#source twitter
Quincey: Can I buy you a drink?
Lucy: I have a boyfriend.
Quincey: {counting coins on the table} He can only get something small then
Glinda: [watching the news] Wow, some idiot tried to fight a squid at the aquarium
Elphaba: [covered in ink] Well maybe the squid was being a dick
Enfp : do you know what time it is?
Entp :yes.
Enfp:
Entp :
Enfp : you’re not telling me are you?
Entp :no.
ENFP : Good morning! I brought your coffee.
ISTJ : Thank you, can I have a little spoon please?
ENFP : Oh, I almost forgot! [Hugs ISTJ from behind]
ISTJ : [flustered] That’s not what I meant, but I’ll take this too-
ENFP : I just saw a guy in the library cry for five minutes or so and then his phone alarm went off and he just…stopped crying ? And went right on back to work.
INFJ : Yeah that was just ESFJ
ESFJ : [walking past them] it’s called time management.
ENTP: “Ladies and gentlemen” is unnecessarily gendered, overly formal, lengthy, and honestly I’m falling asleep already.
ENTP: “Cowards,” on the other hand, is inclusive to all genders, casual and fun, short and to the point, exciting, and dramatic.
Tori, sniffling: Calm down, I’m probably not sick. It might just be allergies.
Michael: Okay, tell me this: are you like, really tired?
Tori: I have depression, what do you think?
Goten, calling Trunks:Hello, Trunks? My hands are stuck in Pringles tubes… both hands, yes…
Goten:Look, it’s not important how I dialed the number just send help
“If I’m not supposed to show off my body then why did the gods give me these giant anime knockers??”
-Yang to some old lady who was criticizing Yangs body, probably
Midoriya: “I don’t make the rules I just practice the karate”
Eliott: Tell me your wildest fantasy.
Lucas: I’m on wheel of fortune and I spin it so hard it lights on fire.
Eliott: I meant like—
Lucas: Everyone claps.
Childe: Did you know you stole something from me when we met?
Zhongli: Sorry, I’ll return your wallet.
Childe, who was about to say “You stole my heart”:
Arataki Itto: I wish we could use laughing emojis in real life.
Kuki Shinobu: Or you could just fucking laugh.
Sam: Bucky…
Bucky: Oh no, ‘Bucky’ in b-flat.
Bucky: You’re disappointed.
richie: one night last year I stayed awake for five nights.
stan: “one night”?
richie: what a night.
johnny: you can never lose an argument if you say “shut up nerd” at the end
daniel: yes you can
johnny: shut up nerd
demetri: when I get murdered can you make sure it’s unsolved?
miguel: what??
demetri: i want to be on buzzfeed unsolved
miguel: can we go back to the “when I get murdered” part
aisha: you’re a lot like the ocean
tory: because I have hidden depths?
aisha: no, because you’re salty and you scare people
bucky: i shouldn’t get too close to people. I’m kind of a handful
sam: that’s fine, i have two hands
daniel: i’m only going to explain this to you once, so you better listen properly
johnny: well I’m only going to listen to you once, so you better explain it properly
stan: what are you looking at?
richie: [was in the middle of entering his and stans name into an online love calculator]
richie, panicking: porn
stan: i’m ambidextrous
richie: that’s what’s up dude, love who you love
sam: can I be frank with you guys?
bucky: sure, but I don’t see how changing your name is going to help
zemo: shh let frank speak
[staring into the camera with a small grin]
sam: when bucky’s mad at me I tighten the lids on all of our jars so he has to ask me for help
[sound of glass breaking in the other room]
sam: it doesn’t always work, though
santana: why do you want that toy so badly? It’s for ages 5 and up
brittany: yeah, and I’m a part of the “up”!
When Jack goes to meet Katherine’s parents for the first time
Jack: Mr. Pulitzer, why are you looking at me through a fork?
Pulitzer: I’m pretending your in jail. It’s spiritually healing.
Matthew: “those tight pants are killing ur sperm count”
Matthew: lmao okay bitch well ur killing my vibe
