#mentally ill
*ghosts for 8 months*
“Hey man, pizza and bong rips??? ”
“Sounds good bro”
Feel good playlist
•uptown funk - mark Ronson
•kiwi - Harry styles
•flawless - Beyoncé
•big for your boots - stormzy
•love on top - Beyoncé
•bootylicious - destiny’s child
•grace Kelly - Mika
•can’t stop the feeling - Justin Timberlake
•unwritten - Natasha bedingfield
•wake me up before you go go - wham!
•come on Eileen
•don’t stop me now - queen
•wannabe - spice girls
•what makes you beautiful - one direction
Things I realised while in hospital, part 3
17) focus on yourself. There’s no point comparing yourself to anyone else, because their situation is not relevant to your journey.
18) this is harder than I thought it would be and some days it feels impossible, but you get through it.
19) your suffering hurts the people who love you. There’s no denying it. But they love you despite it all.
20) when progress is slower than you hoped, that’s not your failure. You wouldn’t say you’re failing if your broken leg wasn’t healing as quickly as you’d hoped, would you?
Tips for the worst days
Remember:
•even the worst day has to end eventually. There will always be a new day.
•people still love you no matter what.
•everyone has days like this. No one is 100% happy all the time.
•it’s okay to cry. Bottling it all up doesn’t help in the long run.
•the same things don’t always work for different people, so these are just some ideas which could be helpful:
•have a shower.
•get dressed.
•brush your teeth.
•brush your hair.
•have a drink. You still need to stay hydrated.
•get something to eat, even if you aren’t hungry.
•if you feel up to it, read a book, or watch a film, or do some art or call a friend. If not, okay, listen to some music or play a game on your phone. Just do something rather than nothing.
•if you’re confused about how you’re feeling and you’re just feeling all the feels, write it down. Write what you’re thinking. It helps to make sense of it all.
•put on your favourite outfit.
•smile, even if you’re faking it.
•but also, don’t pretend you’re okay!! Tell people you’re not, let them help.
It will all be okay. You will be okay.
Responsibility
A massive step in recovery is taking control. Because as cliché as it may sound, things aren’t going to get better until you want to change. You can get all the help in the world from people around you, but ultimately it is down to you.
However this shouldn’t be something to feel guilty about!! If you’re not at a place where you’re taking responsibility for making that change yet, if you’re not ready, that’s okay. I’m not there yet. That’s what other people are for - they help us to look after ourselves until we’re well enough to do that for ourselves. And that’s okay.
“Every adventure requires a first step.”
Cheshire Cat
“A comfort zone is a beautiful place, but nothing ever grows there”
“Even miracles take a little time”
Fairy Godmother, Cinderella
Mental illnesses aren’t cute or cool or trendy.
But they’re not something to be ashamed about or try to hide either.
They’re just there. Just like any other health issue.
Things I realised while in hospital, part 2
10) you cannot be defined by names or medical terms. You may be suffering from the same illness as someone else, but you are still completely different, and have your own individual story.
11) to not take everything so seriously. Life gets better when you learn to laugh at yourself a little.
12) good comes out of even the seemingly most awful situations.
13) it’s possible to get joy out of the smallest things which you never would’ve even thought of beforehand
14) I am not always right about everything!!
15) everything is being done in your best interest. Stop fighting it.
16) there is always hope. Always.
Things I realised while in hospital, part 1
1) there are some really good people out there. Everybody just wants to help. They are not against you.
2) it is okay to open up to people.
3) it is okay to show your emotions. It is HEALTHY.
4) talking helps. A lot.
5) to accept that there are some things you can’t change.
6) you always have more strength and resilience in you than you think you do.
7) time can seem to pass so slowly but you only get each day once so you might as well make the most of it.
8) people are more forgiving than you think. If you don’t want to talk because you’re having a bad day, that’s okay, and they won’t perceive you as rude or a bad person.
9) there is no quick fix. Recovery takes time.
I have partnered with Gearbubble a print on demand service to create my own store selling my designs on a variety of different products.
It’s called Self Love Club, as someone whose struggled with mental illness I wanted to create a store around mental health, self care/love & positivity. At some point I’d love to set up my own Etsy or even Shopify selling clothes, art & more but for now I’ve decided to go through Gearbubble themselves and set up a shop front on their website.
If you’d like to check it out click the link above. I currently have one design on 3 different products at the moment but will be uploading more today. If you have any feedback on things such as pricing please do let me know and I’ll see what I can do.
Sinking Like Quicksand
I rusted like metal
left out to the rain.
Neglected I’m left
once again.
With no one to help,
I fell deep into the abyss.
Sinking;
in this quicksand
that pulls me under.
With a seemingly
unending hunger.
Shadows Of A Ghost.
This darkness is so vast
I feel like I’m falling so fast.
And with every fall I fear
I’ll never make it out of here.
That one day you’ll wake and
I’ll simply disappear,
as if I was never really here.
Sometimes I Wonder..
Sometimes I wonder,
if you ever feel remorse
or understand the gravity
of the pain your actions caused.
I don’t think you do
or you wouldn’t continue,
to put me through the daily abuse.
Sometimes I wonder,
if you could go back
would you do it all over again?
If you knew now what you didn’t back then?
Just Another Statistic
I fear I’ll end up
just another number.
Another statistic
on a spreadsheet.
Lost in the wave,
all those souls
forgotten.
Will anyone
remember our names.
What will I become to you?
Just a number;
One hundred and thirty two.
Which one am I to you?
(132 is the average number of suicides every day in America)
idk about ‘be gay, do crimes’ but i’m definitely 'queer and mentally ill’
Depression: Getting better is impossible.
Anxiety: Getting better is scary.
Schizophrenia: I’m not sick. There’s nothing to get better from.
Eating Disorders: I don’t want to get better. I want to be sick.
i think i’m funny, at least :)
I honestly don’t know what is wrong with me, or maybe I do. All I really know is my clothes don’t fit me right anymore. My head is filled with intrusive thoughts. All I ever do is work and take care of everyone. I feel like no one wants to take care of me so why should I take care of myself. I feel like I’m just dragging through the day like a zombie. Maybe it would be better if I was dead but who would take care of everything. Who would make sure my son takes his medicine or make sure my little sister in law has her safe foods so she can at least eat one thing or who will make sure my fiance has everything with him before he leaves for work. I know I don’t want to live like this but I also know I can’t let go because people need me. I guess I just wish I had some one to take care of me for once. To make sure I’m eating all right or make me take a shower more than once a week. I’m tired of doing it all by myself maybe I just need to sleep a while.
