Many people have different ways to cope with depression, anger, anxiety, fear.

My therapy is writing. Whether that be a poem or a short story. Sometimes even a jumble of words that may not make sense to anyone except me. My wish was to become an author but for some reason I can only fathom writing when I feel like I am trapped in my own mind. Here is what is on my mind.

“Why not me?”

“Why her?”

“This isn’t fair.”

I crave to hold you, though I don’t even know you.

I wish I could feel your soft beautiful skin; hug you.

kiss your chubby cheeks and watch you sleep peacefully.

One day I will have you but until then I will just dream about you.

I love you so much already.

I haven’t been on here in a very long time, mostly because I only write when I am sad, and I have not been. (I have my days of course) but it is not numbing pain.

I’m writing because I often miss this app and I wanted to write a positive message to you all.

I was going through a horrible heart break but now I’m engaged to the man who broke my heart.

2 years sure can change you a lot… so to you all, everything happens for a reason, never give up. Please let L I F E go on, follow the path it’s guiding you in and everything will work out in your favor.

Much love to you all❤️

Pain doesn’t last forever.

I don’t know if I’m abused..

I don’t know if I’m abused but nobody has ever hurt me the way you do.

I don’t know if I’m abused but you make me feel as though being myself is against the rules..

I don’t know if I’m abused but I’ve spent 3 years of my life judging things by what you’d think of them

I don’t know if I’m abused but when you speak words to me that rips my heart open I apologize to you..

I don’t know if I’m abused but even though you treat me like you hate me I’d never wanna lose you, again..

I don’t know if I’m abused, but I’m sad

I feel like I deserve to be loved better

I’ll probably never leave you,

Because I think I’m mentally abused.

I may never love someone the way I loved you. My heart may always have a weird ache when I think of you. but it has been over 365 days without you, so I think it’s best if I say goodbye.

Goodbye, my beautiful misery.

sometimes i wish you were dead.

gone, in a cold black hole.

6 feet under, trapped.

trapped like me.

i am trapped inside the pain you caused me, leaving me alone in the cold. ripped half of my soul away from me. left me with the worst of me.

Dear future lover,

Please be patient with me. I am fragile and scarred from a love I once felt so deep , that my bones got branded with the initial of his name. You may have to cause an avalanche in order to break my wall down, but please don’t give up on me.

I have always loved with all of me , but for the past year I have made myself not love , in fear of losing another person… in fear of dying from heartache.

When I smile at you just know that my heart is warming up to yours. And when I ask you how you are just know that I truly care. it’s just going to take some time for me to allow myself to be vulnerable again. I’m so afraid to fall in love and be ripped to shreds, i’m so afraid to feel worthless again.

Dear future lover, please don’t hurt me, please don’t use me, please show me that I am capable of being loved.

Please

and I promise that I will love you like i’ve never been hurt before.

I hate you, yet I don’t want them because they’re not you.

So tell me, what high did you get off of pretending that you loved me?

You must get off on sinking your teeth into your lover until they can’t find a heart beat.

I have not wrote about you in a number of sunrises; in a number of sunsets. Yet, I have thought of you every day. Every day gets easier, the pain in my chest has subsided. But, some nights I think of love and I see your face. Tears line my eyes at the thought of loving again.. in a weird way I am disgusted by it. That scares me. I miss you some days, and somedays I forget that you are alive. 

That is the process of healing. So, to you, my beautiful, beautiful souls. No matter how bad he/ she hurt you please do not let them ruin your life. They may make you feel as though you will never be loved again and that you are worthless but you are amazing. Even though you cannot see that right now. I was blinded by that for a very long time. You will love again… that specific person just was not meant for you. And it is okay to miss someone that hurt you, that is natural human nature, but just remember it is the memories that you miss the most. xoxox

Moss.

Let’s envision a tree,

A beautiful tree with hanging moss.

Except, that moss hanging off of those beautiful branches symbolizes all of the hurt you have been through.

Would your tree be full? Covered in wilting branches , not being able to take the weight of that moss?

So envision your tree, you were born with it free of moss, just clean, green branches.

Now tell your tree of your happiest times.

It’s leafs grew brighter.

Now, tell your tree what made you who you are today. Heartache, the most devastating form of growing as a person.

After all, that is all that this tree cares to hear about.

Nobody is perfect.

“As I sit here in front of you, I’m going to start off by saying that I have never been good at saying goodbye and my heart breaks at the thought of me no longer being close to who I am currently close to today. I love deeply , and I sometimes think that is my biggest down fall. I have loved people so deep that my bones ache, and the blood in my veins send electric waves to my heart. I have hated, but I’ve never hated someone more than I have loved someone. I honestly do not hate people. I try to see the good in everyone. Maybe that’s because after losing a part of myself , I know that you never truly know what someone else is going through. Losing a part of myself, you may ask. Means I chose to love the wrong soul. I let him take the best of me. Or was it the worst? I’m not sure. All I know, is that it took me a very long time to look into the mirror and see a reflection of a girl that is worthy of love. It took me a very long time to look into the mirror and smile , and say “you are okay” because, even after all of the heartache my heart had to bare. It didn’t give up on me. And I love myself so much for taking me out of the dark place my heart was once thrown in. So yes, I love, that may be one of the only things I am truly good at. I have had to learn to accept the fact that there will always be bumps in the road and that not everyday is a good day. I’ve had to learn how to love myself. Love is what makes life. The most important thing I have learned though, is to love yourself. And I don’t mean your body, but your soul. Where I once saw grey, I now see purple, and I really hope others do too. Life is so short to live broken hearted. Find something that makes you happy. Even if it terrifies you to do so.”

After you got done telling the branches of that tree how you truly felt, the moss grew , and it grew.

It covered every branch,

But it looked so beautiful.

A tree that has lived, it doesn’t look perfect on the outside.

Because the inside of it finally holds the branches truth.

That tree, your tree. It is perfectly imperfect.

The moss hanging off of your limbs look so beautiful, that strangers randomly stop by to capture how the leaves sway in the wind on their camera.

That moss is beautiful.

You are beautiful.

And life too, is beautiful.

P.S.

I’m writing this letter to you, so..

Hey, I’m not sure if you remember me, but I’m the girl you used to want to give your last name to.

How are you? I heard you have a new lover, she was even there while you and I were lovers. I still can’t believe you did that to me.

Anyways, I often dream about you. And trust me, it’s not like I want to. But I often wake up missing you. I really wish that’d stop.

Can you teach me how to lose feelings for somebody like you lost them for me?

I hate this pain. Have you ever felt it? I doubt you have , I feel as though your veins are numb to just about anything.

Which is why I hate to say this; but I miss you.

I miss you a whole bunch but I’m kind of getting used to this numbing pain.

P.S. do you ever think about me? I hope I stop loving you soon. & I also hate you for all this blue you filled my soul with. — your ex lover

I had to learn how to breathe

And how to smile

Without you.

Liquor tainted my veins

Leaving the memories of you very vague

Yet one night I woke up screaming your name

My throat was so tight , you were nowhere in sight

That’s when I realized that my lover lied

And my heart was slowly commiting suicide

I can now say that I am okay, but I miss you in the oddest ways

Is she everything that you thought she’d be?

Do you love her more than you loved me?

You were the cloud and I was the rain

My love was too heavy for your soul to maintain.

love , abuse, over you.

For hundreds of days you controlled my mind. The depression of you leaving me was hard to handle, especially with me not being able to show my emotions. You left me after promising me your last name, that’s just a hurt that takes your breath away. I loved you more than I loved myself, and I often believe that’s where I messed up. But here I am, half a year later ready to say that I am okay, and you no longer control my life. You often cross my mind but my heart doesn’t ache anymore, I loved you more than you’ll ever be loved but you didn’t feel the same, even though you said you did. You were the most beautiful devil that could possibly have entered my life. It’s crazy to say that months ago I would have died for you when you wouldn’t even have given me air if I was in a bottle. I find myself reminiscing about all of the fun memories we have but I’m slowly making better memories with someone else, I know that I’ll find someone that loves me. So I’m okay, and I loved you and now I don’t. I still may always feel broken when I look at you though. I’m not the same person that I was when I was sleeping in the same bed as you.

If I ever start missing you for some crazy reason I just remember the bruises you left upon my skin. You don’t deserve any love from a heart that you destroyed.

I want you

Like the stream

To the thirsty horse

But it seems

That you flow freely

And I must do the work

To get a drink from you

So you see

I think I’d rather die

Than work too hard

For something that

Won’t last very long

affectionsuggestion:

snugglysuggestions:

romanticmusings:

meaningfulsuggestion:

affectionatesuggestion:

your heart is so good

your heart is so pure

your heart is so gentle

your heart is so warm

your heart is so kind

One day. One beautiful hopeful day.

You’re actually responding

OMG. YALL ARE ACTUALLY RESPONDING TO MY QUESTIONS AND LITTLE PROMOTS ABOUT YOUR RELATIONSHIPS. I LOVE IT AND IT BRINGS ME SO MUCH HOPE FOR YOU GUYS TO HAVE SOMETHING SO GREAT. LDR IS AN AMAZING HARD THING TO DO BUT ITS WORTH IT AND YOU’RE ALL PROOF.