#incorrect stony
steve: do you maybe…. wanna get dinner sometime?
tony:
steve:
tony: i have dinner every day?
Steve: Natasha and Sam are drunk and trying to play matchmaker with us again… Should I remind them that we’re married?
Tony: No, it’s more fun this way.
Tony: [gives some of his coffee to Steve]
[later]
Steve: Buck, I think Tony wants me to propose.
Bucky: And why is that, Punk?
Steve: He gave me some of his coffee.
Bucky: RIGHT LET’S GO BUY THAT RING!
Natasha: [holding mistletoe over Steve and Tony’s heads]
Natasha: Oh look. You’re standing under mistletoe, that means you have to kiss.
Tony: [extremely drunk, starts colouring Steve’s in with a highlighter]
Steve: Erm… What are you doing?
Tony: Highlighting you.
Steve: Yes, I see that… Why?
Tony: Cuz you’re important.
Steve: Let’s have a coffee break for fifteen.
[15 minutes later]
Steve: I meant fifteen minutes. Tony please don’t drink fifteen coffees.
Tony: [vibrating slightly] You should have said that earlier!
Steve: Maybe you made a mistake.
Tony: I don’t get facts wrong! It’s everything else I screw up.
Tony: Hostage or not, sometimes it’s just nice to be held
Steve: …do you need a hug?
Steve: Please, tell me I’m hallucinating.
Tony:[standing next to the burning microwave] Well, I’m dreamy, but try to contain yourself.
Steve: Tony, if you could spare a minute, I’d like a possible opinion on something.
Tony:Well then, you’ve come to the right person.
Steve: I haven’t told you what the something is. You might not have an opinion.
Tony:I always have an opinion.
Shirt theft xD
(Steve’s shirt )
Peter: look what I got!
Steve, without looking up from his magazine: no possums, Peter.
Tony: that’s not fair! There’s no rule saying we can’t have a possum.
Steve, pulling out the Avengers Family Rule Book: actually-
Loki: A Summary
Loki: Don’t worry, I’ve got a few knives up my sleeve.
Bruce: I think you mean “tricks”?
Thor: He did not.
Loki, pulling knives out of his sleeves: I did not.
Steve, stroking Tony’s hair: You’re so tiny and adorable.
Tony, half asleep: I could literally kick your ass right now.
Steve, looking at Tony with heart eyes: I know.
Peter: welcome to my very first vlog in which I will be trying different hair products.
Peter: *sprays hairspray into his mouth*
Peter: well, right off the bat, I can tell you that this is not very good.
Tony: what the fu-
Peter: Tony! Can I ride this scooter Steve gave me?
Tony: sure whatever, I mean I’m not your dad.
Peter, running out: okay! thanks!
Tony, screaming after him: NOT ON THE STREET! STAY AWAY-
Peter: everyone keeps telling me what Tony would or wouldn’t want.
Peter: WELL GUESS WHAT, I’M MY OWN DAD NOW!
Peter: I’M GONNA HAVE COOKIES FOR BREAKFAST AND BEDTIME IS NEVER!
Tony, from the afterlife: fuck ‘em up son!
Rhodey: How do you manage all these kids you keep getting?
Tony: The secret is, I don’t. I have no control over them whatsoever.
Tony: This morning Morgan yelled out to me and when I showed up to see what was going on, Peter shot me in the throat with a nurf gun.
*Peter screams from another room*
Steve: What was that?
Tony: I don’t know. I think Peter saw himself in the mirror.
Peter, from afar: MR STARK! THERE’S ANOTHER ME ON THE WALL!
Tony: JUST INTRODUCE YOURSELF! I’M SURE HE IS NICE!
Tony: You can’t make everyone like you, you’re not Peter.
Steve: What? Not everyone likes Peter.
Tony: Who doesn’t?
Steve: Well-
Tony: Names, now, Steve. GIVE ME THIER NAMES!
Bucky: *pulls out a knife*
Steve: oh no
Bucky: *opens are cardboard box with it*
Steve: oh okay
Bucky: *pulls a gun out of the box*
Steve: oh no
Tony, deathly hungover: Please tell me I’m imagining that I claimed I was the king of ducks.
Steve, sipping his coffee: I would, but then I would be lying to the king of ducks.
Tony, sarcastically: Yeah, everything is great. We are just one big happy family. We are all having a great time.
Also Tony: I want to set either myself or this compound on fire.
Doctor, to pre-serum Steve: you should stop picking fights with people bigger than you.
Bucky: but everyone is bigger than him.
Steve: you want to die, bitchboy?
Computer: Please enter password
Steve: Tony
Computer: Too weak
Steve, destroying the computer: SAY THAT AGAIN MOTHERFUCKER
Tony, holding a cauliflower in front of Steve’s face: what is this?
Steve: … a cauliflower?
Tony, to Peter: now tell Steve what you think it is.
Peter, arms folded: ghost broccoli
Peter: oh, fiddlesticks! That really ruffles my feathers.
Tony, crying: please just say fuck.
Steve, walking into the room with a signage around his neck saying ‘Good things’ :
Tony, following after Steve with a similar sign except his says 'Small Packages’:
Peter, packing his bags: I hate this household