Unconditional Love vs The Ego - What’s The Difference?

We have all heard of the term ‘unconditional love’ but what does it mean exactly? It is defined as the type of love that has no limitations or restrictive boundaries between two people. It is the complete acceptance of one another, their past hurts and traumas, their quirks and their imperfections. When you love someone unconditionally, you are still affectionate, compassionate and forgiving towards them; even when they annoy or upset you. This is the kind of relationship that many of us crave throughout life at any age; young or old. The reason is because unconditional love is the purest and highest vibration that a human being can experience. For some, it is the ultimate goal in their life.

However, one needs to go on a journey of introspection and self love to be able to experience real unconditional love. I always believe that to really know someone on a deeper level, one has to know themselves as well. By doing this you will begin to understand yourself much more; your emotions, your insecurities, your fears and your thoughts, which will help you become more open with your partner. This helps with building vulnerability, intimacy and trust between two people, which are essential for developing healthy, long-term and stable relationships. However, when we love someone conditionally or by our ego, this is where problems start to arise to the surface.

Unhealthy attachments, obessions, shame, guilt, fear, clinginess, narcissism and codependency all stem from our ego. You will know when you are in a conditional love based relationship because you will feel constantly empty inside when they are away from you or even when you are in their presence, but yet you still stay with them because you don’t want to feel lonely and disconnected. This is why many relationships breakdown, as many people mistake this kind of behaviour and love as normal, when it completely isn’t. Looking for love shouldn’t come from a place of searching to fill an empty part of you, as it isn’t a romantic partner’s responsibility. They can guide you along the way, but only to a certain point. Everyone has their own insecurites and imperfections and that’s okay. What is important here - is acceptance not aiming to be complete or free from flaws and emotional scars.

You will find that ego based love is always focused on the outside, never from within. These kind of relationships can spark up feelings of self-doubt and denial as well. Many people live in a delusion of being in a happy relationship, but inside they feel totally dissatisfied, leading to anxiety and depression. This is very common with people who are in codependent and dysfunctional relationships. Superficial relationships like this often show incompatibility between two people, hence why many partnerships break up very quickly and have very short timelines. Feelings of lust are one of the strongest components for developing superficial love, as you need to be magnetically drawn to them on a sexual level.

This is the common type of relationship which many people fall into when they feel like there is something empty inside themselves, so they look for someone who will have the responsibility to fill up that hole. Sometimes this can be a wound that has been inflicted upon us since we we children; such as a craving for love, validation and affection that we didn’t receive from our parents. This kind of trauma is possibly the biggest causes for love addiction. When we are children we are dependent on our parents to keep us warm, safe, loved and appreciated. This is why neglect and loneliness can be incredibly damaging to us as we grow into adults.

To overcome this, you can practice unconditional love to yourself to help you understand that you are not perfect and it is totally okay to feel any emotion - whether that is positive or negative. I find the more you judge and criticise yourself, the more you will criticise others. Completely let go of resistance and judgement of yourself - as doing this serves you no purpose at all. All it does is make you live in a bubble of negativity and negative energy. Allow yourself to surrender and release the urge to always be in control. You deserve to be happy and experience healthy and fulfilling relationships.

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My birthday present. Made specifically for my personality.

quotefeeling:

“The roots of loneliness are very deep … They find their food in the suspicion that there is no-one who cares and offers love without conditions.”

—Henri Nouwen

Repost from my DamiRae Week 2020 prompts.

Repost FOR DamiRae Week 2021:Soulmates/  Wedding / Honeymoon

JDLAW AU.

Part 1: Bound Together

Part 2: Soul Mates

Part 3: Marriage

Part 4: Teaser(of a new life) 

Stop trying to justify the wounds simply because you love who’s holding the knife.

Don’t let the person that didn’t love you keep you from the one that will.

The first to help you up are the ones who know how it feels to be down.

Pain is just love flowing backwards.

words by SoulsmileYoga

Unconditional love is not blind. It sees more not less and because it’s sees more it is willing to see less.

Your energy is your greatest currency, be selective where you spend it.

Drop a if you agree!

you can’t be out here loving someone more than you love yourself

Lauryn Hill on “Love.”

The grass touching the soles of my feet sent shivers up my spine; I wasn’t expecting it to still be wet but I took off running anyway. Tangled hair falling into my face, tree branches brushing against my skin, barely dressed, I found my way to a space in the woods where I would sit until the sun tickled my skin a little too roughly. Your dad had cut down one huge tree in this space using it to finish up a cabin we often would run away to just a few hundred feet from your house. We would pretend we were grown and on our own… We would have picnics in the space where the tree once lived or you’d go out there alone to think, journal, cry… When I went out there you never chased me. You knew I didn’t need you right now. This is a learned habit; you put this runaway spirit in me. I used to hate the grass on my bear feet.

“It’s fucking itchy!! Why can’t we just wear some shoes every once in a while?”

“You can’t feel anything if you wear shoes. Stop being a baby.”

“What is so important that I need to feel out here?”

“Everything.”

Once I found my way to the tree stump, I sat down and held my hands out; angry.

“Could you please give me something beautiful to hold on to? I think I’m losing everything. I think I’m lost. I don’t think I can help her.”

Tears fell quietly as I continued to sit there with nothing but my anger.  I longed to hold your hand and tell you that I love you and have you actually hear it. Have it mean something. Have it change something. After a while, my anger had left. It had been taken away by the wind, I guess.

As I walk back, I feel everything; the way the ground feels soft but firm, the roughness of the twigs and small branches that have fallen, the rocks pushing against my heels, the cracking of the leaves; dead. When I walk into the kitchen, you are there. You are eating half a slice of toast with the smallest amount of peanut butter; it’s barely visible, scraped across so lightly. You try to smile but tears fill your eyes and spill over immediately. You don’t say anything but I already know what you want to say. You want to say, "It hurts. It feels "ugly.” It feels like giving up. It feels like I’m never pretty enough.” So, I hug you. I hug you and I can feel every bone in your body. I can feel every piece that is trying so hard to hold you together. You fall apart; hyperventilating.

“I love you. You’ll make it through this. I’m here.”

You pull away and look at me with blue eyes and tear stained freckled skin; trying so hard to smile. You take another bite and pretend like it doesn’t feel like dying. I walk away and give you space; give myself space. We breathe and it falls into a rhythm that feels like love, like strength; feels like healing.

Eventually, you push me away and I let you. It’s hard to watch someone hate themselves; it’s hard to know you can’t really force healing but I write you a letter years later… And it brings me peace, I think you found your own solace too. Friendships are sometimes only around for a season I’ve heard and that hurts but I’m thankful for all the lessons I’ve learned.

You taught me a lot of things I didn’t expect you to; things like how to care about someone (outside of family) more than yourself, how it feels to want things for someone but also not want those things; the ache inside like a fire burning endlessly. You can never put it out. You taught me how to love in ways that I keep under lock and key; secrets I’ll bring to the grave. You taught me to enjoy things that felt out of reach; taught me how to dance in the rain and feel like dying a little less inside. You were the most I have ever loved anyone platonically, in my entire life, I think and yet I also hated you and the things that you did… The things you said… The things that you believed made you, you. You taught me what it is like to love unconditionally.

ReBecca DeFazio

More Than a Flower

I want somebody that looks at me the way Spike looks at Buffy. Eyes full of love and admiration, the adorable head tilt he does every time he sees a different side of her. He adores her. ❤

sensualcuriosity:

For some reason that I don’t know right now I don’t want to let you go… My heart still waits for you…

eternal love

May 10, 2021

Wow, I can’t believe I’ll be 30 weeks pregnant this Sunday. My little boy has been moving around and kicking me which sometimes hurts but I don’t mind. I just love to feel him move, it’s like no one else knows but me. My god I love him so much, and he’s growing so fast! I can’t wait to see him! My little baby, my little person, half my me! He’s not here yet but I’ll do anything for him, I’ve never felt this type of love before. Instant and unconditional. And I know once I see his little face it’ll triple. I’m sorta scared to be a mom but I’m more excited. I don’t want to fuck him up, I want him to be kind and smart, but I always want him to know when to stand up for himself and what’s right. I feel deep down in my soul that he’ll be an amazing person. I want to give him everything me and his dad never had and more. But now that my family and my boyfriends knows and everyone has come around to him and his arrival, I know we’ll have lots of help and I know this baby; our baby with be welcomed into this world with nothing but love and support. I’m so happy he chose ME to be his mommy! :3 Well until next time, peace!

I’d give you every single thing you deserve in this lifetime and in the next.