#compassion
Today, I’m feeling not so great.
Instead of focusing on just me
I’m going to extend kindness to others and see what happens
I’m asking myself
How I can be of service?
How can i better someone else’s life?
How can I turn my own suffering into grace?
matching energy.
this world is a mean place. //survival of the fittest//. the only way to thrive (&even sometimes just get by) is to look out for ourselves. //survival of the selfish//. protect ourselves. put ourselves first. watch our own backs. because put them down to build ourselves up, right? //eyeroll//. the world is too jam packed full of ugly. there’s not enough room left for all of us to bloom… that’s what we are taught.
the irony is we really can’t get thru all this shit alone. we need each other. so where do we find our balance? I used to lean all the way towards care&compassion //100%// for my friends. I was their ~go to girl~. but I am tired of that energy never being reciprocated. my roots are dry from overwatering the rest of the garden ¬ myself fully first. I’ve got to try a new game plan. my first. //match their energy//. only care as much as they do.
because I now know how dangerous of a game it is to care about someone more than they care about me.
If your healthy boundaries upset someone, let them work it out. If your self-compassion upsets someone, let them work it out. If your well-being upsets someone, let them work it out. If your joy upsets someone, let them work it out.
If you think we can “agree to disagree” on theology so easily, I have to tell you about my old friend “Don.”
Don was a pastor who told me satan was using me. I was eager to believe Don because I didn’t want satan using me. In my impressionable young mind, I tried hard to get on his good side.
Don was the type of guy in constant lecture mode. Always condescending. But his theology only made that worse.
Here’s when I knew it was all wrong.
At the church Don was working at, a student took his own life. The lead pastor told the staff, “This is the biggest attack on our church from satan we’ve ever faced.” The student’s suicide was “spiritual warfare” against the church. Don believed that completely.
I still would’ve done anything for him. I did. I listened to Don lecture me for hours and trash talk every pastor in town and he confided in me his own deepest heartbreaks, though he never listened to mine. And even then, I was put on his list anyway: the list of people being used by satan. I feel a deep shame about all of it. Part of me still wonders, “Is Don right? Am I being used by satan?”
Don’s story of spiritual abuse is mild compared to so many stories I’ve heard over the years. My sad suspicion is that if it were not for his theology, we might still be friends.
I say that to say: Your theology matters.
If your theology demonizes others so much that even their suicide is called an attack from the devil, then hey: you are the devil. It’s you. You can go straight back to hell with that theology. Or throw it out and start over.
I know I’ve gotten it wrong too. But what I know is that if my faith ever compels me to erase someone’s dignity, then Scripture has become my weapon and not a mirror to check myself. It is a no longer a home for connecting with God, but a throne in my own image.
If your faith makes you a jerk, then what is it even for? If you harm others in the name of Jesus, in the end the only name you’re dragging is yours.
I believe that Scripture must move us to a theology of compassion, accountability, to be wildly kind. Otherwise it is not the life that Jesus had in mind. Christ is for the wounded. This is where I will be too.
— J.S.