I just had a panic attack (and was literally sobbing uncontrollably on the kitchen floor til my parents found me) cause I had planned to have soup and boiled eggs for dinner and I couldn’t find the right spoon and the eggshells didn’t peel off smoothly enough…. Like…Umm wtf…..it’s not that deep babes xo
my mum just hugged me and said ‘I can feel your ribs… I shouldn’t be able to feel your ribs’ which made me happy until I realised there’s such a double standard for me and my sister like my mum would never say that to her and she’s skinnier than me but it’s because she’s always been skinny so they think it’s normal and healthy for her but I’ve always been fat so they think it’s unnatural and unhealthy for me (like yes I know I’ve lost weight in an unhealthy way but it makes me feel like I’ll always be seen as fat by the people who know me)
A może nakieruje cie na naszego discorda, gdzie głównie panuje domowa atmosfera, jednak nie brakuje tam ani minimalnie profesjonalizmu i jakichkolwiek zasad.. Doba, te zasady są czysto humanistyczne jak np. Szacunek.. Lecz nie wydaje ci się, by było ci to potrzebne do właśnie tego? Do pokonania przeciwności i do dojścia w końcu do punktu docelowego? Mówię tu o sukcesie. Przyjmiemy cie z otwartymi ramionami.
A może nakieruje cie na naszego discorda, gdzie głównie panuje domowa atmosfera, jednak nie brakuje tam ani minimalnie profesjonalizmu i jakichkolwiek zasad.. Doba, te zasady są czysto humanistyczne jak np. Szacunek.. Lecz nie wydaje ci się, by było ci to potrzebne do właśnie tego? Do pokonania przeciwności i do dojścia w końcu do punktu docelowego? Mówię tu o sukcesie. Przyjmiemy cie z otwartymi ramionami.
A może nakieruje cie na naszego discorda any, gdzie głównie panuje domowa atmosfera, jednak nie brakuje tam ani minimalnie profesjonalizmu i jakichkolwiek zasad.. Doba, te zasady są czysto humanistyczne jak np. Szacunek.. Lecz nie wydaje ci się, by było ci to potrzebne do właśnie tego? Do pokonania przeciwności i do dojścia w końcu do punktu docelowego? Mówię tu o sukcesie. Przyjmiemy cie z otwartymi ramionami.
Napisz do mnie na pv ed-eyden i zrebloguj jeśli możesz.
0. crave attention and human touch like nothing else
1. think that everyone who shows you the tiniest amount of affection is in love with you
2. remember that you’re aromantic and everything romance related makes you highly uncomfortable
3. make elaborate fantasies about people who were kind to you once probably only because they’re decent people
4. feel embarrassed
5. push away everyone who is actually deeply interested in you because they would be disappointed if they actually knew you and you’re ugly and fat naked anyways
i need someone to tell me it’s all going to be ok. i need someone to tell me everyone isn’t going to leave me. that life gets better because i can’t do this anymore. life is so painful and ever is exhausting.
would i be prettier if i was skinner? would i be more loved if i was skinner? would more people have cared if i was skinner? why couldn’t i be skinner?
this is gonna be a long one but if the title applies to you, i IMPLORE you to read the whole thing. if it doesn’t, please reblog. you might save someone from this fucking nightmare.
i found a diary entry on the day that i decided to go on tumblr and search up “thinspo”. i was feeling awful about my body for some time but never really thought about calories or eating less or anything.
i wrote (verbatim): “i don’t want to have an eating disorder or anything, i just want to lose 10lbs”
not even a month later, it was like nothing could stop me from reaching my goal. i kept telling myself i wasn’t in too deep. i ate 500 cals a day and no more. i exercised 300 cals away.
now, the only thing i want is that blissful ignorance. not even thinking twice about my body. not caring what i ate. understanding the boundaries of healthy eating. not feeling faint and dizzy when standing up.
I WISH THAT I HAD SEEN A POST TELLING ME THAT IF YOURE LOOKING AT THINSPO “just to motivate you,” THIS IS THE BEGINNING OF A PROBLEM AND THE START OF A CYCLE YOU WILL REGRET EVER BEGINNING AS SOON AS YOU REALIZE YOU HAVE NO CONTROL OVER YOUR ADDICTION TO STARVING. at this time in my life i would listen to NOBODY and NO POST could stop me from slowly crawling into the arms of my developing eating disorder. BUT IM BEGGING YOU, IF YOU ARE BEGINNING THIS STRUGGLE, GET OUT WHILE YOU STILL HAVE CONTROL. you see all these posts telling you that over 1,000 calories is disgusting and so on, DO NOT LISTEN. PLEASE! you have no idea how quickly this shit can get in your head. no matter what your intentions for going on the ana tags are, LEAVE THEM NOW IF YOU STILL CAN. LEAVE AND DONT LOOK BACK. OR ELSE YOU WILL END UP DISORDER RIDDEN AND HATING YOURSELF LIKE ME, because once you’ve been here long enough, it doesn’t matter if you hit your UGW or you’re still at your sw; you will always always always see yourself as fat. that is a promise. and it’s disgusting.
this is a dirty, horrible disease that teaches you to hate yourself. it perpetuates symptoms of anxiety and depression and causes thoughts and feelings that you never believed possible in yourself. it destroys your identity, your relationships, you family life, your grades, your ambitions, and your health. if you have a choice not to fall into it, DONT FUCKING DO IT. don’t fucking do it for the love of god.
