#spread love

“Once upon a time, I was falling in love, but now I’m only falling apart.”

70s-pop-80s:

Artist: Enzo Sciotti

Not pinball related but pretty cool!

The Idea That Changed My Life || My awakening inspired within me the longing to bring hope to people’s lives, but I didn’t know exactly how I was going to do it until one evening a short while later. I was hanging out with @tungztwisted when he put on the movie Exit Through The Gift Shop, Banksy’s Academy Award nominated documentary. I knew very little about Banksy at the time and I rarely watch movies, so I was unenthused about it and my mind began to drift before he even pressed play. But in the opening credits alone, these lyrics by @RichardHawley hit me like a bolt of lightning:⁣
⁣
“Those people, they got nothing in their souls⁣
And they make our TVs blind us⁣
From our vision and our goals⁣
Oh, the trigger of time it tricks you⁣
So you have no way to grow⁣
But do you know that tonight the streets are ours⁣
These lights in our hearts they tell no lies.”⁣
⁣
All of a sudden this film had my full attention. I’d never heard music like that, music with a message trying to awaken people. But then again my awakening had only recently happened and my eyes and ears were newly opened to receiving messages like these. As the movie progressed, I watched as these street artists used their art to create powerful messages of rebellion, subversion and disruption. That’s when it clicked for me and I sat straight up. Sean noticed this and intuitively, brilliantly, handed me a notepad and a pencil and said, “Write.” And I did. I couldn’t stop the ideas from flowing and couldn’t seem to write them all down fast enough.⁣

Finally it all came together: I was going to create what I called a ‘humanitarian street art project’, using my art to anonymously create messages that would inspire hope. I knew that so many people in this world were hurting and I wanted to do something to let them know someone cared about them; I had learned firsthand that there was something so powerful about being on the receiving end of unexpected kindness, specifically when it was coming from a stranger. The project came to be called ‘500 random acts of beauty: the pursuit of positive change through beautiful thinking’ and I committed to dreaming up and executing 500 acts that would add positivity to the world, even if it took me my whole life to do them. In fact I hoped it would take me my whole life, because that meant it would keep my mind in a state of looking for opportunities to do so―a state of beautiful thinking. Most of all what I hoped was that it would create a ripple effect, that when someone was on the receiving end of one of these acts of kindness, they would be inspired to do the same for someone else, the same way woman at the train station in New York had done for me. ⁣
⁣
It was this idea and the decision to act on it that completely altered the course of my life.⁣

My Spiritual Awakening || David and I parted ways after a few years. He did his best to love me during a time where I was not in a good state and took a lot more than I gave, but due to actions on both our parts we never had a solid foundation of trust and security. I continued to feel a deep sense of sadness within me once I was on my own and for a while it seemed like the tears would never stop.

In 2011 I was having a particularly emotional night when, as I lay in bed, a memory crossed my mind. During the trip to New York when I met Kanye, I was running around the city with a well known and highly successful photographer. We were on our way to an event one evening when he asked me to cover the cab fare because he didn’t have cash on him. The fare came to $20 which was all I had and which I needed to get back home, but I didn’t want to make a big deal out of such a small amount of money. I said nothing and nervously handed the driver the last of my cash. At the end of the night, around 3 am, I found myself standing in the rain outside of a train station, my lack of loose change making its gates now entirely impenetrable. I didn’t want to ask a stranger for money; I’d had so many people approach me in the past for change and I’d always labelled them as scammers, and here I was about to do the same. I feared how people would respond if I asked them for change, but I had no choice. Asking for help was the only way to get home.

Tears in my eyes, face flushed with embarrassment, I approached a woman about my age. I told her I didn’t have money to get on the train and said that anything she could give would be appreciated. I was expecting a negative response and at best maybe a pitiful 25 cents, so her answer caught me by complete surprise.

“Of course, sweetie!” she responded, with what was in that moment the most loving voice in all of existence, and without hesitation she gave me the full fare. I was stunned. I had braced myself for judgment and rejection and this woman, this perfect stranger, gave me kindness and compassion instead. On any given day this may have been a small, forgettable exchange, but at the time I was still in LO’s abusive clutches and his treatment of me heavily affected my view of the world. What may have seemed like a tiny act of kindness was actually something massive; it helped to restore my faith in humanity.

So as I reflected on this memory in my room that night, I lifted my head up from my tear stained pillow and went to the window. I looked at all the darkened houses and wondered, “How many other people are awake right now, suffering in silence like I am?” I decided then that I was going to do something to offer them the hope, comfort and reassurance that I myself was longing for. I wanted to do something to help restore people’s faith in humanity. That was when my mindset shifted from “I” to “we” and I can pinpoint that as the precise moment of my spiritual awakening.

I am forever grateful to that stranger for giving me the change I needed, and for helping me make my way home.

At first I felt wrong about posting this picture. Lane looks *too* happy. 49 people were killed, and countless others wounded both physically and emotionally right here at this place. We should be somber, I thought. It’s too soon. I don’t want to seem disrespectful. But then it dawned on me. Lane was experiencing Pulse when this picture was taken this morning. She was dancing and being herself. She was happy to be there and she felt comfortable to smile and play and twirl. That’s what Pulse was built for. That’s what it continues to stand for. It’s a place where it’s safe to be who you are. To dance and feel free. To show love and spread love and BE Loved. The spirit of those beautiful souls that left us one year ago were embracing her today. Introducing her to their beloved club where a piece of them will forever dwell. Inviting her to dance with them and feel the love all around all of us. That sign in the background now represents so much. It represents love and strength and resilience. It represents pride in who you are-just as you are. As we were leaving, Lane bounced down the sidewalk smiling and said “Mom! I’ve had the best day today!” I feel like that’s how Pulse nightclub used to make its patrons feel. That’s what it was built for and that’s how I hope it continues to live in people’s hearts.