#toxic relationship
Stop trying to justify the wounds simply because you love who’s holding the knife.
Tú me hiciste sentir que no importaba lo que yo hiciera, al final del día nada sería suficiente.
No se trataba de hacernos daño y ver quien lo hacía más. Pero en eso lo convertimos.
Nos hacíamos daño, pero en la cama encontrábamos un poco de anestesia. ¿Qué relación tan tóxica, no?
I think the actors doing their characters were just brave. There were so many lovers here. Toxic relationships through the road to certainty. My most favorite lovers here were Sol and Ji-Wan. They’re problematic as well yet cute. I love how the butterflies were associated to the man’s character and how the leading lady got the name Na-Bi. Pretty genius. Nevertheless, this drama is too weak. I didn’t feel any emotions. It’s realistic and unrealistic at the same time hmmm.
Nevertheless (2021)
People should learn to distinguish between attachment and connection. You might be deeply attached to someone with whom you do not actually have a connection with, meanwhile you can also have a genuine connection with someone whom you are not attached to - aka not feel strong emotions towards.
Attachment is an illusion of the mind. It tricks you. It simply means you are ‘so used to someone’. Not that you are really connected to someone.
Stay aware. Do not mistake attachment for a connection.
Getting out of a toxic relationship
“Is she mad?” “I can’t understand” “What the hell?” “Why would she do this to herself?” “I thought she is strong” …..
I’m sure these depict some of the thoughts of my friends regarding me a couple of years back.
What was I doing? I was in a toxic relationship. Everybody around me could see it. But not me.
Looking back now…..
There was no actual communication regarding problems that arose between us. He would stop talking when something happens and come back after a period ranging from 2 weeks to 2 months and demand to continue the relationship from where we stopped, without any explanations, and I let it happen, over and over again. - the push and pull dynamic.
Then there was verbal abuse. He used to hurt me a lot by his words. They were subtle snarky remarks - about everything and anything that would lower my self esteem further. I was too naive to recognize it as abuse. There was also comparative remarks that were purposely made to induce my jealousy.
There was no apology from him whatever happens and I always ended up apologizing no matter what.
My life was in cycles. I would weep my head off to my friends during periods of no contact and promise them I would not talk to him anymore. And then boom! I would run around with a wide smile, back again to my friends telling that we patched up and everything was fine. Things went round and round. Things were good for awhile. But then I was left with confusion and pain for awhile. I was recieving so called - love in bits and pieces.
My friends tried hard to prevent me from falling deeper into that black hole. But it did not work.
Why? Because, I wanted the relationship to last. After all, love os forever, isn’t it? And I badly wanted it to work out. I wasn’t a person to give up easily. “It would be fine soon”, “things will change”, “everything will be alright”, I thought. I kept hoping and hoping, trying harder and harder, neglecting my pain and my needs. I also kept wondering why things were different for me than other people. “What is wrong with me?”, “Maybe I should change..”, I wondered. We were taught to prioritize the other person over our needs and always find fault with ourselves, weren’t we? This drained every once of self confidence I had, but my confidence was not so high when I walked into the relationship in the first place.
One day, suddenly, when my brain unfogged, I realized that I could not take this anymore and I choose to walk away. “Walking away” is not as easy as those words.
My whole world came tumbling down. I had nothing to look forward to. Everything looked dark for a while. I wanted to get hold of something to go on. It was an abyss around me. I was so worried of the judgements of the society. “Oh! What will they think? What will happen to my future?”
And then there was the post breakup push and pull dynamic. Although I made the decision it was not that easy to follow it. There were periods of relapse. I would give in, run back to him begging him to take me back. He would chase me off and then come back to me again and I would push him off. This went on until the period between relapses extended and then one day, I forgave him peacefully.
Walking away from a toxic relationship is possibly the hardest thing you will ever do in your life. But if any of you are in a similar situation make this decision sooner than later. If we were able to do it, you too can!
Sometimes it feels like stepping on a thin ice;
I see my sibling walking consciously towards hole in the sheet of ice.
I see my mother, who’s standing on cracked ice, shouting at my sibling to get their shit togheter, but only encouraging them to go futher.
I see my father standing on the shore, aware of what’s happening right before his eyes, but not able to stand on the ice.
And there’s me, who is trying to call out to them, but when everyone are just minding their own business, nobody really listens. I’m also on cracked ice and afraid to move, scared of getting involved.
i get so nervous when i’m around you…
they’ll never hurt you again
i’ll make sure of it
just admit it. you like me. you love me. you want to be with me for the rest of your life.
admit it before i have to force you to
we should fall in love
you make my heart smile
i cannot bear to be alone
why do you say i’m obsessed like it’s a bad thing..?
doesn’t everyone want to be adored?
you have some nerve to ignore me, darling
you’re just too cute
she was gonna die eventually… all i did was speed up the process
i have decided to dedicate my whole life to you my love
i’ll love you until the day i die
and then even longer
you’re so gorgeous
i live only for you
i’ll stab her through the heart so she can feel my pain
