Stop invalidating yourself. Not every reaction is an overreaction, and not every worry is a result of you over thinking. Don’t be afraid to reach out to your friends in fear that you’re annoying them, you aren’t. And you definitely would do the same for them if they came to you.

had to take a massive break from physio bc depression was just hitting hard and i felt like i was just gonna go crazy eventually but alas im back in business lets go! also to all my vagina owners out there don’t feel bad for putting off your physio exercises even if it’s for a really long time, doesn’t matter the reason, just put yourself first and do what is best for you in the moment. be patient and be kind to yourself, you deserve a break, you deserve some peace of mind. take care of yourself

My day today.

11.12.2019

Why is it always nothing due or 7 assignments due in a week? Seriously they need to spread out more, they are killing me right now. And please save me in organic chemistry, I swear I would cry in happiness even if I barely pass.

11.04.2019

My organic chemistry midterm is horrible! Hope it turns to motivation for the next midterm. There are less things to do this week, which is good. Currently catching up with the chemistry notes!

10.21.2019

I just had my organic chemistry exam today. I have calc 2 exam tomorrow. There are so many things I need to review.

10.08.2019

Broke a record today, stayed at college from 7am to 5pm. Crazy week. I have lab tomorrow

10.07.2019

Busy, busy, busy! Apllied for a job on campus, have so much homework, chemistry lab is hard (organic), physics lab is so overwhelming. I have no idea what should I do or what am I doing. Oh. My. God.

Hi All,

Apologies again for my long delay in posting, but it’s been a terrible month of prepping papers for conferences and hustling to get my second qualifying paper in. I’m about to attend my first AAAL (American Association for Applied Linguists) meeting in Chicago this weekend, so I’ll be back to posting hopefully at the end of this month. Until then, here’s an interesting article about whether we live in the best time in history to learn languages, ever.

LL Recipe Comparison:

This article reminds me of the recipe for Fastest Pasta with Spinach Sauce:

Just as the article mentions how young people learn new languages quickly, you’ll find that you can make this dish incredibly quickly! The kalamata olives pair very well with the spinach and red pepper flakes, and the way that it’s all done pretty much in one pot reminds me of the article’s mentioning that technology allows us to learn languages pretty much all on one digital space. Good Cooking!

MWV 3/21/18

my parcoursup results are mortifying

Hi Everyone, 

So I feel as though now is a good time in the year/my life to give an update on how things are going. There’s been a lot of good and a lot of meh over the last few months, and I think it’s worth writing it all down. Here I’ll talk a bit about my Master’s Degree, my fieldwork in Cambodia, my mental state, my next year, and PhD plans. 

Where I am in my Master’s Degree: MSc in Archaeological Information Systems, England

It’s currently term 3, the final term for my degree in England. Classes are finished and we are fully in dissertation mode. I finished all of my coursework with a first (Above a 70 average/ equivalent to an A in the US), with scores of 68, 69, 75, and 78. The general consensus of international students in this program is that the grading system seems to be unproductive and could be greatly improved. This is mostly due to the fact that the grade you receive for a module is entirely based on a single 3500-word essay, and all other coursework conducted throughout the term is not worth anything. There’s a lot more I can say about this if anyone is interested. 

I will be writing my dissertation on an archaeological region in Cambodia called Sambor Prei Kuk. This research will involve a lidar analysis of the hydraulic network of the region. There has not been much remote sensing analysis conducted in this area yet, so there is a lot of potential for this research to expand. I’m personally not too worried about the word count for this dissertation (~20,000words/ ~80 pages), however, the climate for writing it has been generally stressful especially in its early stages. 

Fieldwork in Cambodia

In late March/Early April I spent 3 weeks in Cambodia to co-direct a field survey of Sambor Prei Kuk. The first two weeks consisted of pretty tiring and hot days. We would wake up around 7am daily for breakfast and then head into the field around 8am. Around noon-2pm we would end the field day due to heat. Most days involved driving to the remote site locations via truck on bumpy roads, walking through forested areas being swarmed by red ants that bite, and being covered in sweat and grime. They also involved locating previously unrecorded temple sites, interacting with the local people and their culture, and creating some great networking relationships. 

During this period I received word that I had been chosen to complete a 10-month long research Fulbright in Cambodia starting in September 2019. This was incredible news and helped to establish what I would be doing for the following year. This news, however, also brought with it realizations that I would not be able to go home for another year, would have to end a relationship with my current partner, and would have to start over again in terms of friendships and finding comfort in a country where I don’t speak the language.

PhD Programs  

While writing my dissertation over the next couple months, I will also be contacting PhD advisors and applying to programs. I’ve decided that I will be returning to the US for my PhD. This will be another 7+ years of school after a year of research in Cambodia. I’ve already accepted the fact that I am willingly selling my soul to academia for the rest of my life. Fingers are crossed for my top 3 schools, which have so far been successful in establishing positive communication about the programs. If I don’t get into my top, I will likely take a year off to regroup and re-apply for the following year. 

Mental State

Mentally, I feel like I consistently have a pretty heavy blanket of stress on me at all times.

In my personal life, it’s been difficult not seeing my family for so long in addition to not really knowing when I’ll be able to see them in the future. Dating has also been difficult because I know that I will never be in one place longer than a year at a time, so establishing healthy relationships has been a struggle. My friends here in England are incredible and I’m grateful for them every day, and their presence has eased a lot of the mental strain that is inherent with academia. 

In my academic life, I feel like there is never an opportunity to take a break and breathe, and it doesn’t look like there will be a break any time soon. I recognize that I’m very privileged and lucky to be in this position, and I know that looking back on it years from now will be a positive experience.

I’ve recently been told that the more success you acquire, the more sacrifices you have to make. I’ve definitely been feeling the effect of this in the last few weeks. 

Conclusion

On paper, my life is pretty great and opportunities for success are plentiful at the moment. I have the opportunity to study in England, do research in Cambodia, and get to continue research in a field that I love. 
Mentally, however, I’m quite tired.  

I hope you all are doing well <3 

-Lyss

I really wish I could go back to when shit was easy when I wasn’t in college when I wasn’t so stress because work and school and when my social wasn’t so complicated and confusing

If Mother’s Day is hard for you, for whatever reason(s)…

• Give yourself permission to just let it be another day.
• Take a step back from social media.
• Write down what you’re feeling in a journal or blog.
• Do something nice for yourself.
• Do something nice for someone else.
• Honor another woman in your life who may not literally be your mother, but who supported and cared for you like a mother.
• Talk to a supportive friend, family member, or therapist.
• Remember that your feelings are valid, and none of them make you a bad person.
• Remember that you are enough, and you are worthy, no matter what.
• Take care of yourself.
• Offer yourself grace and compassion.
• Don’t feel obligated to do anything for or with anyone else.
• Notice your feelings, and don’t berate yourself for what you’re feeling.

art journal // 091420

Vielleicht bin ich einfach dafür gemacht, alleine zu leben

When it rains, it pours

“In a dream you saw a way to survive and were full of joy.”

I feel hopeless, exhausted, and alone. I’m turning 29 in 3 weeks, and I’m just tired of it all. Toiling away at a job where I feel so fucking lost, out of place, and just altogether overwhelmed - all for a paycheck that purports to fund this pitiful excuse of a life. Because what else does my life consist of apart from work?

I crave intimacy. I need a shoulder to cry on. I want someone to let me vent and scream and hold me, so that maybe I won’t have to cry myself to sleep tonight. I need friends at work and outside of work that I can vent to. Commiserate with. Because isn’t that what makes all of the shit that life throws at you bearable: the knowledge that you’re don’t have to do it alone? I want to fall in love. I want to be in love. I want the joy, the longing and yes, the pain of love. At this point, I’d settle for lust, even unrequited love. A crush. I haven’t felt anything for anyone in over four years - how the fuck does that even happen? I miss how I used to be. Often, easily, and deeply infatuated. I used to fall hard. I miss that feeling, even if it was mostly a lie. Perhaps these things evolve with age. Like once you start to interact with these boys men and realize that for the most part, they ain’t shit, maybe it hardens you. So you’re not as easily swayed the next time.

Finally, as I titled this post, when it rains, it pours. So of course while I’m struggling to deal with all of shit, my health has taken a turn for the worse. Without getting into too much detail, I’m kind of worried. I’m following up on it, quietly saying a prayer. And hoping I’ll all be okay.