#im so exhausted
“and moments like today remind me that the monsters continue to live inside my head, even if they’ve been silent for too long.”
- g.d (it’s never ending)
And today I want to apologize to myself. Apologize for giving up too early, for hating my skin when it was protecting me. Apologize for starving myself when my body was dying. Apologize for falling off the wagon constantly. I want to apologize for every single pain i put my body through. Apologize for making it feel as if it wasn’t worthy enough for me because it is and always will be. And today may not be the day I will want to return to it with everything within me. But I want to let it know that I’m coming back to it slowly by slowly. And I want to thank it for accepting me.
- g.d (welcome me home)
“You give and give, only to realize that there isn’t much left to give. So you shut doors and learn to heal, learn to give to yourself. Only to have people say you’re being selfish. But then retort and say “Fuck you, I am still going to give but to myself first."”
- g.d. (i’m important as well)
How does everyone deal with their depression? I feel like I need a new method to deal with mine. To all my followers and anyone reading this..how do you do it? How do stop or treat the oncoming depressive day or episode? I would love to hear your replies and maybe we can help each other out!
“Depression is when you’re sitting in your room and you can hear people laughing and all you can do is listen in to their laughter and not bring yourself to feel happy with them. It is when you’re angry at your mom for brining you into a world to only want to escape it (even though it’s not her fault). It’s when you just want to cry but can’t because god forbid someone saw tear stains on your cheeks. So you just sit still in hope that the numbness will pass, and that you make it through the day. When all you want is to sleep and not wake up ever again.”
- g.d. (what depression is)
“Sometimes people forget how hard it is to go about your day. How hard it is to just love someone who loves you. When depression hits you, you forget everything, you forget that you’re loved and you love someone. Because its this piece of shit that reminds you constantly that you are not worthy of the love. That whatever you set out to do won’t be enough because you are not enough. I feel this constantly. Some days I’ll be fine but days like today, breathing even crying feels like the biggest task in life. So, I want everyone to know, that this will pass and one day we will look back and realize that this had to happen, to let us become who we are today.”
- g.d (this will make us weak before it makes us strong)
“I realized that I want to be a warrior. I want to be Athena. The goddess who fought for herself, who had a ‘manly’ body and still loved herself. Who is known as the most courageous warrior. I don’t want to be Aphrodite anymore, I want to be a warrior. I want to be Athena.”
- g.d (become another warrior goddess, become Athena)
Back in shitty ass England.
Maastricht was a beautiful experience.
