#alexa queue the music


ron: guys, we have a problem-

harry: it was malfoy

draco, offended: i have been sitting next to you all afternoon

harry: sorry, force of habit

percy: WHO THE FUCK-

annabeth: language



annabeth: much better, thank you

grisha trainee,pointing to zoya: why is she glaring at you

genya: oh that’s just zoya, we’re besties

zoya: i will kill you and then myself if i have to spend one more minute with you

genya: aww, i love you too!

peeta: hey! since we’re gonna die soon and i’ve had a crush on you since forever, wanna be friends? :)

katniss: you are a ruthless plotting scheming killer who is going to kill me the moment i let down my guard

kazto inej, internally: you are the most beautiful human being i have ever met, i want you to never leave my side and i want to be the reason you smile because i love your smile so much

kaz to inej, out loud: oh man are you one of the smartest investments i’ve ever made or what, wowee i am just brilliant go me

jesper: you’re making wylan nervous!

kaz: everything makes wylan nervous!

wylan: you’re not wrong but it still hurts

leo: do it no balls

piper: uh yeah no balls im not fucking WEAK i have ovaries

wylan: wanna bet?

jesper: *dramatic gasp*

jesper: wylan van eck! gambling is a sin!

matthias: what’s a kink?



nina: well when jesper loves something very much-

octavian: water is absolutely not wet. end of discussion.

reyna: is “water” slang for “any woman within a five mile radius” now?

james: lily can you do something for me

lily: what’s up babe

james: can you break up with me for four minutes and seven seconds champagne problems isn’t hitting as hard as usual right now


sirius: if there is a god up there, he is cruel and has abandoned humanity.

lily: what happened?

remus: minnie said she doesn’t like dogs

sirius, sobbing violently: SHE DOESN’T LOVE ME

dorcas: what should i wear?

marlene: whatever you want

dorcas: no, i need everyone to like me or i will combust now what should i wear

piper: how do i block someone in real life

jason: get a restraining order

leo: move away and create a new identity

reyna: murder them.

wylan: ever think about how big the universe is?

jesper: why would i? i’m not trying to fuck it

lily: babies with the audacity to have “dada” be their first word or look more like their dad are the scum of the earth

remus: uhh what the fuck


james: she’s still mad harry said “dada” first

annabeth: oh wow you’re hot

percy: aw thanks babe you are too

annabeth: no i mean you have a fever

annabeth, arguing with the museum tour guide on the origins of a greek statue:

tourist, to percy: she’s a handful isnt she

percy, pulling out an engagement ring: yep

jesper: i’m bisexual because i believe everyone deserves an equal opportunity to date me

kaz: and you’re bi-yourself because no one wants to

jesper, through tears: fuck off

james: i dont understand why everyone keeps asking me what my sexuality is

james: i thought i made it very clear that its hoe??

jesper, reading a flyer: “attention required”

jesper: well i require attention too, but you dont see ME posting flyers all over ketterdam about it

john walker: i just bought farfalle, you have to try it!

sam: you mean falafel?

john walker: no, farfalle! bowtie pasta!

sam: who in the white people hell calls it farFALLE-

kate: i made acid arrows!

clint: that’s really dangerous, did you have to use acid?

yelena, misunderstanding completely: well no one HAS to use acid, but i’d say it’s an experience everyone should consider

thalia: i could never marry an italian. not because i can’t eat pork but because i refuse to.

nico: *offended italian noises*

bucky, pointing at his goats in wakanda: and this ones name is sam

sam: because its your favorite?

bucky: because its the most annoying.

amy,grinning evilly: i just got a new binder!

amy: and when i get new sheet protectors, it’s OVER for you guys

lily: when did you start wearing cologne?

sirius: when i decided i want anyone who betrays me to never be able to smell it without thinking of me

lily: metal.

julie: woah that guy looks cool

flynn: he has a tattoo that says “1776”

reggie: like in hamilton!




julie: please tell me you’re joking