“ I have a sword not a stethoscope. ”

- Me 2022

If a boy gives ya mixed signals skrrrt and get tf off that goddamn road

I think the scariest thing I’ve ever learned in Psychology was about a long study where people who reported low satisfaction in their lives at a young age almost always reported the same outcome toward the end. This was despite having similar lives to the subjects who reported being happy and reported the same happiness at their end of life. Not to say there isnt hope for unhappy people, but the fact that your biology can affect how you perceive the world that much is awful and scary.

Fingers tremble, I pull the plug.

Sinking, sinking,

I think I’m done.

My mind lets up,

doesn’t touch ground.

Sometimes to swim,

you have to drown.

My soul is at a constant tug-of-war between having a happy heart and a melancholy mind. I think that is why I am so positive toward others and sad toward myself.

Sometimes when I’m sad I’ll envision myself 30 or 40 years into the future. I think about her looking into my present life and how hopeless I felt about so many things. And then after, I imagine her laughing at me with tears in her eyes, I picture her saying that it’ll all work out and my life will end up okay. That I found the love and the life my soul had been searching for.

What a silly thought

to think that the point of a relationship

is to be forever.

I have had forevers last six months

and forevers last two years

and still they run through my veins

as lessons

as experiences

as growth.

Never minimize a relationship as a failure

just because it has completed its’ course