cowardly-bisexual:

What people think internalised biphobia is:

• inability to be proud of your bisexuality

What internalised biphobia is in addition to that:

• being convinced you’re not bisexual enough
• constantly questioning what if you’re actually gay or straight
• feeling like you don’t count as bisexual/LGBT anymore because of your current partner’s gender
  
• feeling like you need to prove you’re “really bisexual” by sleeping with/dating people of different genders
• feeling like you’re not a full and equal member of the LGBT community unless you’re in a same sex relationship
• feeling like any issues you might face because of your sexual orientation aren’t real or don’t count because bisexuals only have it “half as bad”
• prioritising every other issue over bisexual activism because you don’t believe bisexuals deserve support, resources, respect or care as much as other minorities
• feeling guilty for being monogamous because you think it takes away from your “bisexual credentials”. feeling guilty for being non-monogamous or promiscuous because you think you’re reinforcing the stereotypes  
• being ashamed of liking a particular gender because you feel it makes you less feminist/less queer/less pure. trying to minimise or apologise for attraction to a certain gender
• being uncomfortable with the word bisexual, thinking it’s shameful, dirty or “just doesn’t sound right”. being scared of, ashamed of or uncomfortable with saying “i’m bisexual” out loud. using euphemism or avoiding the word “bisexual”.
  
• wondering if you just convinced yourself you’re bi for attention and questioning the validity of your attraction and experiences
• feeling like you’re deceiving your partners and you need to apologise for/minimise your bisexuality
• thinking bisexuality is not as valid, important, political or radical as some other sexual orientations

destielette:

Ok, first we had this

Then this

There was a typo by the way, it’s ‘Castiel’ instead of ‘casting out’, as pointed in the comments below, I fixed it.

I have many questions about these but first one is:

-WHY AM I NOT SEEING DOZENS OF COCKLESMETAS ON MY DASH ???

Second :

-Does Cockles even need metas at this point?

And third : where are my metas and fics and fanarts and metas and people freaking out in the comments like these ones :

And Why are you fandom not freaking out about what Jensen said especially?

“There were some expressions in them that weren’t Castiel, and I remember seeing that and I think that broke me”

Is it because of the typo?

So it’s fixed now, yes ladies and gentlemen, he said what he said, let’s freak out collectively

@castiel-left-his-mark-on-me@breaking-up-with-cockles@theyarebothgunshot@whengeorgiawentblue

I’m glad to see that I’m not the only one not buying Misha’s Bs.

biexboyfriend:

Whenever we bring up bisexual peoples high rates of abuse, sexual assault,poor mental health, etc theres always people ready to say things like, ‘you’re just making it a competition now’, ‘this would be the same for other lgbt groups if they were also in these circumstances’, ‘bisexuals are just trying to victimise themselves’. theres a knee jerk reaction to minimise the problem or to explain it all away, any reason we’re struggling or facing problems is never due to the stigma of bisexuality, always something else or it gets dismissed as bisexuals wanting attention again .

Discussions of these stats in the lgbt community tend to place the blame on factors outside of the community for example bisexual peoples high rates of abuse is always explained as a result of our proximity to cishets, any other lgbt person would be treated badly if they were dating cishets (there is no doubt that this is the case, for example it can be seen in stats from the same survey cited by bisexuals about our own abuse that lesbians face a significant amount of abuse from men). But this totally disregards abuse in same gender relationships. and 1. that doesnt negate the fact that bisexual people still have alarmingly high rates of abuse 2. theres evidence to suggest that bisexuals are also more likely to face abuse in same gender relationships. which suggests that bisexuality is actually a factor in why bisexuals face such high rates of abuse.

The impulse to deny any intracommunity problems on one hand comes from the need to protect the community from cisheterosexist society, and thats a valid concern. But this can also mask an indifference to solving bigotry in the community. When we consider how many studies cite rejection from both cishet and lgbt communities as a reason why bisexuals tend to struggle so much, I don’t think its fair to say this is a small problem.

You’re right, I am a confused bisexual.

I’m confused about how we’ve let our history get stolen, ignored, and redefined.

I’m confused about why our community has let others tell us who we’re supposed to be.

I’m confused about the way we’ve split and distanced ourselves from each other.

We’re all attracted to all genders. We’re all bisexual. Only we can define ourselves, if we so wish, and only we can make our history.

We’ve come so far from the days where the only options were gay or straight. We’ve come so far from the judgement and disbelief of both oppressive cishets and the gay community. We’ve come so far in advancing concepts of gender and trans inclusivity.

Now, there are too many labels encompassed by bisexuality to count. Now, others confining us to misconceptions is acceptable. Now, our trans-inclusive history is being twisted.

We need to remember who we are—bisexuals and biromantics. We need to remember why the LGBT community was formed—to fight lesbophobia, homophobia, biphobia, and transphobia and to achieve equality between all sexualities, romanticisms, and genders/gender statuses. We can’t do this if we’re separated and fighting.

Your bisexuality is not dirty or limited, so don’t you succumb to biphobic lies. Your bisexuality is lovely, it is honest, it is broad, it is inclusive, it is home, and it is what we make it together.

Uncomfortably Bisexual

In my experience, the best way to confront biphobia, including internalized biphobia, is by being as loudly bisexual as possible. I don’t think enough bisexuals realize how much pride affects how others treat us. The word “pride” is used a lot in LGBT vocabulary, but do we truly understand what it means to have pride?

Even just the word “bisexual” puts a dirty taste in some mouths. But only at first. You see, unfamiliarity is often the root of disgust, which is often the root of hatred.

I used to avoid using “bisexual” in favor of “bi” because something about it made me cringe. Saying it in public made me self-conscious of what others thought. I would anxiously shrink myself and say the word quietly to draw the least attention. I was thinking too much into it giving the biphobes what they wanted: fear. I shouldn’t have to falter at all about saying a word. More than a word, in fact.

An identity. A statement. A weapon.

For every biphobic comment I hear—regardless of from or to whom—I say the word to their face at least twice. I say it loudly. I articulate. I make sure that they hear it and that they get used to hearing it. I say it obnoxiously and uncomfortably often, because that’s the only way to make the word normal and comforting. Eventually, the word does not bring out such strong reactions or feelings from biphobes, or myself.

I feel like about half the people on this website actually don’t know how bisexuality works and this post just proves my point

Someone in the notes of my last post linked me to this interview…

Anyway @certain people in the SU fandom please write a formal apology to Rebecca Sugar and then send $20 to every bisexual/pansexual who’s ever had to deal with your shit. Thank you.

I know it’s been years since it was at its height but I started thinking about it earlier and can we talk about how biphobic a big chunk of the SU fandom was. Like how so many people frothed at the mouth at the very suggestion of a character being bisexual/pansexual, or were only okay with it as long as they were only shipped with the same gender. Or how many people were saying that headcanoning a character as bi was “just an excuse to ship them with icky men”. Or made memes about Rose being a token straight. Or called people who made harmless bi/pan headcanons homophobic, even if the character didn’t have a confirmed sexual orientation to begin with. Or how some people genuinely believed all of Gemkind must have the exact same sexuality (except Rose of course). Or accused Rebecca Sugar of pretending to be bi for clout. Or how a lot of gem/men shippers were actually LGBTQ but were assumed straight by anti-shippers because people in m/f relationships can’t possibly be bisexual. Or that time I saw a lesbian fan get accused of hating lesbians because they said gems can be bi. Or how if you spoke out against these things I just mentioned you would be mocked?

Can we talk about that? Because in retrospect that was pretty messed up wasn’t it. And I didn’t forget about it. I saw you people acting like bisexuality was some sort of downgrade.

butternaan:

she did not lie

pippii-punkstockings:

harvvdent:

The height of internet weird biphobia was earlier this year when on one side people were saying bi girls wanting a bf was fetishizing wlw relationships and on the other side people were calling out all those bi boyfriend posts because we shouldnt like. Want a boyfriend ig

I have said this before and I shall say it again, y’all would actually rather die than let bi people pursue love in peace because you think we’re evil and malicious beings as much as cishets do. We’re either fetishizing gay relationships if we date the same gender or if we’re Bi women, we’re dating women because men think it’s hot, or we’re dating homophobic cishet men to prey on lesbians or because we were actually just straight the entire time or if we want a bi boyfriend, it’s because we’re using bi men as wish fulfillment for sleeping with gay men. Like will y’all please stop trying to put our attraction through discourse and just admit that you hate bi people and think we just live for our own hedonistic pleasure and are in fact incapable of genuinely loving anyone except ourselves.

intersexfairy:

All of you anti-pan bi’s and anti-bi pan’s are literally so infuriating. Stop with the revisionist bullshit. Literally just think critically for ONCE people.

Stop using the bisexual manifesto agaisnt non bi mspecs. Stop saying bisexuality is transphobic or pansexuality is transphobic. Stop saying pansexuality doesn’t exist and is just bisexuality. And for fuck’s sake recognize polysexual people?

Neither bisexuality or pansexuality are transphobic or problematic. Some of the people who use the terms may be, but the terms themselves are NEUTRAL.

There is nothing wrong with coining a more specific term to describe being attracted to all genders. Would you tell lesbians to not call themselves lesbians and that they’re just gay/homosexual? No! You wouldn’t. Just like lesbian, pansexual is a term to simply specify attraction further. So is polysexual.

Bisexuality includes trans people always has. Bisexuality isnt just about being attracted to men and women and includes nonbinary people.

Pansexual and polysexual may be used by some transphobes to describe being attracted to trans people but that is an issue with transphobes not pansexuality or polysexuality.

Bisexual is functionally an umbrella term but that doesn’t mean you can shove individual people who specifically do not identify as bisexual under it and call them bisexual.

Literally. I promise you this shit about bi pan hostility is so FAKE stop buying into it. PLEASE.

I am BEGGING you, as someone who has been involved in the lgbtq+ community for nearly half their life, STOP IT.

You are encouraged to reblog this.

Starting to think the B in LGBTQ stands for burnt out

caringbibear:

bisexual-community:

bialogue-group:

passingprivilege:

bi people: *more likely to be victims of rape than gay or straight people* 

bi people: *more likely to live in poverty than gay or straight people*

also bi people: *more likely to be victims of intimate partner violence than gay or straight people*

also bi people: *more likely to face discrimination in the health care system than gay or straight people*

still bi people: *get paid less, on average, than gay or straight people*

and still, bi people: *more likely to suffer mental illness than gay or straight people*

some fucker on the internet: no but really bi people aren’t oppressed because they’re bi it’s because people think you’re gay. biphobia is a lie. only homophobia is real. hate me please bi people but you cannot deny my ultimate logic™

Shockingly there are it seems a number of people who continue to be so discomforted by even the idea of Bisexuality that instead of researching the above by now very well know/well verified statistics, they commenced to whine, carp, complain, deny and fuss instead.

So for all those whose “google finger” seems to have broken, let us assist you: 

Here is an Easy to Understand Set of MemeswithLinkstoAll Pertinent Studies created by Shiri Eisner, a well known bisexual academic and author

Yipes! At this time tremendous amounts of sold and reliable research showsthatBisexual+ People have the WORST Health + Quality of Life outcomes of ALL demographic groups: Gay, Straight or Lesbian!  But when confronted by this instead of say … clicking the link to find out why, assorted biphobes and other species of malcontents reacted by winging on that bisexuals must be lying and making this up! *head desk*

Yikes Me thought this lunacy restricted to repubs oiy

ffspunk:

stop making bisexuals feel invalid in the lgbtq+ community, what we went through to figure ourselves out was just as hard as what you went through.

butterflybi-deactivated20220418:

i think the thing that bothers me most about panseuxals wanting to be included in positive posts about bisexuality is that it seems like they only ever want to associate themselves with bisexuality when it benefits them. they want to be grouped in with us when we’re joking about how smart and hot and perfect we are, but they would rather draw a thick line between us when it comes to dealing with the hard stuff like all of the biphobic stereotypes (that they contribute to by trying to distance themselves from it!!!!). and i know that the pain of bisexuality isn’t what defines us, but i only want to share my bisexual joy with the people who are with me for the entirety of bisexuality including the bad

I’m so tired. This is exhausting.

This message is mostly for my fellow Romani, and I’m putting it under the cut instead of answering through asks because it could be triggering.

I usually let this stuff go because I don’t want to feed the trolls, and I don’t want to give outsiders a bad impression. But. Just.

I’m sick to death of getting harassed.

TW for under the cut: general cruelty, biphobia, anti-white-passing rhetoric (is there even a real word for this?)

I’m sure you thought the harassment that forced this post would come from gadje. In some ways, I wish it did.

I’m definitely too Roma for the racists, particularly the MCU fans.WandaVisionstans have me listed on hate accounts. I don’t even bother sharing that nonsense because I’d have no time to sleep. I haven’t posted anything on AO3 in a year because I stillget racist messages on my stories there, particularly my Avengers WIP.

I’m also not nearlyRoma enough for the Romani traditionalists, which… I’m sorry, but that’s absurd. I’m full-blood Roma. We were raised with romanipen. But the moment I admitted I was white-passing, a small (but vocal) group of Roma decided I’m not Romani enough for them.

I recently responded to a Twitter thread about me that I acknowledged was mostly respectful. I stand by that. It’s hard to stay good-natured about posts like that, though, when I’m simultaneously receiving shit like this. It comes from the same line of thinking.

I want to be understanding with Romani who don’t agree with me online, but you guys seriously suck sometimes. I regularly get links to posts and tweets and reddit threads where people debate my right to “call myself Romani.” Like it’s something I need to earn? By more than just being born to two Romani parents? Do you need mypermission to be Roma? I don’t think you do.

But it’s not really about that, is it?

You don’t like me, and you want to hit where it hurts. You want to invalidate what I say by invalidating me. By gatekeeping (yes, you are fucking gatekeeping) my entire family! You’ve never even met us!

You need to keep my kids out of this. For real.

What. Is. Wrong. With. You?

If you think I have no right to speak to you, you can literally leave. You can click away. You can block me. No one’s forcing you to read this. I don’t get paid a fucking dime to do this, and it’s often completely miserable to be here.

(I’m also not straight, but yes: I’m married to a cis man. Ha ha ha. Biphobia is hilarious.)

If you are white-passing, know that you are valid.

BIPOC don’t owe anybody their DNA tests. You don’t owe anybody else the “right” skin tone, the “right” interests, the “right” romantic partner, the “right” language. You don’t have to prove yourself. Anybody who asks you to do so isn’t worth your time, frankly.

I also hate the parts of our history that make this seem acceptable, even necessary. I do get it. I keep reminding myself that this is an anonymous platform, and we’ve been burned by so many Natalie Winters before. It’s why I continue to give you guys grace while you debate whether or not I even exist.

I’m taking a break. I have to step back again. Sorry to my followers, who are mostly very nice people trying to support each other. Sorry for losing my temper, I hate doing that. But my kids aren’t white, you asshole. Neither am I.

I’m not a “fakeass lgbt,” and I’m not “fakeass poc,” and you need to ask yourself what you hope to accomplish by shutting me down. I have never, not even once, sent something like this to any of you. I wouldn’t.

What do you gain by silencing Romani voices?

biexboyfriend:

Whenever we bring up bisexual peoples high rates of abuse, sexual assault,poor mental health, etc theres always people ready to say things like, ‘you’re just making it a competition now’, ‘this would be the same for other lgbt groups if they were also in these circumstances’, ‘bisexuals are just trying to victimise themselves’. theres a knee jerk reaction to minimise the problem or to explain it all away, any reason we’re struggling or facing problems is never due to the stigma of bisexuality, always something else or it gets dismissed as bisexuals wanting attention again .

Discussions of these stats in the lgbt community tend to place the blame on factors outside of the community for example bisexual peoples high rates of abuse is always explained as a result of our proximity to cishets, any other lgbt person would be treated badly if they were dating cishets (there is no doubt that this is the case, for example it can be seen in stats from the same survey cited by bisexuals about our own abuse that lesbians face a significant amount of abuse from men). But this totally disregards abuse in same gender relationships. and 1. that doesnt negate the fact that bisexual people still have alarmingly high rates of abuse 2. theres evidence to suggest that bisexuals are also more likely to face abuse in same gender relationships. which suggests that bisexuality is actually a factor in why bisexuals face such high rates of abuse.

The impulse to deny any intracommunity problems on one hand comes from the need to protect the community from cisheterosexist society, and thats a valid concern. But this can also mask an indifference to solving bigotry in the community. When we consider how many studies cite rejection from both cishet and lgbt communities as a reason why bisexuals tend to struggle so much, I don’t think its fair to say this is a small problem.

rosyish:

rosyish:

rosyish:

I told y’all the depp case was going to make times hard on abuse victims and people had the nerve to tell me I was blowing things out of proportion now look

Ask Marilyn Manson and Johnny Depp are friends let that sink in for you.

Also very important to mention that both amber heard and Evan Rachel wood are both bi women. You’re going to be seeing biphobia you’re going to see misogyny.

You’re going to see more people being ableist.

You’re going to hear and see things that involve abuse I’m warning y’all again try not to dismiss me this time around

I mentioned bisexuality because bi women face a greater risk of abuse and it NEEDS to be talked about more

https://www.teenvogue.com/story/why-bisexual-women-are-at-a-higher-risk-for-violence/amp

https://www.thetaskforce.org/bisexual-women-have-increased-risk-of-intimate-partner-violence-new-cdc-data-shows/

https://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/pdf/nisvs_sofindings.pdf

https://href.li/?https://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/pdf/nisvs_sofindings.pdf

Bisexual women have increased risk of intimate partner violence, new CDC data shows - National LGBTQ Task Force

Why Bisexual Women Are at a Higher Risk for Violence

Bisexuals are greedy. We must want threesomes. We cannot be satisfied with only one partner, and are thus more likely to cheat.

The hypersexualisation of bi women directly contributes to violence against us. This year alone, when Amber Heard accused Johnny Depp of domestic violence, several prominent newspapers were quick to respond with headlines describing how Depp was ‘driven mad’ by the fear that his wife was cheating on him with another woman. As if that would ever justify abuse.

I came out as bisexual when I was a teenager, but the bullying and continual erasure of my identity by those around me managed to convince me that I was straight until my final year of University. I had only had boyfriends, and I wasn’t romantically attracted to women, so I couldn’t be bi, right?

Wrong. (Turns out bisexual and biromantic are different things – and you don’t have to be one to be the other! I really wish someone had been there to tell me that when I was younger, it would have saved a lot of time and confusion.)

High school bullying is just one of the reasons that, as one study by The Open University found, ‘of all the larger sexual identity groups, bisexual people have the worst mental health problems’ - including higher than average rates of self-harm, depression and anxiety.

Even after beginning to use the terms bi and bisexual to describe myself once again, I still couldn’t shake this feeling that I had something to prove. That maybe I should define as heteroflexible or another identity under the bi umbrella. One that would be harder for people to dismiss. Even now, I’m still working to unpack that mentality.

With the many stereotypes aimed towards bisexual people, particularly bisexual youth, it’s no wonder why the immediate reaction to such stereotypes is often simply to dismiss them outright. ‘Not all bisexual people want threesomes!’

And of course, this is true.

But what this argument fails to acknowledge is the link between the systemic denial of bisexuality, and the pressure to live up to such stereotypes in order to ‘prove’ yourself as bi. For many, the desire to participate in a threesome is derived from the persistent erasure of our identity from those closest to us. We are perceived as straight (or possibly gay) until we possess evidence to the contrary.

This erasure is accentuated in mainstream media. In Netflix’s popular show Orange is the New Black, Piper’s bisexuality is never described as such. She is referred to as the ‘straight girl’ by her girlfriend Alex, and as an ‘ex-lesbian’ by her fiancée Larry.

Of course, nobody should feel pressured into sex. The pressure for young people to be sexually active before they feel ready is deplorable – but remains worse for young people who feel obligated to prove their sexuality to cement their own sense of self. Bi youth need more complex role models in film and television to alleviate some of this pressure.

There’s nothing wrong with bi people who do want threesomes, and there’s nothing wrong with those who don’t, or are unsure, or indifferent.

Challenging stereotypes can be an integral part of addressing biphobia. But until we begin to unpack the harmful roots and impacts of these stereotypes, and start to build a more nuanced conversation around them, we are only further alienating members of our own community.

By Rachael Melhuish