#laxatives
My main trigger is when people get mad at me.
Alls you gotta do it yell at me and next thing you know I’m downing laxatives and purging my guts out. I don’t know why, but I can’t handle anyone being unhappy with me. I can’t handle being fussed at or being disliked, even though, it doesn’t hurt anymore, it’s like my mind just immediately goes to “well, time to throw up” in those moments, even if I’m not sad.
I get confused and irritated, but it doesn’t scare or hurt me anymore. Just, gotta make myself throw up and starve for a few days then I’m a-ok again
I just woke up, it’s about 8:30am. Last night was much better than the night before, but the dog still woke me up around 2:30am to be let out. I drank less of the senna tea this time for fear of extreme cramping and luckily, it didn’t bother me, although I did have some anxiety after a scary hypnic jerk snapped me awake.
I am feeling very tired and I just pounded my SWF. Nothing has happened yet, but it’s only been about 25 minutes. Today is my half way point through the cleanse and I’m not gunna lie, I am very excited for it to be over. Hopefully I can just push through the next few days. I had dreams about eating cheese puffs last night, and pizza the night before…I must REALLY be missing cheese.
I went to work yesterday and although I was fatigued, everything went alright. It was a little bit torturous being around all that food and all those people happily talking with their mouths open and stuffing their faces. The smells alone were enough to make someone in my position want to kill themselves. 
I didn’t drink as much lemonade as I probably should have because I accidentally made my work batch way too spicy. And the fear of hyponatremia is still lurking in my brain. Of course, that means I’m probably dehydrating myself by overcompensating. Whatever. I’m still alive today so I guess that’s all that matters.
Today I have another long day of work followed by more work. I have to go into the restaurant for a few hours and then go downtown to do a catering event. I’m planning on being exhausted after and just passing out immediately, which would be ideal.
Amber says she’s never used this in the past and she has difficulty with laxatives being ineffective. Oh my goodness, little girl, prepare to meet God
Taking laxatives before you sleep and waking up at 5am to shit is a different kind of pain
“Detox Teas” Are Basically Laxatives, and They Fueled My Eating Disorder
In this essay, Iman Hariri-Kia opens up about how laxative teas fueled her eating disorder when she was younger.
On a Saturday night, I sat out on a balcony overlooking New York City with three of my high school friends. Now in our 20s, we sat cross-legged as we did when we were schoolgirls, divulging secrets, and discussing the ills that stayed with us as we grew up. That night, we all admitted to having struggled with different types of disordered eating by the time we left for college. As I chronicled my own journey, I watched one of my close friends as she listened intently, mouth agape. “I had no idea,” said, wide-eyed. How could she? As a teenager, I was a master in the art of gaslighting everyone about my illness, including myself.
As a preteen, I lived what can only be described as a sedentary lifestyle. I lacked the hand-eye coordination to excel in any kind of organized team sport, and I dreaded disappointing my peers. So I just refused to participate. When others ran, I walked. During P.E., I exercised my right to visit the nurse’s office. I never considered the long-term effects this lack of exercise might have on my physical health, because, on a surface level, I appeared to be a healthy kid, growing at a rapid rate. But that all came to a startling halt when I turned 13 and quickly began gaining weight. I felt blindsided and betrayed by my own body. Furthermore, my understanding of the word “healthy” had no doubt been extremely skewed by experiences at home.
Post link
I know it’s my own fault I’m not losing weight.
I’m starting fresh this week! No more excuses I will reach my UGW by the end of this year, and no one will stop me.
UGW: 130-120
Any and all advice is appreciated
I have been attempting to lose weight since August 31st when I started at 190 lbs.
I was doing good at first and even got down to 180 lbs towards the middle of September, but lately things have hit the fan.
I’ve been sick, I’ve had to deal with my problematic family (extended family), and this past week I’ve been binging like it’s no ones business.
I feel like such a failure.
I have still been going to the gym this whole time (minus the two weeks I was sick) and now I’m back at 188 lbs :((. I was hoping to lose at least 20 pounds before a wedding I’m attending Oct 23 but I don’t think that’ll happen :((. I will still try and post results!!
goals for october 14th - november 1st
- get caught up in school and work all of my classes up to at least a D
- stick to my current calorie limit of 1000 (coming off of a 4 month binge and i don’t want to go too hard too early and end up in another binge. breaking the cycle hoes)
- start my savings account
- call my grandma once a week
- not buy a bunch of candy and then binge on it like a fatass
- go on at least one aesthetic fall date with my girlfriend
things to remember:
- you can do this
- you are not alone
- people care about you and your problems
- this isn’t the end of the world
- you’ll be ok
- you are loved
- you are important
i hope all of tou have a wonderful october :) not sure how often i’ll be posting but i’ll try to make my page more aesthetic djsjskals
