decided to just go with it- he obviously wasn’t comfortable disclosing details of his past to you yet, you didn’t want to make things awkward by pressing him any further.

A few god-awful drinks later, you were teetering on drunkenness, but he seemed absolutely no different. He just sat and happily listened to your tipsy ramblings, a fond smile plastered on his face. The two of you somehow ended up staying until closing time.

After being kicked out, you followed Bucky into the street and suddenly remembered that you had no idea where you were. Drunk and lost in the dark back-streets of New York was not a good situation for anyone to be in.

‘So, to get back to the community centre, I go…’ You spun around a few times before stopping and blindly pointing a finger down the first alley you saw. ‘This way?’

Bucky shook his head at you, endlessly amused. ‘Not even close. C’mon, I’ll walk you home.’

‘Appreciate it, definitely wouldn’t have survived on my own.’

‘I figured.’

He offered you an arm, probably just to make sure you stayed upright, and led you back through the winding streets. It was a long walk and the breeze was bitterly chilly, but his company made it bearable. You eventually managed to get your bearings and direct the two of you towards your apartment.

He hung around by the door while you fished around in your bag, nervously clearing his throat and looking as though he was building up to something. The sight of keys in your hand eventually made him pipe up.

‘So I was, uh- just wondering if you wanted to do this again sometime? Maybe I could take your telephone number?’

‘Ah, my cellular telephone number?’ You gave him a teasing smirk, slowly becoming more and more convinced that the mind of a pensioner was packed somewhere into that hard body. ‘Sure, I’d be up for that.’

You checked yourself for a second as he reached his phone out and started tapping at it with his index finger. Was this a bad idea? After that last asshole your mom was desperate for you to bag a normal, but every normal guy you’d ever dated ended up boring the hell out of you…

Fuck it, you had nothing to lose at this point.

You grabbed his phone out of his hand and opened up the contacts app, seeing a worryingly small number of names appear on the screen, one of them being simply ‘Asshole’. Ignoring all your better judgements, you put in your details and handed it back.

The two of you then found yourselves awkwardly standing opposite each other, neither of you quite sure of the appropriate way to say goodbye. He didn’t look like a hugger, so maybe a handshake? No, this wasn’t the end of a fucking business meeting. You couldn’t bring yourself to even attempt a high-five.

You’d been point-blank staring at him for a few seconds now.

‘See you around.’ You gave an awkward wave as you turned to unlock your door.

‘Yeah, I hope so.’

You hopped in the door and quickly closed it behind you so he wouldn’t see the child-like grin his response elicited.

You hoped so too.

—

Your next therapy session went surprisingly well. The doc got a couple sneaky guilt-trips in about you leaving the coffee morning early, but once you admitted that you’d spent the evening having deep chats with someone new she perked up immediately and seemed extremely pleased.

You chose not to divulge that the chats had involved some covert flirting with another of her patients, and that you’d been pretty frequently texting with that individual ever since, cause that seemed like a detail that might tip her over the edge- but overall it was a big win. 

The session came to an end and, same as last time, the doc asked you to send James in. He jumped to his feet when he saw you in the doorway, his face lighting up.

‘Your turn Buck, I left her in a good mood for you.’

‘Thanks,’ he laughed a little awkwardly through his words, ‘but I’m sure I’ll ruin that pretty quickly.’

‘I don’t doubt it.’

You gave him a wide grin as you shuffled past, semi-intentionally brushing your arm against his. Just as you were about to reach the door his voice stopped you in your tracks.

‘Hey, are you free later? We could grab a coffee? Or something else, if you don’t like coffee I mean, I’m not that big a-’

‘Sounds great.’ You smiled reassuringly and gestured to the couch. ‘I’ll wait here.’

‘Alright, I’ll try to make it quick.’

‘Hope you don’t make a habit of that.’

You got a mischievous eyebrow raise in response to that comment, not bad for a shy guy.

The two of you ended up spending the whole day together. You had a coffee and walked through the park, eventually sitting down on a bench and wasting away the daylight hours just talking. 

Once it was almost dark, Bucky plucked up some courage from god-knows-where and actually invited you back to his apartment for a beer. You were very bloody shocked but it was quite possibly the fastest yes you’d ever given anyone. 

You felt a little apprehensive as he started leading you down a couple seedy-looking back alleys, but to be fair your apartment wasn’t exactly in the nicest part of the city, so you couldn’t judge. 

That was, until an unsavoury looking figure emerged from the darkness and started heading straight towards you.

Immediately, like it was instinctual, Bucky planted himself in front of you and squared his shoulders. The two of them threw a couple aggressive words back and forth but you couldn’t make them out over the sound of thumping in your ears. You were terrible with confrontation, you just hoped Bucky was as tough as he looked.

As it turns out, his looks were just the half of it.

It all happened in a flash, before you could blink Bucky had this guy pinned against the wall with one arm, his feet dangling above the floor like some kind of shit-scared marionette. You probably would’ve found it a little funny if your fight-or-flight instincts weren’t registering off the charts.

Then, just like that, he was gone. He scurried off as soon as Bucky released his grip.

A pair or strong hands came to rest either side of your face. ‘You alright?’

‘I’m good, yeah.’ You were more than good actually, you were feeling some kind of way after that display. ‘We should keep moving, I’d really like that beer now.’

You laced your arm tightly through his, both of you quick-marching the rest of the way back.

His apartment was… interesting.

It was pretty small, but that definitely wasn’t the issue- the issue was how completely bare it was. The living room had a small couch, a TV and, for some reason, a set of bed sheets laid out on the floor. 

Again, you weren’t exactly in a position to judge, but this really didn’t look like a healthy living space.

You perched on the couch while Bucky grabbed the drinks, not bothering to shift yourself over when he sat down next to you, his thigh pressed against yours.

‘Nice place.’

‘Thanks, but you don’t have to lie. Maybe we should go to your place next time.’

The corner of your mouth curled into a faint smile. ‘Next time?’

A new kind of atmosphere fell between the two of you. 

He slid his arm across the back of the couch behind you, your bottles clinking together as he leant towards you. Slowly, cautiously, his lips pressed against yours. You could tell he was holding back a little, maybe he didn’t want to come on too strong, but it was still one of the nicest moments you’d ever had with a guy.

He pulled away, and you decided you couldn’t keep your curiosity at bay anymore.

‘Who are you, James?’

‘What d’you mean?’

He knew exactly what you meant, you could tell by the look in his eyes, but it seemed like he was willing you to spell it out for him. ‘You’re unbelievably strong, you can hear literally everything, you’re cagey about anything to do with your past and you have this whole apartment but you choose to sleep in sheets on the living room floor. You’re like a riddle that I can’t even begin to solve.’

‘If I told you, you wouldn’t want to be around me anymore.’

‘You think?’ A sceptical eyebrow started to creep up your forehead. ‘I really don’t have a license to be picky.’

‘What you did is nothing in comparison to the things I’ve done.’

That threw you a little. ‘You make it sound like I’m in danger or something.’

You were half-joking, but the look on his face sent real waves of fear through you. A heavy silence swept through the room, Bucky’s eyes were fixed on the bottle he was gripping tightly, the muscles in his forearms flexing hard.

Without warning, he shot up to his feet. ‘You should go. I’ll call you a cab.’

‘I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to pry I just-’

‘It wasn’t anything you did, it’s me.’

Alright, up until now you were very willing to give him the benefit of the doubt, but that comment was enough to make your mood flip entirely.

‘It’s not you it’s me? Brilliant.’

‘No, really-’

‘Don’t bother. See you around, Buck.’

You put your untouched beer on the floor and left the apartment as quickly as you could, cursing how stupid you’d been for ever thinking you could trust a guy again. You’d shared something with him so personal that you hadn’t even told your fucking therapist, and now he was brushing you off with that shit?

It figures, even the ones that seemed kind and vulnerable were just assholes deep down.

You got home, got into bed and lay there in the dark for hours. You could still smell the stale cigarette smoke, still hear heavy breathing beside you, still feel the sting of tears in your eyes as you silently cried yourself to sleep once more.

—

You ignored at least twenty calls off him the next day. You hoped he’d get the message, but he obviously didn’t, cause he showed up at your door that evening. 

After spotting him out of the window you immediately decided that you weren’t home. You didn’t need some useless apology or explanation, plus your eyes were way too post-cry puffy to cover up with any amount of makeup.

Unfortunately, it turned out that he was just as stubborn as you. When banging on the door for a good twenty minutes hadn’t worked he decided to start shouting.

‘Y/n, I know you’re in there. Open up. Talk to me.’

Talk about what? You’d already established that he’s just another troubled, emotionally unavailable asshole who you’ll regret ever meeting after a couple months together- there was nothing else to talk about.

You drew the curtains and put your headphones in, he was the neighbour’s problem after that.

When you went downstairs the next morning to get the mail, you found a scribbled note at the bottom of the pile, written on the back of a receipt for protein bars and scotch.

I’ll be at the bar all night, if you don’t show I’ll leave you alone.

No. You weren’t going.

No way would you put yourself through all this again for the sake of some asshole. You were better on your own, happier even. Sure, he was nice and handsome and kind, but he was brandishing more red flags than a Chinese naval fleet.

You weren’t going. That was it.

—

You got to the bar at around 8pm.

As soon as you walked in you spotted Bucky, hunched in the same corner as last time, brooding. His gaze didn’t waver from his drink until you were right in front of him.

Once he noticed you, he stood up so fast that his legs whacked against the table, a loud thud echoing through the room. ‘Shit, sorry. I didn’t think you’d come.’

‘Neither did I.’ You flopped yourself down opposite him with a sigh. ‘You’ve got two minutes.’

You’d never seen someone look so on edge, his body looking uncomfortably tense as he lowered himself back down. He looked at you in silence for a few seconds before taking a deep breath and starting.

‘In that case, I should probably start with this.’

He slowly and theatrically removed his right glove, revealing the weathered hand you’d seen back at the coffee morning, the whole performance prompting a slightly puzzled look from you. 

Then took off the glove on his left hand. You couldn’t believe your eyes.

It was… metal?

A burnished, mechanical hand was just lying on the table in front of you, motionless, glinting slightly under the dim light of the bar. He just stared at you, obviously trying to gauge your reaction.

‘Alright.’ You nodded slowly. ‘Three minutes.’

You saw the relief spread over his face when he realised you were teasing. 

Then he started talking. 

Your mouth was probably hanging open the whole time and you had to stop him to get parts repeated every couple of minutes, but you believed every word. Who the hell would make this up?

Besides, he was sitting there waving around a metal arm, so you couldn’t exactly discredit that part.

Finally, he finished.

‘So… what do you think?’

‘I think I’m sitting here on a date with a fucking pensioner.’ He laughed, obviously reassured by the fact you hadn’t made a run for it yet. ‘Jesus. I’m glad you trust me with all this but I gotta admit, that’s a hell of a lot to take in. ’

‘I know, but the doc thinks I need to open up and trust people more. You’re the only person I’ve enjoyed the company of since I lost my best friend so, if trust is what it takes not to lose you, then I’m an open book.’

Well, that hit you like a punch in the gut. It look a great deal of self-restraint for you not to start welling up.

You reached your hands over the table to meet his. You had to admit it was a little strange, his right hand being warm and fleshy while his left was so firm and cold, but it was definitely something you could get used to. He looked a little insecure about it, obviously he’d never been touched like that since losing his arm.

‘I still think you’re a good guy, Buck.’ By the look on his face you could tell you’d just given him a matching punch in the gut. ‘Granted, this whole situation is a little more complex than I’d anticipated, but I really enjoy your company too. I don’t want to give that up.’

He smiled at you for a few seconds, hands turning over to lightly grip yours, thumbs brushing over your knuckles. ‘So, I don’t suppose there’s any chance you want to come back to my place?’

‘I don’t know, are you gonna go all weird again?’

‘I mean, I just told you I’m over a hundred years old and you’re still here, I don’t think it gets weirder than this.’

‘Good point. Let’s get out of here.’

The walk back was less treacherous this time, and it was nice knowing that Bucky probably felt much more at ease- mainly cause he didn’t have to worry about how he was going to justify keeping a long-sleeved shirt and gloves on in the sack.

You eventually found yourself back in his living room, standing over his unmade floor-bed, with a few interesting thoughts swimming through your mind.

Was this your set-up for the evening? Did he have an actual bed? Did he even need to sleep? What would it feel like if he used that metal arm on you while you were-

‘You alright?’

‘Hmm?’ Bucky pulled you away from your eager fantasies. ‘Oh, I’m good, just trying to figure out the logistics here.’

He looked from you, down to the floor-bed, then back to you. ‘Yeah, sorry, I do have a bed it’s just… not made.’

With a chuckle and a head shake in his direction, you gathered up all the loose sheets from the floor and headed in the general direction you guessed for his bedroom, hearing his soft footsteps padding behind you.

Making the bed was a task. He clearly had no idea what he was doing, watching him try to put the cover on a pillow was like watching a gorilla try to crack the enigma code. It was almost as though he was a frozen relic from a time when women did all the housework- oh wait.

The two of you finally managed to cobble together something that looked reasonably comfortable.

‘Nice job, soldier.’

His gaze met yours, eyes darkening slightly. ‘Call me that again and I’ll have to do something about it.’

Well, this was new. 

You’d met timid, stuttering Bucky and you’d met sincere, pouring-his-heart-out Bucky, but you’d certainly never met intense sex-eyes Bucky.

You fucking liked it though.

‘Oh yeah?’ You took a step towards him, doing everything you could to stay composed and not melt all over the floor. ‘Prove it, soldier.’

‘Right.’

Before you could register what was happening you’d been lifted clean off the floor and thrown pretty unceremoniously onto the bed. The sensations of different parts of his body pressed against yours made you dizzy, the smell of him all over the sheets mingled with the sweetness of his warm breath filling all your senses and finally chasing of that fucking cigarette smell for good.

‘Wait, hang on.’ You managed to sit yourself up, Bucky sitting back on his heels but not letting his face move more than a few inches away from yours. ‘So was the last time for you, in like, the 40′s?’

‘Sounds worse than it is, I was frozen for most of the time.’

You almost laughed out loud at him. ‘Wow, your gauge for good and bad is really messed up.’

‘That’s what you get for jumping into bed with a guy you met in a therapist’s office.’

‘Fair enough.’

You grabbed him by the shirt and pulled his face back towards yours, now pretty excited to bring him up to speed with all the bedroom developments he’d missed out on during the second half of the 20th century. 

Poor guy probably hadn’t even tried anything other than missionary.

As you were lying there, with his face buried in your neck, a wonderful thought dawned on you. Finally, you’d found something worth living for, something that would let you move on from all the shit in your past.

Maybe you could be that for him, too.

—

Permanent Taglist: @nnuree@tcc-gizmachine@emmabarnes@juenenfeu@ddowii@rebekahdawkins@x0xchristine@maevemarethyu@yayrainday@linkpk88@indigo123789@verygraphicink@buckyfan12@ene-rene@bawsewoman@babybluereads@marie1115@old-enough-to-know-better73@rottenstyx@kaitieskidmore1@queen-sands@bitterqueenofhearts@justreadingficsdontmindme@bucky-hues@barnesafterglow@unbeatablecurlgirl@carmellasworld@racewife2004@echo-32@just-a-littlebit-of-everything@teenagedreams-bucky@xpurpleglitter@fuck-you-with-a-fork@5289belle@divinediego@imaginetwilight2704@itsthemaree@cupcakehinch@supraveng@ladywintersoldat@xbeauxny@sea040561@just-that-dumb-bitch@mxrvelinhrt@sweetscandal @bonkybarneslover (italicised names are untaggable)

—

Summary:When your best friend Sam finally moved into his own place, you thought it would give you both the new lease of life you’d been craving. Then he introduced you to his roommate…

Pairing:Bucky x y/n

Word Count: 9k

Warnings:Language

—

Part One/Part Two/Part Three

Part Four /Part Five /Part Six

—

dizzydancingdreamer:

Easy Peasy | Peter Parker

Note: Back to deflecting all my shit onto Peter Parker because, well, I don’t know I just do. I’m okay, I’m just tired, and I’m tired of explaining that I don’t want to die but I’m also not happy. I am tired of being not happy, too, but this is easier to tackle. This was written fast through tears it might be shit.

Description: Peter doesn’t want to die but he doesn’t want to be alive either

Characters: Peter Parker, Tony Stark (mentioned) 

Warnings: death, grief, harmful thoughts about self and death (read tags) but it’s not graphic at all it’s just depressing

Word count: 1.1k

Tags: Angst: talk of wanting to die, grief, depression (god this is not sounding good— DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE A FLIGHT RISK I AM NOT RESPONSIBLE)

➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶

Peter Parker doesn’t want to die. 

Peter Parker doesn’t want to die but, well, he doesn’t really want to be alive either. Not really. Not at all. But he doesn’t know how to explain that to anyone because, sure, Tony died and, yeah, the world almost ended, or something like that, but it’s fine, you know? He’s young, he’s smart— things come easyto him. 

Peter Parker shouldn’t want to die because he’s young, and smart, and things come easy to him.

Except waking up— that doesn’t come easy to him. Or getting out of bed. Or putting on his socks. Or finding his socks. Or remembering that socks are a thing and that he needs to wear them or else his heels get blistered and then he won’t want to get out of bed in the morning. But besides that he’s young, and smart, and things come easy to him so he should want to be alive. 

Keep reading

The Will and The Way

Summary: In the midst of Odin’s death, a will is to be read. Asgard is overjoyed, but still in mourning. It is clear everything will go to one of his two sons, Prince Thor or Prince Loki, and there’s hardly a question as to which will win everything. But what if neither of them does?? What if, with a major catch, a young maid is the name they find written and bound to the throne…

Warnings: violence, angst, potentially some steam…

Pairings: OC x Loki/ OC x Thor (Love triangle)

Key Characters:

Astrid Ivarsdottir

“I am not a game for you to play. I am the player, and I will win.”

Thor Odinson

“I may be kind, but that is not to say I will not strike back in a time of need. Ruling me out is your own mistake.”

Loki Odinson

“You tell me, is it the truth or am I just very persuasive? Even I can’t tell the difference sometimes.”

Parts

Part 1: Reading day

Tis the damn Season

Oneshot #55 - part 3 (and last part) to White Horse

Pairing: Loki x reader

Warnings: Might have a bit of mentions of violence, alludes to sexual content but doesn’t actually involve it

Tags:  @peachybaes,@wolfish-trickster , @writinguntilmyheartgivesout  and @nms224​ (thank you guys for the support on White horse, and on Good 4 U, you have no idea how ecstatic they made me, my heart was very happy, I appreciate you, and all my other readers and I hope you enjoy the finale to this little series )

A/N: AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! I never thought I’d actually finish this part because I kept alternating between what I wanted to do with it but I am so happy with how it did turn out!! Honestly you don’t have to read the other parts to understand this one but I would recommend it. Anywayyyy, ENJOY!!!!!

You take a deep breath as you collect your thoughts, walking carefully through the doors to enter the golden Asgardian palace for the first time in forever.

Your eyes flit over to a flash of green and gold and you panic, turning the other way to run from that which you feared seeing again so much.

You hadn’t been home in ages, too taken with the cultures and ways of mortals on earth to want to come back. The only reason you’d returned was because your mother had begged for your presence at the annual royal celebration that had become tradition for you to attend. Other than that, you were completely uninterested in being back in this realm.

“As I live and breath… hello to you fair y/n.” The familiar teasing voice says calmly from the distance. You freeze in place, cursing him and his buttery smooth voice in your head as you turn, your grimace quickly replaced with a smile.

“Your highness.” You greet quietly, wanting nothing more than to leave this awkward interaction.

“I believe we’ve known each other long enough that you may call me my name y/n.” He challenges, his smile turning to the mischievous smirk.

“Of course… Loki.” You murmur through gritted teeth. He nods in approval tauntingly.

“We’ve missed you around here. Lady Sif and I have had to find different ways to entertain each other.” He says, his grin staying in place as your demeanor shifts a bit out of place.

If I wanted to know

Who you were hanging with

While I was gone, I would’ve asked you

“Of course. I’m sure you found your ways though. You always have.” You reply steadily, turning to step around him to find your way to your family. “If you’ll excuse me.” You mutter on your way around him.

You wait, expecting him to step in your way and block your path but to your surprise, the gesture doesn’t come.

“We will be seeing each other.” Loki hums from behind you. With that, a feeling of surprise longing and unease settles in your stomach as you make your way away from him.

——————————————————————

“My darling y/n, you look lovely.” Your mother cries as you watch yourself in the golden framed mirror.

She’s not wrong, you know it. You do in fact look amazing, shimmering in a dark y/f/c ensemble fit for royalty, decked out in an array of gold and silver detailing.

But the reflection in the mirror was almost unrecognizable. You know this was how you’d dressed and looked before you left, but this style, this lavish look was like it belonged to another person. You felt like you couldn’t possibly be the one looking back at you in the reflection.

“Thanks mom.” You murmur appreciatively, ignoring the pit of doubt in your throat.

Your mother leaves, hurrying off to ready herself for the festivities but you crash down onto your bed, staring up at the decorative ceiling. Not every household had paintings over their heads, but you were one of the luckier ones, with flowers and a meadow painted above where you slept, keeping you grounded and relaxed in your worst moments.

“You know my love, those flowers are just like you. Wild, beautiful and full of life.” You hear his voice in the back of your mind but not in the invasive way it normally was. No, this voice was sweet as honey, one from a distant memory. A smile came to your lips uncontrollably as you remembered the moments he’d traced symbols over your bare arms with his chilling fingers, wrapped up in the soft sheets together, having sent shivers up your spine every time.

If you were being honest with yourself, you’d longed for that familiar chill when he’d spoken with you in the halls.

It’s the kind of cold

Fogs up windshield glass

But I felt it when I passed you

“Come on y/n, we can’t be late.” Your mother calls and you quickly run down to her, wanting to escape your thoughts more than anything.

You fix your hair as you come to a slow down the end of the hall, quietly following the rest of your family towards the city square.

The Center of Asgard is buzzing with activity, kids running around the town square. You laughed a little as a little girl ran around your legs but a moment later a little boy chasing her catches you off guard. You move to jump out of the way but the heel of your shoe gets caught on a woman’s dress and you trip towards the ground.

A second later you’re gazing into the cloudy eyes of the crowned prince, his arms holding you upright easily.

“Are you alright?” He asks, a look of genuine concern on his face. Your y/e/c widen as you stare up at him, your mouth slightly ajar in shock.

“I-I’m fine thanks.” You mutter, pulling yourself out of your trance. He pulls you up with him as he stands straight, sticking his hands in his pockets awkwardly.

“Seeing as you are in fact fine, would you do me the honour of accompanying me in a dance?” He asks, a flicker of hope in his eye.

There’s an ache in you

Put there by the ache in me

“Sure.” You say after a hesitant pause as you brush nonexistent dust off your clothes.

A tentative smile plays on his lips as he pulls you into his arms for a dance, leading the way to the makeshift floor, the motion like a second nature to him.

“Even after all this time you still know how to dance so well.” You tease with a smile. He chuckles, the sound filling your ears happily.

Asgard may have been where you’d grown up but it felt like you’d outgrown it. Everything about Loki though, somehow, you could never be done with him. Not without lying to yourself anyway.

“So, you and lady Sif hm?” You ask with a smirk as he laughs a little harder.

“Goodness no. If she knew I had told you such lies she would have my head on a platter.” He admits, making you giggle yourself.

“Glad to hear.” You hum as he dips you towards the floor, meeting your eyes. You both stare for a moment, reminiscing.

But if it’s all the same to you

It’s the same to me

“It has been rather dull with you gone you know.” Loki teases, pulling you to your feet and twirling you around effortlessly.

“I always have been the life of the party.” You joke with a wide grin as he pulls you back into him.

“Or all others just simply cannot compare to you.” He shrugs with a knowing smirk as you try to hide your blush.

You spend the night twirling away in his arms, watching the festivities take place around you and slowly remembering why you hadn’t left Asgard sooner. The beauty of the kingdom at night, the lights like fine glitter against the gold of the palace nearby almost too much to bear.

Loki watches in amusement as you take everything in once again, smiling at the small sparkle in your eyes.

“You always had a way of making it seem as though you were only just seeing the city for the first time, no matter how many years you have spent here.” He notes, his lips pursed in concentration.

“Well to be fair, it’s like I’m seeing it through new eyes today.” You say with a grin.

You try to ignore the obvious frown on his face, not wanting to further ruin the mood.

“I see you have been enjoying your time on Midgard then.” He says, an undertone of bitterness evident in his voice.

You sigh, crossing your arms at the topic.

“Yes Loki, I’m enjoying my time doing what I wanted to do, now if you’ll excuse me.” You mumble, walking quickly away from him, narrowly missing his arm reaching out for you.

You head back inside while he stands there, letting out a groan of frustration at his own stupidity.

He gives up on his own common sense and chases you, grabbing your hand gently. “I am sorry. I should not… I do not know why I brought that up. I allowed my own pride to get ahead of me.” He admits, frowning at you apologetically. “Would you please forgive a dear old idiot prince?” He teases and you snicker, a smile cracking through your angry state.

So we could call it even

You could call me babe for the weekend

“I don’t know Loki, you really acted like a dick.” You sigh honestly, laughing again when he looks at you quizzically. “a jerk, an ass, a true idiot.” You elaborate, giggling. He nods, finally grasping your meaning.

“I know. I really did. But I have seen how you feel without me there. I just…. I am not ready to let go of you yet my love.” He murmurs softly, taking your hand in his carefully as though it might break. A familiar shiver runs up your hand and down your spine, the tingle of it sending a nostalgic twang to your heart.

“Please Loki don’t call me that. I can’t… It’s too much.” You plead quietly, your voice barely a whisper as the words escape your lips. He nods in silent understanding.

You stand in quiet peace, you not pulling your hand away from his own and tentatively leaning against the railing, leaving your hand with his for the comfort.

“Did you know that it’s actually a holiday on Midgard right now too? Well, not really a holiday but it’s what they also call the ‘Holiday season’. It’s beautiful there right now too, all decked out in lights and colours and sweets and different ornaments they hang from their trees. They have a lot of different holidays celebrated by all different people, that’s what the midgardians call themselves, and it’s really strange but at the same time it’s almost magical.” You explain, wanting to share your experiences with him to try and show him why you felt interest about Midgard.

“And which is your favourite?” He asks quietly, nuzzling up to you as he used to, wanting to hear your voice regardless of the fact that it was about the place he now so loathed.

“Well I like them all. And they have this stuff falling from the sky called snow, it’s like a white powder. Kids play in it and you have to shovel it in the morning to get to work, that I had to learn the harder way.” You ramble, laughing at the memory of your first snowfall not long ago. “It’s so different from Asgard, they’re so much less formal there. It’s really strange, talking in shortened terms, different technologies. It’s really fascinating Loki.” You finish and his faint smile is much bigger than it was, the sound of you happy and passionate about something making him overjoyed despite his resting bitterness.

“Is it as magical as this?” He asks, holding out his palm and creating a burst of mini fireworks in his hand.

“Loki I don’t mean literally magical. I mean more figuratively speaking. It’s their most romantic time of the year, that’s why they feel it’s magical.” You explain briefly, smiling with a blush at the sparks of colour in his hand. You go to push down his hand and as your body moves ever so slightly, you’re facing each other, truly eye to eye for the very first time in so long, the literal and figurative sparks flying around you.

Tis the damn season, write this down

I’m staying at my parents’ house

Loki takes careful action, reaching up and brushing his thumb over your bottom lip slowly, teasingly. He cups your face there, the thrill of feeling your skin on his skin sending a small rush of adrenaline through his cold veins as he pulls you in. You don’t protest, letting him lure you back as you’d once so feared but in the moment, couldn’t one bit imagine why.

He waits a moment for the protest that doesn’t come before leaning in and brushing his lips on yours, first gently but rushing into needy rather quickly. He kisses you passionately, his tongue soon slipping in your mouth when you grant it entry and pulling you along with him, hidden around the corner of the balcony safely while the two of you ‘properly’ re-greet each other.

“Stop… stop.” He says breathlessly, planting needy kisses along your face to cool down, only making you feel more wound up in the process.

“I must confess something before we continue.” He says, still in his daze of the moment. You nod, not sure what you can say, all thoughts sucked from your mind the moment your lips met.

“I told your mother to ask you to come back for the celebration. I chose the outfit you are wearing right now and by the norns, I am glad I did because you are truly a vision but the point is, I deceived you to get you back here.” He says, the words flooding out of his mouth.

You let out a small snort, falling into a small fit of laughter. He looks completely bewildered, shocked by your reaction.

“Loki, you’re the god of mischief. I have loved you for far too long not to know this. Did you really think I wasn’t going to be the least bit suspicious when my mother asked, no, BEGGED me to come home for this day and made such a big deal out of it when she’s never really cared for it before?” You giggle as you go through your explanation.

“I knew this was your doing almost as soon as I received the invite. I was only slightly suspicious at first but then my mother visited me and begged me to come and I knew right away you had something to do with it.” You laugh and you get really confused as you see him grinning like a mad man. “what?”

“You said you love me.” He says, beaming with excitement. You blush scarlet in realization.

“I- no- that was not what I meant to say!” You stammer.

“Oh but it is what you said, I caught it. You still love me darling.” He smirks in a cocky manner and you sigh, not wanting to argue with him in such a nice moment.

“Yes alright… yes I love you. I have always and probably always will Loki.” You admit with a grin not nearly matching his own.

And the road not taken looks real good now

And it always leads to you in my hometown

“I love you too. Always have always will.” He promises, pressing another kiss on your forehead.

“I’ve missed you so much Loki. I tried to meet other people but… I really don’t know how to get over all we’ve had, even if I do like being on Midgard. Would you ever consider coming there with me?” You ask quietly, blinking up at him with eyes full of hope.

He stares back at you, taken aback by the question. Never once had he imagined such a question coming from you. Sure, he’d pondered the question himself many times but never from you, he imagined you would wish to lead a separate life from that which you’d shared. 

“My beloved… I am not sure that idea is the best one… those residents of Midgard surely remember my… faults. I am sure that many loath my existence. I could never live there, with you, risking your life and safety to their wrath. I am certain harm would come to one of us and if it were you… I could not forgive myself.” He frowns, holding your face in his hands.

“You’re an infamous trickster, surely you can mask your true identity from them.” You frown, your eyes glazed with unshed tears, your lip starting to wobble, staring down at the city you used to run around with Loki in. The strong memories were intoxicating to you both and you knew that.

I parked my car, right between the Methodist

And the school that used to be ours

“My love please do not cry, I so hate it when you cry. I did not say I would not find a way to make us work. If it is truly what you want, We will find a way. I promise you. I only said that me living on Midgard is not the best plan.” He explains with a promising smile as your hopeful gaze returns.

Where all these hopes were coming from, you honestly didn’t know. You were in a bad place with your feelings for Loki for a long time. There were times you wanted to come back to Asgard to strangle him and others where you wanted to come back to hug him tight and never let go.

You were at peace with your feelings for him prior to the return. But now, you realized feelings so unresolved and so strong weren’t going away so easily. It was so strong you couldn’t in good conscience ignore him or ignore them. They needed to be revived or put to rest, but you were having a harder time than ever deciding which was the answer.

“I hate that you make me feel like this.” You sigh, leaning into him.

He chuckles, pulling you in closer. “I am well aware, and yet I love it just as I love you.” He teases, kissing your forehead gently.

The chill of his fingers soothes you in a way, making you feel more at home than you imagined before your return. It was odd, you had never thought being in his arms again would feel the same. You thought you had matured enough to feel no such feelings if he ever laid a finger on you again but his touch is somehow making you feel like nothing had changed and like the past few years were completely frozen in time.

The holidays linger like bad perfume,

You can run but only so far

“This does not mean I wish to remain in Asgard Loki. I love you more than life itself but I stand by all that I’ve said thus far. I am your equal, not your lesser and you have to treat me like it and let me make my own decisions.” You warn, looking back at him, your posture slightly stronger and the confidence in your voice unwavering.

“I understand my love. And though I do not at all agree with your home of choice, I shall not interfere with your wishes again. I have learned what it is like to live in spite of you and I never wish to live in such a way again. I cannot bear to lose you over my own stupidity again Darling.” Loki vows, squeezing your hands in a sort of promise.

A year ago, you would have never believed the words coming from his mouth. You likely would have ran before he could speak even a sentence of all that he had said at this point. 

But you had definitely grown and you could tell Loki had too. His full blown anger seemed to have dissipated over time and you could hardly judge him if it hadn’t, having had a few meltdowns on the subject yourself over your time apart. 

The anger was no longer fresh, more like a plant, growing and growing until it slowly died and shriveled away.

Of course, you knew that this might be the worst idea either of you had ever had. Of course you knew it was risky and trivial. But you didn’t care as much. The change you saw in Loki now from the Loki you’d seen all that time ago was intense and it was all you’d hoped for.

“You know, you WILL have to come and stay at my place at least sometimes…” You teased, making him let out a dramatic sigh.

“Or you could come here and I could avoid all those Midgardians who absolutely loathe me…” He offers and you shake your head slowly, laughing as he pouts.

“It’s called compromise darling, you have to learn it eventually.” You tell him, sticking your tongue out as he groans even louder. 

The two of you remain giggling on the balcony for a large majority of the festivities, pointing out places on Asgard you hadn’t been in forever. Neither of you were certain of what the future may hold for your relationship and neither of you spoke about it, deciding that the love you shared in that moment was enough to last you a long while. At least for the celebration, you had no worries except each other. 

I escaped it too, remember how you watched me leave

But if it’s ok with you, it’s ok with me…

Title: Reunion

Pairing: Loki x Goddess!Reader

Summary: You were a goddess from the Greek pantheon and Loki’s former lover. Separated during the events of the first Thor movie and Loki’s initial supposed death, he learns you had given birth to his child during his time away. Initially disbelieving, his possessiveness for you finally brings him back to Midgard to take what is his. Story set somewhere after Thor: The Dark World, but before Avengers: Age of Ultron.

Notes: This started as just a prompt for Father’s Day back in June, and is more a “What If?” type spinoff from my main Loki x Goddess!Reader series still in progress. If you like the pairing though, you can check out more of that AU on my masterlist below. The daughter in this also remains unnamed as just like the reader, they’re yours to fill in the gaps how you will.

Warnings: Angst, self hatred, grief, but also eventual fluff/comfort.

My Masterlist

——————————

The first time Loki had ever heard of the child’s existence, it had been from Thor. Clumsily blurted out, really only moments after the thunder god had just snatched Loki by the throat, pulling them both from the sky.

They’d plummeted from the humans’ aircraft to then argue on some rocky cliff face in the middle of the night. Just another instance in a long line of disagreements between them to be sure, but on that night it had all been about Loki’s right to rule Midgard through the aid of the Chitauri.

The god of mischief had laughed in his brother’s face as well, honestly laughed at the sheer absurdity and the perceived desperation he thought the Asgardians must now have to stop him. The lows and the lies they would stoop to just to try and delay or distract him from his goals.

Yet Thor had insisted it was real, that you hadn’t known you were with child. And that by the time you had known, it’d been too late. The bifrost had been destroyed, and Loki lost along with it as far as anyone had believed.

But Loki’s mind had still been clouded then as well, unable to see the obvious truth in Thor’s anger. The scepter, the tesseract…and Thanos, it had all trapped him, amplified the worst in him. And everything, all of it had soon spun into further nightmare.

Because only such a short time later, he’d found himself defeated and alone in the dungeons directly beneath the very palace he’d once called home.

Alone except for Frigga and her visits. But even a mother’s love couldn’t save him then. She had told him again that it was fact. That you had had a child in the time he’d been gone, and Loki had still argued with her. He so clearly remembered the hurt in her eyes as well as he’d asked her why she would even care about such a bastard creature even if it were all true.

Shamefully, that disgust had been his first real reaction as he’d finally started to believe her. Because he’d carried all that self hatred, the wound still so fresh of learning that he was never a part of the family he’d been raised by. And to him, it’d been a legitimate question then. Why should the queen of Asgard concern herself with a half frost giant, half Olympian and whatever crime against the natural order that could possibly be?

But in that calm way of hers, in that forgiving voice of hers which he now wished so often he could only hear one more time, Frigga had said, “I care because she is my grandchild, just as you are my son. As you always have been and always will be.”

And then she too was gone.

The days that followed after Frigga’s murder were also a blur, himself consumed back into that abyss of loss. He had lost his identity, his home, his freedom, and all semblances he’d ever known of love in quick succession.

But even if he hadn’t been imprisoned, even if time had allowed him to reconcile with you somewhere in between his suffering under Thanos’ Black Order and his quest for vengeance for Frigga, he would not have tried to find you.

Because he could not, for all the realms, imagine that you would still love him. You’d only fallen for a lie after all, a version of himself that had never truly existed. There had never been a Loki Odinson. He was only ever an unwanted runt. Laufey’s son, left on a frozen rock to die.

But in some sort of cosmic joke, he still drew breath then even as he still did now. After being cast out by the frost giants, then cast out from Asgard. After failing Thanos at the hands of the Avengers, after losing to the dark elves on Svartalfheim…it had been defeat after defeat.

Yet through it all he’d kept crawling back out from the ashes, clawing towards eventual glory, towards glorious purpose.

And after his second “death” on Svartalfheim, he could have fled back into the universe, to anywhere. But the sentiments and the memories he had so often mocked Thor for, had still held too strong for him as well in the end.

He’d gone back to Asgard instead, back to his once home, and to the ghosts of his past there. Odin was only old and tired, then further weakened by the loss of Frigga. So Loki had mercifully relieved the old liar of that pain, that burden of the throne.

He’d placed the strongest magic he could upon his former father. He’d given Odin a new, conflict free identity and left him on Midgard, out of the way and out of his story at last.

Yet after the brief elation of such a long deserved victory, Loki’s thoughts had eventually turned back to what else he’d wanted when there was nothing more in Asgard to take. When those days had stretched longer one after another, himself alone again even among the adoration and respect he’d always most wanted.

So often as a youth, that final pinnacle of the throne had come with you alongside it in his mind’s eye. And with that kingship at last in hand, buried emotions had begun to resurface for the goddess who had once claimed to love him.

He didn’t care anymore if you would only see him as a monster now. He’d wanted to win properly, fully. So he’d needed you back in Asgard. He’d wanted everything that was his. And if that now even included a bastard half breed of a child, then so be it.

With Thor away again, off fighting and trying to tame the realms back into submission, that is when Loki had decided to visit Midgard once more with his intentions for you in mind.

And like anything he did, he’d initially tried to be calculating. Once he’d found you, he’d wanted to know your new habits. The times you came and went, whether you were always alone or not. He’d wanted to have a plan.

He knew how to gather that information. Piecing together what little Thor and Frigga had already told him, the new name you went by, and then tricking a human public records servant to look up the rest on their electronic machines had been simple enough.

You now lived in a place called Pensacola, Florida. Right on the beach of course, to be expected for any offspring of Poseidon. You worked at some sort of hospital for sea creatures, taking the wounded, mending them, and releasing them back into the ocean. Also unsurprising, as you had always liked tending to broken things hadn’t you?

Though even then, the thought of you living and working alongside these petty humans had irked him. They did not deserve you. And in disguise of course, he’d passed your new home several times, walking back and forth on the sidewalk to see if this place should be considered worthy for a goddess, to see if you were there.

The dwelling the records had said you lived in was built high, but more like a one story home on stilts. The living area appeared to all be on the second story, with long wooden stairs leading up to it. He’d seen many structures built that way as he’d walked though, supposing it was for storms. If the sea were to angrily rise, the water could run beneath to spare damage to the main quarters.

Yet that was laughable as well for a woman who could control the tides on a whim. And he’d just been thinking if he should inspect the inside, when his stomach had abruptly tightened.

He’d heard your voice. A sound that had not met his ears since before Thor’s botched coronation and the ill fated battle at Jotunheim that followed. His head had whipped around to see you walking down the sidewalk toward him then. You were laughing, though not at him as you’d looked down at the small child whose hand you now held.

“So, today was macaroni day? That’s exciting.” You’d smiled. “And you colored too?”

The child had some piece of paper in their other hand, trying to hold it up to be seen.

“Is that Elsa? Or Anna?” You’d asked teasingly.

“Elsa!” The little girl had exclaimed.

His breath had hitched in his chest at the sight. He had wanted to see you of course, he’d come here expressly for this very reason. But he didn’t expect the sudden, unique pain. He didn’t expect at all how it would actually feel.

You were a goddess. His goddess. He knew you would look the very same as you always had, it’d only been a little over three years now that the two of you had been apart. The light and warmth of yours that he’d held in his arms so many nights before, of course that had not changed.

But seeing you together then, you with what he now knew as his own child. Happy, playful…suddenly all he’d wanted to do was leave and never return. Because he couldn’t ruin this. What right did he really have to even be here? The girl wouldn’t know who he was. And if she did see his face, wouldn’t it only frighten her? Was she yet old enough to have seen replayed footage of the battle of New York on those human machines?

In the end, wasn’t he only the horned devil who’d opened the portal to unleash those alien hordes onto the streets of her world before the Avengers had stopped him? A monster is all he was. Not even standing there on behalf of love in that moment, but of possessive pride and arrogance.

To his further surprise though, he’d also felt that foreign wetness starting in his eyes just as the two of you had walked right past him on the sidewalk. Humans were riding up and down on bicycles, walking their dogs. To you he was just anyone else as you’d only paused nearer the bottom of the stairs to your home. He’d seen you reaching into your pocket with your free hand, pulling out a set of keys before you’d picked the child up into your arms to carry her up the stairs.

And as you’d held her, her head was then positioned over your shoulder. She’d looked back towards the street just by chance. And for only a moment, he’d made eye contact with her.

He could see himself in her features, he could see you as well. Her human looking skin tone may only be an illusion, so much like his own. But it didn’t matter. He knew she was worth protecting instantaneously then as they’d briefly locked eyes. How could he have ever thought anything less?

By the time you’d gone inside and the door had clicked shut, he was glad though as he couldn’t stifle the sound that then left him as his face contorted.

He had truly been the worst kind of fool.

—————————

A few days later

It was late Friday night, which you were glad for as this week had seemed particularly long. At the wildlife center it’d just been one crisis after another. Pelicans swallowing fish hooks, turtles swallowing plastic, even a young dolphin that’d been struck by a boat propellor.

If more humans could see on a day to day basis the kind of damage their carelessness caused, you really did think they’d at least try to change their ways for the better. They weren’t all inherently cruel in your mind, just terribly short sighted. It took real work to make them see any larger picture.

But, at least some were trying. Your coworkers among them, who were also pleasantly shocked this month when your facility had received another generous grant from Stark Industries for new equipment. Your friends had tried to ask you several times what on Earth your connection to that man was. And you’d just had to smile and say Tony Stark must enjoy a good tax write off.

In reality it was more Thor who you owed for that initial connection. The thunder god did drop in from time to time to check on his “favorite” and as you often pointed out, only niece. Thor had insisted from the beginning that you and your daughter live somewhere safe. And with Asgardian riches meaning little on Midgard, he’d gone to his fellow Avenger Iron Man requesting favors for you in exchange for Thor’s work consistently done in protecting this realm.

To your surprise though, Tony had actually taken a very hands on approach. He’d met you personally several times even in the beginning, though he still insisted on calling you Ariel. Which only much later you fully understood the joke of with your daughter’s growing penchant for those musical cartoons.

But Tony had bought this house. And his girlfriend Pepper had found you that job and the best daycare. But their gifts you still didn’t take for free either. Their world was your home too. And when they needed your help to fight back any new threat, they also knew exactly where to find you. You were now in Nick Fury’s files just like all the others. And they had and would call on you when necessary.

“Mommy!”

You looked over, seeing her holding up that tablet, which now had a spinning icon where whatever video she was watching had been. “Baby, it’s late. It’s just buffering. But screen time should have been over half an hour ago anyway.”

You used to tell her that the internet ran out after a certain time of night, but she was getting a little too smart for that now as you just extended your hand. “Come on, give it up. Go brush your teeth.”

You’d like to think that the strong headedness you were starting to see in her was only from her father’s side. But in reality, you could only imagine how many times you’d given that same pouty look to your own father before she did finally relinquish her precious tablet.

You quickly plugged it in, purposefully out of reach on the kitchen island before you went to help her get ready for bed.

It took a while, as always of course. So much bargaining. Could she have just one more cup of water? No, she didn’t want to sleep with this toy, it had to be that toy that you hadn’t seen for a week. Then digging through her toybox to find it, then it was the ceiling fan needs to be on. No it’s blowing on me, it needs to be off.

Mommy, leave the door cracked. No, leave it shut. Mommy, can you put the sounds on? No, not the water sounds, the thunder! Mommy, you’re sure there’s nothing in the closet?

It was just amazing how quickly someone so small could become a master of stall tactics when they really wanted to be.

By the time you were sure that she was finally asleep, her sound machine then going with her bedroom door shut, you probably should have been asleep yourself. But there was also something to be said for getting a rare moment alone.

You’d changed out of your work clothes at last, now just in underwear and a long t-shirt as you went back to the kitchen. You’d left only the overhead stove light on. And with the beach house’s open floor plan, it was enough to cast a dim light into the living room as well as you’d grabbed a bottle of wine off the counter, considering the label.

One of your coworkers had recommended this brand to try. You’d planned to pour just a bit into a glass and then go turn on one of those streaming shows in the living room that they’d also told you about. It wouldn’t have been a terrible way to wind down the night.

You’d opened one of the kitchen cupboards to pull out said wine glass, but the cupboard doors had a glass face themselves. And just as you’d begun to shut it, that’s when you caught the silhouette of a man reflected in black behind you.

The wine glass shattered as you released it to the floor. Yourself then whirling your body around, with your metal spear materializing into your hands even as the figure in the seemingly tailored black suit caught the weapon just as quickly in his own overly strong grip.

The silver of your spear still glinted in the low fluorescent light. The intruder’s pale hand enclosed around the side of it, having just stopped the deadly tip from reaching his throat.

But he said nothing at first, those familiar blue eyes just meeting the widening, horrified expression in your own gaze as recognition took hold of you.

You had never fainted in your life that you could remember, but you’d never felt closer to it either than you did in that very moment. Because it could notbe.

“You must have been told that I was dead once more,” Loki finally broke the silence though, realizing your truly stunned reaction could mean nothing else.

And it did sound like a voice from beyond the grave. The god you had loved for so very long. But he’d left you. He’d thrown all of it away to chase madness, to chase power and vengeance. He’d left you alone with only the memory of him, mourning him all the while raising a girl who would never even know her own father.

He must have still seen that heavy disbelief in your eyes though as he spoke quietly again after a few more moments. “I’m no imposter if that’s what you’re thinking…” But he looked thoughtful for a moment before continuing. “It is me, my goddess. Not a ghost, not an illusion…not a nightmare. Your mind would be too strong for such games regardless. Our connection would be too intimate to fabricate…don’t you know your lover when you see him?”

The tone, the stance, it was perfect. That was true. But you were not so arrogant as to think there would be no being capable of deceiving you to this scale.

In your shock it was difficult to think of proper questions though, even as you tried, your voice sounding embarrassingly weak. “Then, when and where was the last time we were together? What did you promise me then?”

He did seem to consider for only a moment, but with an expression that changed little before he answered. “You think I would forget sneaking you back into my quarters on Asgard that night before Thor’s coronation? And how long we made love over and over as you tried to both console me from that event’s sheer insult as well as dissuade me from letting the frost giants into Odin’s vault to disrupt it?”

But there was a hint of a tragic kind of humor in his eyes as he only continued. “I promised you I was in control. That no one would get hurt…that it’d all be fine. The coronation would be delayed and it’d be something we could just laugh about when I next came back to Midgard for you…”

But you never had seen him after. You’d returned home, and the next you’d known all the Olympians were buzzing that there had been a coup in Asgard. You were not allowed back then. You’d never been back since.

It might be true that a powerful psychic could still pull those little details from you though. But what were the odds that any psychic creature that skilled would also be so equally adept at shape shifting? To perfect his body, his voice as well…no, somehow in your heart you knew this was not deception. Even if a trick may have hurt far less.

And as that equally amazing yet horrible realization continued to settle over you, you finally began to lower your spear with one hand. But simultaneously your other palm just met the side of his face before you could stop yourself, with a slap that echoed through the room almost as loud as his brother’s thunder.

And you could see that equally familiar little flare of anger and surprise in his eyes as he turned his face back to look at you after the hit. The redness and beginnings of a bruise already starting to form on his pale cheek from the sheer force of it.

But you did not strike him again. Your eyes were already blurring then as the first tears formed, and you could soon feel them edging out down the sides of your face. Emotion drawn from a well of sadness you had thought would one day run dry. But it never did. You lived of course, you smiled and laughed even after he had been gone. But the mourning did not ever really leave you.

It could be in the middle of the day, anywhere, doing anything when a thought of him would cross your mind and that pit would swallow you whole all over again. You’d had to process his death twice already. And what being in any realm, of any status, deserved to go through that more than once with the one that they truly loved?

But his eyes were still on you as you saw his brief anger fade to confusion, and then…was it actually something closer to regret?

Your spear just clattered to the floor alongside the broken glass as you felt Loki’s arms wrap abruptly around you. That same grip that had held you for more nights than you could now count.

“I should have come sooner…you did not deserve this.”He said then, his voice sounding odd at last as if he may now be struggling to keep it even himself.

“Youleftus,” You breathed harshly in return though, pulling back enough to look at him again with your now reddening eyes.

But you could see the sadness in his own face even more now, clearer then in a way that both only wounded and frustrated you further. It would have been easier honestly if you could make yourself hate him. If he could stand there just looking as arrogant and pompous as everyone else always thought that he was.

But here, right now as he held you in some insufficient attempt at comfort, he only looked near as broken as you.

And you couldn’t help it. Even though it made no sense, even though you should just be screaming at him, demanding explanations and apologies…you’d missed him so much. You had wanted him back so badly, more than you’d ever wanted anything else before.

And here he was. The Fates knowing more than you ever could as he escaped death once again. You moved forward before you even consciously decided to, and you were kissing him then through the tears. Your lips against his. And even after all that had happened, all that he had done, he still tasted just the same.

But he only pressed into it as well, just as hard, opening his mouth to taste you soon enough as if the two of you had never stopped.

There was a desperation more than you’d ever felt however. That sadness, anger, and hurt overflowing still even as you pushed him so his back was now against the kitchen island. You felt him widen the stance of his legs, letting you in between them as his hands moved roughly to your hips.

He hadn’t forgotten you. No, it was then that you knew that he’d never stopped wanting you either. But why then? Why did he let you think over and over that he was dead? Why did he put you through all of this!?

And as you finally broke the heated kiss to look at him again, both of you then a literal mess standing here in this modern mortal kitchen with shards of glass and your spear made by Hephaestus himself on the floor beneath you, you also knew that there would be no sleep had tonight.

You needed…no, you deservedanswers.

—————————

The broken glass had been cleaned up and your weapon put back away, all lights now turned off as you’d opened the blinds in the living room to let the moonlight in from off the beach instead.

You felt like your hands might be trying to shake slightly though, and after another moment’s thought you opened one of the windows slightly as well. That salt smell and cool sea air drifting in with the sound of the waves. It was a comfort and added bit of strength you felt you needed then as you rounded back to the couch.

And Loki just sat there waiting for you in the dark. Maddeningly elegant looking again in the moonlight, one leg crossed over the other and his eyes never leaving you.

You sat down on the couch with him as well, but with a little distance still. You felt like you hadn’t let out all of your pent up anger yet. But you knew that wouldn’t get you anywhere either.

“So how long have you been watching us?” Is what you finally asked. Knowing full well that him finally revealing himself to you again wouldn’t have been a spur of the moment decision on his part. To sneak in here so easily, he had to have learned the surroundings some time before now.

“Not long. Only this week,” He answered plainly though.

“Why?” You responded a little tersely, but not looking back at him. You felt the more you would look at him, the more your memories returned and the less objective you could be.

“I needed to see you.” He just gave another short answer.

“But you didn’t before?” You countered, knowing how long it’d already been since the convergence and everything Thor had said Loki had given his life for on Svartalfheim. Where had the god of mischief really been since then? What had he been doing?

He gave a kind of half sigh, and you felt him shift on the couch. “I didn’t come here to antagonize you. I swear to that. But I had to deal with Odin first before I could move forward with anything else in my life. And now that is finally done.”

“What?” You did look reflexively back to him at the mention of the Allfather and all the additional dire implications that could possibly mean. You knew Loki too well to think for a moment that anything between he and Odin right now could possibly have a peaceful ending. But he didn’t respond back right away, only frustrating you further. “Loki…if you’re still keeping secrets, this isn’t…it’s not going to work.”

Your feelings were already too raw, you couldn’t handle those old games right now.

But you only saw an odd look come into his eyes, it wasn’t sly or condescending by any means. Closer to a flicker of more desperation if anything before he spoke to you again.

“If I trust you, then you have to do the same in return. Of course I can tell you everything that’s happened since I escaped death on Svartalfheim. But I’m not ready to deal with my brother’s judgements just yet about my dealings with Odin. This must stay between us for now.”

Yet you still stiffened, aware of everything Thor had already done for you in Loki’s absence. And knowing that the only real confidants you had left in the mortal realm were now in the Avengers. Letting yourself become beholden to Loki once more, jeopardizing the life you’d made for you and your daughter here….it was a lot to ask. “You’ve got a lot of nerve giving me stipulations on anything right now, you understand that right?”

He smirked just a little, the first hint of one you’d seen since his arrival. But it still looked all too regretful. “Take the truth…I’ll tell it. That’s all I can offer you. Then whatever you feel -or don’t- for me afterward, I can do nothing but accept it. But I want you to show me the truth as well. I want to see the time I’ve missed. I want to know what I’ve cost us.” He continued quietly though, as you felt his hand graze yours as you held onto the couch. You hadn’t sat far enough away after all.

You knew what he was really asking for then. He wanted to take the shortcut of looking directly into your memories, which he could only do through physical touch. But all your emotion, all the pain, everything would be there, hot and searing as if it was happening again in real time.

But he needed to feel it too didn’t he? You did want him to, even as much as you knew you weren’t ready to relive any of it yourself. No, you couldn’t overthink this, or else you might lose your nerve as you answered. “Then get it over with please. Look into my mind…but before the morning comes you’re going to tell me why you did what you did as well. I can’t just let all that go, Loki. Even for you…”

“I know.” Was all he responded though. Yet there was a heaviness to it as he watched you finally move closer and he raised his open hand in front of you.

You knew what you had to do as you took a breath before bowing your head slightly, nearly touching it against his hand before he moved in to close the rest of the distance.

You felt the tension in him, the last bit of hesitation before his fingers gripped firmly upon your scalp. You tried to steel yourself as well before the gates opened up. But no one could, not to that kind of force as in only another instant it was like a switch had been flipped inside your brain. A hit akin to a bomb going off inside your consciousness as he forced his way in.

The invasiveness was painful enough on its own, but you didn’t fight as he pulled those last few years of memories rapidly to the surface. And it was all only the truth as the scenes flashed by faster and faster.

The night you’d first been in denial, learning the news that he had turned on his own family. Everyone just telling you that he had gone mad. And you arguing, even fighting to try and escape to go to him as your father Poseidon with the help of your brothers had locked you all in your family’s palace in the depths of the sea.

Zeus had commanded that no Olympian be allowed to interfere in Asgard’s battle for succession to the throne. And under penalty of death you’d had to wait and agonize, not knowing who would come out alive. Waiting for any bit of information, confused and frightened how this could even be before word finally came that Odin had retained the throne. Loki had been defeated.

But somehow when they’d eventually said that Loki had died, it was made even worse when the story had started to twist towards suicide. Because they’d told you he hadn’t been slain in battle at all, that he’d let go of the bifrost. He’d chosen to die as he’d fallen into the void.

That was what you’d been made to believe over and over, by so many who had of course never approved of your mixed race coupling with him to begin with. Some had even mocked you then too for the seeming realization that his pride and desire for the throne had been the only thing he couldn’t live without in the end. The only thing he appeared to truly love in the end.

But your depression, and the mourning that followed only became more complex as you’d realized his equally cruel parting gift. A pregnancy that kept you feeling sick and weak for months as your body had constantly tried to reject the foreign entity inside it. And the added stress of your father only hoping that the unborn would actually die so you could return to the fold and close that embarrassing chapter for your whole family at last.

Only your mother queen Amphitrite and your sister Rhode had not turned their backs on you during your difficult pregnancy. Helping you still hunt, still eat and defend yourself, yourself otherwise alone and exiled to the ocean’s most remote places before the child finally came.

But as you’d feared, the baby couldn’t even breathe underwater. You’d had to return to the surface just to keep her alive. That screaming, blue skinned child that you’d had no idea how to take care of at the time. The girl not truly Jotun, but not of your kind either, something trapped in between.

She could not survive the depths of the sea, nor was her foreign blood allowed on Olympus. So you’d had to finally give up your royal life in the oceans for good to raise her on land among the mortals.

But not long after had come the shock that Loki was still alive. Yet only starting that cycle of heartbreak all over again for you as you’d just had to watch on a human television as the man you’d loved unleashed a foreign army to wreak havoc in the very realm you were then attempting to safely raise his own daughter in. There had been so much anger and additional confusion within you at that new layer of betrayal.

But even when he had been defeated and imprisoned, you’d still begged to be able to see him. Even if he’d forsaken you, you desired to have some sort of closure at least. But Odin had refused your requests time and time again. Yes, the bifrost had also still been broken then, but you and the Allfather both knew there were other ways to cross the realms if he would only let you.

But Odin considered your child illegitimate, and insisted that neither of you had any rights in Asgard. There was no sense of goodwill to help you either when his anger and desire to further punish Loki was something insurmountable at the time. Only Frigga had reached out to you via the ravens, wanting to know as much about the girl she considered her grandchild as she could.

You had still retained hope however. In Frigga’s letters she had promised that Odin would eventually soften. She believed the Allfather’s disappointment and great hurt at Loki’s actions were being unfairly projected onto you and your daughter. But she saw it as temporary. She encouraged you to stay strong.

You had almost started to believe her too, before your world crashed to ashes all over again. Her letters had suddenly stopped. And one day, out the blue Thor had come to you with horrific new truth.

You’d been so relieved to see him for the most fleeting moment too, thinking maybe Frigga had sent him. That he may take you to visit Asgard at last, yourself briefly believing that Odin had finally relented. But it was not to be. Thor had instead come to tell you about the Queen’s murder and Loki’s self-sacrifice against the dark elves who had her blood on their hands. Frigga had been killed and Loki had avenged her. And even if not Asgardian by blood, Thor had been so adamant that Loki’s soul would have found Valhalla then.

And you’d cried in front of Thor that day, really cried in a way the you hadn’t allowed yourself with every set back before. You’d finally broken down as he’d held you, neither of you knowing what else to do. But he’d also promised you then that Loki’s daughter would never feel the pains you all had. He’d sworn that she would grow up safe on Midgard, happy. And with no other real choice, you had accepted his and Tony Stark’s eventual offer. This home, this life. You’d become an Avenger in order to protect her from worldly threats just like the attacks made by her own father, you’d-

As you felt Loki’s mind suddenly uncoil itself from your memories, you could also feel the new tears now running down your face again. You looked up at him, surprised that he’d broken the connection so soon.

But as you stared at him, you realized you weren’t the only one then in tears.

———————————

Loki blinked, that stinging wetness only growing stronger as he pulled his hand shakily back away from you.

He couldn’t take another moment. Every single thing you’d felt was as strong in his emotions now as if they’d come from within himself. And he’d had to stop when that final burst of your memories had showed that his own actions had pushed you right into being dependent on the very people he’d once most hated. You were now enlisted to fight against “villains” just like himself.

“You’re one of them,” He breathed, unable to stop that hint of accusation in his tone even as he only wanted to pull you back into his arms now.

You belonged to him. You were his goddess. But Tony goddamned Stark had provided you this home. His own mate and child were now indebted and even affectionate with that egotistical human.

It was irrational for him to feel this angry, some part of his logical mind still knew that of course. In none of your memories had he seen you take anyone else as a lover in any capacity. But the jealousy was so real, the many times Thor had now visited you as well. He’d seen that level of intimacy regardless, you’d needed them because you’d had no one else. And he hated it. The thought of you closer to them, trusting them now far more than himself.

But before you could argue the obvious that he had no right to criticize when he hadn’t been here to be your partner, when he’d left you with a fatherless child, he just took you around the waist regardless. He pulled you against him on the couch, his back leaning into the armrest and your chest now against his.

If you wanted to strike him again he didn’t care as he spoke unevenly, holding you tighter. “I never wanted this. You think I didn’t care about you, but that is not how it was. I was a lie! I was a lie Odin created, and I couldn’t accept it. Yes, I thought I had nothing left. Because I was a fool that believed you could only hate me as much as I hated myself…”

But he’d seen your mind, making it all the more heartbreaking with the truth that his being a frost giant had barely even registered in your important or painful memories. Because you truly did not care. You’d just wanted him back, in any way or form.

Your only anger towards him had been for being abandoned, for being left in the dark, not understanding his violence and his selfishness in these recent years. Your thinking that he now only cared more about conquering realms than he did about loving you or protecting his own child.

“I promised to tell you everything, and I will. But know I never would have hurt you. I never would have let the Chitauri touch you or the girl. I just wanted some kind of control back in my life. Even if I’d won then, I would have come back to you eventually. You’re all I have left…” And he only felt the slightest relief when you didn’t argue, when you didn’t berate him in all the ways he knew he still deserved, your warmth actually just settling further against his chest as he then laid his chin atop your head.

“I love you, I never stopped.” You did finally speak though, as he felt you reaching up to still wipe at your own eyes. “Don’t forget that again.”

He closed his eyes a moment, the pain of those words so real, but even he couldn’t deny them when he knew it was the truth. “Only actual death could ever separate me from you again, goddess.” He promised back. “I have so much to make amends to you for, but I’m here now. And I will not waste this chance if you’ll have me…”

He felt you shift, and as he opened his eyes again he could see you looking up at him once more. The simple touch of your soft hand then against his hair had him taking another breath before your lips met his again.

The physical comfort was so needed, so necessary as he let the two of you sink further down onto the couch. He took greedily still, even after so many years together, he kissed you like his survival depended on it.

Because maybe it did.

After a little while longer though, he felt you move again, you pulling a blanket that had been messily on top the couch then down around you both.

Evidently this is where the two of you would be resting tonight.

But there were still many hours until morning, and you had demanded the truth. He would tell you too. There’d be no more secrets between you. Before sunrise, you would know about Thanos, about the scepter and the tesseract, and how he’d escaped.

He would tell you where Odin really was and how he’d taken back Asgard from the former king. He could only be at your mercy now though, hoping you would understand enough to let him handle this how he needed to. He wasn’t ready to confess to Thor, but all illusions must fall in the end. Eventually that time would come as well. But not yet.

Right now was only about repairing what he’d had with you. And beginning the new chapter with the child he’d yet to even meet. He had failed the girl to this point, but he could at least start to make amends now. To try and be the real father that he had so wished Odin would have been.

By morning all could begin anew. Even devils got second, or in his case even third or fourth chances it seemed. He could and would not let this slip away from him again.

——————————

(Planning to do a part 2 on this, but no ETA at the moment. Thank you for reading! )

Matt Murdock Masterlist

• Looking Up: [Request]Matt Murdock x reader where the reader was born with GAD (General Anxiety Disorder) and she also suffers from depression and it’s just really fluffy
• See You Again: [Request]One shot where the reader is a burlesque dancer in a famous house and one day Foggy and Matt got an invitation after doing good work for the house owner and the reader ends meeting Matt after the show and they turn a fluffy couple 
• Broken: [Request] One-shot with Matt Murdock and the reader dealing with a miscarriage.
• Catch Me if You Can: [Request] “If you jump out that window with that teddy bear, you will suffer my wrath" 
• Proposal: [Request] Fluffy af Matt x reader

Drabbles

• Regret
• Eyes

Avengers Masterlist

• Bring Me Back:Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 - [Request] One shot where the reader is Clint’s long-lost sister she was kidnapped by Hydra and was best friends with the Maximoffs but then Hydra changed her and she fights against the Avengers and the Maximoffs with her new power
• Finding Hope:[Request]The reader is emo, and the Avengers assume it’s like a phase cuz she’s still young (late teens early 20’s) they don’t realize that its actually her depression manifesting into her outward appearance, until they see her blog with cutting and her art work that’s really dark and depressing, and then they see its a big deal and they need to talk about this. 
• Yoga:Imagine bringing the Avengers to a yoga class
• Movie Night: Imagine watching The Incredibles with the team and everyone freaking out over how similar the Maximoff twins are to Dash and Violet.
• Workout Playlists 
• Instagrams 

Loki Laufeyson Masterlist

• In All This Chaos, We Found Safety:Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 - [Request] After being pressured into having sex with your now ex-boyfriend, you deal with with the resulting pregnancy with the help of your childhood best friends, Thor and Loki.

Drabbles

• Regret
• Break
• Letter
• Midnight

Thor Odinson Masterlist

• Braids: Imagine Thor teaching you to braid your hair

Clint Barton Masterlist

• A Little Help From My Friends :[Request]Bucky and the reader are best friends, she’s an enhanced soldier and their favorite thing to do is speak in other languages around the team because they can’t understand them -cept Nat ofc- and Bucky keeps teasing and pestering her about her crush on Clint 
• Love Can Heal: [Request] Clint is training you to use a bow and arrow and every time he touches you to help, you flinch and back away and he doesn’t know why. 

Drabbles

• Regret

Bruce Banner Masterlist

• Now or Never: [Request] Bruce Banner x reader where they both have a crush on each other but don’t know it
• Home Is Where The Heart Is:[Request]Imagine being a close friend (or maybe secret girlfriend/wife) of Bruce Banner and during AOU instead of going to Clint’s farm, Bruce brings everyone to your house?
• Never Gonna Leave You: [Request]Angsty/fluffy one shot with Bruce that takes place during the first Avengers movie where reader is part of the team and gets kidnapped by Loki so Bruce (as the hulk) saves her after he  thrashes Loki around. Then he picks her up and carries her back down to the team because she’s unconscious from Loki attacking her but he’s all gentle and careful with her. 
• C'mon Baby, Calm Me Down: [Request] Remember in aou where Natasha calmed hulk with that lullaby could you do that scene but during a vacation on the beach Tony pushed him too far and he turned into the hulk and the reader is the only one to calm him 
• Head in the Ground:Part 1 |  Part 2 |  Part 3 | Part 4 |  Part 5 [Request]After a painful breakup that led you to relapsing with self harm, Bruce comes over to make sure you’re OK. After spending the night on your couch together, the two of you begin to really think about your relationship and struggle with just how strong your feelings are for each other but realize that when love is real, it’s worth the risk. 

Tony Stark Masterlist

• Trust:[Request]A super angsty Tony oneshot where reader catches him cheating on her and debates on leaving the Tower and the other Avengers get really protective of her and won’t let Tony near her
• Best Asset: [Request]A oneshot where Tony keeps smacking your butt hard all the time, both in front of the Avengers and privately because he can’t help himself, catching you off guard so you try to get him back
• Friendship: [Request]Tony and Jarvis have a heart to heart

Pietro Maximoff Masterlist

• Can’t Help Falling - [Request] The reader gets frequent dizzy spells and one day she was helping decorate for Christmas by stringing lights/garland and suddenly gets very dizzy and falls over the bannister and Pietro manages to catch her right before she hits the floor
• Baby, It’s Cold Outside - [Request] “You’re my new neighbor and we’ve never spoken but you saw me shoveling snow all day and i guess it must be pretty obvious how cold i am because you brought me a jacket and hot cocoa"
• Hanging On - [Request]Fighting on the top of the Avengers tower with Pietro and the rest of the Avengers and you shield him from a barrage of bullets and then you’re pushed off the top of the tower and end up hurtling towards the ground and when you wake up you’re in intense pain because of the poison in the bullets and Pietro is helpless to do anything. 
• Little Things - [Request] Pietro x shy reader
• Sunshine:Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 -You and Pietro have a young daughter, Teya, who may possibly have powers but no one knows what they’ll be. You two are playing with her when you get called away for a mission. After that mission, nothing will ever be the same. 
• Feeling This -No plot, just smut
• Talking Body - [Request:] Reader sees Pietro shirtless and she ran away blushing cause she has a huge crush on him and Pietro ran towards her and kissed her. Cute & fluffy
• Take a Breath, Take a Chance - Imagine dancing with Pietro at Tony and Pepper’s wedding and having your first kiss. 
• Don’t Go - [Request] Imagine having the same powers as Pietro with an addition of accelerated healing and he loves you but you take his place and save Clint and the boy and he commends you for that but is angry you almost died
• April Fools -Imagine Pietro’s first April Fools Day prank ending disastrously. 
• Victory -Imagine your first kiss with Pietro.
• Knock You Down [Request]Reader is SUPER badass (like more than Nat) and pins someone (preferably Pietro) and makes fun of him? Like, “oops didn’t see u there” or “didn’t see that coming?” 

Drabbles

• Duel
• Eyes/Sun
• Dark
• Absence

Sam Wilson Masterlist

• Make Me Smile - [Request] The reader has to shave her head for upcoming neurosurgery and feels like shit about herself. Ensuing comfort from one of the single men on the Avengers team. 

Drabbles

• Wish

Stucky Masterlist

• Work of Art - [Request] Imagine Bucky just getting back from his solitary life in the world by himself , he just moved into the Avengers’ tower, and he’s still insecure about his metal arm, so Steve decides to paint his arm.

Drabbles

• Break
• Disney

Steve Rogers Masterlist

• Love Remains - [Request] Imagine Steve having to take care of your daughter after you died giving birth.  
• Anything But Ordinary:Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 - [Request] Pre serum Steve X reader fic please? Total fluff!! 
• Something Good Can Work - [Request]Could i request an angsty Bruce Banner oneshot where reader has feelings for him but gets heart broken when she sees him with Nat? then maybe the ending could be a bit hopeful with Steve realizing what happened and comforting her?
• I Need You To Know - [Request] He is in love with the reader but he would not tell her until she almost dies in battle against Ultron. 
• Coming Home - [Request] The reader is banished from Asgard (Loki’s fault) and is forced to join the Avengers. She tends to get depressed and Steve usually cheers her up. But then she notices Steve going downhill with him desperately trying to find Bucky and always on a mission. This time the reader decides to cheer him up and fluffy things happen :)
• You Are My New Dream- [Request] Can I have an imagine where you and Steve are engaged and you guys have a date night in the tower and everything is really romantic with candles and rose pedals and 1940s music playing in the background & then the song Put Your Dreams Away by Frank Sinatra comes on and Steve ask you to dance and while you dance he’s looking you in the eye with your noses touching while singing the song to you.
• Better Together - [Request]Smut with dirty talk
• What Makes You Beautiful [Request]The reader likes Steve and Steve likes the reader and all the Avengers know however the reader won’t let Steve get close to her for she is insecure about her weight and the fact she wears glasses and so she thinks Steve deserves someone prettier? But THEN LIKE loads of fluff happens

Drabbles

• Eyes
• Midnight 

Bucky Barnes Masterlist

• Framework: Chapter 1 | Chapter2-[Request] Bucky x reader songfic where he pushes her away and they break up but he’s miserable without her and it all ends in fluff and apologies
• In My Home: Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 - After Wakanda opens its borders, you begin working in Shuri’s lab as part of an all-women STEM program, and you meet a certain White Wolf. What starts out as mutual bonding over science turns into much more than you ever could have anticipated.
• New Beginnings - Chapter 1 | Chapter 2-[Request] Can you please write a bucky imagine where you really want kids but because of his troubled past and guilt, he doesn’t want them? He feels like they will be ashamed of him. But he finally agrees, and it ends with fluff/romance/baby excitement
• Hope for the Holidays (Ch 1/?) - After finding out that Bucky is Jewish and hasn’t celebrated Hanukkah in decades, the reader enlists the Jewish Maximoff twins to help her plan a special Hanukkah dinner for him that leaves him saying three words he never thought would be able to come off his tongue after his time as the Winter Soldier. 
• Unsteady -[Request] An imagine where Bucky x reader have a shower together after Bucky has come back from a rough mission
• Family Don’t End in Blood (x platonic!reader)-[Request] The reader is an orphaned teenager and was brainwashed like Bucky and she used to work for Hydra ‘cause she was good at fighting and also an elemental, and she stayed with Bucky after they escaped & they know what each other went through so they’re like really really good friends and they think of each as family. Could you maybe do a scene from civil war or just a scene from before where they’re just like living together or something?
• Dog Days Are Over:Part 1 |  Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 - [Request]The reader is taking their dog for a walk but it gets excited and runs off, and since it’s such a big dog, the reader loses their grip on the leash. They chase after the dog, and they turn a corner just in time to see their dog jump onto a stranger (Bucky) and knock him down
• Let Yourself Love - [Request]Bucky x single!mom where the team goes to the carnival and everyone partners up leaving the reader alone; Bucky notices her eyeing a big teddy bear as she sadly walks off so he wins it for her and the guy says “that man told me to give this to you”. After the man tells her, she doesn’t see anyone, so she’s confused until later on Bucky asks her did she like the bear and she tells him she’s gonna give it to her daughter then realizes he won it for her.
• Stay With Me - [Request] Bucky x Reader where we (reader, lol) go out on a Shield mission, and almost don’t come back? (I cant get enough of the angst/worry.) 
• Surprise - No plot, just smut.
• Chasing Dreams - [Request] Can you do a story where the reader is the dtr of one if the avengers and is dating bucky? A fluffy story where she’s cooking dinner or maybe training and likes to sing a lot? And Bucky walks in on her one time where she thinks she’s alone and comments on how she should drop the superhero thing for the stage?
• Sing Me To Sleep - [Request]Reader is woken up by a scream and realizes that it’s Bucky having a nightmare. Reader calms him down and makes sure he’s ok and he asks you to stay with him.
• Burning Love - [Request] Could you do an imagine where the reader introduces post-Winter Soldier Bucky to Elvis? Can it be really fluffy too? 
• Hearts Will Be Glowing -[Request]Reader has a crush on Bucky and Bucky has a crush on reader but both are stubborn as hell and will not admit it. So the other Avengers decided to bring mistletoe into the equation and they manage to trap Bucky and reader beneath the mistletoe where the two wind up kissing each other and it turns into a fluff-fest/makeout and they admit their shared feelings. 
• Tangled - [Request] BUCKY GETS HIS METAL ARM WRAPPED IN CHRISTMAS LIGHTS 
• All I Want - [Request] “MET WHILE PRESENT SHOPPING AND NEARLY TIPPED OVER A DISPLAY BECAUSE DAMN YOU’RE HOT” 

Drabbles

• Develop
• Heat
• Tears
• Battles of a Soldier (post-CAWS fanmix)

Part 1|Part 2 |Part 4 |Part 5

Steve Rogers x Reader 

Summary:Things with Steve have been going great, but what happens when you start to feel like you’re not a priority?

Word Count: 1921

Warnings:Just some angst, little bit of language. 

A/N:Okay, I’m really proud of this. I thought I wasn’t going to be able to crank out something that wasn’t one hundred percent fluffy, but I did it. Let me know if you liked it!! Also, letting @whiskeyandwashitape&@thelostswan this exists!!

Not my gif, credit to the owner. 

This was getting ridiculous. 

So far, in your opinion, at least, you’d been a very supportive, easy-going girlfriend. It had been a little over two months with Steve, and you really were falling for him. You loved the way the corners of his mouth flickered upward when you said something stupid, and his dumb, old-fashioned jokes. You loved how the longer you looked into those deep, oceanic eyes, the more lost you got. You loved how he did things just for the sake of being good. And you knew that dating a super soldier was going to be complicated- and it wasn’t his fault. He couldn’t help it that terrorists and aliens and bad men existed and that it fell on his shoulders to take care of it. 

That one night - that date at your house that had ended with the two of you sleeping on your couch - had been wonderful. But since then, no date between you and Steve had ever really ended.He would get a phone call or a text or something, and just give you that look, like, I don’t want to go but I have to. And you would insist that everything was fine, that you understood that he had a job to do. 

You finally cracked one night when he took you to a carnival. It had been lots of fun - he wore sunglasses and a hat so he wouldn’t get recognized, and won you this cute little red, white, and blue teddy bear. You split a churro with him, and he kissed you at the top of the Ferris wheel. It was very sweet, very When-Harry-Met-Sally-Sleepless-In-Seattle-Rom-Com cute. 

You were walking hand-in-hand with him, towards the cotton candy booth, when it happened. His phone beeped, and he glanced down at it. You’d grown accustomed to silently praying every time he looked at his phone - praying that it wasn’t SHIELD or Nick Fury or someone in danger. And he gave you that look, lips slightly pursed and eyebrows knitted in a frustrated kind of way. “I’m sorry, Doll. Duty calls,” he said, shoving his phone back into his pocket and releasing your hand from his. 

“Yeah, whatever,” you muttered, running a hand through your hair. 

Steve looked slightly taken aback. Usually you were understanding, and you said you weren’t upset and he had to do what he had to do. But this was the second time this week this had happened, and what felt like the millionth time since you’d started dating him. You couldn’t help but be irritated. 

“Y/N,” he sighed, looking at you. “I can’t not go. I have to go.”

“I know,” you snapped, rolling your eyes. “Believe me, I know.”

“Don’t be mad,” He said, eyes fluttering towards the exit. “Please, don’t be mad. I’ll… I’ll call you when we’re done, okay?” 

“Whatever, fine,” you said, turning your back to him. And when you turned around again, he was gone. 

Three days passed until you heard from Steve again. 

It was four in the morning, and you woke up to the sound of your phone ringing. Disoriented, and partly blindly since you didn’t have your contacts in, you pulled the charger out and looked at the screen. It was Steve, calling you. What the hell? 

You answered it with a hoarse and slightly incoherent, “Hello?”

“Hey, Y/N,” Steve’s voice relieved you. You often went a few days without hearing from him when he went on missions, but you couldn’t help but worry about him. “I just wanted to let you know that we’re all alright. I’m on a plane right now, heading back.”

You slowly sat up, and reached over to turn on your bedside lamp. Even though you were kind of angry at him, you were happy he was alright. “Well, that’s good,” you said with a yawn, leaning against the headboard. 

“Oh, god. Did I wake you up?” Steve asked. 

“Well, yeah, it’s…” you lifted the phone from your ear to check the time, “It’s 4:17  here, but, I mean…” You rubbed at your eyes. “It’s fine. I’m glad you’re alright.” 

“Yeah, me too. So, look, about the other night-”

“You know what, Steve? Just forget about it, okay?” You said, crossing your legs Indian style and pulling a blanket closer to you. 

“No, I can’t forget about it, Y/N. You’re unhappy, and I want to fix it.”

“You can’t fix it,” You said, shaking your head. “And honestly, I’m too tired to even talk about it, alright?” This was the first time you’d ever been mad at him, and you didn’t want to deal with it. 

“Okay,” he said, sounding defeated and submissive. You hated that he sounded like that. You hated that you were the reason why. “Well, do you want to go back to sleep? I’ll let you go if you want.”

“Actually, yeah,” you said, sighing. “I have a big day at work tomorrow- buy one, get one half-off on heels. Gonna be packed.” You yawned again. 

“When do you get off?” He asked, a hint of sadness in his voice. He hated you being mad at him almost as much as you did. 

“Six. Come over anytime after that, if you can, alright?” 

“Okay. Get some sleep, Doll.”

“I’ll try. Bye, Steve.”

You didn’t sleep. 

Work that day was awful, and not just because of the sale and all the people. You couldn’t stop thinking about Steve, and about all the times he’d ditched you to go be a superhero. Your head was in the wrong place, and you couldn’t focus on anything. You even knocked over a display of shoes that one of your subordinates had spent a whole hour putting together.

You were drained, and over it all by the end of your shift. You just wanted to go home and shower and sleep for three days.

When you opened the door to your apartment, you saw Steve sitting on the couch, reading a book. You had given him a key in case of emergencies. You let a lazy, exhausted smile rise to your face. “Hey,” you said quietly, shutting the door and locking it behind you. It was hard to remember that you were mad at him when you missed him so much. 

He shut his book and looked at you, that goofy grin on his face. “Hey, Doll,” he said, standing up and walking over to you. He looked cautious, like you were a ticking time bomb. You shook your head and took a step towards him, giving a long, well-needed hug. 

“I missed you,” you sighed, dropping your bag at your feet and burying your head in his chest. “I was worried about you.”

He stroked your hair for a moment, and you just stood there, breathing each other in. He smelled like Old Spice.

“I missed you, too, Y/N.”

Finally, you pulled away, and took in a deep breath. Your heart hurt without him, but it didn’t change the fact that you didn’t feel like a priority in his life. 

You crossed the room and sat on the couch, feeling relieved to finally be off your feet for the day. Steve sat on the opposite end of the couch from you, leaning against the armrest.

“Can we talk now, Y/N?” He asked, turning to look at you. You crossed your legs, leaning back against the couch.

You sighed. “Yeah,” you said, already wishing this conversation was over. 

Steve took in a deep breath, and ran a hand through his hair. “Do you… do you want to break up with me?” he asked, quietly, scared. Like a kid. Fuck, you thought. 

“No!” you exclaimed, eyes widening. You grabbed his hand across the couch. “God, no, I don’t want to break up with you. I-I… I’m just…” You groaned, and ran your free hand over your face. “I’m just irritated, because I feel like I’m not a priority, and I know there’s nothing you can do about it. You have a job to do and you have to do, and I feel soguilty about being mad at you for it, but I am, y’know? And maybe I’m not even mad at you. Maybe you’re just the only person I can take it out on.”

“You can be mad at me,” said Steve, pulling his hand away from yours and tangling them in his hair. “I don’t want you to feel like you can’t be mad at me. It’s healthy for couples to argue - I read that somewhere, I think.”

“Yeah, but I don’t want to be mad at you, Steve,” you said,  crossing your arms over your chest. “I don’t get very much time with you when you’re around, and I don’t want to spend it fighting with you, y’know?”

He nodded. “I’m sorry I’m never around, Y/N,” he said, sighing and looking over at you. “But you know I have to-”

“I know,” you cut him off, standing up and walking into the kitchen to grab a bottle of water from the fridge. “I know. I’ve heard the speech a million times, Steve. You have to protect the people. You have to do what’s right. And I know you can’t, but I wish you could just blow it off sometimes, and no one had to die or anything for you to be able to spend some time with me.”

He followed you into the kitchen and leaned against the doorway as you scoured leftovers for something that seemed appetizing. “Are you ever going to be okay with this?” he asked as you settled on the rest of the sesame chicken you’d had yesterday. 

You opened the lid of the Tupperware container and put it in the microwave for forty-five seconds. “I don’t know, Steve. I guess I saw this coming in, and I figured I would just get used to it. But it’s hard, you know? Like, I drop everything for you when you’re in town, and I just feel like I’m the only one trying sometimes.”

“There’s nothing I can do about that, Y/N-”

“I know!” you exclaimed, groaning out of frustration. “God, I know, Steve! You’ve been telling me the same things for the past two months- it’s like you have a script memorized for when you have to leave. And I feel so bad for being angry at you for it, but I am. I’m angry, okay?” The microwave dinged, but you made no move to open it.

“So, what, then?” He asked, irritated, crossing his arms over his chest. You took a sip of your water. “Do you want to call it quits or something?”

“I don’t know,” you sighed, sinking to the floor and leaning against a cabinet, rattling the door with your weight. “I…God. It’s impossible for me not to be happy with you. And we have such a good time together. But I can’t decide if…” you trailed off, deciding not to say it.

“You can’t decide if it’s worth it.” He finished for you, and you looked up at him, nodding slowly in response. 

He shook his head. “How about we take a break then?” He said, and your eyes widened. “It makes me sad thinking about not talking to you, but I think you just need some time to think. We both do.” You said nothing. “Call me when you can decide, okay, Y/N?” You just stared at him. 

And then he was gone. This time he wasn’t coming back. 

Steve Rogers x Reader

Summary:The Star Spangled Man with a Plan wakes up with a nightmare, and it’s up to you to comfort him.

Word Count: 993

Warnings:Angst.

A/N:Not my gif! Make requests for me, and tell me if this was good or nah. I thrive off of praise basically.

You know how sometimes people need a fan to be able to sleep? Well, for you, it was Steve Rogers’ heartbeat. It was something that you’d grown used to having lull you to sleep, and without it, you just couldn’t fall asleep. Ever since Steve had moved in a few months ago, it had become a staple for him to be next to you. You just weren’t comfortable enough without his big, strong arms around you and his heart beating so steady and bringing you to that place of relaxation. This whole relationship with Steve, you had mostly needed him more than he needed you. You accepted that. It was fine.

—————–

He was shivering. You slowly woke up to find Steve shivering in his spot, still asleep, even though he had two blankets on. How could he possibly be cold? You were slightly disoriented as you turned your head to look at the alarm clock. It was one in the morning. With a small sigh, you moved your body closer to Steve’s and pressed against him, hoping he would warm up. But he kept shivering, and not long after that, he started mumbling things. Talking in his sleep? He never did that. Steve was the soundest sleeper you had ever witnessed. You looked at his lips in the darkness, and tried to make out some of the words he was saying. Most of it was incoherent, what Steve was saying. But you managed to make out one word- a name. Bucky. Bucky. Why was Steve dreaming about Bucky? Shivering, and… and talking in his sleep? You didn’t know whether to wake him up or not, but his face was so pained, you definitely felt like you should.

You were about to gently wake him up, but then Steve did it himself. He shot up from his position, sitting up in the bed, beads of sweat dripping down his forehead. He groaned painfully, and, panting, looked around the room as if he couldn’t remember where he was. “(Y/N)?” He said, looking at you.

You sat up, reached over, and flicked on the lamp. “Steve?” you said softly, inching towards him, worried. “Steve, I’m right here. Are you okay?” Your voice was hoarse from having just woken up.

Steve turned to look at you. His cheeks were red and sweat covered his face like a blanket. His breathing was heavy, like he’d just run across the whole world. He had an expression on his face you’d never seen before- fear? Was he afraid? Steve? He didn’t say anything for a moment, just looked at you, and around the room, almost as if he was trying to convince himself that this was real, and that whatever had been going on in that dream was over.

“Are you alright, Steve?” you asked him again, reaching over to grab his hand. He pulled away instinctively, looking like an abandoned dog. You furrowed your brow slightly and unraveled yourself from the blankets. “Come on, babe, let’s get you some water or something.” You slid on your slippers and opened the bedroom door.

Steve just shook his head, appearing to be back with you. “I’m fine, (Y/N).” He said, running a hand through his hair, and taking a deep, shaky breath. You stood in the doorway with a hand on your hip. “Really,” he insisted, nodding in confirmation. “I’m fine. Let’s… let’s go back to sleep.”

“You don’t have to be prideful with me, Steve,” you said, flipping on the main light of the bedroom. “I’m not going to respect you any less if you tell me what just happened. Clearly you had a nightmare or something. Why can’t you just tell me what it was?”

“It was nothing, (Y/N),” Steve said, his voice more persistent, and taking on a slightly irritated tone. “God, will you just give it a rest and come back to sleep with me?”

Rolling your eyes, and knowing you weren’t going to get anywhere, you shut off the light and stormed back into the bed. Steve turned with his back to you, and it took a while for you to fall asleep.

–

A few hours later you woke up to the sounds of Steve screaming. Your eyes shot open to see the blond man sitting up in bed, clutching his pillow like it was a lifeline. He was sweating again, the same scared-shitless look on his face.

“Steve,” you said, slowly sitting up against the headboard. “Babe, are you alright?”

“It was Bucky,” he said quietly, his voice shaky and scared. “I-it was Bucky. H-he kept falling off of that train, just over and… and over again. I couldn’t save him, and I couldn’t save Peggy. I couldn’t even… I couldn’t even save myself.” His voice cracked, and he buried his face in his hands. You scooted closer to him on the bed, and wrapped your arms around his bare shoulders.

“Shh,” you whispered, pulling him close to you, so that his head lay on your chest. You ran your fingers through his hair and kissed his forehead a few times. “It’s over now, Steve.” You said quietly, knowing there was nothing you could do to take those awful World War II memories out of his head. He softly started crying into your chest, and you couldn’t help but cry with him- silent tears as he softly sobbed into your nightshirt.

“There’s nothing more you could have done, baby,” you said to him, tears streaming down your face as you tried to imagine the kind of pain he went through. “But it’s all over now, okay? It’s done. The past is gone.”

Eventually he fell asleep again, but you didn’t. Thinking about how much pain all this caused the love of your life made you incredibly, deeply sad, and you just couldn’t sleep with those kinds of thoughts in your head, even if Steve’s heartbeat was right there.  

After the snap and losing her husband, Raven tries to settle on New Asgard with Thor and Valkyrie. But even after losing Loki twice before this time around doesn’t make it any easier. Until a variant of Loki shows up looking for her. Could this be the second chance they both need?

This the next fic in my canon Loki/Raven series. Obviously theres a big time jump from Thor (2011) to Avengers: Infinity War but this fic will tie up lose ends and cover that time jump at some point. So you will be filled in on what I have not written.

Warnings: HEAVY ANGST, HEAVY FEELS, Flashback chapter, Major character death, Murder, Blood, Gore, Violence 

Part 4

Loki

2012 (After the battle of New York)

Raven and I had used the tesseract to escape The Avengers, now on an unknown planet trying to lay low. It wasn’t The Avengers I was worried about evading. It was Thanos. He had promised that I could rule over Earth, providing I secured and delivered the tesseract. However, I had failed to overthrow Earth and Thanos would likely think I had stolen the tesseract. Unless I either kept running or could talk my way out of the situation.

After explaining the situation to Raven, I had expected her to want to leave. But she had insisted on staying with me even with the potential danger. Even with us not staying in one place too long, she just saw it as she finally could explore the galaxy, always trying to keep me thinking positively. So far, we hadn’t been found, luck had been on our side. But luck would eventually run out.

Thanos and The Black Order eventually found us on Terma, corning us in our temporary home. Raven was already on the defensive before they’d entered the house. I grabbed her by the shoulders, getting her full attention.
“Don’t try to fight them, we’re outnumbered. I will get us out of this, but if the worst does happen, I need you to run,” I warned her.
“I’m not leaving you.”

Thanos had no quarrel with her, so I was hoping she would be let go. However, if she wasn’t willing to leave me, that could put her at risk.
“You may have too, but I promise you I will follow,” I lied.
Before she could respond, the door was forced open and in stepped Thanos. I made sure to keep Raven behind me to keep her safe a few seconds more as The Black Order followed behind Thanos.

“You have something of mine, something that you stole,” Thanos declared.
“Stole it? If I hadn’t used it to escape Earth, then you never would have gotten it. Now I’ve just been keeping it safe, waiting for you to collect it,” I replied.
Thanos stepped closer, The Black Order now surrounding us.
“Is that so?” Thanos asked, “we must have just missed you on Xandar and Maveth and Aakons.”

I forced a smile, hoping there was still a slight chance I could talk our way out of this.
“That was you? Forgive me, I was under the impression it was someone else,” I chuckled nervously.
Thanos did not return my smile or seem amused. He glanced behind him at one of his lackeys before nodding. Cull Obsidian grabbed Raven by her throat and lifted her from the floor.

Raven protested, struggling in his grip. Panic filled me, but before I could conjure the tesseract, Raven used her pyrokinesis on Cull. Instead of dropping her, he threw her violently across the room. Her body landed hard, yet she still tried to get up despite the pain. Quickly I conjured as many clones as I could using them to distract Thanos and The Black Order. As the room erupted into chaos, I made my way over to Raven, hoping to get to her before they could determine I was the real Loki.

My main focus was getting her as far from here as possible, regardless of my own safety. Thanos could do whatever he wanted to me so long as he didn’t touch her. Using my magic again, I concealed myself from Thanos and The Black Order. Halfway across the room, Ebony Maw had fought off several clones now surveying the room for me. When he couldn’t find me, he turned his attention to Raven, who had now gotten to her feet.

Raven hurled another fireball at Maw, who deflected it with ease, now advancing on her. Ebony Maw lifted Raven with his telekinesis, although he started to struggle as she fought back with her own telekinetic ability. Before I had the chance to intervene, Raven was thrown in Thanos’ direction. Thanos picked her up by her throat, her legs dangling uselessly as she clawed at his giant purple hand. Quickly I revealed myself in the hopes he would release her.

“Thanos, stop. You have no quarrel with her. Please, just let her go, and the tesseract is yours,” I bargained.
My panic turned to dread as Thanos began applying pressure to her throat, Raven struggling to breathe. Quickly I conjured the tesseract, holding it out for him to take.
“Here! Take it. But please just let her go. Please,” I pleaded.
Proxima and Corvus forced me to my knees, restraining me before Ebony Maw took the tesseract from me.

Yet Thanos still did not free Raven, amused by her feeble attempts of freedom. Quickly, she was losing air. Ebony Maw checked the tesseract over to make sure it wasn’t another illusion, once satisfied, he nodded to Thanos.
“I should have known better than to trust something as important as this with a failure,” Thanos spoke, “you failed your father, your people, failed to secure Earth. And now you’ve failed to protect your wife.”
Thanos tightened his grip once more, snapping Raven’s neck with ease.

All I could do was watch in horror as Thanos dropped her limp body to the floor. Proxima and Corvus released me now, having gotten what they wanted. I scrambled over to Raven’s body, desperately using my magic to revive her in any way. Thanos and The Black Order left without another word; they’d gotten what they’d wanted. No matter what I tried, Raven still didn’t move, her eyes cold and lifeless. She was gone.

I held her close, my sobs turning to wails. Thanos was right, I’d failed to protect her and now I was truly alone. She’d been the only person to stick by my side, to see the real me. After Odin had given up on me, as well as Thor and my mother, Raven had stayed. I’d taken vows, made promises to keep her safe, keep her happy. And now they were broken because I hadn’t done enough, I hadn’t been strong enough or powerful enough.

I didn’t know how much time had passed until night arrived. My anguish had turned to rage. Thanos would pay for what he did, I would make sure of it. Stroking Raven’s hair, I knew I couldn’t stay here. But I hated the fact I had to leave her here, that I had to let her go. Removing her wedding ring, I conjured a chain and wore it around my neck. Now came the harder part.

Forcing myself to let go of her, I went outside and found an appropriate spot for a cremation. I couldn’t bear the thought of burying her and leaving her here alone, so a cremation was the next best thing. Using my magic, I conjured an appropriate funeral pyre, making small adjustments here and there. Once complete, I headed back inside, picking her up and holding her in my arms for what would be the last time. Her body had started to lose its warmth by now.

Carrying her to the pyre, I placed her down and closed her eyes. Leaning down, I kissed her forehead, unsure if I should say anything. The only thing that came to mind was ‘I’m sorry’. It felt like we’d hardly spent anytime together, our time unfairly cut short. There was so much we had wanted to do together, could have done together. My eyes filled with tears again, not just mourning the loss of her, but the loss of what could have been.

Taking one final look at her, I then lit the pyre and within a few minutes, it was engulfed in flames. Unable to watch anymore, I turned and left, ready to track down Thanos.

———————————————————————————————————–

After two missed opportunities, I changed my tactic. Instead of tracking down Thanos, I decided to track down infinity stones. Apparently two Asgardians had been spotted on Knowhere at The Collectors museum recently. Whilst there was no proof they had handed over an infinity stone, it was worth a look. If there was nothing there, I had no doubt The Collector knew where I could find more infinity stones. Where they would be, Thanos would eventually show up.

Upon my arrival, I’d used my magic to conceal myself before searching the museum. It was more of a vault than a museum. Finally, I found a red stone stored in a locked container. The reality stone. Now that I knew it was here, I just had to wait for Thanos to come for it. Conjuring a clone, I had them keep watch over the museum and they would inform me the moment Thanos arrived.

It took months before finally Thanos arrived on Knowhere. The Black Order were staying on the ship, likely searching for the locations of the remaining infinity stones. The best time to take Thanos out was now whilst he only had one of the stones, if he got anymore he would be too powerful to take on alone. I remained concealed in the museum, taking the reality stone and hiding it. In its place, I left an illusion of the stone as bait.

Heavy footsteps could be heard through the museum, Thanos talking to someone. Before I could investigate who, The Collector was thrown at one of the display cases; the glass shattering and littering the floor.
“The Power Stone. I won’t ask again,” Thanos warned.
The Collector spat out a mouthful of blood before pointing at the bait. Thanos smiled, walking to the ‘stone’.

Now was my chance. Levitating the larger, sharper shards of glass, I waited for Thanos to take the stone. His fingers passed through it before he tried once more. Visibly frustrated, he turned to interrogate the Collector further. I finally revealed myself, not giving Thanos time to react as I flung the glass shards at him. Each one embedded deep in his skin, the pain and surprise knocking him off balance. Most of the shards had hit either vital organs or arteries.

But I wasn’t going to leave him bleeding out to chance. Running to him, I conjured a dagger and came to a stop by his head. I wanted to make sure he saw me, saw who was the one to kill him. Recognition filled his eyes before pure loathing. I crouched down, so I was closer to him.
“You told me I was nothing but a failure. Failing you, failing to keep my wife safe before you took her from me,” I said, “and yet I’m now the one with the upper hand.”

Before he could reply, I stabbed him in the eye, pressing my dagger as deep as I could until it hit his brain, ending his cries of pain and his life. Relief filled me, knowing my wife’s murderer had gotten what he’d deserved at my hand. But that feeling was short-lived as an orange doorway opened a few metres from me. A handful of heavily armoured men and women stepped through, setting their sights on me. One of them stepped forward, obviously the one in charge.

“On behalf of the Time Variance Authority, I hereby arrest you for crimes against the sacred timeline,” the female said firmly.
I frowned at her. Who were the Time Variance Authority? And what crimes? They couldn’t possibly mean killing Thanos.
“Oh please, I’ve practically done you all a favour by killing him,” I replied.
The female sighed as if I was being difficult before stepping closer. She smacked me hard across the face with the baton she’d been carrying, the force of the blow knocking me over.

Before I could retaliate, she put some kind of collar around my neck, and I was hauled to my feet by two of her lackeys. They dragged me through the orange portal before it closed behind us. We were no longer in The Collectors museum; I assumed this must be the Time Variance Authority’s headquarters. The female that was in charge led me through a set of double doors and past a circular desk to another set of doors.
“I am not taking another step until you answer my questions,” I growled.
She smirked and motioned to the doors, “through those doors are all the answers you need.”

Taglist:@jana-banana-fana​,@fictionalnerdery​

After the snap and losing her husband, Raven tries to settle on New Asgard with Thor and Valkyrie. But even after losing Loki twice before this time around doesn’t make it any easier. Until a variant of Loki shows up looking for her. Could this be the second chance they both need?

This the next fic in my canon Loki/Raven series. Obviously theres a big time jump from Thor (2011) to Avengers: Infinity War but this fic will tie up lose ends and cover that time jump at some point. So you will be filled in on what I have not written.

Warnings: HEAVY ANGST, HEAVY FEELS, Suicide plans that have now thankfully fallen through, LOKI IS HERE, Language

Chapter 3

Raven

Saturday June 24th

Thor had yet to return. But I couldn’t hold off my plans for him. In fact, him not being here made it somewhat easier. Val and I had eaten dinner, and she had insisted on doing the washing up to show her gratitude. She would likely leave in two hours and then I could prepare. Val was talking about the preparations that would need to be made come September, when the colder weather set in.
“I just want us to get a head start, so we’re not worrying about it at the last minute,” she continued.

“I know. You’re always one step ahead, like a good leader should be.”
Suddenly, Val dropped the plate she’d been holding into the sink as she spotted something outside.
“Holy shit,” she marvelled.
“What? What is it?”
“Your gonna wanna see this.”
Was Thor back? Or was it something bad? Getting up from the table, I joined her at the window.

Outside appeared to be an orange doorway, but the more shocking thing was who had emerged from that doorway. Loki. Not even bothering with shoes, I raced outside towards him. This couldn’t be real; he couldn’t be real. I had to be dreaming, or maybe I’d truly lost it and had a psychotic break. The first thing that struck me as odd was the clothing choice. Black trousers, an off-white shirt with the sleeves rolled up, and a striped tie.

His hair was shorter, back how it had been when he first came to Earth. When I reached him, I took his face in my hands as if to get a better look at him. He leaned into my touch, as if he hadn’t felt it in years. But something still wasn’t right, something in his eyes gave it away.
“You’re not my Loki,” I spoke.
His face fell a little, “I’m not.”

Taking my hands away, I fought back tears.
“Is this a dream?” I asked, my voice cracking.
“No, this is all real, I’m real. I just come from a different timeline.”
Bruce had mentioned time travel before, I didn’t think such a thing was possible, but this Loki was proof it was possible. The orange doorway closed behind Loki, meaning he was here to stay. There were so many questions I had, and I didn’t know where to start.

“You should probably come inside,” I mentioned.
Loki followed me back to the cottage where Valkyrie was waiting. She eyed Loki suspiciously, her arms folded across her chest.
“Do you want me to stay?” She asked.
If this Loki meant me harm, he would have likely already attacked. Loki also eyed Valkyrie with suspicion, as if he’d never met her.

“I can handle it,” I replied.
Val hesitated for a few moments before finally leaving. Sitting down at the table, I motioned for Loki to take a seat. He glanced around the cottage, a hint of disgust on his face before he sat down. Perhaps this was an earlier version of Loki, maybe sometime after we’d met. There was still a sense of arrogance about him that I hadn’t missed.

Both of us sat in silence for a few moments, neither of us unsure where to start. It made no sense; it was my husband, my best friend and yet it wasn’t. This man was a stranger.
“So now I know time travel exists, where are you from?” I asked.
“I was last on Earth after the battle of New York before the timekeepers arrested me.”
“Not the Avengers?”

Loki paused, “no.”
This was already a lot to wrap my head around. Time travel, timekeepers, another Loki. He studied me as if there was something wrong.
“You changed your hair. It’s…odd seeing it so long and with your natural colour,” he said.
Judging by the look on his face, he didn’t like it. But by the way he worded his sentence made it obvious there was another version of me from his timeline. Well, my current appearance wasn’t exactly for his benefit.

“You don’t like it?” I asked.
“That’s not what I said.”
“But it was implied. Nice to know all Loki’s are bad at hiding their real feelings.”
A silence fell over us again. Neither of us knew what to say to the other. We were both strangers to each other, both needing to get to know each other.
“Why are you here?” I asked, “if there’s so many timelines, why this one?”

Loki thought about his answer for a few moments.
“I didn’t have a say in the matter. It was up to the timekeepers, I helped them capture a few variants and they let me go,” he explained.
“Variants? As in other Loki’s?”
“Yes.”
“Do you all look the same or…?”
“Some of us look the same, but they were some that were quite different. Apparently, in one timeline, I’m an alligator.”

I couldn’t help but laugh shortly at the mental image. Loki smiled at the sound, chuckling softly.
“If you were to be any animal, I would have thought you’d be a snake,” I said, “considering how many times you used to try to prank Thor by turning into a snake.”
His smile faded at the mention of Thor, I couldn’t be sure if they had been on good terms in his timeline.
“Is he here?” Loki asked.

“No, he’s been gone a few months now, trying to undo the damage Thanos did with the rest of the Avengers.”
Loki’s expression changed, fear evident in his eyes. It made sense that this Loki was also afraid of Thanos, if he had still been through the battle of New York.
“He’s still out there?” Loki asked, clearly concerned.
“Technically yes. But in this timeline no, Thor took his head off five years ago. Now there’s this elaborate plan involving time travel to get the infinity stones and undo his damage,” I explained.

Loki seemed slightly impressed to hear Thor had been the one to take Thanos out. I had first thought that Thanos’ death would bring me some happiness, knowing my husband’s murderer had gotten what he deserved. But that feeling hadn’t lasted long, it still did nothing to fill the void.
“So, are you staying or…?” I asked.
“If that’s alright with you.”

I nodded, “yeah, that’s fine. So long as you don’t mind taking the couch.”
“Not at all, I understand.”
Thankfully, that hadn’t gone as awkwardly as I thought it would have. This situation was going to get complicated, the man before me was my husband but also wasn’t. There were feelings there, but it felt wrong to have them. Getting up from the table, I found Loki some spare pillows and blankets, making sure the couch was comfy for him.

He could always put the log fire on if he wanted to. We exchanged some slightly awkward goodnights before I went to my bedroom. Finally, all my conflicting emotions hit me at once and I sunk down to my knees on the floor, crying into my hands. I didn’t know what to do; it felt like I’d been given another chance, but it would feel wrong to take it. It would feel like some weird kind of infidelity. All I wanted was to be held by him, but that was out of the question.

Standing before my bedside cabinet, I picked up one of the pill bottles I planned on using tonight and debated my next move. I couldn’t take them now, not with him here. Putting my pills back in the drawer, I decided against taking my life. For now. I could take things one day at a time and see how things panned out between this Loki and I.

Taglist:@jana-banana-fana​,@fictionalnerdery​

After the snap and losing her husband, Raven tries to settle on New Asgard with Thor and Valkyrie. But even after losing Loki twice before this time around doesn’t make it any easier. Until a variant of Loki shows up looking for her. Could this be the second chance they both need?

This the next fic in my canon Loki/Raven series. Obviously theres a big time jump from Thor (2011) to Avengers: Infinity War but this fic will tie up lose ends and cover that time jump at some point. So you will be filled in on what I have not written.

Warnings: HEAVY ANGST, HEAVY FEELS, Implied self harm, Implied eating dissorder, Heavy depression themes, No Loki in this chapter, Thor has surivivors guilt and depression, Language

Chapter 2

Raven

Four years later

Whoever said time heals all wounds was a liar. Nothing had changed, the pain was still there, festering like an open wound. Thor was still refusing to come out of his cottage, wasting away in his squalor, and I had resorted to older, unhealthier coping mechanisms. The only positive was that New Asgard was mostly fully functioning now. And with it fully functioning without Thor, it probably could function without me, too. Valkyrie had proved some days she could run it by herself.

And that was why I had set a date. Saturday June 24th. I would invite Thor and Val over for dinner, spend my last night in good company, and after they left, I would end it. I’d been hording my antidepressants for a few months now. There had been the option of just cutting my wrists length ways, but I didn’t want Val to find my body like that, or anybody to have to deal with more of a clean-up than necessary.

As I washed up the cooking stuff from last night, I glanced down at the large knife in my hand. Glancing at the door, I debated about what was stopping me from ending it now. My letters were already written, I just wouldn’t get the chance to say a proper goodbye. Before I could think about it anymore, there was a knock on my door. Dropping the knife back in the sink, I dried my hands before answering the door.

Val stood outside, looking slightly annoyed. Either Thor had done something, or something had gone wrong at the docks.
“We have some visitors,” she spoke.
I frowned, we never had visitors. And that could mean anybody. But if it were a fucking ‘Avenger’ they were sure as hell going to get a piece of my mind. Not once had any of them come here to check up on Thor or myself. Not even a phone call. Some ‘friends’ they were. I know I wasn’t on the best terms with most of them, but Thor was, and he deserved better from them.

Grabbing my coat, I left the cottage with Val, who led me over to a ship. Outside, waiting for us, stood Rocket Raccoon and Bruce Banner. Only Banner was now halfway between himself and Hulk mode. The sight was odd, but he looked mostly in control of himself. That still didn’t mean I was happy to see either of them. I skipped out on the greetings; I could already tell this wasn’t a social visit.
“What do you want?” I asked, “there’s been no contact for five years and now you just show up out of the blue.”

Rocket had his arms folded across his chest, unimpressed with my tone. Bruce, on the other hand, refused to look me in the eye. He knew I was right, more so after everything we’d done for him.
“Let me guess, you’re only here because you need him for something? You don’t actually care how he’s been?” I continued.
“We might have found a way to bring everyone back.” Bruce replied.
I fell silent; I hadn’t ever thought that would be possible. And if there was a chance, I had no right to stand in the way of that.

“How?” I asked.
“It’s complicated, quantum stuff combined with time travel. If we can get the stones, we can undo what Thanos did.”
But it wouldn’t bring Loki back. His death was before the snap. I still wouldn’t get my life back. But my happiness didn’t matter when it came to millions of other people’s happiness. Now was not the time to be selfish.
“Fine. Talk to him, see how he feels about it. But if he says no, I don’t want you to keep pushing until you change his mind,” I said sternly.

Bruce nodded in agreement, and I led the way to Thor’s cottage. Knocking first, we then headed inside. Thor was awake, already drinking a beer. When Thor noticed Rocket and Bruce, his face instantly lit up, and he greeted them warmly. A part of me didn’t want Thor to go, I wanted him to stay so that I knew he would be safe. But that was just me being selfish again. Rocket and Thor made small talk before Bruce explained the situation. It sounded almost like a sales pitch, like he’d practiced what he was going to say on the way here.

Thor fell silent for a few moments, looking to me for my opinion, or maybe even my permission. I didn’t know what to say, a lot of my answers were selfish.
“Raven, you can speak freely. We are amongst friends,” Thor reassured.
“If you can bring everyone back, then do it. But I want you to be doing it because you want to, not because you feel you owe your so-called friends anything. You do this for you because maybe then it will help you heal,” I explained.

After having tried to tell Thor that Thanos winning wasn’t his fault for years and it still not getting through, perhaps if he righted his ‘wrong’, he would feel better. It wouldn’t bring back anything he or I had lost, but it was the right thing to do.
“And put aside the right thing to do for a moment. Do you want me to go?” Thor asked.
The look in his eyes told me that if I said no, he wouldn’t leave, he would stay. My eyes glassed over, and I swallowed the lump in my throat. In that moment, the love I had for my brother-in-law grew by ten times, knowing he would stay with me if I asked him too because all we had now was each other.

“Yes,” I lied, “but I want you to come back in one piece.”
Thor gently smiled; he knew I was lying but didn’t call me out on it. Instead, he pulled me in for a tight hug.
“You have my word that I will return,” he promised.
I nodded, doing my best to keep it together. Thor changed into some cleaner clothes and packed a bag before we headed for the ship. We exchanged goodbyes before Valkyrie, and I watched the ship leave.

She placed a comforting hand on my shoulder as I fought back tears.
“He’ll be back, he’s gotten out of rougher scrapes before,” she reassured me.
“I just hope whatever plan they have works and they pull it off.”
“You’ve still got me, you know. And I’m not planning on leaving anytime soon.”
“You better not.”

Taglist:@jana-banana-fana​,@fictionalnerdery​

President Loki is in his second year of presidency and strives for perfection in all aspects of his life, including his submissive and secretary, Raven (OC). When he becomes trapped in The Void life is difficult without his submissive until a variant of her arrives. One that is more fiesty than what he’s used too.

All three parts of this are pure porn with a hint of plot if you squint. Please leave comments and kudos if you enjoyed!

Warnings: Heavy NSFW, Smut, Sex, Rough sex, Desk sex, Rough oral sex, Blowjobs, Bondage, Hair pulling, Spanking, Language, Dirty talk, Humilitation, Degrading language, Praise kink, Shoe licking, Face fucking, Dom/Sub relationship, President Loki is a harsh dom, Possessive behaviour, Butt plugs, Sex toys, Orgasm delay, Non con themes, Very dubious consent, President Loki is a sleazy asshole, Chains, Muzzles, Gags, Restraints, Kidnapping, Oral sex, Multiple orgasms, Sexual torture, Body whorship, Blood, Choking, Hair pulling, Slight dub con, Threesome, Clones, Manipulation, Cock warming, Spit roasing, Face fucking, Overstimulation, Cum swallowing

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

After the snap and losing her husband, Raven tries to settle on New Asgard with Thor and Valkyrie. But even after losing Loki twice before this time around doesn’t make it any easier. Until a variant of Loki shows up looking for her. Could this be the second chance they both need?

This the next fic in my canon Loki/Raven series. Obviously theres a big time jump from Thor (2011) to Avengers: Infinity War but this fic will tie up lose ends and cover that time jump at some point. So you will be filled in on what I have not written.

Warnings: HEAVY ANGST, HEAVY FEELS, Implied self harm, Implied eating dissorder, Heavy depression themes, No Loki in this chapter, Thor has surivivors guilt and depression 

Chapter 1

Raven

After a year of being settled into New Asgard, Thor still barely left his cottage. Not that I could blame him, I understood he was grieving in his own way. But his people needed to see him, needed to know he was coping…somewhat. They couldn’t keep looking to Valkyrie or myself for leadership. I wasn’t cut out for it, even if I had been queen once before.

But this was different, these people were rebuilding their entire lives on a planet they weren’t familiar with. And I didn’t know how much longer I could keep their spirits up. If I was failing to look after myself, how could I look after anybody else? Valkyrie was the only one who was keeping it together, going above and beyond to help everyone.

Losing Loki was something I was used too or at least I thought I had been. I mean, it’s not like he hadn’t faked his death twice before. At first, I had expected him to walk through the door with a stupid smirk on his face, claiming it was another elaborate joke. But after six months, it became clear he wasn’t coming back from this one. I was alone once more.

The nights were difficult, eating dinner alone, going to bed alone. The silence was awful. But the lack of human contact was the worst. I longed to be held again, to be comforted. It felt like I was stuck in some sort of limbo, unsure of my next step, just existing and trying to make it through each day.

Loki would have been bored here at first, it was just a small fishing village after all. But eventually I believed he would have settled; Thor and Loki would have helped their people rebuild in no time at all.

And maybe then we could have started our own family, something we’d talked about a few times before. Thor would have made a wonderful uncle, and Loki would have been a better father than Odin and Laufey combined. But all those hopes for the future were gone now, as was my husband.

———————————————————————————————————–

Valkyrie and I stood by the docks as the latest shipment was unloaded. Valkyrie was handed a box that was addressed to Thor. A few more were eventually placed beside her.
“You want a hand with those?” I asked.
“Sure.”
Grabbing what I could carry, Valkyrie, and I set off to Thor’s cottage.
“So, he’s discovered Amazon Prime,” I spoke.
“Yeah, Korg introduced him to it, there are packages every week.”

That probably meant there were a lot of unnecessary purchases. We reached the cottage, and Valkyrie paused outside.
“You can just leave them outside and I’ll grab them in a sec,” Valkyrie said.
I frowned softly, I’d carried them all this way, I could carry them inside. It had been a while since I’d seen Thor anyway, so it couldn’t hurt to poke my head in and say hello at the very least.
“Its fine, I’ve carried them this far,” I replied.

Valkyrie seemed hesitant to let me inside, as if hiding something.
“Val, what’s going on?” I asked.
“It’s just neither of you have really been around each other since we got here. Everyone kinda assumed you don’t want to talk or something.”
She was right; I hadn’t been over to see or talk to Thor, and he hadn’t been over to do the same. To everyone else, it would look like we were avoiding each other.

“I guess we’ve just been so focused on our own grief that we haven’t thought of what the other person is going through,” I explained.
“You don’t have to go in if you’re not up to it.”
“I can’t keep avoiding it, either.”
“Okay. Well, just brace yourself.”
It couldn’t be that bad. Valkyrie opened the door and led me inside. The first thing I noticed was the lack of natural light. The curtains were all closed, and the only light source was from the TV.

The second thing I noticed was the smell. A mixture of takeout food, beer and body odour. The place was littered with takeout wrappers, empty bottles of alcohol and dirty clothes. Korg and Miek were on the couch, Korg had a gaming controller in his hand whilst Miek ate from a box of cheez-its. There was no sign of Thor, though. Korg looked up and smiled kindly.
“Good morning, ladies. The big man isn’t up yet, but I can get him if he’s needed,” Korg greeted.

Glancing at the clock, I noted it was 11:42 and Thor was still asleep.
“Yeah, thanks Korg,” Valkyrie replied.
Korg paused his game and got up, heading deeper into the cottage. Valkyrie and I put the parcels down but didn’t take a seat whilst we waited. The more time that passed, the more I wanted to back out of here and the situation. After ten minutes, Korg returned to the living room.
“Just give him five minutes to sort himself out,” Korg explained.
Well, I suppose that was better than him refusing to get out of bed or saying he didn’t want to see me.

“I’ll make some coffee,” I suggested.
Before anybody could reply, I escaped to the kitchen. The kitchen was just as bad as the living room. More takeout wrappers, the trash can was overflowing, and the sink was filled with dirty dishes. After turning the kettle on, I searched the cupboards for a few clean mugs. There were only two, so I started washing up some of the dirty ones. I was all too familiar with this mess; I’d gone through it before. Now I’d just gotten better at hiding my depression, I suppose I had too when so many people were depending on me. If they saw me fall apart, they would lose hope.

I didn’t get to sit around and wallow in my self-pity all day; I had to be on the high functioning end of the spectrum. But Thor probably hadn’t experienced such despair before, and this was just easiest for him. I had to be gentle and understanding with him. As I made everyone but myself a mug of coffee, that’s when Thor finally appeared. And this year had not been kind to him. His hair was longer, dirty and unkempt, as was his beard. He’d gained a lot of weight, his stomach much rounder and fuller. He was wearing loose, comfortable clothes.

Thor forced a smile when he saw me, one that didn’t quite reach his eyes. He pulled me in for a hug, which I gladly accepted. For a few moments we just held each other, this was probably the most physical human contact either of us had had in months.
“It’s good to see you,” he spoke softly.
I nodded in agreement before we pulled away. Thor grabbed a mug of coffee before we sat at the kitchen table together.
“How have you been?” He asked.
I gave a soft shrug, my feelings didn’t matter right now, “coping. You?”

Thor studied me for a few seconds, as if trying to decide how to answer my question.
“You’ve done something with your hair. It’s longer than before. Looks like it could do with some hair dye too, although I don’t mind your natural hair colour.”
Gently I lifted a section to my eyeline, noticing just how much the brunette colour had grown out. And combined with the remaining purple, it looked like a weird ombre. Most days, I avoided looking in the mirror, not worrying about my appearance anymore.
“You’re looking thinner too,” Thor grabbed a pizza box, offering me a slice of cold leftovers, “eat.”

The mere sight of food made me feel nauseous. I only really ate now at dinner; I was too busy in the day to stop for lunch and normally woke up too late to have breakfast. I politely declined his offer. Thor shrugged and took a bite from the cold slice.
“Thor, how are you?” I asked again.
“Me? Oh, I’m fine,” he said, his voice wavering slightly.
Gently, I placed my hand over his, noticing how he avoided my gaze.

“It’s okay if you’re not fine,” I said softly, “considering everything you’ve been through. I’m here if you want to talk about it.”
Thor paused. I knew, considering who his father had been, it must be hard for him to open up and be vulnerable. But he needed to if he wanted to heal.
“I just miss having him around, you know. I would have thought after going through this twice before that the third time would be easy. But this time he really is gone. First my mother, then father. Then I lost my hammer and my home and now Loki’s gone too. Everything I had is gone, Father was wrong to think I was ever worthy.”

Tears streaked his cheeks, and he quickly wiped them away with his free hand.
“And all of this, the way the world is now, that’s all on me,” he continued.
“How? How is any of this your fault?”
Thor scoffed, slipping his hand out from under mine, obviously frustrated.
“I failed to kill Thanos. Because of my stupidity, half the population is gone…I couldn’t even protect my brother from him. What good am I?” He explained.
Thor was visibly angry, but I knew it was more at himself than me. He was beating himself up for something he couldn’t have helped.

Thanos had been stronger than all of us combined, it hadn’t been anybody’s fault. We’d tried everything we could have. Now we had to mourn our losses before trying to rebuild.
“You’re still the king that these people need. If you were truly a failure, then none of those people out there would be alive,” I reminded him.
“Their home is gone because of me. I’m not a king, I’m not fit or worthy to lead those people. You don’t need my help to lead, you’re doing great.”

Biting down on my tongue, I held back from telling him the truth, from telling him how I was close to my breaking point. This wasn’t about me; this was about him. And snapping at him for saying the wrong thing wouldn’t help the situation. But there was also only so much I could do or say to him. And it was clear anything I said was falling on deaf ears. I couldn’t make Thor believe me; I couldn’t change him in a day.

And I think I was done trying for today, I didn’t want this to escalate and then I said something that would undo any progress. Taking a calming breath, I forced a hint of a smile.
“And I need to get back to them, I promised to help down at the docks,” I excused.
Thor’s face dropped slightly to hear I was leaving so soon.
“I can come back tomorrow?” I suggested.
“Of course.”

We shared another embrace before we headed to the living room. Val had waited for me, offering a smile when she saw us. Goodbyes were exchanged before Val and I left.
“How did it go?” She asked.
“As I expected, not great. He’s blaming himself for everything, including things that were always out of his control.”
“Kinda sounds familiar.”

Side eyeing her, I ignored her comment. Thor was different, he hadn’t been through anything like this before and didn’t know how to process and deal with these emotions, unlike myself.
“I said I’d visit him again tomorrow; thought I could clean up the kitchen. Living like that will not help him,” I replied, changing the subject.
“I don’t even want to think how bad his bedroom looks.”
“Or the bathroom.”

Taglist:@jana-banana-fana​,@fictionalnerdery​