#alexa queue the music
ron: guys, we have a problem-
harry: it was malfoy
draco, offended: i have been sitting next to you all afternoon
harry: sorry, force of habit
percy: WHO THE FUCK-
annabeth: language
percy:
percy:WHOM THE FUCK-
annabeth: much better, thank you
grisha trainee,pointing to zoya: why is she glaring at you
genya: oh that’s just zoya, we’re besties
zoya: i will kill you and then myself if i have to spend one more minute with you
genya: aww, i love you too!
peeta: hey! since we’re gonna die soon and i’ve had a crush on you since forever, wanna be friends? :)
katniss: you are a ruthless plotting scheming killer who is going to kill me the moment i let down my guard
kazto inej, internally: you are the most beautiful human being i have ever met, i want you to never leave my side and i want to be the reason you smile because i love your smile so much
kaz to inej, out loud: oh man are you one of the smartest investments i’ve ever made or what, wowee i am just brilliant go me
jesper: you’re making wylan nervous!
kaz: everything makes wylan nervous!
wylan: you’re not wrong but it still hurts
leo: do it no balls
piper: uh yeah no balls im not fucking WEAK i have ovaries
wylan: wanna bet?
jesper: *dramatic gasp*
jesper: wylan van eck! gambling is a sin!
matthias: what’s a kink?
nina:
matthias:
nina: well when jesper loves something very much-
octavian: water is absolutely not wet. end of discussion.
reyna: is “water” slang for “any woman within a five mile radius” now?
james: lily can you do something for me
lily: what’s up babe
james: can you break up with me for four minutes and seven seconds champagne problems isn’t hitting as hard as usual right now
lily:
sirius: if there is a god up there, he is cruel and has abandoned humanity.
lily: what happened?
remus: minnie said she doesn’t like dogs
sirius, sobbing violently: SHE DOESN’T LOVE ME
dorcas: what should i wear?
marlene: whatever you want
dorcas: no, i need everyone to like me or i will combust now what should i wear
piper: how do i block someone in real life
jason: get a restraining order
leo: move away and create a new identity
reyna: murder them.
wylan: ever think about how big the universe is?
jesper: why would i? i’m not trying to fuck it
lily: babies with the audacity to have “dada” be their first word or look more like their dad are the scum of the earth
remus: uhh what the fuck
lily: daDA DIDN’T CARRY YOU FOR NINE MONTHS YOU UNGRATEFUL LITTLE-
james: she’s still mad harry said “dada” first
bucky, filling out a job application: what are my “special talents”
sam: being especially annoying
annabeth: oh wow you’re hot
percy: aw thanks babe you are too
annabeth: no i mean you have a fever
jules: i could fix him
maddy: i could accept him for how he is
cassie: i could make him so much fucking worse
annabeth, arguing with the museum tour guide on the origins of a greek statue:
tourist, to percy: she’s a handful isnt she
percy, pulling out an engagement ring: yep
jesper: i’m bisexual because i believe everyone deserves an equal opportunity to date me
kaz: and you’re bi-yourself because no one wants to
jesper, through tears: fuck off
james: i dont understand why everyone keeps asking me what my sexuality is
james: i thought i made it very clear that its hoe??
jude: i’m bored what should i do today
cardan: me
jude: what?
cardan: uh flee. i said flee. because i hate you.
jesper, reading a flyer: “attention required”
jesper: well i require attention too, but you dont see ME posting flyers all over ketterdam about it
john walker: i just bought farfalle, you have to try it!
sam: you mean falafel?
john walker: no, farfalle! bowtie pasta!
sam: who in the white people hell calls it farFALLE-
kate: i made acid arrows!
clint: that’s really dangerous, did you have to use acid?
yelena, misunderstanding completely: well no one HAS to use acid, but i’d say it’s an experience everyone should consider
thalia: i could never marry an italian. not because i can’t eat pork but because i refuse to.
nico: *offended italian noises*
bucky, pointing at his goats in wakanda: and this ones name is sam
sam: because its your favorite?
bucky: because its the most annoying.
amy,grinning evilly: i just got a new binder!
amy: and when i get new sheet protectors, it’s OVER for you guys
lily: when did you start wearing cologne?
sirius: when i decided i want anyone who betrays me to never be able to smell it without thinking of me
lily: metal.
julie: woah that guy looks cool
flynn: he has a tattoo that says “1776”
reggie: like in hamilton!
flynn:
julie:
flynn:
julie: please tell me you’re joking
