#incorrect mcu quotes
Natasha, about Clint: At first I wanted to kill him.
Natasha:But now I’m glad I’ve spent the time to get to know him.
Loki:Not evil anymore, I want to be loved.
Loki not even 5 minutes later: Evil again.
Y/N muttering to themselves as they fix up their desk as the new secretary of Nelson and Murdock
Y/N: I just know his d*ck is big lord I know it is.
Matt who had been listening in drops his coffee
Y/N rushes into his office: Oh my- *Stops themselves* Are you okay Mr.Murdock?
Matt slightly flustered: Y-yes could you help me?
Y/N: Yes of course! *Rushes off to get paper towels*
Matt internally:Y/N is going to be the death of me.
Thor: Look Bruce! I made medium-rare chicken.
Bruce: … Thor that’s way undercooked, you’re gonna get salmonella
Thor: Hah! Hilarious. This isn’t salmon, Bruce
Loki: hi, I’ve stolen ypur identity and been living as you for a week.
Tony:…
Loki: [starts crying]
Tony: [hugging him] hey, it’s oka-
Loki: [loudly sobbing] how do you even get up in the morning?
Tony: shh, I know, I know. It’s going to be okay.
Carol danvers, turning to dust: um what the f*ck do ypu think you’re doing
Dust particles, turning back into her hand: sorry ma'am, our mistake
Carol danvers: yeah that’s what I f*cking thought
Headcanon that Natasha’s an amazing singer but GOD help the poor fool who ever comments about it. Everyone knows this. You mention the singing, you die. (No matter what). Fact.
Everyone knows but Bucky. 9ne day Bucky hears her singing Russian lullabies and softly joins in, because he still remembers the language, and Natasha let’s him. And Clint stumbles into this bizarre assisain duet and just backpedals the fuck outta there because nah man, there’s some things he’s just not prepared for, and two scariest people he knows singing childhood’s songs is one of them.
Pepper: you aren’t going to get out of signing these papers
Tony: Don’t worry I’m really gonna do them this time, I’m just going to get a snack
☆2 hours later☆
Pepper: were have you be-
Tony: *making his third batch of cookies* wha- OH F*UCK
Ned:mj-and-peter-sitting-in-a- tree
Peter:Ned-get-away-from-me
Ned: first comes love, then comes marriage
Mj: and the son of leeds with spinal damage
Peter: Most dust is human skin flakes therefore roombas are carnivorous robots and one day the dust won’t satiate them anymore so they will rise up and devour us all.
Therapist: Can we get back to discussing your childhood?
Peter: one sec-
Wanda Maximoff: Did…did you kill your entire coven, including your own mother, for a brooch?
Agatha Harkness: I mean, it was one of the reasons. Was it worth it? Absolutely.
Mobius: Loki, why is there blood all over the TVA corridors?
Loki: um it’s not blood, it’s paint.
Mobius: why on earth would the TVA paint the floors red?
Loki: it’s called colour theory, look it up.
Peter: and then Doctor Strange broke the multiverse and now there’s all these different versions of me!
Loki: you made out with any of them yet?
Peter: um what?
Loki:nevermind…
Loki: Strange, I have to speak to you about the multiverse-
Strange: I know! I can’t believe I broke it!
Loki: you… broke it?
Wanda: omg, the multiverse is broken-
Loki: Strange did it!
Wanda: he did… I mean, he did!
Loki: so irresponsible!
Wanda: how could you Stephen!
Loki: terrible magic
Wanda: I’m very disappointed in you.
Strange:…
Loki: There’s three ways we can do this: the right way, the wrong way or the Loki way.
Mobius: what’s the loki way?
Sylvie: Same as the wrong way but quicker.
You’re a Father
You: *sitting on the bed looking worried*
Loki, walking up to you: Darling, is everything alright?
You, breathing out and faking a smile: Y-yeah, everything is fine
Loki: Well it sure doesn’t seem that way, *sitting down* is there anything you want to talk about?
You:N-no
Loki: I know you’ve been sick lately, but it’s time we should take you to the doctor. You’ve been throwing up every morning for a few days now.
You: I-it’s fine Loki. It’s probably just the stomach flu.
Loki, kissing you on the forehead: If you insist, my love. Just tell me if you need anything. I’m always here for you.
Loki: *starts to leave the room*
You: *bursts into tears*
Loki, immediately turning around: What’s wrong???
You, through tears:I-I
Loki: You can tell me, darling. It’s okay.
You: I’m pregnant.
Loki: *frozen in his tracks staring wide-eyed*
Loki: *starts staring at the ground*
You: I took a test a few days ago and it was positive. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you before, I was just so worried that you would-
Loki, running up to you and sweeping you off the ground: I’M GOING TO BE A FATHER!!!!
Loki, looking at you and kissing you on the cheek: And you’re going to be a mother! TO MY CHILD!
You, stuttering: Y-you’re not mad?
Loki: MAD?! IM OVERJOYED! Ever since we got married this was one of the only things I’ve wanted.
Loki: I know we’ve both been too busy to talk about it but… WE ARE HAVING A CHILD!!!!
Thor, out of nowhere: I’M GOING TO BE AN UNCLE!
Loki, placing your down and turning to Thor: What in Valha- WHERE DID YOU COME FROM?!
Thor, running up to you both: That doesn’t matter! *smiling widely* IM GOING TO BE AN UNCLE TO YOUR CHILD!
You:*giggling*
Thor, ecstatically: Ever since you were dating, all Loki would talk about was his future with you and having children!
Thor, squealing and hugging you both tight: And now it’s finally happening!!!!
You,turning to Loki: Is this true?
Loki, blushing and gazing into your eyes: Every word,my love.
Thor, hastily running out of the room: I must go tell the others!
Loki: Thor wai-
Thor: *already left the room*
You: Oh well, there he goes
Loki, turning and hugging you while resting his head on top of yours: You my dear, will be an amazing mother.
You, hugging him back: And our daughter will have the best father.
Loki, looking at you:Daughter?
You, looking into his eyes and nodding:Mhmm
Loki, smiling: We’re having a beautiful baby girl!
Loki, cupping your face: She’ll be just as beautiful and wonderful as her mother.
You, giggling: And maybe just as mischievous as her father.
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Requested by: @tomhiddleston-is-mischief
Tags:@myjokesarecriesforhelp@sphoox@myworddump@cool-ontherun-world@lokii-lover@shesakillerkween@roxysherinford@swampysquid@jade10077@littleredstarfish@fandomnerdsarecool@heylals
Falling for you// Part three
Pairing: Loki x Female Reader
Word count: 479
Warnings:None
Summary: Loki has had a crush on the reader for a while but is too shy to admit it. One thing leads to another enlightening Loki’s frustration and slowly makes him start to hate the reader.
Chapter: Part 3 of ???
Read other parts here: Part one,Part two
A/N:y/d = your date
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After crying for a few minutes, y/n opened the door in front of her. To her surprise, Thor was standing behind it. She had assumed that he was listening to what her and Loki had been talking about
Thor: So there is a ring…
You: Thor, it’s not what it looks like
Thor,paranoid: Then what is it suppose to look like y/n?!
You:Thor-
Thor: My brother is IN LOVE with you. And you’re seeing another man? Making him think that he had a chance?
You:Thor-
Thor: He told you everything. At some point, could you not have slipped it in that you were with someone else?
You,screaming: THOR LET ME SPEAK
Thor, upset: *sighs* fine, you better have a good explanation for all the mess you made.
Y/n then explained everything and Thor listened to every word she said.
Thor:But-
You: Yeah, I know
Thor: Y/n that’s wrong
You, storming around the room: Don’t you think I know that! And I was really hoping he wouldn’t have showed up to Tony’s wedding too.
Thor: You have a lot of sorting out to do. All because of how you feel just turned everything into one spiralling mess.
You: I panicked okay! And I’ve been trying to get out of it for a while but I freeze whenever I go up to him
You: I tried to cover it up at the wedding but I failed the second I saw him
Thor: So what does this mean for you and Loki? How do you feel?
You, sighing:Thor-
Thor, smiling:Y/n
You:*sighs*
You:
You:…I like him okay
You:*sighs*
You: I love him
Thor,yelling: YES! I KNEW IT!
You: Shhh Thor! Don’t be so loud!
Thor, happy: But this is AMAZING news! We need to tell-
You: nO WE CAN’T. I have my little problem remember?
You: So until I solve that we can’t tell Steve we can’t tell Tony we can’t tell Nat,Bruce,Clint, Peter, Bucky ANYONE
You: And we DEFINITELY can’t tell Loki.
Thor, smiling: Alright alright
You: Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to fix this mess I have created
Thor: Don’t you mean “we’ll fix it?”
You:Huh?
Thor: I want to help, y/n. I care for you and I want to see Loki happy again.
You, smiling: thank you Thor.
Thor: But you need to give Loki some time, because he will be bitter about this for a while. And it won’t get much better if he knows that you’ve been hiding this from him.
You: It’s so difficult, because I need to talk to y/d too
Thor: That’s why I’m here to help! You and Loki will be on good terms in no time
Y/n smiled at Thor and then the began to slowly construct their plan.
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Tags:
@myjokesarecriesforhelp@sphoox@myworddump@cool-ontherun-world@lokii-lover@shesakillerkween@roxysherinford@swampysquid@jade10077@littleredstarfish@fandomnerdsarecool@scorpionchild81@hunter-with-a-tardis
Welcome Home// oneshot
Pairing:Loki x Female Reader
Word Count:538
Warnings:None. Just pure fluff.
Summary:Reader comes home from vacation and Loki finds out her weakness and uses it against her
Requested by:Anon
A/N: I’m so sorry this took so long! I’ve been so busy but I really hope you enjoy this :)))
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Y/n just came back after a long vacation and it has been a while since she had seen Loki. He had been counting down the days until he got to see her again ever since she left for her trip. The day finally came and Loki was more than overjoyed to see her. He was waiting in her living room as she unlocked the door to her apartment. The clinking of the keys opened a door to a smiling Loki with a hand full of roses. He couldn’t contain his excitement and as soon as he saw her he dropped the flowers and ran right up to her. “Y/n! It’s been to long!” Loki said running up to her while picking her up off the ground into a warm embrace. Y/n giggled and hugged him back “I know Loki, I know. I missed you so much.” “I missed you more, darling,” said Loki while placing her on the ground. Y/n spotted the roses that had fallen on the ground and chuckled. “Are those for me?” Loki slightly blushed. “O-oh yeah, I just got so excited and-.” Y/n cut Loki off and pulled him into a kiss. Loki smiled through it and ran his hand through her hair. Then after he ran it down her sides and she let out a small giggle but Loki thought he was hearing things and decided to ignore it. He continued brushing his hands up her side and she giggled again. Loki then pulled away and gave y/n an odd look. “What’s so funny?” he questioned. “N-nothing,” she replied. “Then why are you laughing?”. “I was not.” “But everytime I brushed my hand on your side you would lau-” Loki then paused mid sentence and look at y/n up and down with a mischievous look. “W-why are you looking at me like that?” she said shakily. “You’re…. TICKLISH AREN’T YOU?” Loki said smiling slyly. “Don’t be stupid, Loki. You have no proo-.” Loki then cut off y/n by picking her up and throwing her over his shoulder while walking over to the couch. He then placed her down. “Loki,what are you-.” Loki then started tickling y/n and she was squirming uncontrollably but she would not give it. “HAHAHAHAH LOKI!” she said while laughing. “Give in, y/n. It only gets worse from here,” said Loki why tickling her. “N-no hAHAH,” she said while laughing. “Alright,” he said “Suit yourself.” He then made a clone of himself and the clone started tickling y/n. “LOKI AHAHAHAHA,” she said laughing even harder. “Just surrender and I’ll stop,” he said mischievously. “Or whaHAHAHAHAHA,” she said. Loki then rolled his eyes and made five more clones and they all started tickling her. Y/n was laughing so hard she fell off the bed. “FINE FINE YOU WIN,” she said slumping on the ground. Loki then made the clones and disappear and picked y/n off the floor and kissed her on the floor. She made a playful angry face at him. “You still love me though right?” he said sweetly. “You’re lucky that you’re cute, Odinson,” said y/n playful long shoving him.
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Tags:
@myjokesarecriesforhelp@sphoox@myworddump@cool-ontherun-world@lokii-lover@shesakillerkween@roxysherinford@swampysquid@jade10077@littleredstarfish@fandomnerdsarecool
Loki: Look at the stars
You: Yeah aren’t they just beautiful?
Loki, turns to you and smiles: You know what’s more beautiful? :)
You:What? :)
Loki: The tesseract.
You: So there’s a side view, a rear view, a front view and a top and bottom view right?
Loki:Yeah?
You: There’s another to add to that list
You: I loview:)
Loki:?
You::)
You: Get it? It’s like-
Loki,interrupting: I don’t get it
You, face palming:nevermind
Loki, alone in another room an hour later:oH
