Today my little sister Mo Minami sent me a picture of the flowers she bought at the train station. She loves the flowers and bought a bouquet of beautiful acacia. So, I made a gorgeous flower for breakfast .
I swear to god raspberries get moldy so fuckin fast you just look at them wrong and they immediately go bad
2 for 1 sale of raspberries at the grocery store:
first pack: downed as soon as you got home
second pack: you only ate four out the pack the next day because you were trying not to be as much of a goblin and you want them to last longer except when you check it later that day half of them are covered in mold
It’s pretty gross outside but these raspberries from @samascottorchards are worth the trek to the market. #raspberries #berries #greenmarket #food #foodstagram #eeeeeats #eatlocal #farmersmarket (at Union Square Greenmarket)
Same disclaimer as for Part 2. Also wow. So much has changed since I initially wrote the notes for this. I’m much better about a lot of things. Progress!
I stifled a scream at the painful impact. When I was able, I crawled onto the couch and curled up next to Reaction Junkie, needing cuddles after such a painful exchange. When I looked up, Anderson Cooper and Radical Girl were making out. Reaction Junkie commented on the entirely not unexpected nature of the event, and I laughed. Then I started to feel something negative rising up. It was akin to jealousy, but it had a different flavor than my usual jealousy feelings.
As I tried to untangle my emotions, I felt a tear fall down my cheek. Then another, then another, and a minute later, I was crying fairly hard on Reaction Junkie’s shoulder. He noticed and said, “Hey,” and told me to put my right leg over his lap to straddle him. I did so, and he hugged me close while I cried.
I figured out that part of why I was crying (besides the rush of a thorough beating) was that I wanted to be making out with both of those people )or at least that I’d like to make out with them more than I do, not necessarily right then or at happy hour). I feel like I don’t know how to make those sorts of things happen. Not easily or smoothly, at least. So, yes, okay. I was envious of Anderson Cooper for getting to make out with Radical Girl, and envious of Radical Girl for getting to make out with Anderson Cooper. Not in a mad way, though. More in a FOMO way.
Another piece of the feelings puzzle was that I didn’t know how much I really wanted to be making out with Radical Girl/I thought I might want to want it more than I actually did. And that’s a frustrating place to be. (Ed. Note:My how things have changed.) Finally, the tears were also partially about the fact that Reaction Junkie and I were both clearly interested in Radical Girl, and that brings up all kinds of things. I talked about all of these things with Reaction Junkie as I cried on his lap.
The tears weren’t stopping, so he decided to take drastic measures.He took a breath and then blew an incredibly loud raspberry on my chest. I started to smile. He did it again, and then again, blowing them on my tummy, my sides, all over me. I started to laugh. By the time he pushed me back so my upper half was resting on an ottoman and blew one on my inner thigh, I was gigging like a small child, and the tears had entirely stopped. Anderson Cooper and Radical Girl were laughing as well. In fact, half of the upstairs had noticed. I felt a bit bad for interrupting some people’s headspaces, but I was mostly feeling giddy and contented.
My mood much improved, I started having goodbye conversations. Radical Girl told me she thought I was amazing at taking the beating, and that I looked good while receiving it. I could feel her admiration and was pleasantly embarrassed at her compliments. I blushed and thanked her. We started talking about her hitting me, and I told her how much I liked it. Someone else mentioned me returning the favor. Although I wasn’t up for it at the moment, I made sure to tell her that I would definitely get her back another night. She seemed like she’d had a wonderful time and wanted to come to more things in the future. I said my goodbyes to Radical Girl, Anderson Cooper, The Violinist, and everybody else, paid my tab, and Reaction Junkie and I headed home.
What a wonderful happy hour. I got to spend time with an awesome new friend who will maybe become more than that* (and yes I have a crush on her. There I admitted it. Happy now?). I got to play with my new Pup, and both he and Anderson Cooper told me I was good at being dommy. I had plenty of good conversation with new and old friends and acquaintances. I got one of the best beatings I’ve had in a while. And, best of all, while I did have some envy/jealousy feels, they were of an entirely different species than the sort of jealousy that has been plaguing me these past couple of months. Therapy and adding a new anti-depressant seem to be doing the trick. I’m excited to see what fun this new, not-shitty-feeling LFB will have!
*I wrote this paragraph soon after this happy hour, and I’m pleased to say that she has become more than that. :D And reading this, I realized that I’ve changed a fair amount since this happy hour. It’s nice to look back and see that even though I still I have a hard time with things at times, I have improved. I am getting better.
