Let Her Explain

It feels like ice
And a claw
And chalk

And it feels like

Wearing a life vest 
But you don’t pull the string
Not yet
Because you’re still deciding
Between sharks
And fatal impact

It tastes like bile
It tastes like steel
It tastes like your father’s words

That nothing bad can ever happen to you

Not while he’s alive

And now you have to taste blood
Because he wasn’t there
And neither was anyone else

It smells like wet cement
It smells like sweat
It smells like
You can never again
wear that scent

It ruined sunsets
It ruined your favorite street
It ruined your kitchen
Your sister’s favorite song

But you’ll be damned

If you let it ruin the one place
You thought you’d always 
Belong

But didn’t it?

You throw away the sheets
Your mother bought you for Christmas
And think about the way your Dad
Used to tickle your neck

And you would laugh until you screamed

And now you just scream

It feels like a ghost story
Like you’re in the woods
Just a wolf licking his wounds

Wondering

If time will bring a day
You will no longer have to explain

What it feels like

07/19/2020

“The date consumed me like a creature, licking at the back of my neck. The anniversary of your grip wraps around me like a coiled snake, and I grasp at reality as the pump of your scales around me beat like a dying heart. I see nothing. I hear nothing. All I can feel is your fangs on my shoulder, drilling the darkness into my back.”

-Happy Anniversary-

@lovergirlpoems

You said you’ll keep me safe

You’ll bring me peace that I desperately crave

You said you’ll lead me to safety

You, a nonexistent entity

I said no, but you muffled my voice

Hush, I don’t have any choice 

By the time I wanted you to stop

You’ve drowned my ability to hope

You managed to crawl all the way to the top

Annihilate my ability to cope

You control my mind, sitting right on my nape

Whispering voices straight to my head, I cannot escape

You supposed to be my saviour

All you did was dragging me under

You supposed to be my shield and spear

Instead of a monster that mongers guilt and fear

—-

I wrote this sometime in 2019, when I started to take medications again after three months “escaping” from my therapies. I had auditory hallucinations back then, a mean voice that I called “Demon”. I was so hopeless because I thought my consciousness supposed to give me solution, not dragging me to the depression pit. The voice was no more, gone until now after I went back to my therapy and took medications. 

is anyone else satisfied by looking at food? ill be starving then go look at some pictures of mexican street tacos and be like, yup thats good im full.

cravings cravings cravings

its a new day skintys. remember to please be safe, listen to your body, drink water! and take your vitamins:)

ive managed to somehow gain followers on here? maybe ill do a little about me post sometime

Friendly reminder that false sexual harassment /assault claims discredit real victims and survivors and makes you an actual fucking garbage human.

I am addicted to reading fanfics where my favorite characters suffer with eating disorders.

Like fuck it’s so good to read for what reason?

I’m sad

These are 340 Kcal

I’m trying to restrict on my kcal [600max]

It’s only 12pm I’m not even hungry either idk why I ate them