#sad mood
sometimes i wonder if im always going to go back to you. i feel bad for all the people i have pushed away for you but my mind won’t stop calling your name. i lay awake at night wishing for things to be different, wishing my presence is the one you crave. i pray to whichever God for our paths to cross again and i imagine all the sentences i’ll say in an attempt to make you like me again.
but do you ever feel that way about me when you’re with him?
I know we’ve said goodbye a hundred times but I still see your shadows in places we used to go to.
Looking back, I think the hardest thing about letting you go wasn’t the fact that I had to forget about you. Truth be told, I have not forgotten about how head over heels i was for you at all. In fact, I still think about the possibilities of us being together in the future sometimes. However, what took me so long to accept was that I wasn’t in love with you. I didn’t know you at all and I still don’t. I was in love with the thought of you, a daydream of you in my head. I was in love with my imagination and it was selfish of me to paint a picture of you that may not even exist. Sometimes I wonder if you have even helped me to become a better person or was it my own mind that gave me the courage. Regardless of the answer, I’m still happy that I got the chance to love you.
i said i wanna die yet i still look both ways before crossing the road. i said i hate myself yet i still fight to get out of bed every morning. i said im done with everyone yet i still check up on my friends to make sure they are all okay.
maybe there’s still a tiny part of me that wants to hold on.
maybe i still have a little bit of hope left.
Sometimes my mind plays tricks on me and I feel your presence everywhere. I see you in strangers’ faces and I let myself pretend that they’re you, just so I can see you again. You’re the song I’m listening to and I let myself believe that we’re listening to the same radio. You’re in every book I read and every sentence feel like they’re written just for me, like you’re talking directly to me. It’s stupid but I never brush off these tricks because they make me feel closer to you.
i wonder if you still smile unconsciously when you think of me.
or am i a fool for still holding on?
its okay if you forget about me. its okay if you cant remember what i look like or what my voice sounds like. its okay to delete all the memories you have of me. but please dont ever forget how i made you feel. dont forget about how happy you were with me and how you learnt to love yourself. dont forget how beautiful you felt that morning all because i couldnt stop staring at you.
its okay to forget about me but dont ever forget what being loved feels like.
