sullen(adj.)

/ˈsələn/

:bad-tempered and sulky; gloomy.

i don’t know what’s wrong with me

i can feel the distance

like the smell of rain on the wind

when the earth is cracked and dry

just be over so i can breathe again

lately I’ve been questioning everything 

and nothing makes sense

i wake up emotionless 

and fall asleep in pain

just be over so i can breathe again

is being alive a privilege

when the world is hurting

or have i doomed myself 

to fall like jericho?

just be over so i can breathe again

just be over so i don’t breathe again

- j.

melancholy(adj.)

mel·​an·​choly | \ ˈme-lən-ˌkä-lē

: suggestive or expressive of sadness or depression of mind or spirit

days of rain without the sun

waking up in the middle of the night

alone beside you

tears running down my face

your hand on mine

but lightyears away

the sticky blackness choking me

and blocking my air

the panic attacks i battle to keep down

count my breaths

in

and

out

in

and

out

i can do this

i can’t do this

I CAN’T DO THIS

in

and

out

honesty hurts

and sometimes living a lifetime of lies

is better than the truth

i’m sorry

its a weight only i can carry

- j.

i’m not trying to guilt you
but it’s hard not to feel neglected
when the only time you’re spending with me
is in front of the tv
with your phone in your hand
it’s hard not to hurt
as i’m laying here in bed
wanting you beside me
but you’re far away
like every day this week
and you say you’ll come in and snuggle later
but it doesn’t count if i fall asleep before you do

- j.

Yes I’m bisexual

Yes nobody of either sex wants to date me

We exist

Wenn du nach drei Jahren merkst, dass du noch immer nicht über ihn hinweg bist

wickr me - otakuajumma